I am Love.
Your dogma has developed a habit of biting and clawing other creatures, especially those who refuse to bow to it.
I am taking it to the dogma pound, where it will be euthanized (lovingly and gently, of course).
Don't worry. The more you get to know Yourself as Me, and Me as Yourself, the less you will miss your dogma.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Click "Yes to All"
Sometimes, as you're downloading a program or file, you come across something like this:
Life offers similar choices. Whenever we come face to face with what we have created, we can click "No" - resist, argue, fight with our own creation. We can click "Cancel" - deny, run away, do whatever we can to "escape".
Or we may choose to click "Yes" and move forward, one file at a time. But why not just click "Yes to All"? - take a quantum leap forward, trusting that it's all going to turn out alright.
Why keep resisting what we created? Somewhere, on some level, we have our own highest good at heart. We just sometimes take the long route to get there. And the "stuff" reflecting back at us in the mirror of life can serve as roadmaps and help us make to course corrections.
Clicking "Yes to All" can be a direct route to getting past our stuff. Just accept it. Love it for what it is. Then change course if you want to.
Life offers similar choices. Whenever we come face to face with what we have created, we can click "No" - resist, argue, fight with our own creation. We can click "Cancel" - deny, run away, do whatever we can to "escape".
Or we may choose to click "Yes" and move forward, one file at a time. But why not just click "Yes to All"? - take a quantum leap forward, trusting that it's all going to turn out alright.
Why keep resisting what we created? Somewhere, on some level, we have our own highest good at heart. We just sometimes take the long route to get there. And the "stuff" reflecting back at us in the mirror of life can serve as roadmaps and help us make to course corrections.
Clicking "Yes to All" can be a direct route to getting past our stuff. Just accept it. Love it for what it is. Then change course if you want to.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Loving It All
I felt the Beloved in my heart space today, and I experienced a most delicious sense of expansion there.
I've been feeling life force energy stirring in my second chakra quite often for quite some time, it still being an area that is in process of clearing and healing.
But today, the energy moved around quite a bit, also stirring in my solar plexus and creating a wonderful melting and expansive feeling in my prefontal cortex.
Love keeps doing its perfect work and reminding me of my wholeness. I am loving it!
And I realized tonight that being in love does not require a love object. The most expansive and liberating way to be in love is to be in love with life, loving all of life. It is all love. Love is all there is.
I've been feeling life force energy stirring in my second chakra quite often for quite some time, it still being an area that is in process of clearing and healing.
But today, the energy moved around quite a bit, also stirring in my solar plexus and creating a wonderful melting and expansive feeling in my prefontal cortex.
Love keeps doing its perfect work and reminding me of my wholeness. I am loving it!
And I realized tonight that being in love does not require a love object. The most expansive and liberating way to be in love is to be in love with life, loving all of life. It is all love. Love is all there is.
Get Your OWN Path
There have been times when I have read other people's testimonials about how this course or that book completely changed their lives. All of a sudden, everything clicked and their whole lives fell into place. And I have wondered why I haven't come across any teaching that has just pulled it all together for me.
Tonight, it dawned on me that the reason no one path has been "the answer" for me is that I don't belong on anyone else's path. Oh, there have been plenty of people who have helped me along my path - people who asked just the right questions or spoke just the right words or took just the right actions to awaken the exact knowledge I needed to move forward. However, the knowledge was not an addition from outside me. It was already within and only needed to be discovered.
My path is undefinable, and therefore unfollowable, and unduplicatable. And I am glad. Defining a path tends toward dogma and I am much happier without dogma in my life.
Tonight, it dawned on me that the reason no one path has been "the answer" for me is that I don't belong on anyone else's path. Oh, there have been plenty of people who have helped me along my path - people who asked just the right questions or spoke just the right words or took just the right actions to awaken the exact knowledge I needed to move forward. However, the knowledge was not an addition from outside me. It was already within and only needed to be discovered.
My path is undefinable, and therefore unfollowable, and unduplicatable. And I am glad. Defining a path tends toward dogma and I am much happier without dogma in my life.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Something Better than Polyamory
One of the things I keep coming across as I research sacred sexuality on the web is the concept and practice of polyamory.
Call me wild, but I suggest we skip polyamory and go straight to omniamory. Okay, technically, it's not a word, but I think it should be.
Obviously, I'm not suggesting we enter into sexual relationships with everyone on the planet. Not only would that be unhealthy (and impossible considering the number of humans populating the planet at the moment), it would be downright illegal and harmful in some cases.
I'm talking pure, unadulterated love for all. Come on, you say, we can't really love everybody. To which I reply, why not?
Of course we can't be BFF with everybody in the world, and our agreement to the illusion of time and space prevents us from getting to know everyone; nevertheless, we absolutely can come from a place of love in our hearts that causes us to contribute to our world and those we interact with in a loving and beneficial way. We can open our hearts to others, and in the process, empower them to open as well.
What causes us to believe we must place a limit on how many people we love is that we confuse love with attachment. We form certain attachments in order to interact with others in the various roles we decide to play, as parents, spouses, lovers, friends, etc. But those attachments don't necessarily come from love, and love doesn't necessarily lead to attachment.
Love is more than a warm feeling, it is acting in the best interests of all. We may not feel warm and fuzzy toward everyone we pass on the street, but we can absolutely act lovingly toward all.
Is it not love that performs a random act of kindness, or gives a meal or a blanket to someone in need, or offers to help someone with a difficult task? Is it not love that listens to someone who is hurting and offers words of comfort? Is it not love that helps someone who is carrying a heavy burden? Is it not love that reaches out to touch someone when they are down, that offers words of encouragement to those who feel they can't go on? It is love, and when we reach out in love, we are being the instrument through which love pours its beautiful music into the world, uniting the hearts of all who hear.
Leo Buscaglia said it well, "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."
Let's do it! Let's love 'em all.
Call me wild, but I suggest we skip polyamory and go straight to omniamory. Okay, technically, it's not a word, but I think it should be.
Obviously, I'm not suggesting we enter into sexual relationships with everyone on the planet. Not only would that be unhealthy (and impossible considering the number of humans populating the planet at the moment), it would be downright illegal and harmful in some cases.
I'm talking pure, unadulterated love for all. Come on, you say, we can't really love everybody. To which I reply, why not?
Of course we can't be BFF with everybody in the world, and our agreement to the illusion of time and space prevents us from getting to know everyone; nevertheless, we absolutely can come from a place of love in our hearts that causes us to contribute to our world and those we interact with in a loving and beneficial way. We can open our hearts to others, and in the process, empower them to open as well.
What causes us to believe we must place a limit on how many people we love is that we confuse love with attachment. We form certain attachments in order to interact with others in the various roles we decide to play, as parents, spouses, lovers, friends, etc. But those attachments don't necessarily come from love, and love doesn't necessarily lead to attachment.
Love is more than a warm feeling, it is acting in the best interests of all. We may not feel warm and fuzzy toward everyone we pass on the street, but we can absolutely act lovingly toward all.
Is it not love that performs a random act of kindness, or gives a meal or a blanket to someone in need, or offers to help someone with a difficult task? Is it not love that listens to someone who is hurting and offers words of comfort? Is it not love that helps someone who is carrying a heavy burden? Is it not love that reaches out to touch someone when they are down, that offers words of encouragement to those who feel they can't go on? It is love, and when we reach out in love, we are being the instrument through which love pours its beautiful music into the world, uniting the hearts of all who hear.
Leo Buscaglia said it well, "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."
Let's do it! Let's love 'em all.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Just When You Thought It Was Safe...
That safety thing again.
I thought I was done playing it safe. And then I noticed a pattern that I have seen repeated relatively often in my life recently. A gentleman had showed some interest in me, and I found myself backing away after feeling that he was backing away.
So, I asked myself, "Why does this keep recurring?"
And myself answered, "You push people away and then blame their lack of interest for the lack of progression in the relationship."
Ouch! Busted! And by my own self, too. You'd think my self would go a little easy on me. After all, no one knows better than my self what I have been through and the reasons I do the things I do.
Speaking of reasons, I found myself asking myself, "What are the reasons I behave in this way?"
And damn if myself didn't reply that looking for reasons is just another way I keep myself from moving forward.
Good grief! Give me a break already! But nooooo, my self has to be all about the highest good and shit.
Alright. Fine, then! It's all me. There, I admitted it. Are you happy now?!?!
Okay, I'll admit it does feel good to step out of the darkness and into the light. At least, when you know it's all coming from inside, you know that in addition to owning responsibility for your own creation, you also own the power to create whatever you decide to create.
Yeah, baby! That's what I'M talking about.
I thought I was done playing it safe. And then I noticed a pattern that I have seen repeated relatively often in my life recently. A gentleman had showed some interest in me, and I found myself backing away after feeling that he was backing away.
