Friend,
Ever felt unworthy?
Many people do.
There's no substitute for self-worth.
Self-esteem is a different story. Many substitutes exist for esteem.
Interestingly, most people seem to confuse self esteem with self worth. Your esteem must be earned. Your worth is given.
All humans are worthy. You can't possibly do anything to become more worthy. Nor can you do anything to become LESS worthy.
If you're alive and breathing, you're 100% worthy. Everyone is.
We all come from the same source. We're all equally
worthy.
Worth is given. It can never be earned.
So why don't we feel worthy?
Two basic reasons.
1. Shame.
If your parents felt unworthy - even if they never outwardly displayed it - then they probably passed those feelings on to you.
Maybe through the vehicle of spankings, or abandonment, or some sort of emotional abuse. The vehicles for passing the shame of unworthiness are many and varied. And the vehicle often has tinted windows.
You thought they were raging about the spilled milk. But feelings of their own unworthiness were driving that vehicle of rage. You never saw past the rage. Or the abandonment, or whatever the vehicle was.
That's one way to end up feeling unworthy.
2. Not being responsible for your feelings.
If you honestly, fundamentally, and unshakingly believe emotions are bad and wrong and need to be avoided at all costs - that can also lead to feelings of unworthiness.
The more you believe emotions should be avoided or stuffed - the more hollow and empty you'll feel inside. The more hollow and empty you feel inside, the more
unworthy you'll feel.
It's a slippery slope that starts with judging how you feel, and ends with feeling nothing. The more unworthy you feel, the closer you're getting to feeling nothing.
And if you're feeling nothing, you're most likely depressed.
Unworthiness - along with similar feelings - becomes like a prison that slowly closes in on you.
You want to avoid feeling it - but you keep brushing up against the walls of the prison.
So what do you do?
Well, a door exists that leads out of your prison. You just have to use it. The door - the answer - is to feel those feelings you don't want to feel.
First you 'own' those feelings. Then you can let them go.
Then you can just walk right out of your prison.
It's that simple. It also can be extremely difficult. Because something is guarding your door of escape.
It's the fundamental belief that feeling those feelings is WORSE than being in prison.
You don't want to be in prison. But maybe you believe it's better to be in prison than to be responsible for YOUR OWN feelings.
For some people, just reading these words will be enough to change.
"Wow! That makes sense, Mark!
"I was so afraid of my feelings of unworthiness that I was avoiding them at all costs. Well, no more...
"I'm going to own them - feel them - in all their painful glory - and them I'll release them. So I can get out of this prison and start feeling the worth that's my
BIRTHRIGHT.
"And if the feelings of unworthiness come back tomorrow then I'll repeat the process until they STOP coming back.
"And I'll feel my worth - as totally and completely as I can. Always seeking to feel more..."
Or perhaps you're thinking -
"I'm ALREADY feeling unworthy - you idiot!!! And nothing's changing!"
If that's the case, let me back up and explain what 'own' means...
First - here's what owning your feelings *doesn't*
mean -
It *doesn't* mean I get to use those feelings as a club to beat someone up with. Including myself.
It *doesn't* mean - "I'm right" - and I have the right to feel unworthy.
Or - I get to avoid being responsible for my feelings.
Or- I get to blame. Or I get to underachieve. Or get to engage in any behavior I want because I'm entitled.
"Look how I've suffered."
Basically, I don't *have* to take out the garbage. I get to tell myself a story about what those feelings mean. I have no intention of releasing them. And every intention of proving you wrong, Mark!
No. Owning means - these are MY feelings. Maybe I 'used' them in the past. Maybe I've been telling myself a story up till now, but I'm willing to change. Starting
right now.
I see the freedom that comes with ownership.
"That shiny new car in the garage is MINE!"
When you say you're already feeling those feelings, and nothing's changing - then most likely what you've been experiencing is a little bit of true feeling - and a whole lot of 'made up story'.
It's like breathing life into a monster. It takes a spark of real emotion - but only a spark - to make that monster story come alive.
The story is a coping mechanism. It's an attempt to deal with feelings you don't want to feel.
Because any time you 'cleanly' feel a feeling - you consume it as fuel.
Emotions are like jet fuel. They're MEANT to be consumed.
It's unnatural to feel the exact same thing day after day. If you keep feeling the exact same thing that means you're not properly using your fuel.
Besides, everybody loves a good story!
You can take what I'm saying and liberate yourself - or you can use it to bolster your story. Make the walls of your prison just a little bit thicker...
If you want to end the feelings of unworthiness - then OWN THEM - admit to yourself *you* created the feelings and nobody else. They're yours.
First - think about what I'm saying.
Second - feel as intensely as you can without thinking.
Third - think about it again.
Fourth - feel it again.
Go back and forth between thinking and feeling. That's how you change.
Whether it's unworthiness or anything else - consciously separate your thinking from your feeling. So you can engage each cleanly.
Have you ever dug a hole when the ground is saturated with water? The hole quickly fills up with water.
You can bail the water out of the hole, but it fills right back up again. How quickly it fills up depends upon the soil type. Sandy soils fill quickly. Clay soils take longer. Regardless, it fills.
If you want to empty the water you must get down on your knees and scoop it out with a bucket or some sort of container.
You are the hole.
The water is your worth.
Left on it's own, the hole will fill with water. You must DO something to be emptied.
Even if you were shamed, you must now keep the shame alive. You must keep bailing out the water.
It's hard work, but it's the only way to keep the story alive.
Remember, you can use these words to make a better bucket - to bail out your worth more 'efficiently'....
To strengthen your little story.
Or you can use these words to 'step outside the box'. Get those feelings churning and moving. Process them. Consume them. Eat them for lunch. Use them to become
more.
You're already worthy, anyway.
May as well feel it.
all the best,
Mark
brought to you by
Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Wizard
fiercely slaying your emotional dragons!
http://www.getresponse.com/t/8462807/
http://www.reduce-fear.com
http://www.getresponse.com/t/8462808/
Thursday, March 29, 2007
A Moment on My Soapbox
Women are generally freer about hugging each other and holding hands. But if a woman is naturally tactile with men, her behavior can be easily misunderstood. Traditionally, a woman is taught to control any display of affection that could be interpreted as sexual; except with her partner.
This is sad, but true. Here's how it's expressed in the book, Conversations With God, "You don't like to think of a woman having robust sexuality, much less celebrating it openly".
We can accept men's "robust sexuality", but we have a few less than savory words for women who are potently sexual and don't try to hide it. And if she is sexually violated, well, look at the way she was dressed. She was asking for it, they say. And to hear the rapist tell it, she wanted it.
Well, allow me to say, "Bullshit!"
Even if a woman is pulsing with vibrant sexual energy, and exuding powerful sexual magnetism, it is not an open invitation to be hit on by every testosterone factory that walks erect (no pun intended). And it is certainly not an invitation to be violated.
If is our societal belief that sex is something to whisper about, not to be talked about in polite society, and I believe our association with it as somehow wrong or dirty is at the root of the many perversions of what is truly a beautiful and precious gift.
The irony is that if we are open and receptive to the gift of our sexuality, all the veils fall away and we see the beauty and the love that is inherent in this vital aspect of ourselves. And we experience the powerful, loving energy that transforms life from the mundane to the divine.
Touch
Excerpted from an article entitled Touch.
"Aside from being your gateway to touch and a great place to hang your clothes, your skin is also your largest organ. In a grown man, it covers about 19 square feet and weighs about 8 pounds. A piece of skin the size of a quarter contains more than 3 million cells, 100 to 340 sweat glands, 50 nerve endings and 3 feet of blood vessels. No one is exempt from needing to be touched. Humans need to touch and be touched, just like we need food and water. The connection between touch and well being is far more than skin deep. From the moment of birth our tactile sense is being stimulated. Pushed out, picked up, and slapped on the bottom, we are placed at our mother's breast, and a bonding process begins.
The need for bonding, or close physical contact with another human being, remains with us throughout our lifetime. It generally feels good to have another human being's skin come into contact with our own. Some of us repress our craving for warmth and affection, while others go to extremes to obtain it.
Touching can reassure us, relax us, comfort us, or arouse us, like nothing else. In a way, the importance of touch is so basic that we tend to take it for granted, just as we do breathing. As children, we were curious to touch everything we saw. But frequently as our hands reached out to explore, an adult voice could be heard to say, "don't touch," followed by an assortment of reasons implying that touching could be dangerous, rude, disrespectful, shameful, unsanitary, and even sinful. Many of us have been taught, either openly or by example, that touching is something to be suspicious of and avoided. This kind of ingrained thinking is often responsible for the sexual dysfunction we experience as adults. These constraints are difficult to shed, further inhibiting us from natural physical contact with others.
