This week in my Toastmasters Club, I took on the role of Toastmaster. I was reluctant to be Toastmaster because the theme was 9/11. I still don't talk about 9/11. I don't watch movies about it. I saw more than enough that day and the days that followed.
Nevertheless, I am the one who is always talking about stepping outside your comfort zone because that is where growth occurs, and so I knew I had to step up.
So, I gave it some thought, and I asked myself, “What is a terrorist?” A terrorist is a person or a group of people who use fearful consequences or the threat of fearful consequences to manipulate or control. Wow! When you put it that way, you have to admit that terrorism doesn’t always come from outside sources. Sometimes, the very people who have promised to serve us or to love us are the terrorists.
Consider the “peace” officer who batters or kills because he does not like the color of someone’s skin or his sexual orientation. Or how about the government agency that makes the lives of citizens a living hell by branding them communists. There are the religious leaders who teach that there isn’t room on the planet for us and those who disagree with us. And what about the angry parent or the angry child who keeps a family in constant fear and turmoil?
Where does terrorism stem from? Simply put, it comes from fear – the fear that someone else’s ideas or lifestyle is a threat to my survival or to life as I believe it ought to be.
After 9/11, I lost a lot of respect for the news media. They kept showing those images over and over and over again. Hell, we got it the first 15 times! It was like twisting the knife in the wound again and again and again. I also began losing a degree of respect for my government.
But you won’t find me soapboxing about what’s wrong with my country or what’s wrong with the world, for two reasons. One, I believe there is a lot more that is right with my country and a lot more that is right with the world than is wrong. Two, I have noticed that when I focus on what is wrong, I see a lot more of it. And when I focus on what is right, I see a lot more of that. What you focus on expands. And I know what I want to expand.
So, when I look back at 9/11, my question is not, “Who is to blame?” My question is, “Have we learned anything? Have we learned anything about fear and its children, hate and prejudice?”
Friday, September 14, 2007
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
This is Living
A couple mornings ago, as I awakened, I repeatedly heard the phrase, "You're presence is requested..." And it raised the question, How often am I fully present to whatever is occurring in my life?
I only know that I am learning to be more so. And that awareness is hot! Mindfulness is sexy! Being present now is bliss!
And yesterday morning, as I sat on the front porch, I noticed a spider's web. The breeze rippled it and created the optical illusion of rippling water. And the question arose, How can I discover something if I created it? And the answer came, You created it so you could discover it.
This morning, as I sat on the front porch with my parents, a butterfly came and landed on my dad's shirt, flitted away, then came back and landed on his hand. It left again and returned to perch on his knee, where it lingered quite a while.
It was fun to watch this particular creature. It had quite a sense of humor. It landed on the porch in front of the cat at one point, as if to say, "Catch me, if you can". Then later, as the cat was lying on the porch, the butterfly flitted across him well within reach of his paws, and the cat did take a few swings at it, but it was too fast. Imagine a butterfly taunting a cat!
There are so many wondrous things to discover in life, if we slow down and take the time to "stand and stare".
In the words of William Henry Davies:
Leisure
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this is if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
Come on, folks! Let's take some time to stand and stare.
Most of what seems so urgent right now will be fully forgotten and completely meaningless ten years from now.
This is living. This is life. You can't live yesterday, and you can't live later. Now is all you have. If you're not living life now, as fully as you possibly can, you're missing the only opportunity you're given.
Do it! Do it now! Just do it! Better yet, BE it.
I only know that I am learning to be more so. And that awareness is hot! Mindfulness is sexy! Being present now is bliss!
And yesterday morning, as I sat on the front porch, I noticed a spider's web. The breeze rippled it and created the optical illusion of rippling water. And the question arose, How can I discover something if I created it? And the answer came, You created it so you could discover it.
This morning, as I sat on the front porch with my parents, a butterfly came and landed on my dad's shirt, flitted away, then came back and landed on his hand. It left again and returned to perch on his knee, where it lingered quite a while.
It was fun to watch this particular creature. It had quite a sense of humor. It landed on the porch in front of the cat at one point, as if to say, "Catch me, if you can". Then later, as the cat was lying on the porch, the butterfly flitted across him well within reach of his paws, and the cat did take a few swings at it, but it was too fast. Imagine a butterfly taunting a cat!
There are so many wondrous things to discover in life, if we slow down and take the time to "stand and stare".
In the words of William Henry Davies:
Leisure
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this is if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
Come on, folks! Let's take some time to stand and stare.
Most of what seems so urgent right now will be fully forgotten and completely meaningless ten years from now.
This is living. This is life. You can't live yesterday, and you can't live later. Now is all you have. If you're not living life now, as fully as you possibly can, you're missing the only opportunity you're given.
Do it! Do it now! Just do it! Better yet, BE it.
Monday, July 30, 2007
No more!
My whole life I have been trimming myself to fit the world. No more! It's time the world learned to deal.
Friday, July 27, 2007
Stopping to Smell the Flowers
Hey, how would you feel if you were sitting right there in plain view, displaying your beauty and emanating delightful fragrances and nobody paid attention to you? I'm just saying, these gifts are presented to you. Why not enjoy them to the fullest extent possible?
By the way, I take stopping to smell the flowers very seriously. So, if you're ever out and about and notice some wild-looking woman stopped on the side of the road breathing in the essence of a patch of honeysuckle all the way down to her toes, it could be me. Stop and say hello, if you dare. :-)
By the way, I take stopping to smell the flowers very seriously. So, if you're ever out and about and notice some wild-looking woman stopped on the side of the road breathing in the essence of a patch of honeysuckle all the way down to her toes, it could be me. Stop and say hello, if you dare. :-)
Making Love with the Universe
Okay, I'm
And so I walk. I just can't stop myself. I get outside and I bask in the pleasurable sensations of the wind softly lifting my hair and caressing my skin. And I give voice to my pleasure.
And soft raindrops begin to touch my skin. And I see the profusion of green in the grass and leaves, and the splashes of color in the flowers. And I breathe in the fragrance of a gardenia blossom. And I touch the leaves, and the plants, and I feel my Oneness with All That Is. And I taste heaven.
Yeah, baby! That's what I'm talking about!
supposedto be writing. And I love writing. Don't get me wrong. But the breeze is ruffling the leaves outside and calling to me like a siren song.
And so I walk. I just can't stop myself. I get outside and I bask in the pleasurable sensations of the wind softly lifting my hair and caressing my skin. And I give voice to my pleasure.
And soft raindrops begin to touch my skin. And I see the profusion of green in the grass and leaves, and the splashes of color in the flowers. And I breathe in the fragrance of a gardenia blossom. And I touch the leaves, and the plants, and I feel my Oneness with All That Is. And I taste heaven.
Yeah, baby! That's what I'm talking about!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Don't Call This a Pipe Dream!
I recently read some poems written by some new associates of mine, and it woke up the poet in me. It's been years since I have written a poem, but this one came to me easily. I hope you enjoy it.
Gather my tears from East, from West,
From North, from South, wherever they've trekked.
And let them fall in a cleansing rain,
Till all the world is free from pain;
Till every heart is pure and light
And gone is the urge to hate or fight;
And everyone knows the joy of Being
And perfection is all at last we're seeing;
And all illusion just fades away
Truth dawns on us all like break of day;
And everyone knows that Love is all,
And every heart heeds Spirit's call;
And harmony is the rule of living
And everyone is loving and giving;
And the only law is the law of Love
And peace is on earth as it is above.
Don't call it a pipe dream! It can happen.
Gather my tears from East, from West,
From North, from South, wherever they've trekked.
And let them fall in a cleansing rain,
Till all the world is free from pain;
Till every heart is pure and light
And gone is the urge to hate or fight;
And everyone knows the joy of Being
And perfection is all at last we're seeing;
And all illusion just fades away
Truth dawns on us all like break of day;
And everyone knows that Love is all,
And every heart heeds Spirit's call;
And harmony is the rule of living
And everyone is loving and giving;
And the only law is the law of Love
And peace is on earth as it is above.
Don't call it a pipe dream! It can happen.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Life is Now
Recently, I realized that I was judging myself as a Possibilist because I did not save my marriage, but then it dawned on me this morning that even God won't mess with free will, so what makes me think that someone else's exercise of free will is my failure? So, I'm back on track and when I write and when I speak my story, it will be from the perspective of possibilities. We may have things occur in our lives we would not consciously choose, but we also possess the power and the possibility of transforming each and every one of them.
I love the song, "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. It's kind of the way I feel about life right now. This morning, as I was taking my walk, it was raining - most of the time a slight mist, but it became a soft shower for about the last 1/8 of a mile. And I thought of this song, and feeling the rain on my skin, and I thought of my friend, Kari, dancing in the rain with her sister and her mother. And I thought, this is it. Life is now. It's not "happening" now, it is now. And what better way is there to live it than to experience everything that presents itself as deeply and as fully as possible?
We are presented with so many wonderful gifts daily - the trees, grass, flowers, the sun, the wind, the rain, the animals, and one another - not accidents of nature, but gifts lovingly created for our enjoyment - and just as we delight to see others enjoying the gifts we give, I believe it must bless the heart of God to see us enjoying the gifts we receive.
If you haven't heard the song "Unwritten", I hope you enjoy the lyrics below.
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten.
Have a blissful day!
Cathy
I love the song, "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. It's kind of the way I feel about life right now. This morning, as I was taking my walk, it was raining - most of the time a slight mist, but it became a soft shower for about the last 1/8 of a mile. And I thought of this song, and feeling the rain on my skin, and I thought of my friend, Kari, dancing in the rain with her sister and her mother. And I thought, this is it. Life is now. It's not "happening" now, it is now. And what better way is there to live it than to experience everything that presents itself as deeply and as fully as possible?
We are presented with so many wonderful gifts daily - the trees, grass, flowers, the sun, the wind, the rain, the animals, and one another - not accidents of nature, but gifts lovingly created for our enjoyment - and just as we delight to see others enjoying the gifts we give, I believe it must bless the heart of God to see us enjoying the gifts we receive.
If you haven't heard the song "Unwritten", I hope you enjoy the lyrics below.
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten.
Have a blissful day!
Cathy
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Love is Action
"Don't hide love. If you feel it, express it – not to demand that others love you back, but simply to live outwardly the best of what you feel inwardly. The worst that can happen to your heart is not rejection by another person, but failure to act on the love you feel."– Martha Beck, author of The Joy Diet.
Amen, Sister!
Love is an essential ingredient of a succulent life. And love unexpressed hardly counts for anything. Your love does little good to your loved ones as long as it just abides in your heart. Love isn't realized until it is expressed in words or actions. Then it becomes effective.
So, get it out there. Make it known. Take a chance.
What if you get hurt? What if you get rejected?
So what? You'll handle it.
Amen, Sister!
Love is an essential ingredient of a succulent life. And love unexpressed hardly counts for anything. Your love does little good to your loved ones as long as it just abides in your heart. Love isn't realized until it is expressed in words or actions. Then it becomes effective.
So, get it out there. Make it known. Take a chance.
What if you get hurt? What if you get rejected?
So what? You'll handle it.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
If I Had It To Do Over...
If I had the opportunity to go back and change the "negative" things that have happened in my life...oh, I admit I would be sorely tempted...but in the end, I would leave everything exactly as it was - not because those events made me who I am today, but because they made me aware of who I am.
At our core, we are love. Through our varying purposes, personalities and preferences, we express different aspects of love in our world. My primary work seems to be edification, compassion, connection and touch. My belief is that the experiences of being misused and torn down made me aware of the need to build up and to support others. The experiences of being neglected and abandoned made me aware of the need to connect and express God's love at every opportunity. Oh, and isn't there plenty of opportunity?
We need one another. We need to remind one another of the powerful, loving, infinite beings that we are and to encourage and support one another as we awaken. We need to let the light that is in us shine so that others will feel empowered to shine also.
What are we here for if not to experience the fullness of the life we have been gifted with and to support others in doing the same? Let's do it!