So, I asked myself, "Why does this keep recurring?"
And myself answered, "You push people away and then blame their lack of interest for the lack of progression in the relationship."
Ouch! Busted! And by my own self, too. You'd think my self would go a little easy on me. After all, no one knows better than my self what I have been through and the reasons I do the things I do.
Speaking of reasons, I found myself asking myself, "What are the reasons I behave in this way?"
And damn if myself didn't reply that looking for reasons is just another way I keep myself from moving forward.
Good grief! Give me a break already! But nooooo, my self has to be all about the highest good and shit.
Alright. Fine, then! It's all me. There, I admitted it. Are you happy now?!?!
Okay, I'll admit it does feel good to step out of the darkness and into the light. At least, when you know it's all coming from inside, you know that in addition to owning responsibility for your own creation, you also own the power to create whatever you decide to create.
Yeah, baby! That's what I'M talking about.
Friday, February 08, 2008
Love Your Shadows
This was posted on the Heal Thyself tribe message board at tribe.net. I love it!
There are some wonderful people posting on Tribe.net. I find it very uplifting to read the posts (most of them).
Love your shadows
"There is that part of ourselves that feels ugly, deformed, unacceptable. That part, above all, we must learn to cherish, embrace, and call by name."
-- Macrina Wiederkehr
Each of us has characteristics we define as ‘good’ and those we define as ‘bad.’ The parts of ourselves that we continually reject want to be acknowledged and loved. Until we honour these aspects, they will continue to assert themselves. They will do whatever they can to get our attention.
What aspects of yourself do you reject?
Take a few moments to open to the parts of yourself that you do not love. See each one honestly for what it is. Explore the wounds and the motives that gave rise to its condition. Love a wounded part of yourself and it will heal.
"...self-contempt never inspires lasting change."
-- Jane R. Hirschmann and Carol H. Munter
"The first step toward change is acceptance. Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change. That's all you have to do. Change is not something you do, it's something you allow."
-- Will Garcia
posted by:
Jeff
SF Bay Area
53 friends
There are some wonderful people posting on Tribe.net. I find it very uplifting to read the posts (most of them).
Love your shadows
"There is that part of ourselves that feels ugly, deformed, unacceptable. That part, above all, we must learn to cherish, embrace, and call by name."
-- Macrina Wiederkehr
Each of us has characteristics we define as ‘good’ and those we define as ‘bad.’ The parts of ourselves that we continually reject want to be acknowledged and loved. Until we honour these aspects, they will continue to assert themselves. They will do whatever they can to get our attention.
What aspects of yourself do you reject?
Take a few moments to open to the parts of yourself that you do not love. See each one honestly for what it is. Explore the wounds and the motives that gave rise to its condition. Love a wounded part of yourself and it will heal.
"...self-contempt never inspires lasting change."
-- Jane R. Hirschmann and Carol H. Munter
"The first step toward change is acceptance. Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change. That's all you have to do. Change is not something you do, it's something you allow."
-- Will Garcia
posted by:
Jeff
SF Bay Area
53 friends
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
My Teacher, Master Smoky, the Cat
I received an interesting lesson today in the Law of Attraction from Smoky, the Cat. Smoky demonstrated beautifully the simplicity of the principle, Thoughts Become Things.
He has demonstrated this lesson many times for me, but today I finally got it.
His manifestation unfolded in this manner: he went to the door and stood there patiently gazing at the door until I went to the door and opened it to let him out.
How simple! How profound! He didn't scratch or claw or meow or hiss. He simply focused on what he wanted until it came into being.
Wow! If only we had the wisdom of a cat!
He has demonstrated this lesson many times for me, but today I finally got it.
His manifestation unfolded in this manner: he went to the door and stood there patiently gazing at the door until I went to the door and opened it to let him out.
How simple! How profound! He didn't scratch or claw or meow or hiss. He simply focused on what he wanted until it came into being.
Wow! If only we had the wisdom of a cat!
Keep Doing It
I was just reminded that in the original language of the Bible, verbs have a continuous tense...at least, I have been told that is the case.
...which means that "ask, and it shall be given" signifies asking continuously;
..."seek and you shall find" indicates a continuous seeking until the discovery occurs;
..."knock and it shall be opened to you" connotes continuous knocking until the door opens.
Need I say more?
...which means that "ask, and it shall be given" signifies asking continuously;
..."seek and you shall find" indicates a continuous seeking until the discovery occurs;
..."knock and it shall be opened to you" connotes continuous knocking until the door opens.
Need I say more?
Monday, February 04, 2008
It's All You
We teach people how to treat us. We communicate what we're willing to tolerate by what we do tolerate.
So, if you don't like the way a relationship is going, change your direction. Stand up for your life and your self. You can't change the direction for someone else. What you can do is change your own direction and then it's possible that others around you will respond and change. But there are no guarantees along those lines. If we are not prepared to accept another's behavior just as it is, we may choose to communicate our preferences. It is then up to the other to decide whether they want to continue as they are or make adjustments for our comfort. This may depend on whether they consider the trait or behavior in question to be a preference or to representative of who they really are. It is never reasonable to ask or expect someone to change their essential self to satisfy us.
If the other decides to continue doing as they are doing, and being as they are being, it is then up to us to decide whether the relationship serves us as it is. If not, the most loving thing we can do is to let go. Let go and let them be as they choose to be. Let go and let us be as we choose to be.
Another thing you may want to consider when you don't like the way a relationship or interaction is occurring is to ask yourself what is being reflected back to you. Others are mirrors of what is inside us.
If we repeatedly find ourselves feeling abandoned or ignored, we may ask how we are abandoning or ignoring ourselves and our own needs. If we feel devalued or disrespected, we may need to look at how we are devaluing or disrespecting ourselves. Once we are aware of how we are mistreating ourselves, and we make the shift necessary to honor and cherish ourselves, that is what we will see reflected in our relationships with others.
When good things don't seem to be coming our way, when our dreams and desires are not manifesting, we need to become aware that no one is blocking our good except we ourselves. And when we are ready to receive our highest good, we will find it was there all the time, just waiting for us to open our arms and welcome and embrace it.
When we are ready, we will receive. Until we are ready, we cannot receive. Everything is unfolding in perfect time and in perfect order.
How fascinating!
So, if you don't like the way a relationship is going, change your direction. Stand up for your life and your self. You can't change the direction for someone else. What you can do is change your own direction and then it's possible that others around you will respond and change. But there are no guarantees along those lines. If we are not prepared to accept another's behavior just as it is, we may choose to communicate our preferences. It is then up to the other to decide whether they want to continue as they are or make adjustments for our comfort. This may depend on whether they consider the trait or behavior in question to be a preference or to representative of who they really are. It is never reasonable to ask or expect someone to change their essential self to satisfy us.
If the other decides to continue doing as they are doing, and being as they are being, it is then up to us to decide whether the relationship serves us as it is. If not, the most loving thing we can do is to let go. Let go and let them be as they choose to be. Let go and let us be as we choose to be.
Another thing you may want to consider when you don't like the way a relationship or interaction is occurring is to ask yourself what is being reflected back to you. Others are mirrors of what is inside us.
If we repeatedly find ourselves feeling abandoned or ignored, we may ask how we are abandoning or ignoring ourselves and our own needs. If we feel devalued or disrespected, we may need to look at how we are devaluing or disrespecting ourselves. Once we are aware of how we are mistreating ourselves, and we make the shift necessary to honor and cherish ourselves, that is what we will see reflected in our relationships with others.
When good things don't seem to be coming our way, when our dreams and desires are not manifesting, we need to become aware that no one is blocking our good except we ourselves. And when we are ready to receive our highest good, we will find it was there all the time, just waiting for us to open our arms and welcome and embrace it.
When we are ready, we will receive. Until we are ready, we cannot receive. Everything is unfolding in perfect time and in perfect order.
How fascinating!
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Saying "Yes"
"UNFOLDING AND ALLOWING
The definition of a master is not one whose life is perfect. A master is one who says, “Yes!” to whatever shows up on one’s plate. By saying “Yes” we unlock the raw energy of a situation. It becomes accessible to us to use in whatever way we choose.
Synchronicity occurs. It is just raw energy flowing.
JUDGMENT STOPS THE FLOW
By choosing judgment, anger, guilt, blame, or other aspects of fear, we say “No” to the experience and immediately encounter resistance, a block to energy. We fall out of harmony with the flow. Answers, that would have streamed forth, remain hidden, unrevealed, locked within the blocked energy."
This is an excerpt from an article entitled Miracle Journey written by Dolly Mae and published in The Psychic Observer.
Good stuff. Very good stuff.
The definition of a master is not one whose life is perfect. A master is one who says, “Yes!” to whatever shows up on one’s plate. By saying “Yes” we unlock the raw energy of a situation. It becomes accessible to us to use in whatever way we choose.