Often we regard touch as an amorphous, nonspecific kind of thing. But it isn't. You can be made to roll over with laughter with touch or you can be put to sleep with touch. All too often accidental touching, especially in public embarrasses us. Even an innocent handshake, if too prolonged, can be misconstrued as an invitation to a sexual encounter. Because touching has an excess of negative associations, with very little provocation it seems we flee from intimacy. In terms of sexual arousal, whatever you might see won't compare to ten seconds of the right touch. And as for pain, no matter how much you think a shrill sound or shocking image could make you grimace--forget it. There's nothing that hurts more than one stiff punch. Women are generally freer about hugging each other and holding hands. But if a woman is naturally tactile with men, her behavior can be easily misunderstood. Traditionally, a woman is taught to control any display of affection that could be interpreted as sexual; except with her partner."
Well said, and more on that in another post.
"Aside from being your gateway to touch and a great place to hang your clothes, your skin is also your largest organ. In a grown man, it covers about 19 square feet and weighs about 8 pounds. A piece of skin the size of a quarter contains more than 3 million cells, 100 to 340 sweat glands, 50 nerve endings and 3 feet of blood vessels. No one is exempt from needing to be touched. Humans need to touch and be touched, just like we need food and water. The connection between touch and well being is far more than skin deep. From the moment of birth our tactile sense is being stimulated. Pushed out, picked up, and slapped on the bottom, we are placed at our mother's breast, and a bonding process begins.
The need for bonding, or close physical contact with another human being, remains with us throughout our lifetime. It generally feels good to have another human being's skin come into contact with our own. Some of us repress our craving for warmth and affection, while others go to extremes to obtain it.
Touching can reassure us, relax us, comfort us, or arouse us, like nothing else. In a way, the importance of touch is so basic that we tend to take it for granted, just as we do breathing. As children, we were curious to touch everything we saw. But frequently as our hands reached out to explore, an adult voice could be heard to say, "don't touch," followed by an assortment of reasons implying that touching could be dangerous, rude, disrespectful, shameful, unsanitary, and even sinful. Many of us have been taught, either openly or by example, that touching is something to be suspicious of and avoided. This kind of ingrained thinking is often responsible for the sexual dysfunction we experience as adults. These constraints are difficult to shed, further inhibiting us from natural physical contact with others.
Often we regard touch as an amorphous, nonspecific kind of thing. But it isn't. You can be made to roll over with laughter with touch or you can be put to sleep with touch. All too often accidental touching, especially in public embarrasses us. Even an innocent handshake, if too prolonged, can be misconstrued as an invitation to a sexual encounter. Because touching has an excess of negative associations, with very little provocation it seems we flee from intimacy. In terms of sexual arousal, whatever you might see won't compare to ten seconds of the right touch. And as for pain, no matter how much you think a shrill sound or shocking image could make you grimace--forget it. There's nothing that hurts more than one stiff punch. Women are generally freer about hugging each other and holding hands. But if a woman is naturally tactile with men, her behavior can be easily misunderstood. Traditionally, a woman is taught to control any display of affection that could be interpreted as sexual; except with her partner."
Well said, and more on that in another post.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
I Don't Want to Be Your Everything
"I want to be your everything." I've heard that theme recurringly in songs and sonnets, and I always thought it was a romantic idea. But I've changed my mind.
For one thing, I came to understand quite some time ago that it is not possible for one person to meet all our needs. This is one reason why so many romantic partnerships fail. We look to one person to be our all in all, and they are only one person. Eventually, they feel drained from being expected to fill our every need and grow weary of feeling like a failure for not being able to fulfill all of our expectations.
On the flip side of that coin, one person cannot be expected to receive all that we have to give, especially if we are deeply connected with who we really are. We may have so much to give that we overwhelm a person in our efforts to give them our all. They may have the capacity of a gallon container and we have ten gallons to give away, and they find themselves drowning in the flood of our generosity.
I wonder how many relationships are destroyed for this very reason.
It's a good reason for us to cultivate a variety of relationships in which we can give our love away. I am not talking about promiscuity. There are many different ways to give our love away. Everything from giving someone a hug to doing volunteer work to sending someone a note of encouragement.
Let's not try to be everything to anybody, and let's not expect anyone to be our everything. Let's live love with everyone we are blessed to associate with, and be open to receive love from all.
Are you with me? Alright then, let's do it.
For one thing, I came to understand quite some time ago that it is not possible for one person to meet all our needs. This is one reason why so many romantic partnerships fail. We look to one person to be our all in all, and they are only one person. Eventually, they feel drained from being expected to fill our every need and grow weary of feeling like a failure for not being able to fulfill all of our expectations.
On the flip side of that coin, one person cannot be expected to receive all that we have to give, especially if we are deeply connected with who we really are. We may have so much to give that we overwhelm a person in our efforts to give them our all. They may have the capacity of a gallon container and we have ten gallons to give away, and they find themselves drowning in the flood of our generosity.
I wonder how many relationships are destroyed for this very reason.
It's a good reason for us to cultivate a variety of relationships in which we can give our love away. I am not talking about promiscuity. There are many different ways to give our love away. Everything from giving someone a hug to doing volunteer work to sending someone a note of encouragement.
Let's not try to be everything to anybody, and let's not expect anyone to be our everything. Let's live love with everyone we are blessed to associate with, and be open to receive love from all.
Are you with me? Alright then, let's do it.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Yes is Not Always Best
We talked about the energy of Yes, and how delicious, open and expansive it feels. We also talked about the fact that we can't say Yes to everything.
How can we know what to say Yes to and when No is the best choice for us? For some things, the answer is obvious. Saying Yes to drugs, cigarettes and other destructive substances is clearly unwise.
For other things, we need to learn to listen to our Essential Self. Sometimes, we say Yes to what other people want when it is not the best thing for us. At that moment, if we are paying attention, we can hear our Essential Self screaming NO, even as we are saying Yes.
How does the Essential Self communicate this misalignment? Through our feelings. There may be a tightening in your gut, a feeling of being drained or a general feeling of tension. Different people feel their No in different ways. Each of us must learn what our No feels like if we are to align ourselves with what we really want in life.
Some of us live in such a state of constant misalignment with what we really want that tension is a way of life. If we were aware of the damage that does to our health, as well as to the quality of our lives, we might be quicker to say Yes to ourselves and No to anything that keeps us from living our best possible lives. Then again, we might not, but at least we would be aware that we are choosing the health-destroying effects and the poor quality of life. It is not happening to us, and no one else or nothing else is causing it.
When we realize we are at cause in our own lives, it is somewhat frightening because there is no one or nothing to blame our troubles on. But it is also empowering because if we are solely responsible for the creation of our own life experience, then we also have all the power necessary to create the life we want.
A word of caution here - just as we are responsible for creating our own life experience, so is everyone else, so we don't get to decide for anyone else. We don't get to create in their reality. Often when we change our own lives and our attitudes, those around us will respond and change, but it is their choice.
We can't make a particular person respond to us. That would be creating in their reality, and a violation of their free will. If we want love, then the thing to ask for is our perfect partner, not Angeline Jolie or Matthew McConaughey. Can you imagine how overworked those poor folks would be if we could create in their reality? :-)
So, use your imagination and your choices to create the best life possible for you, and allow others their own creations. Therein is freedom, and joy, and love.
How can we know what to say Yes to and when No is the best choice for us? For some things, the answer is obvious. Saying Yes to drugs, cigarettes and other destructive substances is clearly unwise.
For other things, we need to learn to listen to our Essential Self. Sometimes, we say Yes to what other people want when it is not the best thing for us. At that moment, if we are paying attention, we can hear our Essential Self screaming NO, even as we are saying Yes.
How does the Essential Self communicate this misalignment? Through our feelings. There may be a tightening in your gut, a feeling of being drained or a general feeling of tension. Different people feel their No in different ways. Each of us must learn what our No feels like if we are to align ourselves with what we really want in life.
Some of us live in such a state of constant misalignment with what we really want that tension is a way of life. If we were aware of the damage that does to our health, as well as to the quality of our lives, we might be quicker to say Yes to ourselves and No to anything that keeps us from living our best possible lives. Then again, we might not, but at least we would be aware that we are choosing the health-destroying effects and the poor quality of life. It is not happening to us, and no one else or nothing else is causing it.
When we realize we are at cause in our own lives, it is somewhat frightening because there is no one or nothing to blame our troubles on. But it is also empowering because if we are solely responsible for the creation of our own life experience, then we also have all the power necessary to create the life we want.
A word of caution here - just as we are responsible for creating our own life experience, so is everyone else, so we don't get to decide for anyone else. We don't get to create in their reality. Often when we change our own lives and our attitudes, those around us will respond and change, but it is their choice.