At our core, we are love. Through our varying purposes, personalities and preferences, we express different aspects of love in our world. My primary work seems to be edification, compassion, connection and touch. My belief is that the experiences of being misused and torn down made me aware of the need to build up and to support others. The experiences of being neglected and abandoned made me aware of the need to connect and express God's love at every opportunity. Oh, and isn't there plenty of opportunity?
We need one another. We need to remind one another of the powerful, loving, infinite beings that we are and to encourage and support one another as we awaken. We need to let the light that is in us shine so that others will feel empowered to shine also.
What are we here for if not to experience the fullness of the life we have been gifted with and to support others in doing the same? Let's do it!
Monday, June 18, 2007
Feeling Loved
I recently had someone from one of the e groups ask me about a comment I made about love. I had said, "Feeling loved is an enjoyable story, but a story nonetheless"
They asked, “So are you saying that it is not that important to feel loved...even though there is a sort of need for it in everyone of us?”
All of life is emotionally neutral until we tell ourselves a story. We can tell ourselves a story that creates heaven or hell for us.
My favorite story is about two fish swimming in the ocean. A shark swims by and says, “Isn’t the water grand!” Then he swims off.
One fish looks at the other and says, “What’s water?” The other fish doesn’t know either so they swim off looking for water. They spend their entire life searching, swimming from ocean to ocean. Finally, one day a turtle swims by and in despair they call out to him.
“Grandfather turtle, what is water?” The turtle swims slowly by, smiles and says, “My little friend you are swimming in it.”
As I see it, the universe is a vast energy system. The best way I can describe that energy is limitless, expansive, infinite, eternal, and unconditionally loving. In order to use the word love I had to shift my definition so it was free of judgment, rules and limits. To me love is the essence of that unlimited energy of pure creation. Everything is made up of that energy, there is no way to move beyond it because it is infinite and we can’t be separate from it because of its limitless nature.
So, we swim in a sea of love yet we spend so much of our life searching for love. If we tell ourselves the story that we are separate, we feel alone and disconnected from the universe. Yet we can never be alone because no matter what story we tell ourselves we are all one.
I often suggest people play the game of ‘there is no out there.’ There is often a great deal of resistance to that perspective, but when we adopt it we get to ‘see’ how our story stops us from experiencing the ocean of love always surrounding us.
We can limit our experience of love by demanding that it show up in a certain form. We can limit love by adding parameters or we can expand our experience by realizing everything is energy and as such an expression of love. I enjoy some forms of love more than others, but that too is based on my story.
I can stand out in nature and experience the wonder of creation. I can feel the wind and watch the trees and feel wonderful or not. I can walk out into the middle of an inner city and see decay and suffering or feel the energy of creation and be awed by its various manifestations.
No one does anything to us – we can choose to feel loved or unloved – there are no victims in life. There are only limitless, eternal, infinite beings having an experience and at times they choose to experience feeling like a victim.
The more we take responsibility for our experience the more likely we are to experience our true nature. We are limitless, expansive, infinite, eternal, and beings made of star stuff – made of unconditional love. And we are such magical magicians we can conjure up infinite number of experiences to pretend other wise.
It is all our creation – my suggestion is if you want to be happy embrace your creation and enjoy it. If you are feeling alone and miserable embrace your creation and be as miserable as you want.
There is after all, no out there.
With love, aloha and gratitude,
Susan
Check out my latest classes
http://SusanGregg.com/teachings.htm
Susan makes a great point. Several of them, actually.
They asked, “So are you saying that it is not that important to feel loved...even though there is a sort of need for it in everyone of us?”
All of life is emotionally neutral until we tell ourselves a story. We can tell ourselves a story that creates heaven or hell for us.
My favorite story is about two fish swimming in the ocean. A shark swims by and says, “Isn’t the water grand!” Then he swims off.
One fish looks at the other and says, “What’s water?” The other fish doesn’t know either so they swim off looking for water. They spend their entire life searching, swimming from ocean to ocean. Finally, one day a turtle swims by and in despair they call out to him.
“Grandfather turtle, what is water?” The turtle swims slowly by, smiles and says, “My little friend you are swimming in it.”
As I see it, the universe is a vast energy system. The best way I can describe that energy is limitless, expansive, infinite, eternal, and unconditionally loving. In order to use the word love I had to shift my definition so it was free of judgment, rules and limits. To me love is the essence of that unlimited energy of pure creation. Everything is made up of that energy, there is no way to move beyond it because it is infinite and we can’t be separate from it because of its limitless nature.
So, we swim in a sea of love yet we spend so much of our life searching for love. If we tell ourselves the story that we are separate, we feel alone and disconnected from the universe. Yet we can never be alone because no matter what story we tell ourselves we are all one.
I often suggest people play the game of ‘there is no out there.’ There is often a great deal of resistance to that perspective, but when we adopt it we get to ‘see’ how our story stops us from experiencing the ocean of love always surrounding us.
We can limit our experience of love by demanding that it show up in a certain form. We can limit love by adding parameters or we can expand our experience by realizing everything is energy and as such an expression of love. I enjoy some forms of love more than others, but that too is based on my story.
I can stand out in nature and experience the wonder of creation. I can feel the wind and watch the trees and feel wonderful or not. I can walk out into the middle of an inner city and see decay and suffering or feel the energy of creation and be awed by its various manifestations.
No one does anything to us – we can choose to feel loved or unloved – there are no victims in life. There are only limitless, eternal, infinite beings having an experience and at times they choose to experience feeling like a victim.
The more we take responsibility for our experience the more likely we are to experience our true nature. We are limitless, expansive, infinite, eternal, and beings made of star stuff – made of unconditional love. And we are such magical magicians we can conjure up infinite number of experiences to pretend other wise.
It is all our creation – my suggestion is if you want to be happy embrace your creation and enjoy it. If you are feeling alone and miserable embrace your creation and be as miserable as you want.
There is after all, no out there.
With love, aloha and gratitude,
Susan
Check out my latest classes
http://SusanGregg.com/teachings.htm
Susan makes a great point. Several of them, actually.
Tears are Liquid Passion
Yesterday, and again today, the tears came. Oh, don't feel sorry for me. It's a good thing. It means I'm back, in all my heart-on-my-sleeve, true-to-myself glory.
They were cleansing tears, a needful step in clearing out the old to make way for the new.
I always say tears are liquid passion, and when I am deeply in touch with myself and my world, I cry easily.
I cry tears of compassion for those who are hurting and don't know how to heal. I cry for those who do harm to others, because only a deeply injured soul would seek to injure others. I cry tears of joy for the many wonderful people we share the planet with - those who reach out and practice random acts of kindness and compassion, some even going so far as to risk their lives for a stranger. I cry over sunsets, and oceans, and beauty of all sorts.
Whenever my heart fills to overflowing, the overflow expresses itself as tears.
And so I say, Tears are liquid passion.
And though our society shames the shedding of tears, I am not ashamed. My passion is my truth, and expressing it is my authenticity. If anyone is uncomfortable with tears, I invite them to look inside and discover the reason.
Perhaps it is because they are uncomfortable with passion in general. Maybe they have lost touch with their own passion, perhaps they have been shamed out of expressing it.
Being fully alive means being in touch with every aspect of yourself. That's definitely a journey and not a destination, and it's a worthwhile journey. Why should parts of you be suppressed, not allowed life and expression, locked in a prison cell and slowly starved to death?
Every bit of you is worthwhile, and deserving of love, acceptance and compassion. Yes, even your shadowy aspects, and we all have them.
And so I say, be you. Be all of you. Be okay with all of you.
The amazing thing is, when you are deeply in touch with who you really are, you will find that you have no desire to do harm to others, because who you really are is love.
And do not be ashamed of what you feel, of what you desire, and definitely not of who you are.
Give life and love and voice to all of you, especially your passion. Just do it!
They were cleansing tears, a needful step in clearing out the old to make way for the new.
I always say tears are liquid passion, and when I am deeply in touch with myself and my world, I cry easily.
I cry tears of compassion for those who are hurting and don't know how to heal. I cry for those who do harm to others, because only a deeply injured soul would seek to injure others. I cry tears of joy for the many wonderful people we share the planet with - those who reach out and practice random acts of kindness and compassion, some even going so far as to risk their lives for a stranger. I cry over sunsets, and oceans, and beauty of all sorts.
Whenever my heart fills to overflowing, the overflow expresses itself as tears.
And so I say, Tears are liquid passion.
And though our society shames the shedding of tears, I am not ashamed. My passion is my truth, and expressing it is my authenticity. If anyone is uncomfortable with tears, I invite them to look inside and discover the reason.
Perhaps it is because they are uncomfortable with passion in general. Maybe they have lost touch with their own passion, perhaps they have been shamed out of expressing it.
Being fully alive means being in touch with every aspect of yourself. That's definitely a journey and not a destination, and it's a worthwhile journey. Why should parts of you be suppressed, not allowed life and expression, locked in a prison cell and slowly starved to death?
Every bit of you is worthwhile, and deserving of love, acceptance and compassion. Yes, even your shadowy aspects, and we all have them.
And so I say, be you. Be all of you. Be okay with all of you.
The amazing thing is, when you are deeply in touch with who you really are, you will find that you have no desire to do harm to others, because who you really are is love.
And do not be ashamed of what you feel, of what you desire, and definitely not of who you are.
Give life and love and voice to all of you, especially your passion. Just do it!
Friday, June 08, 2007
It's Like This
If you discover something you are eating is poisoning you, and you have no intention of dying, the first logical thing to do is to stop eating the poison.
Then you've got to do whatever it takes to get the poison out of your system or take some antidote to neutralize it.
You can hardly expect to clear out the poison while you're still eating it, and yet that's what we try to do when we remain in an unhealthy situation while trying to heal.
Wow! When I put it that way, what was I waiting for?
Then you've got to do whatever it takes to get the poison out of your system or take some antidote to neutralize it.
You can hardly expect to clear out the poison while you're still eating it, and yet that's what we try to do when we remain in an unhealthy situation while trying to heal.
Wow! When I put it that way, what was I waiting for?
Get Up and Go
I'm finally ready to extract myself from an unhealthy situation I've been living with for far too long. After years of waiting on God to rectify the situation, I've come to the conclusion that God has been waiting on me.
I've been looking for a miraculous solution. But the situation I'm in doesn't call for a miracle - just a little common sense, a fair degree of gumption, and some old-fashioned get up and go - literally.
There are a whole lot of aspects to this thing that I can't figure out, and I've allowed that to keep me in inertia and suffering needlessly. But the parts I can't figure out - that's God's business. I need to take care of the parts I can figure out.
I've been looking for a miraculous solution. But the situation I'm in doesn't call for a miracle - just a little common sense, a fair degree of gumption, and some old-fashioned get up and go - literally.
There are a whole lot of aspects to this thing that I can't figure out, and I've allowed that to keep me in inertia and suffering needlessly. But the parts I can't figure out - that's God's business. I need to take care of the parts I can figure out.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
A Leap of Faith
“If we listened to our intellect, we’d never have a love affair. We’d never have a
friendship. We’d never go into business, because we’d be cynical. Well, that’s nonsense. You’ve got to jump off cliffs and build your wings on the way down.” Ray Bradbury
Here's to leaping before we find our wings!
friendship. We’d never go into business, because we’d be cynical. Well, that’s nonsense. You’ve got to jump off cliffs and build your wings on the way down.” Ray Bradbury
Here's to leaping before we find our wings!
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Resistance is Futile
I was thinking this morning about the collective unconscious, about all the things that we have agreed to believe together. Conditions are what they are because we have collectively agreed on them. So, the world conditions we accept are mostly the creation of beings who have gone before us.
Why should we settle for other people's creations? Why should we let other people's beliefs create our life experience?
I was thinking of how difficult it is to break out of the collective unconscious and create your own belief system, especially when you live among people who are still firmly gripped by the collective "realities".
It feels like trying to get out of the Borg. I can hear it now, "Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated".
The hell I will!
Why should we settle for other people's creations? Why should we let other people's beliefs create our life experience?