Synchronicity occurs. It is just raw energy flowing.
JUDGMENT STOPS THE FLOW
By choosing judgment, anger, guilt, blame, or other aspects of fear, we say “No” to the experience and immediately encounter resistance, a block to energy. We fall out of harmony with the flow. Answers, that would have streamed forth, remain hidden, unrevealed, locked within the blocked energy."
This is an excerpt from an article entitled Miracle Journey written by Dolly Mae and published in The Psychic Observer.
Good stuff. Very good stuff.
Activate Your Passion
The Blessing of the To-Do(or was that To-Be?) List© 2008
Julie Jordan Scott
My eyes scanned the day's speedily written to-do list, outlined
fetchingly in black crayon.
I looked at my mood indicator on myspace, where I had for unknown
reasons declared I wanted to explore the river, but I wasn't exactly
sure what that meant. On my list of "to-do's" I had written
"collect wood" so I figured that would combine with river exploration.
I read a quote from Maya Angelou and again, wondered what
syncronicity was doing tap-tap-tapping on my heart.
"A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing.
She goes where she will without pretence and arrives at her
destination prepared to be herself and only herself."
The only two things on my daytime carved in time-allotted stone
schedule were a phone call and to be home when Sam was due
back from school at 2:45. The phone call was to be at 9:00 o'clock,
nice and early, with my friend, Stephanie, who agreed to talk to me,
deeply and soulfully once a week while I dealt with some of this
"stuff" of life that came as a part of my reawakening. I felt like I hadn't
"done" enough to merit a conversation of substance.
I stood back for a bit, though, prior to the prearranged time for our
phone call and I discovered that lo-and-behold there had been a lot
of growth this week, that I had taken what we had talked about
before and integrated much of what we spoke of and
amplified it… many fold.
I had gotten stuck in my self-critical inner dialogue of the day before and lost
sight of the beauty and wonder of the preceding six days.
"I just don't feel like I have big enough swaths of time and yet
I know that isn't so, I mean, I am aware that I make that up, that the
swaths aren't wide enough… I know this lack based thinking is just
creating more lack rather than abundance… and… I mean…" and I tap
danced in circles of belief and misbelief during our conversation.
I continued speaking: "I just need more time in silence, and study,
and contemplation." I told her. "I have felt such grace, such
abundance since we last spoke," I said as I told several stories of
receiving, abundantly, simply as a result of me being 100% myself – not trying
to get anything accomplished in particular or aiming at a particular intention
beyond simply being me and doing exactly what
my heart called me to do.
Maya Angelou floated back into my mind.
"A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing. She
goes where she will without pretence and arrives at her destination prepared to
be herself and only herself."
The river was calling.
I climbed into my beloved Ford Explorer, Jane, and started to
drive east. Live Oak, Live Oak, Live Oak was a chant running through
my veins – the echo of my heartbeat itself.
Live Oak is a daytime use section of the Sequoia National Forest, five
miles into the Kern River Canyon. I hadn't been there since July and
I was curious how it was during the winter as compared to the Summer.
I figured the flow of the river would be satisfying given all the rain
and snow we were having.
I was excited.
Jane started making a sound I thought was weird and I felt fear grip me. "Maybe
I shouldn't go to the river. Maybe it isn't God
calling, maybe I should get an oil change first, maybe I should turn around, oh
it looks dark in the canyon, maybe I am going to get into an accident if I drive
in, maybe....maybe.....maybe....."
The circle dance of belief and misbelief was taking up residence
in my belly.
"Maybe you should tune into that silence you said you wanted," a
whisper-thought came into my heart.
I heard the Live Oak chant again as my car entered the canyon.
I drove into the call of the Canyon, into the call of the river. I drove into
the darkness of my fear. My heart was pounding rather loudly in the fear places
and I wasn't comfortable at all as I drove into the mouth of the Canyon. It was
dark, the fog closed behind me – a door shutting my escape, and I surrendered to
the call.
I uncomfortably surrended, as Teresa of Avila reminded me,
"Surrender requires courage."
The road was beautifully empty so I felt no pressure to go fast
along the curves. I could take my time and really see what I was
passing in each moment. I started to relax into my heartbeat
and to the rhythm of the call itself.
A red car came up behind me and the "Live Oak" chant became
"take a turn out" so I did and the red car behind me happily
tooted a "thank you" horn as it moved past me towards its destination.
I was almost sad when Live Oak arrived so quickly.
I took the "Road Closed" into the parking lot as a set back
until I realized there was a ready-made turn out parking spot to use so I parked
Jane and climbed out and just stood, stood, stood for a
moment breathing the chilled, crisp air.
I spent, in "human time" about 45 minutes by the River. I
didn't need an enormous "swath of time" in which to experience soul
fulfillment. I could have stayed there for a lot longer, but there
wasn't a need. I was able to celebrate the sounds of squirrels,
the sight of a tiny bird with yellow and green in its very small
flight across the sky. I was able to celebrate the sensual aroma
from an enormous pinecone, the sweet kisses of the wind on
my face and the divine direction telling me which path to take,
which tree to honor with my touch, my prayers, my tears.
In following the call into the canyon, I slashed out sections
of misbelief that were whining or complaining or coming
remotely close to anything labeled "less than" or "not
enough" or "I don't have" or "I can't."
This very short "field trip" away from my cocoon like home
brought me to astounding levels of awareness and presented
me with a gift that I can continue to pass around to my friends,
my beloved readers, to complete strangers who happen upon
these words and say, "Yes, this is good."
It took letters hastily scrawled on a black crayon written to-do
list and leveraged what was there and followed it to slicing through
fear and into the expansive soulfulness of simply being in the moment.
Passion rang out from the crayon, it was in the machete-like movement
of my car into the canyon, it is in being bold and courageous when I
didn't
particularly feel like being bold and courageous when I trusted
in the rhythmic call and kept moving forward anyway.
And I am so grateful I did.
This story repeats itself countless times in my life.
And each time it is richer and deeper and sweeter. I never fail to be
amazed, awestruck, grateful and so glad I am exactly who I am with exactly this
perspective in exactly this moment.
I hear Maya speaking again.
"A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing. She
goes where she will without pretence and arrives at her destination prepared to
be herself and only herself."
Yes, Yes, Yes – so be it.
+ = + =
Julie Jordan Scott is a Writer, Life Coach, Poet, Speaker,
Actor, Director and Mom Extraordinaire whose deepest passion
is helping people - like you - discover and live with
passion. Call 661.444.2735 to book your complimentary
coaching session or visit http://www.passionactivator.com
for plentiful resources to live a passion-rich life.
Julie Jordan Scott
My eyes scanned the day's speedily written to-do list, outlined
fetchingly in black crayon.
I looked at my mood indicator on myspace, where I had for unknown
reasons declared I wanted to explore the river, but I wasn't exactly
sure what that meant. On my list of "to-do's" I had written
"collect wood" so I figured that would combine with river exploration.
I read a quote from Maya Angelou and again, wondered what
syncronicity was doing tap-tap-tapping on my heart.
"A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing.
She goes where she will without pretence and arrives at her
destination prepared to be herself and only herself."
The only two things on my daytime carved in time-allotted stone
schedule were a phone call and to be home when Sam was due
back from school at 2:45. The phone call was to be at 9:00 o'clock,
nice and early, with my friend, Stephanie, who agreed to talk to me,
deeply and soulfully once a week while I dealt with some of this
"stuff" of life that came as a part of my reawakening. I felt like I hadn't
"done" enough to merit a conversation of substance.
I stood back for a bit, though, prior to the prearranged time for our
phone call and I discovered that lo-and-behold there had been a lot
of growth this week, that I had taken what we had talked about
before and integrated much of what we spoke of and
amplified it… many fold.
I had gotten stuck in my self-critical inner dialogue of the day before and lost
sight of the beauty and wonder of the preceding six days.
"I just don't feel like I have big enough swaths of time and yet
I know that isn't so, I mean, I am aware that I make that up, that the
swaths aren't wide enough… I know this lack based thinking is just
creating more lack rather than abundance… and… I mean…" and I tap
danced in circles of belief and misbelief during our conversation.
I continued speaking: "I just need more time in silence, and study,
and contemplation." I told her. "I have felt such grace, such
abundance since we last spoke," I said as I told several stories of
receiving, abundantly, simply as a result of me being 100% myself – not trying
to get anything accomplished in particular or aiming at a particular intention
beyond simply being me and doing exactly what
my heart called me to do.
Maya Angelou floated back into my mind.
"A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing. She
goes where she will without pretence and arrives at her destination prepared to
be herself and only herself."
The river was calling.
I climbed into my beloved Ford Explorer, Jane, and started to
drive east. Live Oak, Live Oak, Live Oak was a chant running through
my veins – the echo of my heartbeat itself.