We can't make a particular person respond to us. That would be creating in their reality, and a violation of their free will. If we want love, then the thing to ask for is our perfect partner, not Angeline Jolie or Matthew McConaughey. Can you imagine how overworked those poor folks would be if we could create in their reality? :-)
So, use your imagination and your choices to create the best life possible for you, and allow others their own creations. Therein is freedom, and joy, and love.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Yeah, Baby!
This afternoon, I attended a Law of Attraction group in Spring. We met at Crepe Paris Cafe. I had chocolate, of course. What else would you expect from a hedonist? Yummmmmm...
We saw part of The Secret (I guess it must be my sixth viewing), but there was much more to the meeting. It was frickin awesome!
We did various exercises, and Colette, the group organizer and facilitator, wouldn't let us stay in our comfort zones. She kept making us get up and move around to interact with different people. The best part of all was when each of us got up and shared our visions of our life experiences five years from now. We were encouraged to use verbs...what we expect to see, feel, hear, do, etc. With each person's contribution, the energy in the room expanded exponentially. It was such a turn-on, I wouldn't be surprised if I was lit up like a light bulb by the time I walked out of there.
I recently asked the Universe for healing, and I am amazed at the ways it is showing up for me. In fact, I feel like I am experiencing the energy of passion on a fairly continuous basis. I have been here before, even before I began learning that this is what the tantric way of life is about. But at the time, I actually began to wonder if something was wrong. Feeling so good so much of the time was such a contrast to the way my life had been before that I was concerned I had a chemical imbalance or something. Is that goofy or what? :-)
Anyway, as soon as I put my focus on worrying that I was crazy to feel so good, I plunged back into the contrast of feeling crappy much of the time. I guess I needed that in order to realize that certainly couldn't be called health, even though some people would label negativity "reality". If that's the reality you want, more power to you, but not for me, baby. I want more. I want this feeling-awesome energy all the time, and that's what I am attracting, so that's what I am experiencing.
So, I asked the Universe for healing and the Universe knows where it's at and how to deliver it. So, I have been working on my part, which is receiving, and it is opening up a wellstream of passion that I can use to make my contributions to this world and to create the life of my dreams. I'm probably going to rock some boats in the process, but what the hell? Why not? Yes!!!!!!!
Or as my good buddy Garth said it, "The winds of change are blowing wild and free, but you ain't seen nothing like me yet."
Bring it, baby!
We saw part of The Secret (I guess it must be my sixth viewing), but there was much more to the meeting. It was frickin awesome!
We did various exercises, and Colette, the group organizer and facilitator, wouldn't let us stay in our comfort zones. She kept making us get up and move around to interact with different people. The best part of all was when each of us got up and shared our visions of our life experiences five years from now. We were encouraged to use verbs...what we expect to see, feel, hear, do, etc. With each person's contribution, the energy in the room expanded exponentially. It was such a turn-on, I wouldn't be surprised if I was lit up like a light bulb by the time I walked out of there.
I recently asked the Universe for healing, and I am amazed at the ways it is showing up for me. In fact, I feel like I am experiencing the energy of passion on a fairly continuous basis. I have been here before, even before I began learning that this is what the tantric way of life is about. But at the time, I actually began to wonder if something was wrong. Feeling so good so much of the time was such a contrast to the way my life had been before that I was concerned I had a chemical imbalance or something. Is that goofy or what? :-)
Anyway, as soon as I put my focus on worrying that I was crazy to feel so good, I plunged back into the contrast of feeling crappy much of the time. I guess I needed that in order to realize that certainly couldn't be called health, even though some people would label negativity "reality". If that's the reality you want, more power to you, but not for me, baby. I want more. I want this feeling-awesome energy all the time, and that's what I am attracting, so that's what I am experiencing.
So, I asked the Universe for healing and the Universe knows where it's at and how to deliver it. So, I have been working on my part, which is receiving, and it is opening up a wellstream of passion that I can use to make my contributions to this world and to create the life of my dreams. I'm probably going to rock some boats in the process, but what the hell? Why not? Yes!!!!!!!
Or as my good buddy Garth said it, "The winds of change are blowing wild and free, but you ain't seen nothing like me yet."
Bring it, baby!
Friday, March 23, 2007
The Change - More Garth
One hand reaches out and pulls a lost soul from harm,
While a thousand more go unspoken for,
And they say, "What good have you done by saving just this one?
It's like whispering a prayer in the fury of a storm."
This heart still believes that love and mercy still exist,
While all the hatreds rage and so many say
That "Love is all but pointless in madness such as this.
It's like trying to stop a fire with the moisture from a kiss."
And I hear them saying, "You'll never change things.
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing."
But it's not the world that I am changing.
I do this so this world will know that it will not change me.
What I do is so this world we know never changes me.
See why I love Garth so? A delicious medley of passion and compassion. Something to aspire to.
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." - Mahatma Gandhi
Yeah, baby!
While a thousand more go unspoken for,
And they say, "What good have you done by saving just this one?
It's like whispering a prayer in the fury of a storm."
This heart still believes that love and mercy still exist,
While all the hatreds rage and so many say
That "Love is all but pointless in madness such as this.
It's like trying to stop a fire with the moisture from a kiss."
And I hear them saying, "You'll never change things.
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing."
But it's not the world that I am changing.
I do this so this world will know that it will not change me.
What I do is so this world we know never changes me.
See why I love Garth so? A delicious medley of passion and compassion. Something to aspire to.
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." - Mahatma Gandhi
Yeah, baby!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Is It Possible to Love Without Attachment?
That is one of the areas in which I am currently exploring the possibilities. It is not completely clear to me how this is done, although I have experienced a degree of success in this area. I'll tell you about that in a moment.
I really don't care for the word "detached". It sounds cold, impersonal, unfeeling. And, as someone who came into this life with a propensity to feel everything deeply, it sounds unappealing to me. But maybe that's just the meaning with which I have infused the word. Let's see what dictionary.com has to say about it...
1. not attached; separated:
3. impartial or objective; disinterested; unbiased
4. not involved or concerned; aloof.
American Heritage Dictionary:
1. Separated; disconnected:
3. Marked by an absence of emotional involvement and an aloof, impersonal objectivity.
Wordnet:
1. showing lack of emotional involvement;
2. being or feeling set or kept apart from others;
3. no longer connected or joined;
Okay, that does it. I definitely do not like this word.
On the other hand, I understand that attachment is the cause of the emotional pain we create for ourselves. And yes, we do create it. No one has the power to make us feel anything at all.
So, how to love without attachment...because it is not the loss of contact or connection with another human being that causes us pain...it is the wrenching of that attachment from our tightly clenched fingers (and hearts) that hurts so much.
Okay, here's what I have come to understand in the past about this. When my children were small, I worried a lot about what might happen to them. When they were babies, I would check to make sure they were breathing. I kept a close watch on them constantly for fear of losing them. They were my dreams come true. Losing them would be the worst possible thing I could imagine happening in this life.
Further, I tried very hard to keep them from getting hurt. Until I learned that not only is it impossible to keep someone else from getting hurt, it is not even loving. Yes, we want them to understand how to take good care of themselves and to make choices that will benefit them, but to keep them from experimenting and learning from natural consequences is unkind.
For the most part, my children have brought me great joy. However, there have been some decisions they have made that I didn't care for. The good thing is, these served to remind me that I really didn't have control, and that control was not my job, anyway. My job was to love, teach and be there for them. Their job is to create their lives as they wish to experience them. Now, this is a very difficult thing for a mother who already feels things intensely, because when my children hurt, I am pretty sure I hurt more. Nevertheless, it is very liberating to realize that you don't have to try and control what you can't control anyway.
This same principle operates in all our earthly relationships. We do not have control over any other person. We cannot choose for them. We can choose whether to honor their free will or waste time and energy trying to get them on board with our ideas of "how things ought to be".
One of the things that is serving as an excellent reminder of how to grow in our relationships is the book I am currently reading, Conversations With God
, by Neale Donald Walsch.
Consider these ideas: [speaking from the standpoint of coming from the question 'What is the highest choice?' or the question 'How can I lose the least?'] "When life is lived from the standpoint of damage control or optimum advantage, the true benefit of life is forfeited. The opportunity is lost...For a life lived thusly is a life lived from fear - and that life speaks a lie about you.
For you are not fear, you are love. Love that needs no protection, love that cannot be lost. Yet you will never know this in your experience if you continually ask the second question and not the first. For only a person who thinks there is something to gain or to lose asks the second question. And only a peron who sees life in a different way; who sees Self as a higher being; who understands that winning or losing is not the test, but only loving or failing to love - only that person asks the first...at the critical juncture in all human relationships, there is only one question: What would love do now?
Now we come upon a very delicate point of interpretation, for this principle..has been widely misunderstood...the highest choice is that which produces the highest good for you...this truth revolves around an even greater one: What you do for your Self, you do for another. What you do for another, you do for your Self. This is because you and the other are one.
