Love is always within us and all around us, but there is a science to relationship. I'm not just talking about the chemicals of attraction. I'm talking cause and effect.
Typically, we meet someone. We put on a show for one another. If we like what we see, we become aware of feeling love. But where does that love come from? It's already there, within us.
Then, we start seeing things in the other that we judge undesirable. Our awareness of love starts to be covered over by those judgments. If we don't observe this and drop our judgments, soon we will feel we have fallen out of love. We didn't fall out of love, because we didn't fall into love in the first place. We awakened to awareness of the love that is within us.
Now, some will read this and think that I mean that all relationships can and should be saved. No, I don't mean that at all. Some relationships are toxic to your soul, and should be grieved and buried, so that we can open to something that supports our growth, expansion and healing.
Nevertheless, we can end a relationship without anger, without bitterness, without any of the other forms of anger we usually think must be present to conclude a relationship. You can even end a relationship with love. Just because being in a relationship with someone is not for your highest good doesn't mean you can't wish them well and mean it.
Think about this, if a relationship is not really good for you, it's not really good for anyone. Would you want someone to stay with you for any reason other than it's exactly where they want to be? Really? I know I wouldn't.
Let's grow up and let the way we conduct our relationships reflect our growth.
Thursday, July 08, 2010
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Evolving Relationships
The only place love can be felt is within our own heart. When we require something of someone else in order to feel our love, we make love conditional and cheat our own selves out of the glorious and wondrous awareness of love. Well, when I say we make love conditional, is it even really love at that point? I don't think so.
Relationship is another story. To enjoy a relationship, there has to be some degree of consensus on what we will share. It's healthy and reasonable to have conditions on a relationship, especially conditions that keep us true to who we really are.
It's not really love that gets us into trouble. It is wanting to share more or to share different things than the other. We can't share more with someone than they are willing to receive. And we can't give them anything they won't accept. Growing up calls us to stop trying to give things to people who don't want them.
I don't believe love ever dies or fails. Our awareness of love may become buried beneath all manner of pain and misunderstanding, but love is always there, within us, waiting for us to uncover it and notice.
Relationships, however, may fail or end, and sometimes our very growth, health or sanity depends on them doing so.
If our relationships are to evolve, we may need to stop looking for models in the past (and especially from the media). How many relationship models have we observed that are truly bringing joy to us or anyone else for that matter? It's time to create new models that are more conducive to who we are growing to be - models that honor who we really are and what we really want, not what someone has told us we are supposed to want.
Let's find our truth and live that.
Until we do, we're better off being alone. Being alone isn't the worst thing that can happen to us. Being in a relationship that does not honor all of who we are: much, much more painful.
Relationship is another story. To enjoy a relationship, there has to be some degree of consensus on what we will share. It's healthy and reasonable to have conditions on a relationship, especially conditions that keep us true to who we really are.
It's not really love that gets us into trouble. It is wanting to share more or to share different things than the other. We can't share more with someone than they are willing to receive. And we can't give them anything they won't accept. Growing up calls us to stop trying to give things to people who don't want them.
I don't believe love ever dies or fails. Our awareness of love may become buried beneath all manner of pain and misunderstanding, but love is always there, within us, waiting for us to uncover it and notice.
Relationships, however, may fail or end, and sometimes our very growth, health or sanity depends on them doing so.
If our relationships are to evolve, we may need to stop looking for models in the past (and especially from the media). How many relationship models have we observed that are truly bringing joy to us or anyone else for that matter? It's time to create new models that are more conducive to who we are growing to be - models that honor who we really are and what we really want, not what someone has told us we are supposed to want.
Let's find our truth and live that.
Until we do, we're better off being alone. Being alone isn't the worst thing that can happen to us. Being in a relationship that does not honor all of who we are: much, much more painful.
Evolve or Die
Disease is rampant, and yet few of us are willing to see that we are slowly killing ourselves. I'm not even talking about processed food, pollution, etc. I'm talking about living a life we despise...jobs we hate, relationships that are toxic, and so on.
Most people would rather believe that's just the way it is and there's nothing we can do about it. It's easier than admitting that there are things we can do about it, but we are afraid if we do those things people won't like us anymore.
I've been there, and this is what I have to say about that: if anyone really cares about us, they want what's best for us, and if they don't, why the hell are we trying to please them, anyway?
Or we are afraid that we'll try something and it won't work. Well, how well is what we are doing now working for us? It's destroying us. Hello!
Some of us know that we have really come down to "Evolve or die". The old ways are killing us. Are we going to continue in the old ways which are draining the life force from us, or will we take the steps necessary to truly begin living?
Most people would rather believe that's just the way it is and there's nothing we can do about it. It's easier than admitting that there are things we can do about it, but we are afraid if we do those things people won't like us anymore.
I've been there, and this is what I have to say about that: if anyone really cares about us, they want what's best for us, and if they don't, why the hell are we trying to please them, anyway?
Or we are afraid that we'll try something and it won't work. Well, how well is what we are doing now working for us? It's destroying us. Hello!
Some of us know that we have really come down to "Evolve or die". The old ways are killing us. Are we going to continue in the old ways which are draining the life force from us, or will we take the steps necessary to truly begin living?
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