Live Oak is a daytime use section of the Sequoia National Forest, five
miles into the Kern River Canyon. I hadn't been there since July and
I was curious how it was during the winter as compared to the Summer.
I figured the flow of the river would be satisfying given all the rain
and snow we were having.
I was excited.
Jane started making a sound I thought was weird and I felt fear grip me. "Maybe
I shouldn't go to the river. Maybe it isn't God
calling, maybe I should get an oil change first, maybe I should turn around, oh
it looks dark in the canyon, maybe I am going to get into an accident if I drive
in, maybe....maybe.....maybe....."
The circle dance of belief and misbelief was taking up residence
in my belly.
"Maybe you should tune into that silence you said you wanted," a
whisper-thought came into my heart.
I heard the Live Oak chant again as my car entered the canyon.
I drove into the call of the Canyon, into the call of the river. I drove into
the darkness of my fear. My heart was pounding rather loudly in the fear places
and I wasn't comfortable at all as I drove into the mouth of the Canyon. It was
dark, the fog closed behind me – a door shutting my escape, and I surrendered to
the call.
I uncomfortably surrended, as Teresa of Avila reminded me,
"Surrender requires courage."
The road was beautifully empty so I felt no pressure to go fast
along the curves. I could take my time and really see what I was
passing in each moment. I started to relax into my heartbeat
and to the rhythm of the call itself.
A red car came up behind me and the "Live Oak" chant became
"take a turn out" so I did and the red car behind me happily
tooted a "thank you" horn as it moved past me towards its destination.
I was almost sad when Live Oak arrived so quickly.
I took the "Road Closed" into the parking lot as a set back
until I realized there was a ready-made turn out parking spot to use so I parked
Jane and climbed out and just stood, stood, stood for a
moment breathing the chilled, crisp air.
I spent, in "human time" about 45 minutes by the River. I
didn't need an enormous "swath of time" in which to experience soul
fulfillment. I could have stayed there for a lot longer, but there
wasn't a need. I was able to celebrate the sounds of squirrels,
the sight of a tiny bird with yellow and green in its very small
flight across the sky. I was able to celebrate the sensual aroma
from an enormous pinecone, the sweet kisses of the wind on
my face and the divine direction telling me which path to take,
which tree to honor with my touch, my prayers, my tears.
In following the call into the canyon, I slashed out sections
of misbelief that were whining or complaining or coming
remotely close to anything labeled "less than" or "not
enough" or "I don't have" or "I can't."
This very short "field trip" away from my cocoon like home
brought me to astounding levels of awareness and presented
me with a gift that I can continue to pass around to my friends,
my beloved readers, to complete strangers who happen upon
these words and say, "Yes, this is good."
It took letters hastily scrawled on a black crayon written to-do
list and leveraged what was there and followed it to slicing through
fear and into the expansive soulfulness of simply being in the moment.
Passion rang out from the crayon, it was in the machete-like movement
of my car into the canyon, it is in being bold and courageous when I
didn't
particularly feel like being bold and courageous when I trusted
in the rhythmic call and kept moving forward anyway.
And I am so grateful I did.
This story repeats itself countless times in my life.
And each time it is richer and deeper and sweeter. I never fail to be
amazed, awestruck, grateful and so glad I am exactly who I am with exactly this
perspective in exactly this moment.
I hear Maya speaking again.
"A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing. She
goes where she will without pretence and arrives at her destination prepared to
be herself and only herself."
Yes, Yes, Yes – so be it.
+ = + =
Julie Jordan Scott is a Writer, Life Coach, Poet, Speaker,
Actor, Director and Mom Extraordinaire whose deepest passion
is helping people - like you - discover and live with
passion. Call 661.444.2735 to book your complimentary
coaching session or visit http://www.passionactivator.com
for plentiful resources to live a passion-rich life.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Do One Thing DIfferent
There's a simple way to improve your life that is so simple, it is often overlooked. But if we would practice it, we would begin to feel better immediately.
It's simply this: if you don't like the results you're getting from some pattern of behavior or interaction, change it. I have heard insanity defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
If you keep doing the same thing, you can expect to keep seeing the same results. Hello! It sounds ridiculously simple. And yet, it seems to be the last thing we think of so much of the time, if we ever think of it at all.
And yet, even changing one small thing in a pattern can produce profoundly different results.
There's actually a book on the subject, Do One Thing Different: Ten Simple Ways to Change Your Life by Bill O'Hanlon.
It's amazing to me that often the most profound changes in our lives occur as the result of doing very simple things. In fact, often when the light comes on and we become aware of how simple it is to live a life of joy and richness, we ask ourselves why we didn't see it before.
The answer, once again, is simple. It doesn't matter how simple a concept it, if you are not ready for it, you won't get it. Others may tell you over and over how simple it is, and explain it in the easiest-to-understand terms, and yet you will resist it or complicate it, until you are ready and open to receive it.
So, the first step is to open up. Be willing to accept that things could be different. And that you have the power to make it so.
Have a blissful day!
And change something, if you want to.
It's simply this: if you don't like the results you're getting from some pattern of behavior or interaction, change it. I have heard insanity defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
If you keep doing the same thing, you can expect to keep seeing the same results. Hello! It sounds ridiculously simple. And yet, it seems to be the last thing we think of so much of the time, if we ever think of it at all.
And yet, even changing one small thing in a pattern can produce profoundly different results.
There's actually a book on the subject, Do One Thing Different: Ten Simple Ways to Change Your Life by Bill O'Hanlon.
It's amazing to me that often the most profound changes in our lives occur as the result of doing very simple things. In fact, often when the light comes on and we become aware of how simple it is to live a life of joy and richness, we ask ourselves why we didn't see it before.
The answer, once again, is simple. It doesn't matter how simple a concept it, if you are not ready for it, you won't get it. Others may tell you over and over how simple it is, and explain it in the easiest-to-understand terms, and yet you will resist it or complicate it, until you are ready and open to receive it.
So, the first step is to open up. Be willing to accept that things could be different. And that you have the power to make it so.
Have a blissful day!
And change something, if you want to.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Little Lessons (With a Big Impact)
Sometimes everything that needs to be said to powerfully transform a situation or paradigm can be stated in a single word, sentence or paragraph.
Here are some small but powerful lessons that have made a difference in my life:
"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the power to turn a life around." - Leo Buscaglia
"There's so much good in the worst of us
And so much bad in the best of us
That it ill behooves any of us
To find fault with the rest of us." - Unknown
"A wise old owl lived in an oak
The more he saw, the less he spoke
The less he spoke, the more he heard
Why can't we all be like that bird?"
- I want to attribute this to Ogden Nash, but I wouldn't swear to it in a court of law.
"Better resolve to win thy heart's desire
And striving bravely die in the endeavor
Than to have the embers of some smothered fire
Lie smoldering in thy saddened soul forever" - Unknown
"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it." - W M Lewis
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us. It's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson
"No great genius has ever existed without some touch of madness." - Aristotle
"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in ones favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets: 'Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it! Boldness has genius, magic, and power in it.'" - W H Murray
"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
"The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours." - Ayn Rand
"Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt
OUTWITTED
He drew a circle that shut me out -
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in!
Edwin Markham
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." - Mary Anne Radmacher
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." - Dr Seuss
"We don't have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory." - Howard Zinn, Historian
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." - Melody Beattie
"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy." - Thich Nhat Hanh
"If you are going through hell...keep going." - Winston Churchill
"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we
cannot live within." – James Baldwin
"I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him."
Booker T. Washington
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." - Michael Jordan
"...try picturing a lobster...snug and protected in its familiar shell. But for the lobster to grow, it must break open that rigid shell to make room for the new one growing beneath it. Once the old shell has been broken, the lobster has nothing but its newly revealed shell, thin as a membrane, to protect it. It would be right for the lobster to fear this change of shell, because at this point it is extremely vulnerable. But this vulnerable state is the prerequisite for growing into a larger creature. In time the shell will harden and mature. If the lobster refused to break open the shell it knew originally, it would only succeed in stunting its growth." - Margaret Lobenstine, "The Renaissance Soul"
Yeah, baby. That's what I'm talking about.
Here are some small but powerful lessons that have made a difference in my life:
"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the power to turn a life around." - Leo Buscaglia
"There's so much good in the worst of us
And so much bad in the best of us
That it ill behooves any of us
To find fault with the rest of us." - Unknown
"A wise old owl lived in an oak
The more he saw, the less he spoke
The less he spoke, the more he heard
Why can't we all be like that bird?"
- I want to attribute this to Ogden Nash, but I wouldn't swear to it in a court of law.
