Today I realized that there are several other lessons I haven't received deeply. It's good to learn, but if the learning doesn't become an integral part of your life, you may as well be memorizing trivia. At least with that, you can up your chances of winning a game show.
The truth is, I knew the time would come to translate all that I am learning into action, and it is only fitting that there should be tests before I am set loose on the world. Tests are all about finding out what you know and what you still need to learn. Even after you have learned a lesson well, it needs to be kept strong through practice.
I have been resistant to receiving love and really, the reasons are irrelevant. The effect is that in not receiving, I've created a blockage, which is clearing now. The important thing now is to love myself, so that I can come to love from a position of wholeness, and not from a position of need or greed.
When we come to love from wholeness, we can share our gifts without expectation. We can love unconditionally. We can hold our loved one with an open hand, knowing they will be in our lives as long as they should be, and that if they move on, it is for the highest good of all concerned. We can take responsibility for our own needs, rather than trying to pass that responsibility off to someone else.
I know this. Now it is time to practice. And if I forget, be so kind as to refresh my memory, if you please.
I have decided to think of those tests as "exercises" in order to connect myself with the feeling of practice and to remove the feeling of possible "failure". And boy...May had me exercising like crazy :) There's still so much to learn and practice, but it's satisfying when you finally really "get it" throughout your whole being, and not just in your mind.
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