I was thinking of how difficult it is to break out of the collective unconscious and create your own belief system, especially when you live among people who are still firmly gripped by the collective "realities".
It feels like trying to get out of the Borg. I can hear it now, "Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated".
The hell I will!
Metamorphosis is Hell
I mean, you're just ambling along happily, minding your own business, contentedly munching on whatever lies along your path, when all of a sudden, you get this overwhelming urge to wrap yourself in a tight, dark space and shut out the world while you work on your transformation.
Try explaining to your friends and family why you need to be alone so much.
I still wouldn't trade it for the status quo. Growth is change. That's why life offers so many lessons in letting go.
At least that's the way I see it. But, what do I know?
Try explaining to your friends and family why you need to be alone so much.
I still wouldn't trade it for the status quo. Growth is change. That's why life offers so many lessons in letting go.
At least that's the way I see it. But, what do I know?
Friday, May 18, 2007
The "One" True Way
I recently told a friend that at this point in my life, I am all religions and I am no religion. I followed a path for many years that helped to keep me mired in depression, until I realized I had a choice.
Religion has to have a hook, and a good portion of them hook you with "love". Then, because religion requires membership, there is a need to keep people hanging in. This is accomplished by convincing you that you are fundamentally flawed and that the only salvation is in whatever brand of "truth" they happen to be selling. That's why there are so many different "one true way"s.
All through history, there are examples of religious zealots who believed they had the God-given right to take over the world and enforce religion as law. Bullshit! If God wanted us all to be alike and think alike, don't you think we would have all been created alike?
If religion can convince you that you can't figure out the truth for yourself, and that you must believe the "truth" as they sppoon feed it to you, or you will go to hell or experience some other horrible end, then they get what they need, which is faithful, controllable members. I don't believe that religionists do this consciously. I am sure the vast majority of them truly believe what they are teaching.
But here's my point. Our Creator didn't give us the gray matter in our heads just to fill up space. We are meant to think for ourselves. No one has any corner on the truth. We all have the ability to figure it out for ourselves.
And I have come to believe that my God, a God who would create such a vast variety of people and other creatures and features would not damn any of them, especially based on the fact that they don't all see or recognize God the same way. A lot of people would believe this to be heretical, but to be honest, I wouldn't be interested in associating with a God who would create people just to condemn them.
In the religion I once adhered to, I was taught how cautious we have to be lest we "fall into sin" and offend God. And do you know what I found to true? When I began setting myself free from the prison of caution and fear, I found I had no real desire to harm anyone. And if there is any definition of sin, it would definitely be doing harm.
Oh, sure, we all feel every now and then that we would like to see someone "get what is coming to them", especially when they have done harm to a child or someone less powerful than them. But I find that love always drowns out the other voices in my head, and at the deepest level of my being, love is what I am. I believe the same is true for you, and that's exactly what you will find if you dare to explore the depths of your being.
At the very most basic level, we are all made out of the same stuff, and that stuff is love. God is love and we are all manifestations of God in this world. How could a manifestation of love be anything less than love? How could anything God created be anything less than perfect? And how could anything God desires be "wrong"?
So, the way I see it, the "One True Way" is what you decide it is for you. And it is not something for any of us to force on one another. And if you believe I am "wrong" and that God is someone to be feared, well - I have been there, done that, got the T-shirt, and I would rather die than go there again.
Religion has to have a hook, and a good portion of them hook you with "love". Then, because religion requires membership, there is a need to keep people hanging in. This is accomplished by convincing you that you are fundamentally flawed and that the only salvation is in whatever brand of "truth" they happen to be selling. That's why there are so many different "one true way"s.
All through history, there are examples of religious zealots who believed they had the God-given right to take over the world and enforce religion as law. Bullshit! If God wanted us all to be alike and think alike, don't you think we would have all been created alike?
If religion can convince you that you can't figure out the truth for yourself, and that you must believe the "truth" as they sppoon feed it to you, or you will go to hell or experience some other horrible end, then they get what they need, which is faithful, controllable members. I don't believe that religionists do this consciously. I am sure the vast majority of them truly believe what they are teaching.
But here's my point. Our Creator didn't give us the gray matter in our heads just to fill up space. We are meant to think for ourselves. No one has any corner on the truth. We all have the ability to figure it out for ourselves.
And I have come to believe that my God, a God who would create such a vast variety of people and other creatures and features would not damn any of them, especially based on the fact that they don't all see or recognize God the same way. A lot of people would believe this to be heretical, but to be honest, I wouldn't be interested in associating with a God who would create people just to condemn them.
In the religion I once adhered to, I was taught how cautious we have to be lest we "fall into sin" and offend God. And do you know what I found to true? When I began setting myself free from the prison of caution and fear, I found I had no real desire to harm anyone. And if there is any definition of sin, it would definitely be doing harm.
Oh, sure, we all feel every now and then that we would like to see someone "get what is coming to them", especially when they have done harm to a child or someone less powerful than them. But I find that love always drowns out the other voices in my head, and at the deepest level of my being, love is what I am. I believe the same is true for you, and that's exactly what you will find if you dare to explore the depths of your being.
At the very most basic level, we are all made out of the same stuff, and that stuff is love. God is love and we are all manifestations of God in this world. How could a manifestation of love be anything less than love? How could anything God created be anything less than perfect? And how could anything God desires be "wrong"?
So, the way I see it, the "One True Way" is what you decide it is for you. And it is not something for any of us to force on one another. And if you believe I am "wrong" and that God is someone to be feared, well - I have been there, done that, got the T-shirt, and I would rather die than go there again.
Monday, May 14, 2007
How to Save a Life
I saved a life today! Admittedly, it was reptilian, so there won't be any award ceremonies on the steps of city hall...no press releases or kudos from the president. But I had fun, anyway.
I was going out for a walk when I noticed a mound of something in the road ahead. As I moved closer, I noted a tail protruding and a head disappearing with every passing vehicle. The poor thing didn't have enough sense to stay out of the road, but it was deeply aware of the danger that a couple of tons of metal barreling down the road at 45 mph presented.
Anyway, I waited for the traffic to clear - (Hey, I'll risk my life for another human life, but not for a turtle. Sorry. Maybe if I was a little more evolved :-) - and I approached the turtle. It soon became apparent that the turtle considered me as much of a risk as it did the cars. And since being chomped down on by the jaws of a snapping turtle was not on my list of things to enjoy today, I abandoned the idea of picking it up and moving it. I had to figure out how to get it out of the street without touching it. So, I began stepping toward it, careful to keep enough distance that it couldn't get a vice grip on any of my toes. And I managed to get it to turn around and abandon the street-crossing plan. By now, crossing the street was the last thing on its list of priorities, and escape topped that list. It is surprising how fast a turtle can move when it wants to.
And, being the goofy person that I am (hey, what's wrong with that?), I began thinking about the parallels of the turtle's experience to our lives. I wonder how often we bite and snap at the people who agitate us, not seeing that they are only doing what is in our best interests? By pushing our buttons, they reveal to us what those buttons are - areas where we could stand to grow and mature.
It is so much easier to treat the symptom of the agitation than it is to dismantle the source of the irritation. That's why we often find ourselves getting into the same situations over and over again.
Why not become our own heroes and sheroes? Why not go to the trouble to figure out why that person or incident is bothering us so much and heal that area or change our perspective so that we can integrate that lesson and stop going around in the same vicious cycles?
It's easier said than done, but it's worth our thought, time and effort. Let's do it!
I was going out for a walk when I noticed a mound of something in the road ahead. As I moved closer, I noted a tail protruding and a head disappearing with every passing vehicle. The poor thing didn't have enough sense to stay out of the road, but it was deeply aware of the danger that a couple of tons of metal barreling down the road at 45 mph presented.
Anyway, I waited for the traffic to clear - (Hey, I'll risk my life for another human life, but not for a turtle. Sorry. Maybe if I was a little more evolved :-) - and I approached the turtle. It soon became apparent that the turtle considered me as much of a risk as it did the cars. And since being chomped down on by the jaws of a snapping turtle was not on my list of things to enjoy today, I abandoned the idea of picking it up and moving it. I had to figure out how to get it out of the street without touching it. So, I began stepping toward it, careful to keep enough distance that it couldn't get a vice grip on any of my toes. And I managed to get it to turn around and abandon the street-crossing plan. By now, crossing the street was the last thing on its list of priorities, and escape topped that list. It is surprising how fast a turtle can move when it wants to.
And, being the goofy person that I am (hey, what's wrong with that?), I began thinking about the parallels of the turtle's experience to our lives. I wonder how often we bite and snap at the people who agitate us, not seeing that they are only doing what is in our best interests? By pushing our buttons, they reveal to us what those buttons are - areas where we could stand to grow and mature.
It is so much easier to treat the symptom of the agitation than it is to dismantle the source of the irritation. That's why we often find ourselves getting into the same situations over and over again.
Why not become our own heroes and sheroes? Why not go to the trouble to figure out why that person or incident is bothering us so much and heal that area or change our perspective so that we can integrate that lesson and stop going around in the same vicious cycles?
It's easier said than done, but it's worth our thought, time and effort. Let's do it!
Monday, May 07, 2007
Beginners!
There are so many things I am learning, and I feel like such a beginner in so many ways. Sometimes, it is almost embarassing how much I don't know. But the truth is, I hope I always maintain a beginner's mind. The greatest hindrance to learning is believing that we already know. That's not to say we don't know. But much of what we know is hidden and waiting to be discovered. That's why I am so turned on by exploration. There is joy and understanding and love and beauty hidden within like buried treasure waiting to be uncovered.
I remember always feeling like a beginner when it came to bringing up my children. Oh, I tried learning all I could from the "experts", hoping to avoid as many mistakes as possible. But often my children didn't respond to the expert techniques like they were supposed to. :-) So, then I would listen to my intuition and when I followed it, I invariably discovered that I held the key to my children's hearts, not some expert with fifty letters behind her name. I eventually relaxed into the understanding that parenting is a shot in the dark. And that as long as I love my kids immensely and intensely and make sure they know it, everything would work out okay. Even my mistakes would all prove forgivable.
And so, as the lifetime student I am, I will keep learning and exploring and opening my mind and heart to new possibilities. And I expect I will always be a kindergartner at heart - joyous in the expectation of discovery and exploration. Care to join me?
I remember always feeling like a beginner when it came to bringing up my children. Oh, I tried learning all I could from the "experts", hoping to avoid as many mistakes as possible. But often my children didn't respond to the expert techniques like they were supposed to. :-) So, then I would listen to my intuition and when I followed it, I invariably discovered that I held the key to my children's hearts, not some expert with fifty letters behind her name. I eventually relaxed into the understanding that parenting is a shot in the dark. And that as long as I love my kids immensely and intensely and make sure they know it, everything would work out okay. Even my mistakes would all prove forgivable.
And so, as the lifetime student I am, I will keep learning and exploring and opening my mind and heart to new possibilities. And I expect I will always be a kindergartner at heart - joyous in the expectation of discovery and exploration. Care to join me?
Metamorphosis
I came across this article this morning, and it's highly synchronistic as I recently became aware of a sense that I am going through some sort of metamorphosis myself. I don't fully know the meaning of it yet, but I feel a wonderful sense of excitement and anticipation. We are all in process of becoming aware of who we really are, when we are not hindering the process. Enjoy!
Light is Our Very Essence
By Liz Tayla
It is not exclusive to a select few, it is not dependent on position, status or education, it does not discriminate against age, race or creed, it does not depend on past history or present circumstances, all it takes is the choice which you have the right to make with your free will, to recall that Light is Our Very Essence. This enables love to shine through into you and from you, it is a feeling that has no equal.
It is during the process of Metamorphosis, of moving beyond current circumstances and beliefs that you can literally transform and actualize (act on and realize) the true self, your true essence. During this process awareness expands, new insights are gained and so many more moments are consciously chosen - to shift our focus upon the light and enjoy the feelings of joy and harmony it creates. Others feel the warmth radiate from us, our energy is different, enjoyable, lifting us out of chaos and hopelessness into the realms of possibilities and hope.