"Better resolve to win thy heart's desire
And striving bravely die in the endeavor
Than to have the embers of some smothered fire
Lie smoldering in thy saddened soul forever" - Unknown
"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it." - W M Lewis
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us. It's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson
"No great genius has ever existed without some touch of madness." - Aristotle
"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in ones favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets: 'Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it! Boldness has genius, magic, and power in it.'" - W H Murray
"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
"The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours." - Ayn Rand
"Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt
OUTWITTED
He drew a circle that shut me out -
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in!
Edwin Markham
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." - Mary Anne Radmacher
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." - Dr Seuss
"We don't have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory." - Howard Zinn, Historian
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." - Melody Beattie
"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy." - Thich Nhat Hanh
"If you are going through hell...keep going." - Winston Churchill
"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we
cannot live within." – James Baldwin
"I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him."
Booker T. Washington
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." - Michael Jordan
"...try picturing a lobster...snug and protected in its familiar shell. But for the lobster to grow, it must break open that rigid shell to make room for the new one growing beneath it. Once the old shell has been broken, the lobster has nothing but its newly revealed shell, thin as a membrane, to protect it. It would be right for the lobster to fear this change of shell, because at this point it is extremely vulnerable. But this vulnerable state is the prerequisite for growing into a larger creature. In time the shell will harden and mature. If the lobster refused to break open the shell it knew originally, it would only succeed in stunting its growth." - Margaret Lobenstine, "The Renaissance Soul"
Yeah, baby. That's what I'm talking about.
The Work - a Powerful Practice for Transformation
What is The Work?
The Work is a simple yet powerful process of inquiry that teaches you to identify and question the stressful thoughts that cause all the suffering in the world. It's a way to understand what's hurting you, a way to end all your stress and suffering.
People who do The Work faithfully report life-changing results.
Eliminate stress: Live without anxiety or fear
Improve relationships: Have a new sense of connection and intimacy with your husband or wife, your parents, your children, and with yourself
Reduce anger: Get angry less often and less intensely, and eventually not at all
Eliminate depression: See perfection in situations that were once debilitating
Clarity: Act more intelligently and effectively
Energy: Experience a new sense of vigor and well-being
Peace: Learn how to love what is, and find lasting inner peace
How to Do The Work
1. Judge Your Neighbor
For thousands of years we’ve been told not to judge, but we still do it all the time—how our friends should act, whom our children should care about, what our parents should feel, do, or say. In The Work, rather than suppress these judgments, we use them as starting points for self-realization. By letting the judging mind have its life on paper, we discover through the mirror of those around us what we haven't yet realized about ourselves.
Fill in a Judge-Your-Neighbor worksheet[below]:
The Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet
Fill in the blanks below, using short, simple sentences. Don’t censor yourself; don’t be wise or “spiritual.” Take this opportunity to express your negative feelings on paper.
1. Who angers, irritates, saddens, or frustrates you, and why?
I am ________________ at ________________ because ____________________________________
Example: I am angry at Paul because he doesn’t listen to me, he doesn’t appreciate me, he argues with everything I say.
2. How do you want them to change?
What do you want them to do?
I want ________________ to ____________________
_____________________________________________.
Example: I want Paul to see that he is wrong.
I want him to apologize.
3. What is it that they should or shouldn't do, be, think, or feel?
________________ should/shouldn't ____________________________________________.
Example: Paul should take better care of himself. He shouldn't argue with me.
4. What do they need to do in order for you to be happy?
I need________________ to ____________________________________________.
Example: I need Paul to hear me and respect me.
5. What do you think of them? Make a list.
________________ is ________________________
_________________________________________.
Example: Paul is unfair, arrogant, loud, dishonest, way out of line, and unconscious
6. What is it that you don't want to experience with that person again?
I don't ever want to __________________________
____________________________________________.
Example: I don’t ever want to feel unappreciated by Paul again. I don’t ever want to see him smoking and ruining his health again.
2. The Four Questions
Investigate each of your statements from the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet using the four questions and the turnaround below. The Work is meditation. It’s about awareness, not about trying to change your thoughts. Ask the questions, then take your time, go inside, and wait for the deeper answers to surface. Download the blue sheet for use as a facilitation guide.
In its most basic form, The Work consists of four questions and a turnaround. For example, the first thought that you might question on the above Worksheet is "Paul doesn't listen to me." Find someone in your life about whom you have had that thought, and let's do The Work. "[Name] doesn't listen to me":
Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it's true?
How do you react when you think that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?
Then turn it around (the concept you are questioning), and don't forget to find three genuine examples of each turnaround.
3. Turn it Around
After you've investigated your statement with the four questions, you're ready to turn it around (the concept you are questioning).
Each turnaround is an opportunity to experience the opposite of your original statement and see what you and the person you've judged have in common.
A statement can be turned around to the opposite, to the other, and to the self (and sometimes to "my thinking," wherever that applies). Find a minimum of three genuine examples in your life where each turnaround is true.
For example, "Paul doesn't understand me" can be turned around to "Paul does understand me." Another turnaround is "I don't understand Paul." A third is "I don't understand myself."
Be creative with the turnarounds. They are revelations, showing you previously unseen aspects of yourself reflected back through others. Once you've found a turnaround, go inside and let yourself feel it. Find a minimum of three genuine examples where the turnaround is true in your life.
As I began living my turnarounds, I noticed that I was everything I called you. You were merely my projection. Now, instead of trying to change the world around me (this didn't work, but only for 43 years), I can put the thoughts on paper, investigate them, turn them around, and find that I am the very thing I thought you were. In the moment I see you as selfish, I am selfish (deciding how you should be). In the moment I see you as unkind, I am unkind. If I believe you should stop waging war, I am waging war on you in my mind.
The turnarounds are your prescription for happiness. Live the medicine you have been prescribing for others. The world is waiting for just one person to live it. You're the one.
Examples of Turnarounds
Here are a few more examples of turnarounds:
"He should understand me" turns around to:
- He shouldn't understand me. (This is reality.)
- I should understand him.
- I should understand myself.
"I need him to be kind to me" turns around to:
- I don't need him to be kind to me.
- I need me to be kind to him. (Can I live it?)
- I need me to be kind to myself.
"He is unloving to me" turns around to:
- He is loving to me. (To the best of his ability)
- I am unloving to him. (Can I find it?)
- I am unloving to me (When I don't inquire.)
"Paul shouldn't shout at me" turns around to:
- Paul should shout at me. (Obviously: In reality, he does sometimes. Am I listening?)
- I shouldn't shout at Paul.
- I shouldn't shout at me.
(In my head, am I playing over and over again Paul's shouting? Who's more merciful, Paul who shouted once, or me who replayed it a 100 times?)
Embracing Reality
After you have turned around the judgments in your answers to numbers 1 through 5 on the Worksheet (asking if they are as true or truer), turn number 6 around using "I am willing ..." and "I look forward to ..."
For example, "I don't ever want to experience an argument with Paul" turns around to "I am willing to experience an argument with Paul" and "I look forward to experiencing an argument with Paul." Why would you look forward to it?
Number 6 is about fully embracing all of mind and life without fear, and being open to reality. If you experience an argument with Paul again, good. If it hurts, you can put your thoughts on paper and investigate them. Uncomfortable feelings are merely the reminders that we've attached to something that may not be true for us. They let us know that it's time to do The Work.
Until you can see the enemy as a friend, your Work is not done. This doesn't mean you must invite him to dinner. Friendship is an internal experience. You may never see him again, you may even divorce him, but as you think about him are you feeling stress or peace?
In my experience, it takes only one person to have a successful relationship. I like to say I have the perfect marriage, and I can't really know what kind of marriage my husband has (though he tells me he's happy too).
For an example of how to put this into practice, see the following video demonstration.
The Work is a simple yet powerful process of inquiry that teaches you to identify and question the stressful thoughts that cause all the suffering in the world. It's a way to understand what's hurting you, a way to end all your stress and suffering.
People who do The Work faithfully report life-changing results.
Eliminate stress: Live without anxiety or fear
Improve relationships: Have a new sense of connection and intimacy with your husband or wife, your parents, your children, and with yourself
Reduce anger: Get angry less often and less intensely, and eventually not at all
Eliminate depression: See perfection in situations that were once debilitating
Clarity: Act more intelligently and effectively
Energy: Experience a new sense of vigor and well-being
Peace: Learn how to love what is, and find lasting inner peace
How to Do The Work
1. Judge Your Neighbor
For thousands of years we’ve been told not to judge, but we still do it all the time—how our friends should act, whom our children should care about, what our parents should feel, do, or say. In The Work, rather than suppress these judgments, we use them as starting points for self-realization. By letting the judging mind have its life on paper, we discover through the mirror of those around us what we haven't yet realized about ourselves.
Fill in a Judge-Your-Neighbor worksheet[below]:
The Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet
Fill in the blanks below, using short, simple sentences. Don’t censor yourself; don’t be wise or “spiritual.” Take this opportunity to express your negative feelings on paper.