So often, under the old understandings, people...did what they thought would be best for the other person in their relationships. Sadly, all this produced in many cases...was continued abuse by the other. Continued mistreatment. Continued dysfunction in the relationship.
...if you look to what is best for you in situations where you are being abused, at the very least what you will do is stop the abuse. And that will be good for both you and your abuser. For even an abuser is abused when his abuse is allowed to continue.
This is not healing to the abuser, but damaging. For if the abuser finds his abuse is acceptable, what has he learned? Yet if the abuser finds that his abuse will be accepted no more, what has he been allowed to discover?"
While we may not have control over what another person does, we do have responsibility for creating our own life experience. And sometimes, the most loving thing we can do for another is to allow them to experience the consequences of their actions. And the most loving thing we can do for ourselves and the other is to remove ourselves from the dysfunctional relationship.
This is much easier said than done...this coming from someone who has approached this decision and stepped back from it several times over the past few years.
Hey, I didn't say I was a Master. But I'm working on it.
I really don't care for the word "detached". It sounds cold, impersonal, unfeeling. And, as someone who came into this life with a propensity to feel everything deeply, it sounds unappealing to me. But maybe that's just the meaning with which I have infused the word. Let's see what dictionary.com has to say about it...
1. not attached; separated:
3. impartial or objective; disinterested; unbiased
4. not involved or concerned; aloof.
American Heritage Dictionary:
1. Separated; disconnected:
3. Marked by an absence of emotional involvement and an aloof, impersonal objectivity.
Wordnet:
1. showing lack of emotional involvement;
2. being or feeling set or kept apart from others;
3. no longer connected or joined;
Okay, that does it. I definitely do not like this word.
On the other hand, I understand that attachment is the cause of the emotional pain we create for ourselves. And yes, we do create it. No one has the power to make us feel anything at all.
So, how to love without attachment...because it is not the loss of contact or connection with another human being that causes us pain...it is the wrenching of that attachment from our tightly clenched fingers (and hearts) that hurts so much.
Okay, here's what I have come to understand in the past about this. When my children were small, I worried a lot about what might happen to them. When they were babies, I would check to make sure they were breathing. I kept a close watch on them constantly for fear of losing them. They were my dreams come true. Losing them would be the worst possible thing I could imagine happening in this life.
Further, I tried very hard to keep them from getting hurt. Until I learned that not only is it impossible to keep someone else from getting hurt, it is not even loving. Yes, we want them to understand how to take good care of themselves and to make choices that will benefit them, but to keep them from experimenting and learning from natural consequences is unkind.
For the most part, my children have brought me great joy. However, there have been some decisions they have made that I didn't care for. The good thing is, these served to remind me that I really didn't have control, and that control was not my job, anyway. My job was to love, teach and be there for them. Their job is to create their lives as they wish to experience them. Now, this is a very difficult thing for a mother who already feels things intensely, because when my children hurt, I am pretty sure I hurt more. Nevertheless, it is very liberating to realize that you don't have to try and control what you can't control anyway.
This same principle operates in all our earthly relationships. We do not have control over any other person. We cannot choose for them. We can choose whether to honor their free will or waste time and energy trying to get them on board with our ideas of "how things ought to be".
One of the things that is serving as an excellent reminder of how to grow in our relationships is the book I am currently reading, Conversations With God
, by Neale Donald Walsch. Consider these ideas: [speaking from the standpoint of coming from the question 'What is the highest choice?' or the question 'How can I lose the least?'] "When life is lived from the standpoint of damage control or optimum advantage, the true benefit of life is forfeited. The opportunity is lost...For a life lived thusly is a life lived from fear - and that life speaks a lie about you.
For you are not fear, you are love. Love that needs no protection, love that cannot be lost. Yet you will never know this in your experience if you continually ask the second question and not the first. For only a person who thinks there is something to gain or to lose asks the second question. And only a peron who sees life in a different way; who sees Self as a higher being; who understands that winning or losing is not the test, but only loving or failing to love - only that person asks the first...at the critical juncture in all human relationships, there is only one question: What would love do now?
Now we come upon a very delicate point of interpretation, for this principle..has been widely misunderstood...the highest choice is that which produces the highest good for you...this truth revolves around an even greater one: What you do for your Self, you do for another. What you do for another, you do for your Self. This is because you and the other are one.
So often, under the old understandings, people...did what they thought would be best for the other person in their relationships. Sadly, all this produced in many cases...was continued abuse by the other. Continued mistreatment. Continued dysfunction in the relationship.
...if you look to what is best for you in situations where you are being abused, at the very least what you will do is stop the abuse. And that will be good for both you and your abuser. For even an abuser is abused when his abuse is allowed to continue.
This is not healing to the abuser, but damaging. For if the abuser finds his abuse is acceptable, what has he learned? Yet if the abuser finds that his abuse will be accepted no more, what has he been allowed to discover?"
While we may not have control over what another person does, we do have responsibility for creating our own life experience. And sometimes, the most loving thing we can do for another is to allow them to experience the consequences of their actions. And the most loving thing we can do for ourselves and the other is to remove ourselves from the dysfunctional relationship.
This is much easier said than done...this coming from someone who has approached this decision and stepped back from it several times over the past few years.
Hey, I didn't say I was a Master. But I'm working on it.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Dare to Fail
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." Mark Twain
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." George Bernard Shaw
"The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything."William Connor Magee
If you play it safe your whole life through, what do you think you will have to show for your safety when this life is over? What will you gain? What will you learn? Will playing it safe contribute anything at all to your growth?
It's no fun making mistakes. It's even less enjoyable to admit them. But it beats the hell out of playing it safe.
"There are no mistakes or failures, only lessons." Denis Waitley
When you look at it that way, it doesn't feel quite so threatening. You will not find any successful person who hasn't experienced their fair share of "lessons" on their journey. But nothing happens until we step out and take a risk, knowing the outcome may be very different from what we are hoping for.
Don't let nothing happen in your life. (Yes, I know my grammar.)
Consider these words from the song, I Hope You Dance, by Lee Ann Womack:
"I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking
Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making"
“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” - Anais Nin
“I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” - Michael Jordan
Do yourself a favor. Fail a little. Fail a lot. Use failure as a stepping stone to the greatest success you can imagine. But don't fail to fail. Unless a small life just works for you. :-)
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." George Bernard Shaw
"The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything."William Connor Magee
If you play it safe your whole life through, what do you think you will have to show for your safety when this life is over? What will you gain? What will you learn? Will playing it safe contribute anything at all to your growth?
It's no fun making mistakes. It's even less enjoyable to admit them. But it beats the hell out of playing it safe.
"There are no mistakes or failures, only lessons." Denis Waitley
When you look at it that way, it doesn't feel quite so threatening. You will not find any successful person who hasn't experienced their fair share of "lessons" on their journey. But nothing happens until we step out and take a risk, knowing the outcome may be very different from what we are hoping for.
Don't let nothing happen in your life. (Yes, I know my grammar.)
Consider these words from the song, I Hope You Dance, by Lee Ann Womack:
"I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking
Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making"
“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” - Anais Nin
“I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” - Michael Jordan
Do yourself a favor. Fail a little. Fail a lot. Use failure as a stepping stone to the greatest success you can imagine. But don't fail to fail. Unless a small life just works for you. :-)
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Bringing It All Together
I, for one, am glad to see the globalization that is permeating our society with fresh ideas...well, fresh to us, anyway.
The things we are learning from eastern philosophy are contributing to a reintegration of various aspects of ourselves we have long rejected. For too long, our society has been dominated by left brain thinking. If you have paid attention to the results of brain studies that have been released over the past several years, you know that optimal performance in life stems from working with both sides of our brains.
The very fact that east and west were so separate for so long tells us that we have been out of touch with certain aspects of ourselves. There is no need for separation when we are not rejecting parts of who we are.
Now, I have also observed as I have been exploring these new ideas that any one of them has followers/teachers who want you to take their ideas as absolute truth, just like our western religions tend to do. But that's what our brains are for...to figure out what we believe and what we desire and what we choose.
I highly respect teachers who will say you don't have to believe whatever it is they are teaching. I try to remember to say that as well. After all, what do I know? My truth is no more valid than yours. It's just more relevant to me.
And often, I find information in other people's teachings that works for me. So, I integrate it. Other parts of their teaching might not resonate with me, so I set that aside. I have found I can learn something valuable from everyone I meet, even if it is just learning what I don't want to be or how I don't wish to behave.
It is my desire that as I lay different ideas and thoughts before you, you will receive something that will help you on your journey. And so I say, if any of this helps, use it. If it doesn't, set it aside. I will not in any way be diminished if you don't agree with me. Either way, I'm glad to be sharing the journey with you.