Moving beyond the limitations of our physical lives takes courage and faith. Courage to withstand the adverse reactions and misunderstandings that lead to conflict, and faith to realize that this process takes time. Your beliefs took you a lifetime to acquire so be easy on yourself when all manner of chaos breaks loose, you are in transition! It will pass; hold on to your faith and stay true to your vision. Even though only part of the picture is clear to you, it will fall into place as a new higher order unfolds.
It is also a process that will provide you with so many deeply fulfilling and rewarding moments, a natural high that is not dependent on anything or anyone outside of you, and as a result can not be taken away.
You begin to realize your ability to create and you begin to discover your unique skills and talents and that putting them to good use helps us all. You remember we are all connected, and our hearts share the same language. Our feelings start being honored instead of feared; they guide us towards integration of mind, body and spirit, into health and prosperity and out of oppression and desperation. We become constructive and less inclined to participate in actions that only lead to destruction.
In time you will have a rock solid foundation upon which to stand, and who you are and why you are here will be so clear that the falls will be minor in comparison to your vision and purpose. Your ability to discern what is and what is not in your best interests will become sharper through the heightened awareness of all of your senses and your increased sensitivity. These are wonderful qualities, they are not to be manipulated, criticized and used against us for someone's gain at our expense. In time you will see how these qualities work in harmony with others and for the benefit of all.
It may take some time for others to see and some may choose not to. The sadness and pain that may be experienced at such times, will in time be replaced with a sense of freedom from all that has tied us to old patterns of behavior, that at best kept us stuck and at worst harmed us.
Unconscious actions and words that do not have the welfare of another at heart, and are used for self gain at someone else's expense, cause so much damage and spread far and wide. This causes so much pain and division from one person to another - even generation to generation - and affects the quality of life for all involved. That is a very strong reason to stay true to your heart's call, as it will make a difference and quite possibly impact in a positive way on current and future generations. That is how important one person's determination is!
We are all making a difference whether we are aware of it or not. What kind of a difference is your choice. It will not always be a walk in the park, however it will lead you out of the dark.
Stay true to your vision and you will overcome the obstacles, the criticisms and all the attempts to bring you back down again - for who does that ultimately serve? Instead you may just cause the ripple in the pond that touches lives in a profound and wonderful way. You will be the source of inspiration and help to lift instead. We could all benefit from that, especially today's children, as their sense of truth is already very sharp.
It is reassuring to think of the difficult encounters in our lives, as shaping us and helping us to realize our strengths, as well as opportunities to work out who we are and who we are not, what we stand for and what we choose to believe and act on.
It is even more satisfying knowing that there comes a time when we finally realize enough is enough, and that the situations and people that brought us to our knees are no longer able to bring us down. They will either change their approach and treat us with the respect we deserve or withdraw, as that dynamic will simply not be entertained, now that your transformation guides you back into the highest expression of yourself.
You will find your confidence and sense of self worth increase and as a result you will attract more situations and people who value you and the contribution you make. A self actualized person is more likely to give, appreciate and honor in turn because they feel fulfilled. They are also more likely to look within, take responsibility and correct themselves, when they have contributed to a conflict.
Focus on all that you love and all that supports you. Take your focus away from what is not right and get back into the light, there is always support there for you. Seek out someone that believes in you, make it a daily choice to have healthy input. Rest, direct your kindness to yourself as well, and explore the things that make you happy. Have some fun along the way, it is all worth it and so are you.
Copyright © Liz Tayla 2007
Liz is an artist and writer based in Melbourne Australia and works with Flower Essences, Thought Field Therapy and Kinergetics. Interests include Metaphysics, Human Behavior, Raja Yoga and Tennis for the physical fitness, fun and sense of wellbeing the outdoor sport brings. Email Liz.
Light is Our Very Essence
By Liz Tayla
It is not exclusive to a select few, it is not dependent on position, status or education, it does not discriminate against age, race or creed, it does not depend on past history or present circumstances, all it takes is the choice which you have the right to make with your free will, to recall that Light is Our Very Essence. This enables love to shine through into you and from you, it is a feeling that has no equal.
It is during the process of Metamorphosis, of moving beyond current circumstances and beliefs that you can literally transform and actualize (act on and realize) the true self, your true essence. During this process awareness expands, new insights are gained and so many more moments are consciously chosen - to shift our focus upon the light and enjoy the feelings of joy and harmony it creates. Others feel the warmth radiate from us, our energy is different, enjoyable, lifting us out of chaos and hopelessness into the realms of possibilities and hope.
Moving beyond the limitations of our physical lives takes courage and faith. Courage to withstand the adverse reactions and misunderstandings that lead to conflict, and faith to realize that this process takes time. Your beliefs took you a lifetime to acquire so be easy on yourself when all manner of chaos breaks loose, you are in transition! It will pass; hold on to your faith and stay true to your vision. Even though only part of the picture is clear to you, it will fall into place as a new higher order unfolds.
It is also a process that will provide you with so many deeply fulfilling and rewarding moments, a natural high that is not dependent on anything or anyone outside of you, and as a result can not be taken away.
You begin to realize your ability to create and you begin to discover your unique skills and talents and that putting them to good use helps us all. You remember we are all connected, and our hearts share the same language. Our feelings start being honored instead of feared; they guide us towards integration of mind, body and spirit, into health and prosperity and out of oppression and desperation. We become constructive and less inclined to participate in actions that only lead to destruction.
In time you will have a rock solid foundation upon which to stand, and who you are and why you are here will be so clear that the falls will be minor in comparison to your vision and purpose. Your ability to discern what is and what is not in your best interests will become sharper through the heightened awareness of all of your senses and your increased sensitivity. These are wonderful qualities, they are not to be manipulated, criticized and used against us for someone's gain at our expense. In time you will see how these qualities work in harmony with others and for the benefit of all.
It may take some time for others to see and some may choose not to. The sadness and pain that may be experienced at such times, will in time be replaced with a sense of freedom from all that has tied us to old patterns of behavior, that at best kept us stuck and at worst harmed us.
Unconscious actions and words that do not have the welfare of another at heart, and are used for self gain at someone else's expense, cause so much damage and spread far and wide. This causes so much pain and division from one person to another - even generation to generation - and affects the quality of life for all involved. That is a very strong reason to stay true to your heart's call, as it will make a difference and quite possibly impact in a positive way on current and future generations. That is how important one person's determination is!
We are all making a difference whether we are aware of it or not. What kind of a difference is your choice. It will not always be a walk in the park, however it will lead you out of the dark.
Stay true to your vision and you will overcome the obstacles, the criticisms and all the attempts to bring you back down again - for who does that ultimately serve? Instead you may just cause the ripple in the pond that touches lives in a profound and wonderful way. You will be the source of inspiration and help to lift instead. We could all benefit from that, especially today's children, as their sense of truth is already very sharp.
It is reassuring to think of the difficult encounters in our lives, as shaping us and helping us to realize our strengths, as well as opportunities to work out who we are and who we are not, what we stand for and what we choose to believe and act on.
It is even more satisfying knowing that there comes a time when we finally realize enough is enough, and that the situations and people that brought us to our knees are no longer able to bring us down. They will either change their approach and treat us with the respect we deserve or withdraw, as that dynamic will simply not be entertained, now that your transformation guides you back into the highest expression of yourself.
You will find your confidence and sense of self worth increase and as a result you will attract more situations and people who value you and the contribution you make. A self actualized person is more likely to give, appreciate and honor in turn because they feel fulfilled. They are also more likely to look within, take responsibility and correct themselves, when they have contributed to a conflict.
Focus on all that you love and all that supports you. Take your focus away from what is not right and get back into the light, there is always support there for you. Seek out someone that believes in you, make it a daily choice to have healthy input. Rest, direct your kindness to yourself as well, and explore the things that make you happy. Have some fun along the way, it is all worth it and so are you.
Copyright © Liz Tayla 2007
Liz is an artist and writer based in Melbourne Australia and works with Flower Essences, Thought Field Therapy and Kinergetics. Interests include Metaphysics, Human Behavior, Raja Yoga and Tennis for the physical fitness, fun and sense of wellbeing the outdoor sport brings. Email Liz.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
It’s OK To Want What You Want
By Claudette Rowley
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sail. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
- Mark Twain
Growing up, permission slips were a big part of school life – essential to participating in special projects, field trips or class trips out of state. For me to take part in any adventure outside of the classroom, my mother or father had to sign the slip. Now, as an adult, I can sign my own permission slip. In fact, I don't even need one! Yet I realize I often don't give myself permission to be who I want to be or do what I want to do.
How many times have you decided that you wanted something, and then denied yourself permission to have it or even ask for it?
Here are the top 10 reasons I’ve found people use to deny themselves permission to want what they want:
• I can't afford it.
• I don't deserve it.
• What will other people think? Someone might not like it.
• "In my family, we don't desire things like that. My parents had the same sofa for twenty years. Why should I be any different?"
• What if I get it and decide that I don't like it?
• I might fail.
• I might succeed.
• I can't have THAT (it's too big, too small, too expensive, too fill-in-the-blank)
• I'll have to step outside of my comfort zone.
• And the essence of all resistance: "I am afraid."
Here's the antidote to these limiting beliefs: IT’S OK TO WANT WHAT YOU WANT. It's that simple. You get to want what you want without judging it or measuring its merit or any justification at all.
Use these steps to get you started:
1. Recognize what you want.
2. Refrain from judgment.
3. Give yourself permission to want what you want.
4. Take the action required – for example: asking, buying, giving.
5. Notice what opportunities magically appear before you and what opens up inside of you.
Following these steps may feel uncomfortable; you might feel fear. That's okay. These are simply signs that you are move beyond your comfort zone. It’s a sign you are growing!
Each time you acknowledge what you want, don’t judge it. Act on it! It’s part of the flow of life. Life wants to give you what you want. Our socialization (see 10 limiting beliefs above) tends to complicate matters and have us believe otherwise. Recognizing what you want and giving it to yourself is a skill. And like most new skills, it requires building "muscle." The more you work this particular muscle, the easier it is to use it regularly.
Now It’s Your Turn
Take out a pen and, using the form on the following page, and make a list of 50 things that you want, both internally and externally. For example, an internal desire might be to achieve inner peace or self-acceptance, while an external desire might be to acquire a fun new sofa or a fun new job.
Write whatever comes to mind without any censoring. Got it? NO CENSORING! Include everything from wanting new socks to wanting to be more self-aware to wanting to be the President of the United States. Make it a stretch: If you can comfortably make a list of fifty desires, then make a list of sixty. If 100 is a piece of cake, I challenge you to create a list of 200.
As you make your list, notice the following:
• How do you FEEL? Do you feel excited about certain desires? Guilty about others?
• What physical sensations do you feel? Does it feel like someone is tightening a noose around your neck? Or do you feel like getting up to dance or pump the air with your fist?
• As you write down each item, what words pop into your head? For example, do you hear such gems as "Oh, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!" or "You can't have that! Who do you think you are? The Queen of Sheba?"
Pick your top 10 desires. Review your newly formed short list and again notice how you feel? What voices do you hear in your head? What beliefs pop into your mind?
Where do you notice your social conditioning showing up? How does your body feel? Do your top ten desires have a common theme? What did you just become aware of?
At the end of day, what we want is usually pretty simple and clear. It's our feelings and judgment that get in the way. Social conditioning that tells us that we must live a certain way, act a certain way and feel a certain way – and these inner voices stop us from acknowledging what we truly want.
50 Wants List
[Sorry, guys. You'll have to use your own paper or WP software here.]
Congratulations! You’ve successfully identified your top 10 desires. If you’d like to find out how to use this new information to improve your life, career or business, contact me for an introductory coaching session. Simply send a message to Claudette@metavoice.org or call me at 781.316.1923.
I felt this article was worth sharing. I know it's a recurring theme in my life. Perhaps you will benefit from it as well. As Clay Walker sang it in "Dreaming With My Eyes Wide Open", 'We can do some living, or spend our whole life hoping, but in the end we're left with what we chose.