1. Who angers, irritates, saddens, or frustrates you, and why?
I am ________________ at ________________ because ____________________________________
Example: I am angry at Paul because he doesn’t listen to me, he doesn’t appreciate me, he argues with everything I say.
2. How do you want them to change?
What do you want them to do?
I want ________________ to ____________________
_____________________________________________.
Example: I want Paul to see that he is wrong.
I want him to apologize.
3. What is it that they should or shouldn't do, be, think, or feel?
________________ should/shouldn't ____________________________________________.
Example: Paul should take better care of himself. He shouldn't argue with me.
4. What do they need to do in order for you to be happy?
I need________________ to ____________________________________________.
Example: I need Paul to hear me and respect me.
5. What do you think of them? Make a list.
________________ is ________________________
_________________________________________.
Example: Paul is unfair, arrogant, loud, dishonest, way out of line, and unconscious
6. What is it that you don't want to experience with that person again?
I don't ever want to __________________________
____________________________________________.
Example: I don’t ever want to feel unappreciated by Paul again. I don’t ever want to see him smoking and ruining his health again.
2. The Four Questions
Investigate each of your statements from the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet using the four questions and the turnaround below. The Work is meditation. It’s about awareness, not about trying to change your thoughts. Ask the questions, then take your time, go inside, and wait for the deeper answers to surface. Download the blue sheet for use as a facilitation guide.
In its most basic form, The Work consists of four questions and a turnaround. For example, the first thought that you might question on the above Worksheet is "Paul doesn't listen to me." Find someone in your life about whom you have had that thought, and let's do The Work. "[Name] doesn't listen to me":
Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it's true?
How do you react when you think that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?
Then turn it around (the concept you are questioning), and don't forget to find three genuine examples of each turnaround.
3. Turn it Around
After you've investigated your statement with the four questions, you're ready to turn it around (the concept you are questioning).
Each turnaround is an opportunity to experience the opposite of your original statement and see what you and the person you've judged have in common.
A statement can be turned around to the opposite, to the other, and to the self (and sometimes to "my thinking," wherever that applies). Find a minimum of three genuine examples in your life where each turnaround is true.
For example, "Paul doesn't understand me" can be turned around to "Paul does understand me." Another turnaround is "I don't understand Paul." A third is "I don't understand myself."
Be creative with the turnarounds. They are revelations, showing you previously unseen aspects of yourself reflected back through others. Once you've found a turnaround, go inside and let yourself feel it. Find a minimum of three genuine examples where the turnaround is true in your life.
As I began living my turnarounds, I noticed that I was everything I called you. You were merely my projection. Now, instead of trying to change the world around me (this didn't work, but only for 43 years), I can put the thoughts on paper, investigate them, turn them around, and find that I am the very thing I thought you were. In the moment I see you as selfish, I am selfish (deciding how you should be). In the moment I see you as unkind, I am unkind. If I believe you should stop waging war, I am waging war on you in my mind.
The turnarounds are your prescription for happiness. Live the medicine you have been prescribing for others. The world is waiting for just one person to live it. You're the one.
Examples of Turnarounds
Here are a few more examples of turnarounds:
"He should understand me" turns around to:
- He shouldn't understand me. (This is reality.)
- I should understand him.
- I should understand myself.
"I need him to be kind to me" turns around to:
- I don't need him to be kind to me.
- I need me to be kind to him. (Can I live it?)
- I need me to be kind to myself.
"He is unloving to me" turns around to:
- He is loving to me. (To the best of his ability)
- I am unloving to him. (Can I find it?)
- I am unloving to me (When I don't inquire.)
"Paul shouldn't shout at me" turns around to:
- Paul should shout at me. (Obviously: In reality, he does sometimes. Am I listening?)
- I shouldn't shout at Paul.
- I shouldn't shout at me.
(In my head, am I playing over and over again Paul's shouting? Who's more merciful, Paul who shouted once, or me who replayed it a 100 times?)
Embracing Reality
After you have turned around the judgments in your answers to numbers 1 through 5 on the Worksheet (asking if they are as true or truer), turn number 6 around using "I am willing ..." and "I look forward to ..."
For example, "I don't ever want to experience an argument with Paul" turns around to "I am willing to experience an argument with Paul" and "I look forward to experiencing an argument with Paul." Why would you look forward to it?
Number 6 is about fully embracing all of mind and life without fear, and being open to reality. If you experience an argument with Paul again, good. If it hurts, you can put your thoughts on paper and investigate them. Uncomfortable feelings are merely the reminders that we've attached to something that may not be true for us. They let us know that it's time to do The Work.
Until you can see the enemy as a friend, your Work is not done. This doesn't mean you must invite him to dinner. Friendship is an internal experience. You may never see him again, you may even divorce him, but as you think about him are you feeling stress or peace?
In my experience, it takes only one person to have a successful relationship. I like to say I have the perfect marriage, and I can't really know what kind of marriage my husband has (though he tells me he's happy too).
For an example of how to put this into practice, see the following video demonstration.
Dancing With God
Hello friends,
Thank you to Lynda Peeler and Kathy Mann for sharing this
with me so that I can share it with you. It is amazingly
profound ... Enjoy!
Dancing With God
When I meditated on the word Guidance
I kept seeing 'dance' at the end of the word.
I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like
dancing.
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.
The movement doesn't flow with the music,
and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.
When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead,
both bodies begin to flow with the music.
One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back
or by pressing lightly in one direction or another.
It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.
The dance takes surrender, willingness,
and attentiveness from one person
and gentle guidance and skill from the other.
My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.
When I saw 'G: I thought of God, followed by 'u' and 'i'.
'God, 'u' and 'i' dance'
God, you, and I dance.
As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust
that I would get guidance about my life.
Once again, I became willing to let God lead.
My prayer for you today is that God's blessings
and mercies be upon you on this day and everyday.
May you abide in God as God
abides in you.
Dance together with God, trusting God to lead
and to guide you through each season of your life.
This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached.
If God has done anything for
you in your life,
please share this message with someone else,
for prayer is one of the best gifts we can receive.
There is no cost but a lot of rewards;
so let's continue to pray for one another !
And I Hope You Dance
Wow, that is fantastic!
Many blessings.
In sincere appreciation,
Linda Miller
269-685-7024
Thank you to Lynda Peeler and Kathy Mann for sharing this
with me so that I can share it with you. It is amazingly
profound ... Enjoy!
Dancing With God
When I meditated on the word Guidance
I kept seeing 'dance' at the end of the word.
I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like
dancing.
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.
The movement doesn't flow with the music,
and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.
When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead,
both bodies begin to flow with the music.
One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back
or by pressing lightly in one direction or another.
It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.
The dance takes surrender, willingness,
and attentiveness from one person
and gentle guidance and skill from the other.
My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.
When I saw 'G: I thought of God, followed by 'u' and 'i'.
'God, 'u' and 'i' dance'
God, you, and I dance.
As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust
that I would get guidance about my life.
Once again, I became willing to let God lead.
My prayer for you today is that God's blessings
and mercies be upon you on this day and everyday.
May you abide in God as God
abides in you.
Dance together with God, trusting God to lead
and to guide you through each season of your life.
This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached.
If God has done anything for
you in your life,
please share this message with someone else,
for prayer is one of the best gifts we can receive.
There is no cost but a lot of rewards;
so let's continue to pray for one another !
And I Hope You Dance
Wow, that is fantastic!
Many blessings.
In sincere appreciation,
Linda Miller
269-685-7024
Friday, January 25, 2008
Do You Want What You Want?
What would you want if you knew it was absolutely okay for you to want whatever you want?
Hmmm...scary question, huh? Until we free ourselves to want what we want, our wants tend to get all tangled up in other people's rules and expectations. What a wonderful way to live, right? Wrong!
Here's the thing: God didn't create you to be me, and I wasn't created to be you. We are not intended to be a replica or a duplicate or a reasonable facsimile of anyone else in the universe. We are intended to be the individual we were created to be. Our quirks and preferences and eccentricities don't break us, they make us.
So, what of this incredible urge many of us feel to conform? Okay, let's face it: a certain amount of conformity is good for us. It's scary enough, for instance, to drive in Houston, without having everyone deciding randomly whether to obey the traffic lights or not.
It's when we conform in ways that squelch our true selves, hide our light under a bushel or in any way diminish the glorious masterpiece that God created us to be that we fail ourselves deeply and profoundly. If there is any such thing as sin, that must be it.
Here we are, creatures of God, created in the image of God, and individuated for the purpose of having a unique experience of life for God, and we are desperately trying to squelch as many indications of our individuality as possible. And for what? For the pretense of acceptance, the illusion of approval, that fades away the second we fail to conform to an acceptable level.
We sell out our souls - for nothing. I say nothing because there is no substance to the approval of others, to someone else's validation. It is all smoke and mirrors and the slightest wisp of wind will reveal its fallacy.