The things we are learning from eastern philosophy are contributing to a reintegration of various aspects of ourselves we have long rejected. For too long, our society has been dominated by left brain thinking. If you have paid attention to the results of brain studies that have been released over the past several years, you know that optimal performance in life stems from working with both sides of our brains.
The very fact that east and west were so separate for so long tells us that we have been out of touch with certain aspects of ourselves. There is no need for separation when we are not rejecting parts of who we are.
Now, I have also observed as I have been exploring these new ideas that any one of them has followers/teachers who want you to take their ideas as absolute truth, just like our western religions tend to do. But that's what our brains are for...to figure out what we believe and what we desire and what we choose.
I highly respect teachers who will say you don't have to believe whatever it is they are teaching. I try to remember to say that as well. After all, what do I know? My truth is no more valid than yours. It's just more relevant to me.
And often, I find information in other people's teachings that works for me. So, I integrate it. Other parts of their teaching might not resonate with me, so I set that aside. I have found I can learn something valuable from everyone I meet, even if it is just learning what I don't want to be or how I don't wish to behave.
It is my desire that as I lay different ideas and thoughts before you, you will receive something that will help you on your journey. And so I say, if any of this helps, use it. If it doesn't, set it aside. I will not in any way be diminished if you don't agree with me. Either way, I'm glad to be sharing the journey with you.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Unwritten
I love great quotes and meaningful songs. They're little life lessons condensed into few words. Powerful. Moving. Thought-provoking. Sometimes life-changing.
Consider these words from Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield:
"I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines
We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten"
How awesome is that! To be reminded that our life to come is a book with blank pages, and the pen is in our hand, the words are our choice. Maybe you've been writing your life story as a tragedy. Do you have to continue your story in that vein? Absolutely not! You have complete freedom to rewrite the story you have already written and the parts of the story yet to come.
But, you say, I can't change the past. Perhaps we don't know a way to change past events, but the thing that is completely within our power is to change the way we view the story. Maybe what was written as a tragedy can be rewritten as a dark comedy. Or an action/adventure story. "Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change," is the way Dr. Wayne Dyer says it.
The point is that the power is all yours to write the story as you wish and the rest of your story is yet unwritten. The possibilities are infinite.
What will you write?
Consider these words from Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield:
"I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines
We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten"
How awesome is that! To be reminded that our life to come is a book with blank pages, and the pen is in our hand, the words are our choice. Maybe you've been writing your life story as a tragedy. Do you have to continue your story in that vein? Absolutely not! You have complete freedom to rewrite the story you have already written and the parts of the story yet to come.
But, you say, I can't change the past. Perhaps we don't know a way to change past events, but the thing that is completely within our power is to change the way we view the story. Maybe what was written as a tragedy can be rewritten as a dark comedy. Or an action/adventure story. "Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change," is the way Dr. Wayne Dyer says it.
The point is that the power is all yours to write the story as you wish and the rest of your story is yet unwritten. The possibilities are infinite.
What will you write?
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Real Friendship
Sometimes the people we think are the cruelest are really doing us a kindness. I've had friends who refused to support my weakness by letting me lean. It felt harsh, but it forced me to stand on my own two feet and find my own strength.
After I was done being pissed off, I was able to be deeply grateful for the respect they showed me by giving me the chance to find my own way.
In the same way, even those who hurt us are doing us a favor. They are revealing to us areas in which we need to grow and develop strength.
There are people who will always tell us what we want to hear, and will never require of us our best. Dare we call them "friends"?
I don't think so. I think a real friend will bring out the best in us, and encourage us to live up to the grandest version of who we can be. Even when it hurts.
After I was done being pissed off, I was able to be deeply grateful for the respect they showed me by giving me the chance to find my own way.
In the same way, even those who hurt us are doing us a favor. They are revealing to us areas in which we need to grow and develop strength.
There are people who will always tell us what we want to hear, and will never require of us our best. Dare we call them "friends"?
I don't think so. I think a real friend will bring out the best in us, and encourage us to live up to the grandest version of who we can be. Even when it hurts.
Missed Connections and Great Minds
I seem to be missing connections quite a bit these days. This morning, I was supposed to meet a group of people for the Get Motivated seminar we were all heading for downtown, and I missed everybody. I am not sure what happened because I didn't see them all day.
The seminar was great though. I got there late, and missed part of Steve Forbes' presentation, but I heard enough to consider writing him in on the ballot for the presidential election.
We heard Peter Lowe, who along with his wife, hosts the seminar. He demonstrated how we can use visualization to improve, and actually make more improvement than through mere practice. He had us do a range of motion exercise, and after we visualized reaching much further than we had the first time, we were actually able to reach further. He suggested that sometimes practice serves to lock into our minds what our limits are. They are false limits, however, and when we can see ourselves going further, reaching higher, doing more in our imaginations, it becomes effortless to repeat that success in reality. So, in order to improve in any area, mentally rehearse the success you desire. It works.
Tom Hopkins was there, and gave us a new way to look at rejection related to sales and negotiation. For instance, he suggests that if a sale normally makes you $100.00 and it takes 5 qualified contacts to result in one sale, each person that says "no" is worth $25.00 to you. So, just thank them for the $25.00 and move on. :-)
Tom also gave us the Champion Creed, which reads, "I am not judged by the number of times I fall, but by the number of times I succeed. And the number of times I succeed is in direct proportion to the number of times I can fail and keep trying!"
General Colin Powell spoke also, and one significant thing he said was "I don't like looking in the rearview mirror of life. I live viewing life through the front windshield."
We heard Phil Town on Demystifying the Stock Market. Very, very good information.
George Foreman spoke on Lessons in Success from the Comeback King. He said, "If you start from the bottom, you can only go one direction."
Finally, we heard Robert Schuller remind us to start small, think big and never quit.
Pretty awesome stuff.
The seminar was great though. I got there late, and missed part of Steve Forbes' presentation, but I heard enough to consider writing him in on the ballot for the presidential election.
We heard Peter Lowe, who along with his wife, hosts the seminar. He demonstrated how we can use visualization to improve, and actually make more improvement than through mere practice. He had us do a range of motion exercise, and after we visualized reaching much further than we had the first time, we were actually able to reach further. He suggested that sometimes practice serves to lock into our minds what our limits are. They are false limits, however, and when we can see ourselves going further, reaching higher, doing more in our imaginations, it becomes effortless to repeat that success in reality. So, in order to improve in any area, mentally rehearse the success you desire. It works.
Tom Hopkins was there, and gave us a new way to look at rejection related to sales and negotiation. For instance, he suggests that if a sale normally makes you $100.00 and it takes 5 qualified contacts to result in one sale, each person that says "no" is worth $25.00 to you. So, just thank them for the $25.00 and move on. :-)
Tom also gave us the Champion Creed, which reads, "I am not judged by the number of times I fall, but by the number of times I succeed. And the number of times I succeed is in direct proportion to the number of times I can fail and keep trying!"
General Colin Powell spoke also, and one significant thing he said was "I don't like looking in the rearview mirror of life. I live viewing life through the front windshield."
We heard Phil Town on Demystifying the Stock Market. Very, very good information.
George Foreman spoke on Lessons in Success from the Comeback King. He said, "If you start from the bottom, you can only go one direction."
Finally, we heard Robert Schuller remind us to start small, think big and never quit.
Pretty awesome stuff.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Mmmm...Spring!
I spotted my first bluebonnets today. And I've got this sudden intense urge for a road trip through hill country.
I can hardly wait for the magnolia to bloom. I love it when a blossom first opens up. It's fragrance is intensely sweet and a little lemony. I like to find a fresh bloom and just bury my face in it and breathe it in right down to my toes.
God's aromatherapy. It's so sensuous...like eating a perfectly ripened peach and the juice runs down your arm and it smells so luscious.
Okay, so I'm a hedonist. What can I say? :-)
I can hardly wait for the magnolia to bloom. I love it when a blossom first opens up. It's fragrance is intensely sweet and a little lemony. I like to find a fresh bloom and just bury my face in it and breathe it in right down to my toes.
God's aromatherapy. It's so sensuous...like eating a perfectly ripened peach and the juice runs down your arm and it smells so luscious.
Okay, so I'm a hedonist. What can I say? :-)
Taking Chances
Recently, I took a chance I never thought I would have the courage to take. And I didn't get the results I was hoping for. My old programming wants to call that a mistake. But that is an error in judgment.
I took a chance. It didn't work out. So, what? I am handling it. Here I am, alive and well. It wasn't fatal.
Sure, it can be painful to fail, especially when it comes to matters that are intensely personal. But each time we take a chance, win or lose, it makes it a little easier to take more chances in the future, as long as we don't choose to retreat into the safety of our comfort zone.