What will you choose?
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sail. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
- Mark Twain
Growing up, permission slips were a big part of school life – essential to participating in special projects, field trips or class trips out of state. For me to take part in any adventure outside of the classroom, my mother or father had to sign the slip. Now, as an adult, I can sign my own permission slip. In fact, I don't even need one! Yet I realize I often don't give myself permission to be who I want to be or do what I want to do.
How many times have you decided that you wanted something, and then denied yourself permission to have it or even ask for it?
Here are the top 10 reasons I’ve found people use to deny themselves permission to want what they want:
• I can't afford it.
• I don't deserve it.
• What will other people think? Someone might not like it.
• "In my family, we don't desire things like that. My parents had the same sofa for twenty years. Why should I be any different?"
• What if I get it and decide that I don't like it?
• I might fail.
• I might succeed.
• I can't have THAT (it's too big, too small, too expensive, too fill-in-the-blank)
• I'll have to step outside of my comfort zone.
• And the essence of all resistance: "I am afraid."
Here's the antidote to these limiting beliefs: IT’S OK TO WANT WHAT YOU WANT. It's that simple. You get to want what you want without judging it or measuring its merit or any justification at all.
Use these steps to get you started:
1. Recognize what you want.
2. Refrain from judgment.
3. Give yourself permission to want what you want.
4. Take the action required – for example: asking, buying, giving.
5. Notice what opportunities magically appear before you and what opens up inside of you.
Following these steps may feel uncomfortable; you might feel fear. That's okay. These are simply signs that you are move beyond your comfort zone. It’s a sign you are growing!
Each time you acknowledge what you want, don’t judge it. Act on it! It’s part of the flow of life. Life wants to give you what you want. Our socialization (see 10 limiting beliefs above) tends to complicate matters and have us believe otherwise. Recognizing what you want and giving it to yourself is a skill. And like most new skills, it requires building "muscle." The more you work this particular muscle, the easier it is to use it regularly.
Now It’s Your Turn
Take out a pen and, using the form on the following page, and make a list of 50 things that you want, both internally and externally. For example, an internal desire might be to achieve inner peace or self-acceptance, while an external desire might be to acquire a fun new sofa or a fun new job.
Write whatever comes to mind without any censoring. Got it? NO CENSORING! Include everything from wanting new socks to wanting to be more self-aware to wanting to be the President of the United States. Make it a stretch: If you can comfortably make a list of fifty desires, then make a list of sixty. If 100 is a piece of cake, I challenge you to create a list of 200.
As you make your list, notice the following:
• How do you FEEL? Do you feel excited about certain desires? Guilty about others?
• What physical sensations do you feel? Does it feel like someone is tightening a noose around your neck? Or do you feel like getting up to dance or pump the air with your fist?
• As you write down each item, what words pop into your head? For example, do you hear such gems as "Oh, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!" or "You can't have that! Who do you think you are? The Queen of Sheba?"
Pick your top 10 desires. Review your newly formed short list and again notice how you feel? What voices do you hear in your head? What beliefs pop into your mind?
Where do you notice your social conditioning showing up? How does your body feel? Do your top ten desires have a common theme? What did you just become aware of?
At the end of day, what we want is usually pretty simple and clear. It's our feelings and judgment that get in the way. Social conditioning that tells us that we must live a certain way, act a certain way and feel a certain way – and these inner voices stop us from acknowledging what we truly want.
50 Wants List
[Sorry, guys. You'll have to use your own paper or WP software here.]
Congratulations! You’ve successfully identified your top 10 desires. If you’d like to find out how to use this new information to improve your life, career or business, contact me for an introductory coaching session. Simply send a message to Claudette@metavoice.org or call me at 781.316.1923.
I felt this article was worth sharing. I know it's a recurring theme in my life. Perhaps you will benefit from it as well. As Clay Walker sang it in "Dreaming With My Eyes Wide Open", 'We can do some living, or spend our whole life hoping, but in the end we're left with what we chose.
What will you choose?
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Variety is the Spice, Doncha Know
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss
I've been thinking about us and the ways we tend to classify and sort ourselves and one another.
We seem to have this incessant need to compare ourselves with one another and make judgments based on those comparisons. I understand that competitiveness stems from our most basic need for survival. And yet, I feel that as we surrender to the love that is the truth of who we are, we will become more open to accepting the differences, variances and preferences that make us individuals.
Differences don't have to separate us. One thing that excites me is that in spite of the attempts of governments, religions and gargantuan bodies of water to separate us, people still find ways to unite. Love always finds a way to bring us together.
If you think about it, superiority and inferiority of personages is a farce, the same kind of unloving ideas that have separated races and classes and countries for millenia. What makes us think we are superior to the man on the street corner with the cardboard sign? What makes us think we are inferior to the billionaire with the three-story mansion? Maybe both persons are living the life of their dreams, and who are we to decide one man's dream is superior to another's? We may have our personal preferences, but everyone else is not obligated to share those preferences.
Do you know what I think the great equalizer is? The common toilet. Everybody has to sit down and take care of business, regardless of whether they are a leader of a great country or a lowly servant. True, some may use a bidet as opposed to common TP, but we all have our humanity in common - the same needs, the same drives, the same hungers and thirsts, the same eliminatory, and circulatory, and other systems.
What differs between us is a matter of preference, teaching, sometimes brainwashing, individual talents and intelligences, and the application of these. So what? There is more about us that is alike than is different.
We do have our own preferences, and we don't have to like everything about other people or their actions, but we can make room in our hearts for acceptance of others and acceptance of the fact that we don't have to be right and make everyone else wrong. And we don't have to accept other people's judgments, either.
We all have the God-given freedom to choose, and the blessed responsibility for creating a life that is meaningful to us, and joyful, and loving, according to our own preferences.
And thank God for the differences that make us all so interesting. It would be a boring world without differences. Variety is the spice of life, and God gave us an extremely spicy world. Our appreciation is in order.
I've been thinking about us and the ways we tend to classify and sort ourselves and one another.
We seem to have this incessant need to compare ourselves with one another and make judgments based on those comparisons. I understand that competitiveness stems from our most basic need for survival. And yet, I feel that as we surrender to the love that is the truth of who we are, we will become more open to accepting the differences, variances and preferences that make us individuals.
Differences don't have to separate us. One thing that excites me is that in spite of the attempts of governments, religions and gargantuan bodies of water to separate us, people still find ways to unite. Love always finds a way to bring us together.
If you think about it, superiority and inferiority of personages is a farce, the same kind of unloving ideas that have separated races and classes and countries for millenia. What makes us think we are superior to the man on the street corner with the cardboard sign? What makes us think we are inferior to the billionaire with the three-story mansion? Maybe both persons are living the life of their dreams, and who are we to decide one man's dream is superior to another's? We may have our personal preferences, but everyone else is not obligated to share those preferences.
Do you know what I think the great equalizer is? The common toilet. Everybody has to sit down and take care of business, regardless of whether they are a leader of a great country or a lowly servant. True, some may use a bidet as opposed to common TP, but we all have our humanity in common - the same needs, the same drives, the same hungers and thirsts, the same eliminatory, and circulatory, and other systems.
What differs between us is a matter of preference, teaching, sometimes brainwashing, individual talents and intelligences, and the application of these. So what? There is more about us that is alike than is different.
We do have our own preferences, and we don't have to like everything about other people or their actions, but we can make room in our hearts for acceptance of others and acceptance of the fact that we don't have to be right and make everyone else wrong. And we don't have to accept other people's judgments, either.
We all have the God-given freedom to choose, and the blessed responsibility for creating a life that is meaningful to us, and joyful, and loving, according to our own preferences.
And thank God for the differences that make us all so interesting. It would be a boring world without differences. Variety is the spice of life, and God gave us an extremely spicy world. Our appreciation is in order.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Living in the Moment
Wouldn't it be nice if, instead of blowing through life like a storm, we actually began noticing we are living it? What if we were to slow down a little and actually pay attention to what is happening?
I went for a walk in my neighborhood this morning, which is a little challenging for me because I tend to get bored with the same old scenery. My mind is in the habit of running constantly, and bringing it to stillness is a work in progress. I notice a lot more I used to, but there is plenty of room for improvement.
So, this morning, as I was walking and starting to feel mentally restless, I remembered that life is in the moment, and I want to enjoy every one of them I can. So, I asked myself, what is there to enjoy in this moment? I began noticing the softness of the spring air. The sun was warm, but it was a gentle warmth. The birds were singing, but in the moments before this, their lovely songs had been filtered out by mental clutter. As I was walking, I came across a patch of honeysuckle growing on a neighbor's fence. That's another one of my favorite natural scents, so I had to stop and take in the fragrance. That would probably drive a fitness expert crazy, but I feel that true fitness is multi-dimensional, just as true wealth is. If we're only working on getting our bodies in shape, and neglecting our souls and spirits, we are missing out on much of the joy life has to offer. True, physical exercise is good for our hearts, but so is fun, laughter, and enjoying life through all of our senses.
Jo Dee Messina recorded a song titled, Was That My Life? The chorus goes like this:
Oh we just get one
Ride around the sun
In this dream of time.
It goes so fast
That one day we look back
And we ask
Was that my life?
We can live life in the fast lane, hardly taking the time to look around. Or, we can notice the moments and live them as fully as possible. The path of least resistance is to follow the patterns that society has set up for us. We may think there is no other possibility, but the truth is, we follow the path of least resistance because it is easier. Swimming against the current may be more rewarding, but it's not so easy. Coloring outside the lines won't get us the approval we crave, at least not until we create something so spectacular that others can't help but admire it.
Ultimately, though, we are responsible for what we make of our lives. It's more pleasant to say it's all society's fault. The government, or our employer, or our spouse made us do it. We had to do it that way, because we have bills to pay, and mouths to feed. And as long as we hold on to that belief, we will continue to follow the same patterns and feel powerless to change them. But look around. There are people everywhere who are changing them - people who are taking their lives into their own hands, and creating their own success, their own joyful experience of life. Sometimes, getting from here to there requires a lot of inner work, a lot of dropping beliefs that aren't working for us, and a lot of mental reprogramming.
But imagine the rewards! Imagine the possibilities!
I went for a walk in my neighborhood this morning, which is a little challenging for me because I tend to get bored with the same old scenery. My mind is in the habit of running constantly, and bringing it to stillness is a work in progress. I notice a lot more I used to, but there is plenty of room for improvement.
So, this morning, as I was walking and starting to feel mentally restless, I remembered that life is in the moment, and I want to enjoy every one of them I can. So, I asked myself, what is there to enjoy in this moment? I began noticing the softness of the spring air. The sun was warm, but it was a gentle warmth. The birds were singing, but in the moments before this, their lovely songs had been filtered out by mental clutter. As I was walking, I came across a patch of honeysuckle growing on a neighbor's fence. That's another one of my favorite natural scents, so I had to stop and take in the fragrance. That would probably drive a fitness expert crazy, but I feel that true fitness is multi-dimensional, just as true wealth is. If we're only working on getting our bodies in shape, and neglecting our souls and spirits, we are missing out on much of the joy life has to offer. True, physical exercise is good for our hearts, but so is fun, laughter, and enjoying life through all of our senses.
Jo Dee Messina recorded a song titled, Was That My Life? The chorus goes like this:
Oh we just get one
Ride around the sun
In this dream of time.
It goes so fast
That one day we look back
And we ask
Was that my life?
We can live life in the fast lane, hardly taking the time to look around. Or, we can notice the moments and live them as fully as possible. The path of least resistance is to follow the patterns that society has set up for us. We may think there is no other possibility, but the truth is, we follow the path of least resistance because it is easier. Swimming against the current may be more rewarding, but it's not so easy. Coloring outside the lines won't get us the approval we crave, at least not until we create something so spectacular that others can't help but admire it.