Instead of trying desperately to secure the approval of others, why don't we begin to secure our own approval - that glorious feeling of looking into the mirror and liking, no loving, the person looking back at us; the delight of knowing that we have been true to our self and to the desires God has given us.
Our desires are an expression of God's intention to experience life in all its forms and potentialities. And yet we are free to choose. That's how much we are loved. We can absolutely go through life experiencing a tiny fraction of all that God has for us, if we so choose.
But is that what we really want? I think the problem today is consciousness. Obviously, it's not really a problem, but it does make it difficult to go on in our image-driven, other-centered, approval-seeking ways. At least it makes it difficult to do so comfortably. Enough of us are waking up that we are having difficulty ignoring the call that comes from the depths of our hearts and souls - the call to authenticity; the call to deepen and broaden and expand our experience of all that life offers; the call to make something meaningful and significant of the opportunities we are given.
The easiest thing to do may be to bury ourselves in some sort of unconscious behavior that will distract us from our longings so that we can go on with our lives. Isn't that tragic?
I could almost imagine God's disappointment. Except that there is no space for disappointment in unconditional love. God is perfectly okay with us squandering our life if that's what we choose to do. God's perfect, unconditional love accepts it all. And we can, too. But at the same time, if we can accept wasting our life on things that really mean nothing to us, why can't we imagine deciding instead to create the best life experience possible?
It truly is up to us. We get to decide. And then we get to live with the consequences of our decisions. It's something to think about.
Hmmm...scary question, huh? Until we free ourselves to want what we want, our wants tend to get all tangled up in other people's rules and expectations. What a wonderful way to live, right? Wrong!
Here's the thing: God didn't create you to be me, and I wasn't created to be you. We are not intended to be a replica or a duplicate or a reasonable facsimile of anyone else in the universe. We are intended to be the individual we were created to be. Our quirks and preferences and eccentricities don't break us, they make us.
So, what of this incredible urge many of us feel to conform? Okay, let's face it: a certain amount of conformity is good for us. It's scary enough, for instance, to drive in Houston, without having everyone deciding randomly whether to obey the traffic lights or not.
It's when we conform in ways that squelch our true selves, hide our light under a bushel or in any way diminish the glorious masterpiece that God created us to be that we fail ourselves deeply and profoundly. If there is any such thing as sin, that must be it.
Here we are, creatures of God, created in the image of God, and individuated for the purpose of having a unique experience of life for God, and we are desperately trying to squelch as many indications of our individuality as possible. And for what? For the pretense of acceptance, the illusion of approval, that fades away the second we fail to conform to an acceptable level.
We sell out our souls - for nothing. I say nothing because there is no substance to the approval of others, to someone else's validation. It is all smoke and mirrors and the slightest wisp of wind will reveal its fallacy.
Instead of trying desperately to secure the approval of others, why don't we begin to secure our own approval - that glorious feeling of looking into the mirror and liking, no loving, the person looking back at us; the delight of knowing that we have been true to our self and to the desires God has given us.
Our desires are an expression of God's intention to experience life in all its forms and potentialities. And yet we are free to choose. That's how much we are loved. We can absolutely go through life experiencing a tiny fraction of all that God has for us, if we so choose.
But is that what we really want? I think the problem today is consciousness. Obviously, it's not really a problem, but it does make it difficult to go on in our image-driven, other-centered, approval-seeking ways. At least it makes it difficult to do so comfortably. Enough of us are waking up that we are having difficulty ignoring the call that comes from the depths of our hearts and souls - the call to authenticity; the call to deepen and broaden and expand our experience of all that life offers; the call to make something meaningful and significant of the opportunities we are given.
The easiest thing to do may be to bury ourselves in some sort of unconscious behavior that will distract us from our longings so that we can go on with our lives. Isn't that tragic?
I could almost imagine God's disappointment. Except that there is no space for disappointment in unconditional love. God is perfectly okay with us squandering our life if that's what we choose to do. God's perfect, unconditional love accepts it all. And we can, too. But at the same time, if we can accept wasting our life on things that really mean nothing to us, why can't we imagine deciding instead to create the best life experience possible?
It truly is up to us. We get to decide. And then we get to live with the consequences of our decisions. It's something to think about.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Beloved Terrorists
I was thinking about terrorism recently and I realized that many of the people who use threats to control others do so with good intentions.
They are infected with fear themselves and they believe that by passing on their fears to others, they will save others from the fearsome consequences they dread themselves.
I am familiar with this kind of terrorism, having come from a church background where terrorism is practiced regularly. The people who preached a gospel of fear were not cruel people. They honestly believed that their teachings would benefit all who would heed them.
I have also known the kind of terrorism that communicates: "Conform or else." Parents are often guilty of this kind of terrorism. Their intentions are usually pure. They want us to become people of good character and good habits so that our quality of life will be the best it can possibly be. In my view, the only reason it becomes necessary for them to use terrorism to achieve their goals is their own lack of imagination, and possibly lack of a solid foundation. My discovery with my own children is that if you lay a foundation of open communication, which includes listening to at least 350 of the 400 question they ask every day when they are small, and answering as many of them as possible, you may find it unnecessary to instill fear in them. It is the relationship that causes them to want to develop good character. They naturally idolize their parents and want to please. If you let them know how much you appreciate their displays of love, generosity and other elements of good character, it is human nature for them to want more of that. It is called positive reinforcement. I am a firm believer in natural consequences, as well, but I believe they are not needed as often when you use plenty of positive reinforcement.
Of course, there are those terrorists who know exactly what they are doing. They want power and control, pure and simple. It seems from my observation that such people are usually brought down by their own harmful intentions. The terrorists I am talking about here may not carry machine guns or take part in suicide missions. Many of them wear nice suits and hold high positions in government or the community.
But I'm not sure they are capable of doing as much damage as the terrorists who love us, the ones who mean well, and so the fears get mixed up in the love and are much easier to believe and harder to shake.
We all have lessons to learn in this life, and one of them is to use our own gray matter to figure out for ourselves what we want our lives to be. No matter what we may have been taught, we are responsible for creating our own best lives, and if we choose not to, there is no one to blame but the person looking back at us from the mirror.
They are infected with fear themselves and they believe that by passing on their fears to others, they will save others from the fearsome consequences they dread themselves.
I am familiar with this kind of terrorism, having come from a church background where terrorism is practiced regularly. The people who preached a gospel of fear were not cruel people. They honestly believed that their teachings would benefit all who would heed them.
I have also known the kind of terrorism that communicates: "Conform or else." Parents are often guilty of this kind of terrorism. Their intentions are usually pure. They want us to become people of good character and good habits so that our quality of life will be the best it can possibly be. In my view, the only reason it becomes necessary for them to use terrorism to achieve their goals is their own lack of imagination, and possibly lack of a solid foundation. My discovery with my own children is that if you lay a foundation of open communication, which includes listening to at least 350 of the 400 question they ask every day when they are small, and answering as many of them as possible, you may find it unnecessary to instill fear in them. It is the relationship that causes them to want to develop good character. They naturally idolize their parents and want to please. If you let them know how much you appreciate their displays of love, generosity and other elements of good character, it is human nature for them to want more of that. It is called positive reinforcement. I am a firm believer in natural consequences, as well, but I believe they are not needed as often when you use plenty of positive reinforcement.
Of course, there are those terrorists who know exactly what they are doing. They want power and control, pure and simple. It seems from my observation that such people are usually brought down by their own harmful intentions. The terrorists I am talking about here may not carry machine guns or take part in suicide missions. Many of them wear nice suits and hold high positions in government or the community.
But I'm not sure they are capable of doing as much damage as the terrorists who love us, the ones who mean well, and so the fears get mixed up in the love and are much easier to believe and harder to shake.
We all have lessons to learn in this life, and one of them is to use our own gray matter to figure out for ourselves what we want our lives to be. No matter what we may have been taught, we are responsible for creating our own best lives, and if we choose not to, there is no one to blame but the person looking back at us from the mirror.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Discovering Wholeness
We call it healing, implying that there is something that is not perfect in us in the first place. Perhaps we could more appropriately call it discovering our wholeness.
It is a difficult concept for us in a world where we are constantly being bombarded with messages that something is wrong. And then we amplify the idea that something is wrong by continuously looking for problems to solve. I have noticed in myself a tendency to think something is wrong, and I recognize it as a habit of mind. If you are accustomed to spending a lot of time in your mind, you may discover this tendency in yourself, as well. And, wonder of wonders, if we are continuously looking for something wrong, guess what we are going to find? That's because we are creating what we are looking for. It is our looking for something that is not quite right that makes it so.
I recently had an experience that I find an interesting illustration of discovering wholeness. For years, I have been working through issues relating to the sexual abuse that I experienced as a child. I made some progress with psychotherapy, but I wanted more than progress. I wanted wholeness. I wanted to leave it all behind. And many times, I thought I had, only to find the issues resurfacing later.