That is exactly what I would have done in the past. And it was oh, so tempting to do that again. But my intuition told me to just stop and observe and I was reminded of some very interesting things about myself. For one thing, issues that I thought were resolved long ago were still operating in my subconscious mind, still ruling my life without my awareness. Now, I am aware, and I know what to work on.
For another thing, I discovered I have come a long way in my ability to handle unpleasant circumstances. I don't have to give in to the temptation to run or hide or shut down when I feel hurt or afraid. I can face down whatever is happening and know that I am bigger than any circumstance that could come my way.
Besides that, I am aware that everything is unfolding exactly as it should and that every circumstance is attracted into my life for the purpose of helping me to realize who I truly am.
There is nothing to fear. It's all good.
I took a chance. It didn't work out. So, what? I am handling it. Here I am, alive and well. It wasn't fatal.
Sure, it can be painful to fail, especially when it comes to matters that are intensely personal. But each time we take a chance, win or lose, it makes it a little easier to take more chances in the future, as long as we don't choose to retreat into the safety of our comfort zone.
That is exactly what I would have done in the past. And it was oh, so tempting to do that again. But my intuition told me to just stop and observe and I was reminded of some very interesting things about myself. For one thing, issues that I thought were resolved long ago were still operating in my subconscious mind, still ruling my life without my awareness. Now, I am aware, and I know what to work on.
For another thing, I discovered I have come a long way in my ability to handle unpleasant circumstances. I don't have to give in to the temptation to run or hide or shut down when I feel hurt or afraid. I can face down whatever is happening and know that I am bigger than any circumstance that could come my way.
Besides that, I am aware that everything is unfolding exactly as it should and that every circumstance is attracted into my life for the purpose of helping me to realize who I truly am.
There is nothing to fear. It's all good.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
What Are We Manifesting - Fear or Love?
Recently, I was reminded that what we call "learning" is actually being reminded or made aware of what we already know on some level. This resonates with me because of the many times I have experienced an Aha! moment while reading the words of a Master or even someone who is just a little more aware than I am at the time. On some level, I know what they are saying to be true.
But we tend to sleepwalk through life and even though we experience some times of heightened awareness, we tend to fall back into trance mode by default. So, it is good to be reminded often of the truths that can help us create the joy-filled, juicy lives we crave.
That's why I read constantly. That, and the insatiable curiosity I was born with.
Even when we have "learned" a principle, and think we have it down pretty well, it is all too easy to slip into old habits and patterns when we are not paying attention.
That's another reason we attract certain circumstances into our lives. They awaken us to where we are and make us aware of who we are in relation to them.
In the same book, I was reminded that fear is a powerful attractor. It is the opposite of love, and it manifests the opposite of love in our lives.
If you think about it, whatever you are fearing is what you are putting your faith in. It is what you believe in at that particular point. You are affirming it to be true. So, if you fear rejection, you believe in rejection. You trust in it. You expect it. And so, you will manifest it. If you fear being alone, you are placing your trust in separation, and you will receive exactly what you are expecting.
Another beautiful reminder came when I was feeling confused about certain relationships in my current experience. I followed my intuition and picked up the book, The Secret, and turned to the section on relationships. Even though the chapter was titled, Relationships, almost the entire focus was on your relationship with yourself. That's because we create our outer relationships based on our inner one. If we love and respect ourselves, we receive love and respect from others. If we treat ourselves poorly, others seem to feel entitled to treat us poorly. They may not be aware of this, and usually we are not either. But that is the purpose for making sure we seek regular reminders of the principles of Attraction and Creation.
Observe this beautiful rendition of these truths in this excerpt from The Secret, "All your joy is on the frequency of love – the highest and the most powerful frequency of all. You can’t hold love in your hand. You can only feel it in your heart. It is a state of being. You can see evidence of love being expressed through people, but love is a feeling, and you are the only one that can radiate and emit that feeling of love. Your ability to generate feelings of love is unlimited, and when you love you are in complete and utter harmony with the Universe. Love everything you can. Love everyone you can. Focus only on things you love, feel love, and you will experience that love and joy coming back to you – multiplied! The law of attraction must send you back more things to love. As you radiate love, it will appear as though the entire Universe is doing everything for you, and moving every good person to you. In truth, it is".
I suppose as long as we walk on this earth, there will be things we need to be reminded of. It's all too easy to become distracted and forget who we really are. But the journey is worth the risks and the challenges, and even worth the pain we create for ourselves in our efforts to become more awake and aware.
It's all part of the adventure we call Life.
But we tend to sleepwalk through life and even though we experience some times of heightened awareness, we tend to fall back into trance mode by default. So, it is good to be reminded often of the truths that can help us create the joy-filled, juicy lives we crave.
That's why I read constantly. That, and the insatiable curiosity I was born with.
Even when we have "learned" a principle, and think we have it down pretty well, it is all too easy to slip into old habits and patterns when we are not paying attention.
That's another reason we attract certain circumstances into our lives. They awaken us to where we are and make us aware of who we are in relation to them.
In the same book, I was reminded that fear is a powerful attractor. It is the opposite of love, and it manifests the opposite of love in our lives.
If you think about it, whatever you are fearing is what you are putting your faith in. It is what you believe in at that particular point. You are affirming it to be true. So, if you fear rejection, you believe in rejection. You trust in it. You expect it. And so, you will manifest it. If you fear being alone, you are placing your trust in separation, and you will receive exactly what you are expecting.
Another beautiful reminder came when I was feeling confused about certain relationships in my current experience. I followed my intuition and picked up the book, The Secret, and turned to the section on relationships. Even though the chapter was titled, Relationships, almost the entire focus was on your relationship with yourself. That's because we create our outer relationships based on our inner one. If we love and respect ourselves, we receive love and respect from others. If we treat ourselves poorly, others seem to feel entitled to treat us poorly. They may not be aware of this, and usually we are not either. But that is the purpose for making sure we seek regular reminders of the principles of Attraction and Creation.
Observe this beautiful rendition of these truths in this excerpt from The Secret, "All your joy is on the frequency of love – the highest and the most powerful frequency of all. You can’t hold love in your hand. You can only feel it in your heart. It is a state of being. You can see evidence of love being expressed through people, but love is a feeling, and you are the only one that can radiate and emit that feeling of love. Your ability to generate feelings of love is unlimited, and when you love you are in complete and utter harmony with the Universe. Love everything you can. Love everyone you can. Focus only on things you love, feel love, and you will experience that love and joy coming back to you – multiplied! The law of attraction must send you back more things to love. As you radiate love, it will appear as though the entire Universe is doing everything for you, and moving every good person to you. In truth, it is".
I suppose as long as we walk on this earth, there will be things we need to be reminded of. It's all too easy to become distracted and forget who we really are. But the journey is worth the risks and the challenges, and even worth the pain we create for ourselves in our efforts to become more awake and aware.
It's all part of the adventure we call Life.
Why Are We Here?
Have you ever thought about why we show up in one another's lives? I think it is in order to help one another along our individual paths of growth and evolution.
Even people we find particularly challenging are invited into our lives for a reason. We have something to learn from them and perhaps they have something to learn from us. It may be that we repeatedly attract people with whom we experience a particular kind of pain. Why would we do that? The obvious answer is that we need to heal the wound inside us that is attracting that same painful experience. As long as the wound is unhealed, we will continue attracting experiences that will bring that wound to our attention.
We are given free will and the choice whether to deal with the wound or slap a bandage on it and try to ignore it. But we will cease to grow in that area and become stuck in the same negative patterns until we choose to deal with it.
Why would we allow ourselves to get stuck like that? Because it hurts like hell to deal with our wounds. We have to clean out the wound in order to prevent or heal infection, and it is not a comfortable process. It's easier to put it off, because who wants to feel that pain? The only trouble with that is that the only way out is through. And so, if we choose not to deal with it, we choose not to move forward. We don't get to go around it, or step over it. We have to go through it. It's the only way to grow.
When we attract people to help us learn these lessons, what's in it for them? First of all, they have lessons of their own to learn. When we enable both ourselves and them to repeat the old patterns without intervention, we stall our own growth and contribute to their stagnation as well. When we choose to change whatever it is that brought us to this unhappy place, we learn and grow and give them the opportunity to learn and grow, as well. That doesn't mean they have to take that opportunity, but it is offered. If they are not ready to learn their lesson, they may move on to another relationship that allows them to repeat their unhealthy patterns.
But that's not our concern. Every soul must choose their own path. We can't choose for anyone except our own self. We are completely responsible for our own creation. No one creates our lives for us, and no one can make us happy except we ourselves. By the same token, we cannot create anyone else's happiness or create their lives for them. God gave us all free will. Who are we to dishonor that free will by trying to make someone happy? Have you ever thought of how controlling that is?
