Feeling the Magic

I'm feeling more myself now. I didn't say feeling myself more. I said feeling more myself. Get your mind out of the gutter! Sheesh!

Anyway, I've been helping my mother pull weeds from around her fifty-some-odd Rose of Sharon plants. There's nothing like getting down and dirty with mother earth to help get your bearings back.

So, I was working away this evening, and a snake slithered out of the grass I was trying to pull up. The thing that amazed me most is that I was not afraid! I just watched it, while trying to remember that poem I learned in childhood, "Red and yellow, kill a fellow; black and white...". Ok, you're cool. It helped that it was slithering away and not toward.

But I found myself fascinated, and afterward, I couldn't get the song, Sneaky Snake, out of my head. Only dyed-in-the-wool country music fans will know what the heck I'm talking about there.

I love being out in the country, snakes and all. Trees have immense healing power. Stars are magical. I suppose they are magical whether they are hidden by smog and city lights or not, but you can feel the magic when you can see them.

Yeah, baby! That's what I'm talking about.

It's All Good...Yes, All Of It

Here I am, in the calm after the storm, wondering if what I have been struggling with is nothing more than ghosts from the past.

On the one hand, I firmly believe that all that's real is love and the rest is illusion. On the other hand, shouldn't that have covered the past as well? Perhaps if you experience pain at a time when you are not consciously aware that you have a choice...I should say if you repress pain instead of choosing to experience it...then at some point, you have to allow that pain to resurface so that it can be cleared.

In any case, I return to trusting in a loving Universe that supports my highest good always and in all ways. This is the truth that resonates in the depths of my heart and soul.

I choose love, for I am love, as you will find you are, if you truly get to know yourself. And I choose forgiveness, although I would have preferred non-judgment. Once one has passed judgment, forgiveness is key to becoming free.

Why Can't We Just Let It Happen?

I've had a lot of stuff come up that needed clearing over the past couple weeks, and it has led me to a question that I need to discover an answer to before I can move forward in a certain area of my life.

That question is, Why is it that I can give love freely, but I am blocked when it comes to receiving love? The scientist in me wants to dissect this thing so that the lover in me can move forward. Actually, I think the scientist wants to shut the lover up with a "Come on, we've tried this experiment before. It was a disaster! Don't do it! It's a trick."

The reason this is important for me to understand is that I would rather jump off the nearest 20-story building than repeat the patterns of my marriage. And I am dead set against jumping! I always figure in that little time frame between taking a flying leap and passionate contact with Planet Earth, one might decide, "I really don't want to do this." Splat!

I was a staunch, stark, rank believer in 'till death do us part'. So much so that after years of doing everything in my power to breathe some life into my marriage, I would gladly have died to get out of it. Until that rock bottom experience when I realized, "What the hell ever!" Nothing is worth sacrificing any essential part of who you are to maintain. Like Jo Dee, my 'Give a Damn' busted.

But getting back to my question about being blocked to receiving love. Actually, what is it that we are afraid of, that keeps us from allowing love in our lives? What is it that we believe we may lose? I think what may be happening is that we suffer from the delusion that we can lose another's love.

But let's examine this for a moment, if we lose another's love or loving intention, have we really lost anything at all? After all, how can we lose something that wasn't ours to begin with? Someone else's love doesn't belong to us. It belongs to that person. We can't feel someone else's love or loving intentions. We can only feel our own. Hmmm...interesting.

Objection! Assuming Facts Not in Evidence

Okay, so I've watched too many episodes of Matlock.

But think about it for a moment. Isn't this often what gets us into trouble in our relationships?

Someone says this or doesn't say that, does this or neglects to do that, looks at us a certain way or doesn't look at us at all, and we give it meaning based on all the filters we have developed around relationships in the past...emphasis on IN THE PAST. Whatever happened in the past is over. What is really happening now? Do you know what is really happening now? Or are you assuming facts not in evidence?

Hmmm...something to think about.