I came to understand that I needed to forgive my abusers in order to release the pain I was still holding on to. And so, I forgave as best I knew how, going back over the memories I held of these events and forgiving each occurrence to the best of my ability.
I am always exploring and open to learning new ways of seeing things. And on several occasions, the truth was brought to my awareness that we do well to be grateful for everything because every person and event and experience holds some gift, if we are open to receiving. So, I decided to thank my abusers, going back over each memory and observing with new eyes, looking for the gift contained in these experiences.
I know. It sounds weird. And yet I am open to facilitate healing in others because of the pain I have experienced. I cherish life because I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death.
Ask and it is always given, although no one will force us to receive. And so, continuing on my journey of discovery, I became aware that the next step in letting go of the illusion of suffering would be to love my abusers. That was a hard pill to swallow. Yet the truth is that the reason we have need to forgive is that we are judging in the first place. Now, I am not saying I am prepared to tell everyone to drop their judgments, especially those who have been deeply hurt. That is a very personal decision. All I know is that I am prepared to drop mine or at least begin this practice.
And so, continuing on my journey, a good friend and mentor pointed out to me that I was afraid to own my power. I immediately recognized the truth in this statement, and I related it primarily to the physical abuse of my mother by her second husband. My higher self later revealed a connection between my abuse issues and my feelings of powerlessness, and I felt compelled to go beyond forgiveness, even beyond gratefulness and to take back my power. And so I went back over the memories I carried and in my heart I gave what my abusers would take away.
As long as someone is taking something from you, they have the power. As long as you remain a victim, you relinquish your power. But when you give, you own your power. I believe this is why Jesus said if anyone takes away your coat, give him your cloak also. You release your attachment to what is taken from you when you go beyond being a victim and become a benefactor. And you own your power when you give as opposed to being taken.
Maybe this is the end of this particular journey. Maybe there are discoveries yet to be made. It doesn't matter. There will always be something to discover, in some arena or other. And so, the exploration continues.
It is a difficult concept for us in a world where we are constantly being bombarded with messages that something is wrong. And then we amplify the idea that something is wrong by continuously looking for problems to solve. I have noticed in myself a tendency to think something is wrong, and I recognize it as a habit of mind. If you are accustomed to spending a lot of time in your mind, you may discover this tendency in yourself, as well. And, wonder of wonders, if we are continuously looking for something wrong, guess what we are going to find? That's because we are creating what we are looking for. It is our looking for something that is not quite right that makes it so.
I recently had an experience that I find an interesting illustration of discovering wholeness. For years, I have been working through issues relating to the sexual abuse that I experienced as a child. I made some progress with psychotherapy, but I wanted more than progress. I wanted wholeness. I wanted to leave it all behind. And many times, I thought I had, only to find the issues resurfacing later.
I came to understand that I needed to forgive my abusers in order to release the pain I was still holding on to. And so, I forgave as best I knew how, going back over the memories I held of these events and forgiving each occurrence to the best of my ability.
I am always exploring and open to learning new ways of seeing things. And on several occasions, the truth was brought to my awareness that we do well to be grateful for everything because every person and event and experience holds some gift, if we are open to receiving. So, I decided to thank my abusers, going back over each memory and observing with new eyes, looking for the gift contained in these experiences.
I know. It sounds weird. And yet I am open to facilitate healing in others because of the pain I have experienced. I cherish life because I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death.
Ask and it is always given, although no one will force us to receive. And so, continuing on my journey of discovery, I became aware that the next step in letting go of the illusion of suffering would be to love my abusers. That was a hard pill to swallow. Yet the truth is that the reason we have need to forgive is that we are judging in the first place. Now, I am not saying I am prepared to tell everyone to drop their judgments, especially those who have been deeply hurt. That is a very personal decision. All I know is that I am prepared to drop mine or at least begin this practice.
And so, continuing on my journey, a good friend and mentor pointed out to me that I was afraid to own my power. I immediately recognized the truth in this statement, and I related it primarily to the physical abuse of my mother by her second husband. My higher self later revealed a connection between my abuse issues and my feelings of powerlessness, and I felt compelled to go beyond forgiveness, even beyond gratefulness and to take back my power. And so I went back over the memories I carried and in my heart I gave what my abusers would take away.
As long as someone is taking something from you, they have the power. As long as you remain a victim, you relinquish your power. But when you give, you own your power. I believe this is why Jesus said if anyone takes away your coat, give him your cloak also. You release your attachment to what is taken from you when you go beyond being a victim and become a benefactor. And you own your power when you give as opposed to being taken.
Maybe this is the end of this particular journey. Maybe there are discoveries yet to be made. It doesn't matter. There will always be something to discover, in some arena or other. And so, the exploration continues.
Monday, January 14, 2008
To Suffer or Not to Suffer
We are all enrolled in this gargantuan University we call Life. Attendance is mandatory. But that doesn't mean we are forced to gain knowledge or understanding. That is entirely up to us. We can repeat the same courses for a lifetime. Or we can learn what we need to learn and move on. Sometimes, we are required to take refresher courses because we haven't practiced, and therefore have forgotten, what we previously learned in a given course.
There are lessons in this University, and then there are interpretations of those lessons. It's in the Interpretation Department that we often get into trouble.
For instance, I was enrolled from birth in a course entitled "Letting Go". My mother and father divorced when I was an infant, and I usually saw my father about once a year during my childhood and adolescence. Children often will misinterpret lessons, and I was no exception. The lesson I took from my father's absence was that I must not be worthy of his attention. Perhaps I wasn't good enough to be wanted.
And so for the better part of my life, I expected people to abandon me. And I learned to be self-protective. I even married someone who is emotionally unavailable, because then, hey, what have you got to lose?
The trouble with being self-protective is that you create your own loneliness. You feel disconnected, and even though that disconnection is illusory, it feels very real.
And the trouble with getting into "safe" relationships, where there is no sense of connection to lose in the first place, is that you miss out on the very wonderful experience of intimacy. I know intimacy, because I do have family members, including my children, with whom I have always shared a deep connection.
So, you may not have anything to lose when you play it safe, but you also have nothing to gain. What's the point of even going into such a relationship except to learn that this is not what you really want?
It is said that you can't change the past, but in one sense you actually can. You can change your interpretation of events in the past, and thus rewrite your own history. That is what I did when I decided I didn't want to be plagued with abandonment issues any longer.
I opened my mind and expanded my vantage point, and the idea came to me that there is no abandonment. People and things come and go from our lives in natural cycles of birth and death, gain and loss, meeting and parting. Everything is temporary. It is not loss, but our resistance to loss, that causes us pain. It is our thinking that it should not have happened. He should not have left me. He should have been there for me. Therein lies the source of our suffering.
I am not sure I have fully realized this lesson. But now that I know that my own thoughts, and not anyone else's actions, are the source of my pain, I know I have a choice. I can suffer if I choose to, but it is not necessary. What freedom!
There are lessons in this University, and then there are interpretations of those lessons. It's in the Interpretation Department that we often get into trouble.
For instance, I was enrolled from birth in a course entitled "Letting Go". My mother and father divorced when I was an infant, and I usually saw my father about once a year during my childhood and adolescence. Children often will misinterpret lessons, and I was no exception. The lesson I took from my father's absence was that I must not be worthy of his attention. Perhaps I wasn't good enough to be wanted.
And so for the better part of my life, I expected people to abandon me. And I learned to be self-protective. I even married someone who is emotionally unavailable, because then, hey, what have you got to lose?
The trouble with being self-protective is that you create your own loneliness. You feel disconnected, and even though that disconnection is illusory, it feels very real.
And the trouble with getting into "safe" relationships, where there is no sense of connection to lose in the first place, is that you miss out on the very wonderful experience of intimacy. I know intimacy, because I do have family members, including my children, with whom I have always shared a deep connection.
So, you may not have anything to lose when you play it safe, but you also have nothing to gain. What's the point of even going into such a relationship except to learn that this is not what you really want?
It is said that you can't change the past, but in one sense you actually can. You can change your interpretation of events in the past, and thus rewrite your own history. That is what I did when I decided I didn't want to be plagued with abandonment issues any longer.
I opened my mind and expanded my vantage point, and the idea came to me that there is no abandonment. People and things come and go from our lives in natural cycles of birth and death, gain and loss, meeting and parting. Everything is temporary. It is not loss, but our resistance to loss, that causes us pain. It is our thinking that it should not have happened. He should not have left me. He should have been there for me. Therein lies the source of our suffering.
I am not sure I have fully realized this lesson. But now that I know that my own thoughts, and not anyone else's actions, are the source of my pain, I know I have a choice. I can suffer if I choose to, but it is not necessary. What freedom!
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