"I want to make him happy." Who are you to make anyone anything at all? God could choose to make us happy, but instead chooses to allow us to follow our own path and discover how to create our own happiness.
It's a beautiful thing, even if it does involve pain sometimes.
Even people we find particularly challenging are invited into our lives for a reason. We have something to learn from them and perhaps they have something to learn from us. It may be that we repeatedly attract people with whom we experience a particular kind of pain. Why would we do that? The obvious answer is that we need to heal the wound inside us that is attracting that same painful experience. As long as the wound is unhealed, we will continue attracting experiences that will bring that wound to our attention.
We are given free will and the choice whether to deal with the wound or slap a bandage on it and try to ignore it. But we will cease to grow in that area and become stuck in the same negative patterns until we choose to deal with it.
Why would we allow ourselves to get stuck like that? Because it hurts like hell to deal with our wounds. We have to clean out the wound in order to prevent or heal infection, and it is not a comfortable process. It's easier to put it off, because who wants to feel that pain? The only trouble with that is that the only way out is through. And so, if we choose not to deal with it, we choose not to move forward. We don't get to go around it, or step over it. We have to go through it. It's the only way to grow.
When we attract people to help us learn these lessons, what's in it for them? First of all, they have lessons of their own to learn. When we enable both ourselves and them to repeat the old patterns without intervention, we stall our own growth and contribute to their stagnation as well. When we choose to change whatever it is that brought us to this unhappy place, we learn and grow and give them the opportunity to learn and grow, as well. That doesn't mean they have to take that opportunity, but it is offered. If they are not ready to learn their lesson, they may move on to another relationship that allows them to repeat their unhealthy patterns.
But that's not our concern. Every soul must choose their own path. We can't choose for anyone except our own self. We are completely responsible for our own creation. No one creates our lives for us, and no one can make us happy except we ourselves. By the same token, we cannot create anyone else's happiness or create their lives for them. God gave us all free will. Who are we to dishonor that free will by trying to make someone happy? Have you ever thought of how controlling that is?
"I want to make him happy." Who are you to make anyone anything at all? God could choose to make us happy, but instead chooses to allow us to follow our own path and discover how to create our own happiness.
It's a beautiful thing, even if it does involve pain sometimes.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Now Is All There Is
Too often when the conditions in our lives are not exactly what we want them to be, we get caught up in living in the expectation of a better time. There's only one problem with that. There is no tomorrow. There is no some day.
Those are concepts of the future and they will always remain in the future. And living for them interferes with our ability to be present now, enjoying whatever treasures and pleasures are available to us this very moment.
The very moment we are experiencing now is the only moment we get to experience. The past is a memory. The future is a possibility. This moment is real.
We would do well to ask ourselves frequently what we can do to experience life to its fullest right now? It doesn't have to be anything elaborate, just whatever brings you joy.
For me, what sometimes works is just hugging one of my children and enjoying the indescribable joy of loving them immensely. I have a 16 year old daughter who will actually hold my hand in public. I think that's quite an accomplishment. Of course, that kind of relationship didn't happen overnight. It's a payoff for years of investing in her...of being present for her when I felt like doing something else...of listening when I was too tired to listen...of sacrificing goals I could have been pursuing in order to be available to her.
It's the same with my son. He went through a period of time when he was a little standoffish, but I just attributed that to puberty and gave him space to figure it out. And he did.
But getting back to the subject of living in the moment, what things and experiences bring you joy? Make a list and refer to it if you are out of the habit of enjoying the moment. How long has it been since you just stopped for a moment and enjoyed the sensations of the sun on your skin or the sounds of birds singing? Getting a few minutes of sunshine every day is a great antidote to depression.
Another thing I like to do from time to time is just act like a kid again. Kids know how to live in the moment. They don't worry much about what they are going to do when. They just seize whatever opportunity presents itself.
That's why every time I get an opportunity, I like to swing. I'm talking about a park swing. Come on, folks. :-) I swing as high as I possibly can and then sometimes I lie back in the swing and let that little thrill whirl through my belly and just abandon everything else in the joy of the moment.
My ideas may not appeal to you. That's okay. Come up with your own ideas...whatever does it for you. Just enjoy now before it gets away.
Those are concepts of the future and they will always remain in the future. And living for them interferes with our ability to be present now, enjoying whatever treasures and pleasures are available to us this very moment.
The very moment we are experiencing now is the only moment we get to experience. The past is a memory. The future is a possibility. This moment is real.
We would do well to ask ourselves frequently what we can do to experience life to its fullest right now? It doesn't have to be anything elaborate, just whatever brings you joy.
For me, what sometimes works is just hugging one of my children and enjoying the indescribable joy of loving them immensely. I have a 16 year old daughter who will actually hold my hand in public. I think that's quite an accomplishment. Of course, that kind of relationship didn't happen overnight. It's a payoff for years of investing in her...of being present for her when I felt like doing something else...of listening when I was too tired to listen...of sacrificing goals I could have been pursuing in order to be available to her.
It's the same with my son. He went through a period of time when he was a little standoffish, but I just attributed that to puberty and gave him space to figure it out. And he did.
But getting back to the subject of living in the moment, what things and experiences bring you joy? Make a list and refer to it if you are out of the habit of enjoying the moment. How long has it been since you just stopped for a moment and enjoyed the sensations of the sun on your skin or the sounds of birds singing? Getting a few minutes of sunshine every day is a great antidote to depression.
Another thing I like to do from time to time is just act like a kid again. Kids know how to live in the moment. They don't worry much about what they are going to do when. They just seize whatever opportunity presents itself.
That's why every time I get an opportunity, I like to swing. I'm talking about a park swing. Come on, folks. :-) I swing as high as I possibly can and then sometimes I lie back in the swing and let that little thrill whirl through my belly and just abandon everything else in the joy of the moment.
My ideas may not appeal to you. That's okay. Come up with your own ideas...whatever does it for you. Just enjoy now before it gets away.
Monday, March 05, 2007
I Am a Victor, Not a Victim
"I am a victor, not a victim," is one of the affirmations I began using on my road to emotional health. Before I could rise up from the pit of depression, I had to face the fact that it was my own repression that led to my depression. I could have fought back. I didn't have to take it lying down.
One of the more intense and intensely important lessons I have learned on my journey is that we have the power to be in complete control of our responses.
Whether or not we take offense to something someone says or does is entirely up to us. People can even do things with the intention of hurting us, and we can decide to frame it in a way that no damage is done.
Now, I don't know anyone who has actually attained to this level of invincibility, but I know it can be done. It just makes sense.
The reason something hurts us is because we interpret it in a hurtful manner. We can choose other interpretations besides personal damage.
For instance, if someone makes a racial slur, we can interpret it as a personal injury or we can interpret it as an ignorant comment coming from an immature personality.
Someone asks, "Where did you get that shirt?" We can interpret it as an insult to our sense of style or an expression of personal preference. One is hurtful, the other is not.
Someone takes some action that undermines our work. We can choose to believe they are trying to knock us off the ladder so they can occupy our rung, or we can choose to believe they are attracting some lesson in how not to conduct themselves on the job.
The point is, we are free to be victims, but we don't have to be. It's our choice.
One of the more intense and intensely important lessons I have learned on my journey is that we have the power to be in complete control of our responses.
Whether or not we take offense to something someone says or does is entirely up to us. People can even do things with the intention of hurting us, and we can decide to frame it in a way that no damage is done.
Now, I don't know anyone who has actually attained to this level of invincibility, but I know it can be done. It just makes sense.
The reason something hurts us is because we interpret it in a hurtful manner. We can choose other interpretations besides personal damage.
For instance, if someone makes a racial slur, we can interpret it as a personal injury or we can interpret it as an ignorant comment coming from an immature personality.
Someone asks, "Where did you get that shirt?" We can interpret it as an insult to our sense of style or an expression of personal preference. One is hurtful, the other is not.
Someone takes some action that undermines our work. We can choose to believe they are trying to knock us off the ladder so they can occupy our rung, or we can choose to believe they are attracting some lesson in how not to conduct themselves on the job.
The point is, we are free to be victims, but we don't have to be. It's our choice.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
What Are You Expecting?
I wonder how often people behave the way they do because we are expecting them to.
One thing I learned from my observations is that people, especially those over whom we have leadership, tend to behave largely as we expect them to. They tend to live up to, or down to, our expectations.
One of the reasons I am able to bring out the best in people is that I see the best. It's not that I am not aware of the faults of others, it's just that I choose to focus on their finest qualities. And the more I focus on what's good in a person, the more it expands until it becomes the presenting part of the person and overshadows their faults.