Ultimately, though, we are responsible for what we make of our lives. It's more pleasant to say it's all society's fault. The government, or our employer, or our spouse made us do it. We had to do it that way, because we have bills to pay, and mouths to feed. And as long as we hold on to that belief, we will continue to follow the same patterns and feel powerless to change them. But look around. There are people everywhere who are changing them - people who are taking their lives into their own hands, and creating their own success, their own joyful experience of life. Sometimes, getting from here to there requires a lot of inner work, a lot of dropping beliefs that aren't working for us, and a lot of mental reprogramming.
But imagine the rewards! Imagine the possibilities!
Friday, April 06, 2007
Pardon Me, Your Addiction is Showing
Coming from a family riddled with addiction (I lost three grandparents to alcohol-related deaths before I was ever born), I managed to escape the biggies, alcoholism, drugs, etc., just as my mother did. Awareness and being conscious of the consequences of those addictions kept me off those paths. As I always told my children, "Every path has a destination. If you don't want to reach that destination, don't get on that path".
However, the thing you don't escape when you come from such a background is addictive tendencies. Even if the big, bad addictions skip a generation or two, the addictive tendencies are learned and passed on, until someone becomes aware of them and stops the cycle. I have heard so many people who have grown up around alcoholism say something like, "I will never be an alcoholic. I will never put my family through that kind of hell". And yet, they act out the same addictive tendencies in some other form and don't even realize the damage they are doing.
Whether we are workaholics, spendaholics, foodaholics or alcoholics, the effect can be very damaging both to our own lives and to those who love us. What it boils down to is escape. We escape into the addiction to distract us from whatever is not working in our lives.
The trouble with that is that while we're escaping, our problems are not going away as we hoped they would. Instead, they usually grow and spread like a fungus while we are ignoring them. Then, when we try to give up the addiction, we are faced with an even bigger problem than before. No wonder the temptation is to escape back into the addiction, and no wonder it becomes harder to overcome an addiction the longer we are mired in it.
There is always hope, of course. The thing that brings us hope is the thing we are most afraid of. That is, facing the thing we don't want to face. Facing whatever is not working in our lives. Facing the fear that if we deal with what is not working, it will require breaking through this wall of pain, and that perhaps the dull aching of an unsatisfying life is easier to bear than that one large swell of pain that may occur when we face the truth of what is not working and do something about it.
And so, what to do? Well, the choice, as always is ours completely. It is our own responsibility to decide the kind of life we will live. No one can decide for us, and no one can make our life perfect for us. It is our own creation, and no one else has the right or the responsibility to make it good for us. If we decide we would rather please everyone else than to live our best life, that is our choice. And that is the reason we can't rightfully blame anyone else for the outcome.
This is both frightening and liberating. Because knowing that I am responsible for my own experience of life and no one else is, not only means that the buck stops here, it also means that the power is here, as well. Right here, inside me. I don't have to look outside myself for the power to create my best life. I just have to do it.
If I want to, that is.
However, the thing you don't escape when you come from such a background is addictive tendencies. Even if the big, bad addictions skip a generation or two, the addictive tendencies are learned and passed on, until someone becomes aware of them and stops the cycle. I have heard so many people who have grown up around alcoholism say something like, "I will never be an alcoholic. I will never put my family through that kind of hell". And yet, they act out the same addictive tendencies in some other form and don't even realize the damage they are doing.
Whether we are workaholics, spendaholics, foodaholics or alcoholics, the effect can be very damaging both to our own lives and to those who love us. What it boils down to is escape. We escape into the addiction to distract us from whatever is not working in our lives.
The trouble with that is that while we're escaping, our problems are not going away as we hoped they would. Instead, they usually grow and spread like a fungus while we are ignoring them. Then, when we try to give up the addiction, we are faced with an even bigger problem than before. No wonder the temptation is to escape back into the addiction, and no wonder it becomes harder to overcome an addiction the longer we are mired in it.
There is always hope, of course. The thing that brings us hope is the thing we are most afraid of. That is, facing the thing we don't want to face. Facing whatever is not working in our lives. Facing the fear that if we deal with what is not working, it will require breaking through this wall of pain, and that perhaps the dull aching of an unsatisfying life is easier to bear than that one large swell of pain that may occur when we face the truth of what is not working and do something about it.
And so, what to do? Well, the choice, as always is ours completely. It is our own responsibility to decide the kind of life we will live. No one can decide for us, and no one can make our life perfect for us. It is our own creation, and no one else has the right or the responsibility to make it good for us. If we decide we would rather please everyone else than to live our best life, that is our choice. And that is the reason we can't rightfully blame anyone else for the outcome.
This is both frightening and liberating. Because knowing that I am responsible for my own experience of life and no one else is, not only means that the buck stops here, it also means that the power is here, as well. Right here, inside me. I don't have to look outside myself for the power to create my best life. I just have to do it.
If I want to, that is.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
How to Feel Worthy by Mark Myhre
Friend,
Ever felt unworthy?
Many people do.
There's no substitute for self-worth.
Self-esteem is a different story. Many substitutes exist for esteem.
Interestingly, most people seem to confuse self esteem with self worth. Your esteem must be earned. Your worth is given.
All humans are worthy. You can't possibly do anything to become more worthy. Nor can you do anything to become LESS worthy.
If you're alive and breathing, you're 100% worthy. Everyone is.
We all come from the same source. We're all equally
worthy.
Worth is given. It can never be earned.
So why don't we feel worthy?
Two basic reasons.
1. Shame.
If your parents felt unworthy - even if they never outwardly displayed it - then they probably passed those feelings on to you.
Maybe through the vehicle of spankings, or abandonment, or some sort of emotional abuse. The vehicles for passing the shame of unworthiness are many and varied. And the vehicle often has tinted windows.
You thought they were raging about the spilled milk. But feelings of their own unworthiness were driving that vehicle of rage. You never saw past the rage. Or the abandonment, or whatever the vehicle was.
That's one way to end up feeling unworthy.
2. Not being responsible for your feelings.
If you honestly, fundamentally, and unshakingly believe emotions are bad and wrong and need to be avoided at all costs - that can also lead to feelings of unworthiness.
The more you believe emotions should be avoided or stuffed - the more hollow and empty you'll feel inside. The more hollow and empty you feel inside, the more
unworthy you'll feel.
It's a slippery slope that starts with judging how you feel, and ends with feeling nothing. The more unworthy you feel, the closer you're getting to feeling nothing.
And if you're feeling nothing, you're most likely depressed.
Unworthiness - along with similar feelings - becomes like a prison that slowly closes in on you.
You want to avoid feeling it - but you keep brushing up against the walls of the prison.
So what do you do?
Well, a door exists that leads out of your prison. You just have to use it. The door - the answer - is to feel those feelings you don't want to feel.
First you 'own' those feelings. Then you can let them go.
Then you can just walk right out of your prison.
It's that simple. It also can be extremely difficult. Because something is guarding your door of escape.
It's the fundamental belief that feeling those feelings is WORSE than being in prison.
You don't want to be in prison. But maybe you believe it's better to be in prison than to be responsible for YOUR OWN feelings.
For some people, just reading these words will be enough to change.
"Wow! That makes sense, Mark!
"I was so afraid of my feelings of unworthiness that I was avoiding them at all costs. Well, no more...
"I'm going to own them - feel them - in all their painful glory - and them I'll release them. So I can get out of this prison and start feeling the worth that's my
BIRTHRIGHT.
"And if the feelings of unworthiness come back tomorrow then I'll repeat the process until they STOP coming back.
"And I'll feel my worth - as totally and completely as I can. Always seeking to feel more..."
Or perhaps you're thinking -
"I'm ALREADY feeling unworthy - you idiot!!! And nothing's changing!"
If that's the case, let me back up and explain what 'own' means...
First - here's what owning your feelings *doesn't*
mean -
It *doesn't* mean I get to use those feelings as a club to beat someone up with. Including myself.
It *doesn't* mean - "I'm right" - and I have the right to feel unworthy.
Or - I get to avoid being responsible for my feelings.
Or- I get to blame. Or I get to underachieve. Or get to engage in any behavior I want because I'm entitled.
"Look how I've suffered."
Basically, I don't *have* to take out the garbage. I get to tell myself a story about what those feelings mean. I have no intention of releasing them. And every intention of proving you wrong, Mark!
No. Owning means - these are MY feelings. Maybe I 'used' them in the past. Maybe I've been telling myself a story up till now, but I'm willing to change. Starting
right now.
I see the freedom that comes with ownership.
"That shiny new car in the garage is MINE!"
When you say you're already feeling those feelings, and nothing's changing - then most likely what you've been experiencing is a little bit of true feeling - and a whole lot of 'made up story'.
It's like breathing life into a monster. It takes a spark of real emotion - but only a spark - to make that monster story come alive.
The story is a coping mechanism. It's an attempt to deal with feelings you don't want to feel.
Because any time you 'cleanly' feel a feeling - you consume it as fuel.
Emotions are like jet fuel. They're MEANT to be consumed.
It's unnatural to feel the exact same thing day after day. If you keep feeling the exact same thing that means you're not properly using your fuel.
Besides, everybody loves a good story!
You can take what I'm saying and liberate yourself - or you can use it to bolster your story. Make the walls of your prison just a little bit thicker...
If you want to end the feelings of unworthiness - then OWN THEM - admit to yourself *you* created the feelings and nobody else. They're yours.
First - think about what I'm saying.
Second - feel as intensely as you can without thinking.
Third - think about it again.
Fourth - feel it again.
Go back and forth between thinking and feeling. That's how you change.
Whether it's unworthiness or anything else - consciously separate your thinking from your feeling. So you can engage each cleanly.
Have you ever dug a hole when the ground is saturated with water? The hole quickly fills up with water.
You can bail the water out of the hole, but it fills right back up again. How quickly it fills up depends upon the soil type. Sandy soils fill quickly. Clay soils take longer. Regardless, it fills.
If you want to empty the water you must get down on your knees and scoop it out with a bucket or some sort of container.
You are the hole.
The water is your worth.
Left on it's own, the hole will fill with water. You must DO something to be emptied.
Even if you were shamed, you must now keep the shame alive. You must keep bailing out the water.
It's hard work, but it's the only way to keep the story alive.
Remember, you can use these words to make a better bucket - to bail out your worth more 'efficiently'....
To strengthen your little story.
Or you can use these words to 'step outside the box'. Get those feelings churning and moving. Process them. Consume them. Eat them for lunch. Use them to become
more.
You're already worthy, anyway.
May as well feel it.
all the best,
Mark
brought to you by
Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Wizard
fiercely slaying your emotional dragons!
http://www.getresponse.com/t/8462807/
http://www.reduce-fear.com
http://www.getresponse.com/t/8462808/
Ever felt unworthy?
Many people do.
There's no substitute for self-worth.
Self-esteem is a different story. Many substitutes exist for esteem.
Interestingly, most people seem to confuse self esteem with self worth. Your esteem must be earned. Your worth is given.
All humans are worthy. You can't possibly do anything to become more worthy. Nor can you do anything to become LESS worthy.
If you're alive and breathing, you're 100% worthy. Everyone is.
We all come from the same source. We're all equally
worthy.
Worth is given. It can never be earned.
So why don't we feel worthy?
Two basic reasons.
1. Shame.
If your parents felt unworthy - even if they never outwardly displayed it - then they probably passed those feelings on to you.
Maybe through the vehicle of spankings, or abandonment, or some sort of emotional abuse. The vehicles for passing the shame of unworthiness are many and varied. And the vehicle often has tinted windows.
You thought they were raging about the spilled milk. But feelings of their own unworthiness were driving that vehicle of rage. You never saw past the rage. Or the abandonment, or whatever the vehicle was.
That's one way to end up feeling unworthy.
2. Not being responsible for your feelings.
If you honestly, fundamentally, and unshakingly believe emotions are bad and wrong and need to be avoided at all costs - that can also lead to feelings of unworthiness.
The more you believe emotions should be avoided or stuffed - the more hollow and empty you'll feel inside. The more hollow and empty you feel inside, the more
unworthy you'll feel.