I remember reading a story some time ago about a teacher who mistakenly thought her students locker numbers were their IQ's. She thought she was teaching a class full of geniuses, and so she treated them as such. She gave them challenging assignments, and expected strong performance from each of them. And they responded, performing much better than they previously had in their school careers.
Expect the best from people, and you will usually get it. Expect the worst, and what do you think you will get? Expect the best from yourself. You are likely capable of things you haven't even begun to imagine. And imagination is the beginning of every wonderful advancement and accomplishment that occurs.
Albert Einstein said, "Imagination is better than knowledge." He refused to memorize things he could easily look up because he preferred to keep his brain free for imagining and receiving.
Why not use your imagination to visualize the best possible outcome from every person you deal with? You may not be able to visualize an intangible idea, but you can visualize the results. I see my kids telling me how happy they are and how much they love their lives. I see the computer repair person beginning their conversation with me with the words "Good news." I see someone I am trying to help thanking me and telling me I made a difference in their life.
And the vast majority of time, things work out just as I imagined them. When they don't, I can point to uncertainty in my own mind that I would get the results I was looking for. That's good too, because it makes me aware of limiting beliefs I need to clear.
Getting back on point, though, expect the best and you will generally receive the best. Of course, no one can coerce others into behaving at their best. Each of us can freely choose who we want to be; however, it is a powerful principle that usually produces powerful results.
One thing I learned from my observations is that people, especially those over whom we have leadership, tend to behave largely as we expect them to. They tend to live up to, or down to, our expectations.
One of the reasons I am able to bring out the best in people is that I see the best. It's not that I am not aware of the faults of others, it's just that I choose to focus on their finest qualities. And the more I focus on what's good in a person, the more it expands until it becomes the presenting part of the person and overshadows their faults.
I remember reading a story some time ago about a teacher who mistakenly thought her students locker numbers were their IQ's. She thought she was teaching a class full of geniuses, and so she treated them as such. She gave them challenging assignments, and expected strong performance from each of them. And they responded, performing much better than they previously had in their school careers.
Expect the best from people, and you will usually get it. Expect the worst, and what do you think you will get? Expect the best from yourself. You are likely capable of things you haven't even begun to imagine. And imagination is the beginning of every wonderful advancement and accomplishment that occurs.
Albert Einstein said, "Imagination is better than knowledge." He refused to memorize things he could easily look up because he preferred to keep his brain free for imagining and receiving.
Why not use your imagination to visualize the best possible outcome from every person you deal with? You may not be able to visualize an intangible idea, but you can visualize the results. I see my kids telling me how happy they are and how much they love their lives. I see the computer repair person beginning their conversation with me with the words "Good news." I see someone I am trying to help thanking me and telling me I made a difference in their life.
And the vast majority of time, things work out just as I imagined them. When they don't, I can point to uncertainty in my own mind that I would get the results I was looking for. That's good too, because it makes me aware of limiting beliefs I need to clear.
Getting back on point, though, expect the best and you will generally receive the best. Of course, no one can coerce others into behaving at their best. Each of us can freely choose who we want to be; however, it is a powerful principle that usually produces powerful results.
Yes, Yes, Yes!
Recently, I began paying more attention to what I am feeling, and how I am reacting to those feelings. I was reminded by some wonderful teachers that feeling is a powerful tool for manifestation.
One of the things I realized is how often I say no to myself. No, I can't. No, I musn't. No, don't think that. No, don't feel that way. I mean, what am I, a two-year-old?
Obviously, we can't say yes to everything, but we can say yes to more.
No is such a tight, closed energy. Yes is such a delicious, expansive energy.
If, at our core, we are love, and I believe we are, we need not fear saying yes to ourselves. Love does no, harm, ever.
And so my new mantras are: Yes! Why not? and Oh, what the hell! :-)
One of the things I realized is how often I say no to myself. No, I can't. No, I musn't. No, don't think that. No, don't feel that way. I mean, what am I, a two-year-old?
Obviously, we can't say yes to everything, but we can say yes to more.
No is such a tight, closed energy. Yes is such a delicious, expansive energy.
If, at our core, we are love, and I believe we are, we need not fear saying yes to ourselves. Love does no, harm, ever.
And so my new mantras are: Yes! Why not? and Oh, what the hell! :-)
Friday, March 02, 2007
Touching Heaven
I was thinking about love and fantasy lovers, and how we tend to idealize beauty.
We award people labels such as "Sexiest Man Alive" and "Miss USA". And beauty is a commodity. It can be traded for wealth and privilege.
We have contests and award prizes to people who possess certain qualities of beauty. I used to watch those contests and feel a sense of disappointment that I could never be that beautiful.
Then one day, I realized that the contestants were all starting to look alike. It was almost like paint-by-number sets. Their hair color and styles varied slightly, and there were some differences in the facial features, but their bodies pretty much looked alike. I stopped watching beauty contests.
And over the years, I came to understand that there are as many different standards of beauty as there are human beings. Sure, we all have preferences, and that's okay. Our attraction to certain physical qualities stems from a biological urge to create perfect offspring.
And so we imagine that being with someone with certain physical qualities would be a quality experience. Well, if that were so, I would think there would be fewer breakups and divorces in Hollywood than there are everywhere else. In fact, there are probably more.
Part of that probably stems from the fact that if physical beauty is the main attraction, what's going to happen when someone comes along that is even more beautiful? And part of it stems from the fact that no matter what a person looks like, you ultimately relate to who they are, including whatever baggage they haven't dealt with and the resulting insecurities from that.
So, go ahead and enjoy your fantasies, but know they are just that. In reality, that supermodel or leading man is just another human being with all the stuff that goes along with being human.
If you really want to touch heaven, touch a beautiful soul. That's where the magic is.
We award people labels such as "Sexiest Man Alive" and "Miss USA". And beauty is a commodity. It can be traded for wealth and privilege.
We have contests and award prizes to people who possess certain qualities of beauty. I used to watch those contests and feel a sense of disappointment that I could never be that beautiful.
Then one day, I realized that the contestants were all starting to look alike. It was almost like paint-by-number sets. Their hair color and styles varied slightly, and there were some differences in the facial features, but their bodies pretty much looked alike. I stopped watching beauty contests.
And over the years, I came to understand that there are as many different standards of beauty as there are human beings. Sure, we all have preferences, and that's okay. Our attraction to certain physical qualities stems from a biological urge to create perfect offspring.
And so we imagine that being with someone with certain physical qualities would be a quality experience. Well, if that were so, I would think there would be fewer breakups and divorces in Hollywood than there are everywhere else. In fact, there are probably more.
Part of that probably stems from the fact that if physical beauty is the main attraction, what's going to happen when someone comes along that is even more beautiful? And part of it stems from the fact that no matter what a person looks like, you ultimately relate to who they are, including whatever baggage they haven't dealt with and the resulting insecurities from that.
So, go ahead and enjoy your fantasies, but know they are just that. In reality, that supermodel or leading man is just another human being with all the stuff that goes along with being human.
If you really want to touch heaven, touch a beautiful soul. That's where the magic is.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Enjoying the Journey
I did my play-out outdoors today. Yes, I said "play-out". :-) Working out didn't sound like much fun, so I chose to play-out.
As I walked outside, I was greeted by a breeze that felt so delicious on my skin and hair. Whenever I feel the wind touch my skin and play with my hair, I feel as though I am experiencing God's caress.
There are so many ways in which God gives love to us every day, if only we are aware and receptive.
What do you want in life? Why do you want it? Is it possible that whatever we desire in life, ultimately what we want is to be joyful, ecstatic, peaceful, balanced, passionate and satisfied? What if we decided to feel that way now? What if we chose to be receptive to the everyday pleasures that are generously and graciously provided for all of us? What if we took the time to enjoy the simple pleasures of gazing at the stars in the night sky, the fragrance of a gardenia blossom, the sound of the birds singing, the beauty of the sunrise or sunset?
Don't stop there. Go for everything your heart desires. But don't wait until you get those things to enjoy your life to the fullest. Enjoy each step of the journey.
As I walked outside, I was greeted by a breeze that felt so delicious on my skin and hair. Whenever I feel the wind touch my skin and play with my hair, I feel as though I am experiencing God's caress.
There are so many ways in which God gives love to us every day, if only we are aware and receptive.
What do you want in life? Why do you want it? Is it possible that whatever we desire in life, ultimately what we want is to be joyful, ecstatic, peaceful, balanced, passionate and satisfied? What if we decided to feel that way now? What if we chose to be receptive to the everyday pleasures that are generously and graciously provided for all of us? What if we took the time to enjoy the simple pleasures of gazing at the stars in the night sky, the fragrance of a gardenia blossom, the sound of the birds singing, the beauty of the sunrise or sunset?
Don't stop there. Go for everything your heart desires. But don't wait until you get those things to enjoy your life to the fullest. Enjoy each step of the journey.
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