It's a slippery slope that starts with judging how you feel, and ends with feeling nothing. The more unworthy you feel, the closer you're getting to feeling nothing.
And if you're feeling nothing, you're most likely depressed.
Unworthiness - along with similar feelings - becomes like a prison that slowly closes in on you.
You want to avoid feeling it - but you keep brushing up against the walls of the prison.
So what do you do?
Well, a door exists that leads out of your prison. You just have to use it. The door - the answer - is to feel those feelings you don't want to feel.
First you 'own' those feelings. Then you can let them go.
Then you can just walk right out of your prison.
It's that simple. It also can be extremely difficult. Because something is guarding your door of escape.
It's the fundamental belief that feeling those feelings is WORSE than being in prison.
You don't want to be in prison. But maybe you believe it's better to be in prison than to be responsible for YOUR OWN feelings.
For some people, just reading these words will be enough to change.
"Wow! That makes sense, Mark!
"I was so afraid of my feelings of unworthiness that I was avoiding them at all costs. Well, no more...
"I'm going to own them - feel them - in all their painful glory - and them I'll release them. So I can get out of this prison and start feeling the worth that's my
BIRTHRIGHT.
"And if the feelings of unworthiness come back tomorrow then I'll repeat the process until they STOP coming back.
"And I'll feel my worth - as totally and completely as I can. Always seeking to feel more..."
Or perhaps you're thinking -
"I'm ALREADY feeling unworthy - you idiot!!! And nothing's changing!"
If that's the case, let me back up and explain what 'own' means...
First - here's what owning your feelings *doesn't*
mean -
It *doesn't* mean I get to use those feelings as a club to beat someone up with. Including myself.
It *doesn't* mean - "I'm right" - and I have the right to feel unworthy.
Or - I get to avoid being responsible for my feelings.
Or- I get to blame. Or I get to underachieve. Or get to engage in any behavior I want because I'm entitled.
"Look how I've suffered."
Basically, I don't *have* to take out the garbage. I get to tell myself a story about what those feelings mean. I have no intention of releasing them. And every intention of proving you wrong, Mark!
No. Owning means - these are MY feelings. Maybe I 'used' them in the past. Maybe I've been telling myself a story up till now, but I'm willing to change. Starting
right now.
I see the freedom that comes with ownership.
"That shiny new car in the garage is MINE!"
When you say you're already feeling those feelings, and nothing's changing - then most likely what you've been experiencing is a little bit of true feeling - and a whole lot of 'made up story'.
It's like breathing life into a monster. It takes a spark of real emotion - but only a spark - to make that monster story come alive.
The story is a coping mechanism. It's an attempt to deal with feelings you don't want to feel.
Because any time you 'cleanly' feel a feeling - you consume it as fuel.
Emotions are like jet fuel. They're MEANT to be consumed.
It's unnatural to feel the exact same thing day after day. If you keep feeling the exact same thing that means you're not properly using your fuel.
Besides, everybody loves a good story!
You can take what I'm saying and liberate yourself - or you can use it to bolster your story. Make the walls of your prison just a little bit thicker...
If you want to end the feelings of unworthiness - then OWN THEM - admit to yourself *you* created the feelings and nobody else. They're yours.
First - think about what I'm saying.
Second - feel as intensely as you can without thinking.
Third - think about it again.
Fourth - feel it again.
Go back and forth between thinking and feeling. That's how you change.
Whether it's unworthiness or anything else - consciously separate your thinking from your feeling. So you can engage each cleanly.
Have you ever dug a hole when the ground is saturated with water? The hole quickly fills up with water.
You can bail the water out of the hole, but it fills right back up again. How quickly it fills up depends upon the soil type. Sandy soils fill quickly. Clay soils take longer. Regardless, it fills.
If you want to empty the water you must get down on your knees and scoop it out with a bucket or some sort of container.
You are the hole.
The water is your worth.
Left on it's own, the hole will fill with water. You must DO something to be emptied.
Even if you were shamed, you must now keep the shame alive. You must keep bailing out the water.
It's hard work, but it's the only way to keep the story alive.
Remember, you can use these words to make a better bucket - to bail out your worth more 'efficiently'....
To strengthen your little story.
Or you can use these words to 'step outside the box'. Get those feelings churning and moving. Process them. Consume them. Eat them for lunch. Use them to become
more.
You're already worthy, anyway.
May as well feel it.
all the best,
Mark
brought to you by
Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Wizard
fiercely slaying your emotional dragons!
http://www.getresponse.com/t/8462807/
http://www.reduce-fear.com
http://www.getresponse.com/t/8462808/
A Moment on My Soapbox
Women are generally freer about hugging each other and holding hands. But if a woman is naturally tactile with men, her behavior can be easily misunderstood. Traditionally, a woman is taught to control any display of affection that could be interpreted as sexual; except with her partner.
This is sad, but true. Here's how it's expressed in the book, Conversations With God, "You don't like to think of a woman having robust sexuality, much less celebrating it openly".
We can accept men's "robust sexuality", but we have a few less than savory words for women who are potently sexual and don't try to hide it. And if she is sexually violated, well, look at the way she was dressed. She was asking for it, they say. And to hear the rapist tell it, she wanted it.
Well, allow me to say, "Bullshit!"
Even if a woman is pulsing with vibrant sexual energy, and exuding powerful sexual magnetism, it is not an open invitation to be hit on by every testosterone factory that walks erect (no pun intended). And it is certainly not an invitation to be violated.
If is our societal belief that sex is something to whisper about, not to be talked about in polite society, and I believe our association with it as somehow wrong or dirty is at the root of the many perversions of what is truly a beautiful and precious gift.
The irony is that if we are open and receptive to the gift of our sexuality, all the veils fall away and we see the beauty and the love that is inherent in this vital aspect of ourselves. And we experience the powerful, loving energy that transforms life from the mundane to the divine.
Touch
Excerpted from an article entitled Touch.
"Aside from being your gateway to touch and a great place to hang your clothes, your skin is also your largest organ. In a grown man, it covers about 19 square feet and weighs about 8 pounds. A piece of skin the size of a quarter contains more than 3 million cells, 100 to 340 sweat glands, 50 nerve endings and 3 feet of blood vessels. No one is exempt from needing to be touched. Humans need to touch and be touched, just like we need food and water. The connection between touch and well being is far more than skin deep. From the moment of birth our tactile sense is being stimulated. Pushed out, picked up, and slapped on the bottom, we are placed at our mother's breast, and a bonding process begins.
The need for bonding, or close physical contact with another human being, remains with us throughout our lifetime. It generally feels good to have another human being's skin come into contact with our own. Some of us repress our craving for warmth and affection, while others go to extremes to obtain it.
Touching can reassure us, relax us, comfort us, or arouse us, like nothing else. In a way, the importance of touch is so basic that we tend to take it for granted, just as we do breathing. As children, we were curious to touch everything we saw. But frequently as our hands reached out to explore, an adult voice could be heard to say, "don't touch," followed by an assortment of reasons implying that touching could be dangerous, rude, disrespectful, shameful, unsanitary, and even sinful. Many of us have been taught, either openly or by example, that touching is something to be suspicious of and avoided. This kind of ingrained thinking is often responsible for the sexual dysfunction we experience as adults. These constraints are difficult to shed, further inhibiting us from natural physical contact with others.
Often we regard touch as an amorphous, nonspecific kind of thing. But it isn't. You can be made to roll over with laughter with touch or you can be put to sleep with touch. All too often accidental touching, especially in public embarrasses us. Even an innocent handshake, if too prolonged, can be misconstrued as an invitation to a sexual encounter. Because touching has an excess of negative associations, with very little provocation it seems we flee from intimacy. In terms of sexual arousal, whatever you might see won't compare to ten seconds of the right touch. And as for pain, no matter how much you think a shrill sound or shocking image could make you grimace--forget it. There's nothing that hurts more than one stiff punch. Women are generally freer about hugging each other and holding hands. But if a woman is naturally tactile with men, her behavior can be easily misunderstood. Traditionally, a woman is taught to control any display of affection that could be interpreted as sexual; except with her partner."
Well said, and more on that in another post.
"Aside from being your gateway to touch and a great place to hang your clothes, your skin is also your largest organ. In a grown man, it covers about 19 square feet and weighs about 8 pounds. A piece of skin the size of a quarter contains more than 3 million cells, 100 to 340 sweat glands, 50 nerve endings and 3 feet of blood vessels. No one is exempt from needing to be touched. Humans need to touch and be touched, just like we need food and water. The connection between touch and well being is far more than skin deep. From the moment of birth our tactile sense is being stimulated. Pushed out, picked up, and slapped on the bottom, we are placed at our mother's breast, and a bonding process begins.
The need for bonding, or close physical contact with another human being, remains with us throughout our lifetime. It generally feels good to have another human being's skin come into contact with our own. Some of us repress our craving for warmth and affection, while others go to extremes to obtain it.
Touching can reassure us, relax us, comfort us, or arouse us, like nothing else. In a way, the importance of touch is so basic that we tend to take it for granted, just as we do breathing. As children, we were curious to touch everything we saw. But frequently as our hands reached out to explore, an adult voice could be heard to say, "don't touch," followed by an assortment of reasons implying that touching could be dangerous, rude, disrespectful, shameful, unsanitary, and even sinful. Many of us have been taught, either openly or by example, that touching is something to be suspicious of and avoided. This kind of ingrained thinking is often responsible for the sexual dysfunction we experience as adults. These constraints are difficult to shed, further inhibiting us from natural physical contact with others.
Often we regard touch as an amorphous, nonspecific kind of thing. But it isn't. You can be made to roll over with laughter with touch or you can be put to sleep with touch. All too often accidental touching, especially in public embarrasses us. Even an innocent handshake, if too prolonged, can be misconstrued as an invitation to a sexual encounter. Because touching has an excess of negative associations, with very little provocation it seems we flee from intimacy. In terms of sexual arousal, whatever you might see won't compare to ten seconds of the right touch. And as for pain, no matter how much you think a shrill sound or shocking image could make you grimace--forget it. There's nothing that hurts more than one stiff punch. Women are generally freer about hugging each other and holding hands. But if a woman is naturally tactile with men, her behavior can be easily misunderstood. Traditionally, a woman is taught to control any display of affection that could be interpreted as sexual; except with her partner."
Well said, and more on that in another post.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
I Don't Want to Be Your Everything
"I want to be your everything." I've heard that theme recurringly in songs and sonnets, and I always thought it was a romantic idea. But I've changed my mind.
For one thing, I came to understand quite some time ago that it is not possible for one person to meet all our needs. This is one reason why so many romantic partnerships fail. We look to one person to be our all in all, and they are only one person. Eventually, they feel drained from being expected to fill our every need and grow weary of feeling like a failure for not being able to fulfill all of our expectations.
On the flip side of that coin, one person cannot be expected to receive all that we have to give, especially if we are deeply connected with who we really are. We may have so much to give that we overwhelm a person in our efforts to give them our all. They may have the capacity of a gallon container and we have ten gallons to give away, and they find themselves drowning in the flood of our generosity.
I wonder how many relationships are destroyed for this very reason.
It's a good reason for us to cultivate a variety of relationships in which we can give our love away. I am not talking about promiscuity. There are many different ways to give our love away. Everything from giving someone a hug to doing volunteer work to sending someone a note of encouragement.
Let's not try to be everything to anybody, and let's not expect anyone to be our everything. Let's live love with everyone we are blessed to associate with, and be open to receive love from all.
Are you with me? Alright then, let's do it.
For one thing, I came to understand quite some time ago that it is not possible for one person to meet all our needs. This is one reason why so many romantic partnerships fail. We look to one person to be our all in all, and they are only one person. Eventually, they feel drained from being expected to fill our every need and grow weary of feeling like a failure for not being able to fulfill all of our expectations.
On the flip side of that coin, one person cannot be expected to receive all that we have to give, especially if we are deeply connected with who we really are. We may have so much to give that we overwhelm a person in our efforts to give them our all. They may have the capacity of a gallon container and we have ten gallons to give away, and they find themselves drowning in the flood of our generosity.
I wonder how many relationships are destroyed for this very reason.
It's a good reason for us to cultivate a variety of relationships in which we can give our love away. I am not talking about promiscuity. There are many different ways to give our love away. Everything from giving someone a hug to doing volunteer work to sending someone a note of encouragement.
Let's not try to be everything to anybody, and let's not expect anyone to be our everything. Let's live love with everyone we are blessed to associate with, and be open to receive love from all.
Are you with me? Alright then, let's do it.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Yes is Not Always Best
We talked about the energy of Yes, and how delicious, open and expansive it feels. We also talked about the fact that we can't say Yes to everything.
How can we know what to say Yes to and when No is the best choice for us? For some things, the answer is obvious. Saying Yes to drugs, cigarettes and other destructive substances is clearly unwise.
For other things, we need to learn to listen to our Essential Self. Sometimes, we say Yes to what other people want when it is not the best thing for us. At that moment, if we are paying attention, we can hear our Essential Self screaming NO, even as we are saying Yes.
How does the Essential Self communicate this misalignment? Through our feelings. There may be a tightening in your gut, a feeling of being drained or a general feeling of tension. Different people feel their No in different ways. Each of us must learn what our No feels like if we are to align ourselves with what we really want in life.
Some of us live in such a state of constant misalignment with what we really want that tension is a way of life. If we were aware of the damage that does to our health, as well as to the quality of our lives, we might be quicker to say Yes to ourselves and No to anything that keeps us from living our best possible lives. Then again, we might not, but at least we would be aware that we are choosing the health-destroying effects and the poor quality of life. It is not happening to us, and no one else or nothing else is causing it.
When we realize we are at cause in our own lives, it is somewhat frightening because there is no one or nothing to blame our troubles on. But it is also empowering because if we are solely responsible for the creation of our own life experience, then we also have all the power necessary to create the life we want.
A word of caution here - just as we are responsible for creating our own life experience, so is everyone else, so we don't get to decide for anyone else. We don't get to create in their reality. Often when we change our own lives and our attitudes, those around us will respond and change, but it is their choice.
We can't make a particular person respond to us. That would be creating in their reality, and a violation of their free will. If we want love, then the thing to ask for is our perfect partner, not Angeline Jolie or Matthew McConaughey. Can you imagine how overworked those poor folks would be if we could create in their reality? :-)
So, use your imagination and your choices to create the best life possible for you, and allow others their own creations. Therein is freedom, and joy, and love.
How can we know what to say Yes to and when No is the best choice for us? For some things, the answer is obvious. Saying Yes to drugs, cigarettes and other destructive substances is clearly unwise.
For other things, we need to learn to listen to our Essential Self. Sometimes, we say Yes to what other people want when it is not the best thing for us. At that moment, if we are paying attention, we can hear our Essential Self screaming NO, even as we are saying Yes.
How does the Essential Self communicate this misalignment? Through our feelings. There may be a tightening in your gut, a feeling of being drained or a general feeling of tension. Different people feel their No in different ways. Each of us must learn what our No feels like if we are to align ourselves with what we really want in life.
Some of us live in such a state of constant misalignment with what we really want that tension is a way of life. If we were aware of the damage that does to our health, as well as to the quality of our lives, we might be quicker to say Yes to ourselves and No to anything that keeps us from living our best possible lives. Then again, we might not, but at least we would be aware that we are choosing the health-destroying effects and the poor quality of life. It is not happening to us, and no one else or nothing else is causing it.
When we realize we are at cause in our own lives, it is somewhat frightening because there is no one or nothing to blame our troubles on. But it is also empowering because if we are solely responsible for the creation of our own life experience, then we also have all the power necessary to create the life we want.
A word of caution here - just as we are responsible for creating our own life experience, so is everyone else, so we don't get to decide for anyone else. We don't get to create in their reality. Often when we change our own lives and our attitudes, those around us will respond and change, but it is their choice.
We can't make a particular person respond to us. That would be creating in their reality, and a violation of their free will. If we want love, then the thing to ask for is our perfect partner, not Angeline Jolie or Matthew McConaughey. Can you imagine how overworked those poor folks would be if we could create in their reality? :-)
So, use your imagination and your choices to create the best life possible for you, and allow others their own creations. Therein is freedom, and joy, and love.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Yeah, Baby!
This afternoon, I attended a Law of Attraction group in Spring. We met at Crepe Paris Cafe. I had chocolate, of course. What else would you expect from a hedonist? Yummmmmm...
We saw part of The Secret (I guess it must be my sixth viewing), but there was much more to the meeting. It was frickin awesome!
We did various exercises, and Colette, the group organizer and facilitator, wouldn't let us stay in our comfort zones. She kept making us get up and move around to interact with different people. The best part of all was when each of us got up and shared our visions of our life experiences five years from now. We were encouraged to use verbs...what we expect to see, feel, hear, do, etc. With each person's contribution, the energy in the room expanded exponentially. It was such a turn-on, I wouldn't be surprised if I was lit up like a light bulb by the time I walked out of there.
I recently asked the Universe for healing, and I am amazed at the ways it is showing up for me. In fact, I feel like I am experiencing the energy of passion on a fairly continuous basis. I have been here before, even before I began learning that this is what the tantric way of life is about. But at the time, I actually began to wonder if something was wrong. Feeling so good so much of the time was such a contrast to the way my life had been before that I was concerned I had a chemical imbalance or something. Is that goofy or what? :-)
Anyway, as soon as I put my focus on worrying that I was crazy to feel so good, I plunged back into the contrast of feeling crappy much of the time. I guess I needed that in order to realize that certainly couldn't be called health, even though some people would label negativity "reality". If that's the reality you want, more power to you, but not for me, baby. I want more. I want this feeling-awesome energy all the time, and that's what I am attracting, so that's what I am experiencing.
So, I asked the Universe for healing and the Universe knows where it's at and how to deliver it. So, I have been working on my part, which is receiving, and it is opening up a wellstream of passion that I can use to make my contributions to this world and to create the life of my dreams. I'm probably going to rock some boats in the process, but what the hell? Why not? Yes!!!!!!!
Or as my good buddy Garth said it, "The winds of change are blowing wild and free, but you ain't seen nothing like me yet."
Bring it, baby!
We saw part of The Secret (I guess it must be my sixth viewing), but there was much more to the meeting. It was frickin awesome!
We did various exercises, and Colette, the group organizer and facilitator, wouldn't let us stay in our comfort zones. She kept making us get up and move around to interact with different people. The best part of all was when each of us got up and shared our visions of our life experiences five years from now. We were encouraged to use verbs...what we expect to see, feel, hear, do, etc. With each person's contribution, the energy in the room expanded exponentially. It was such a turn-on, I wouldn't be surprised if I was lit up like a light bulb by the time I walked out of there.
I recently asked the Universe for healing, and I am amazed at the ways it is showing up for me. In fact, I feel like I am experiencing the energy of passion on a fairly continuous basis. I have been here before, even before I began learning that this is what the tantric way of life is about. But at the time, I actually began to wonder if something was wrong. Feeling so good so much of the time was such a contrast to the way my life had been before that I was concerned I had a chemical imbalance or something. Is that goofy or what? :-)
Anyway, as soon as I put my focus on worrying that I was crazy to feel so good, I plunged back into the contrast of feeling crappy much of the time. I guess I needed that in order to realize that certainly couldn't be called health, even though some people would label negativity "reality". If that's the reality you want, more power to you, but not for me, baby. I want more. I want this feeling-awesome energy all the time, and that's what I am attracting, so that's what I am experiencing.
So, I asked the Universe for healing and the Universe knows where it's at and how to deliver it. So, I have been working on my part, which is receiving, and it is opening up a wellstream of passion that I can use to make my contributions to this world and to create the life of my dreams. I'm probably going to rock some boats in the process, but what the hell? Why not? Yes!!!!!!!
Or as my good buddy Garth said it, "The winds of change are blowing wild and free, but you ain't seen nothing like me yet."
Bring it, baby!
Friday, March 23, 2007
The Change - More Garth
One hand reaches out and pulls a lost soul from harm,
While a thousand more go unspoken for,
And they say, "What good have you done by saving just this one?
It's like whispering a prayer in the fury of a storm."
This heart still believes that love and mercy still exist,
While all the hatreds rage and so many say
That "Love is all but pointless in madness such as this.
It's like trying to stop a fire with the moisture from a kiss."
And I hear them saying, "You'll never change things.
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing."
But it's not the world that I am changing.
I do this so this world will know that it will not change me.
What I do is so this world we know never changes me.
See why I love Garth so? A delicious medley of passion and compassion. Something to aspire to.
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." - Mahatma Gandhi
Yeah, baby!
While a thousand more go unspoken for,
And they say, "What good have you done by saving just this one?
It's like whispering a prayer in the fury of a storm."
This heart still believes that love and mercy still exist,
While all the hatreds rage and so many say
That "Love is all but pointless in madness such as this.
It's like trying to stop a fire with the moisture from a kiss."
And I hear them saying, "You'll never change things.
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing."
But it's not the world that I am changing.
I do this so this world will know that it will not change me.
What I do is so this world we know never changes me.
See why I love Garth so? A delicious medley of passion and compassion. Something to aspire to.
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." - Mahatma Gandhi
Yeah, baby!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Is It Possible to Love Without Attachment?
That is one of the areas in which I am currently exploring the possibilities. It is not completely clear to me how this is done, although I have experienced a degree of success in this area. I'll tell you about that in a moment.
I really don't care for the word "detached". It sounds cold, impersonal, unfeeling. And, as someone who came into this life with a propensity to feel everything deeply, it sounds unappealing to me. But maybe that's just the meaning with which I have infused the word. Let's see what dictionary.com has to say about it...
1. not attached; separated:
3. impartial or objective; disinterested; unbiased
4. not involved or concerned; aloof.
American Heritage Dictionary:
1. Separated; disconnected:
3. Marked by an absence of emotional involvement and an aloof, impersonal objectivity.
Wordnet:
1. showing lack of emotional involvement;
2. being or feeling set or kept apart from others;
3. no longer connected or joined;
Okay, that does it. I definitely do not like this word.
On the other hand, I understand that attachment is the cause of the emotional pain we create for ourselves. And yes, we do create it. No one has the power to make us feel anything at all.
So, how to love without attachment...because it is not the loss of contact or connection with another human being that causes us pain...it is the wrenching of that attachment from our tightly clenched fingers (and hearts) that hurts so much.
Okay, here's what I have come to understand in the past about this. When my children were small, I worried a lot about what might happen to them. When they were babies, I would check to make sure they were breathing. I kept a close watch on them constantly for fear of losing them. They were my dreams come true. Losing them would be the worst possible thing I could imagine happening in this life.
Further, I tried very hard to keep them from getting hurt. Until I learned that not only is it impossible to keep someone else from getting hurt, it is not even loving. Yes, we want them to understand how to take good care of themselves and to make choices that will benefit them, but to keep them from experimenting and learning from natural consequences is unkind.
For the most part, my children have brought me great joy. However, there have been some decisions they have made that I didn't care for. The good thing is, these served to remind me that I really didn't have control, and that control was not my job, anyway. My job was to love, teach and be there for them. Their job is to create their lives as they wish to experience them. Now, this is a very difficult thing for a mother who already feels things intensely, because when my children hurt, I am pretty sure I hurt more. Nevertheless, it is very liberating to realize that you don't have to try and control what you can't control anyway.
This same principle operates in all our earthly relationships. We do not have control over any other person. We cannot choose for them. We can choose whether to honor their free will or waste time and energy trying to get them on board with our ideas of "how things ought to be".
One of the things that is serving as an excellent reminder of how to grow in our relationships is the book I am currently reading, Conversations With God
, by Neale Donald Walsch.
Consider these ideas: [speaking from the standpoint of coming from the question 'What is the highest choice?' or the question 'How can I lose the least?'] "When life is lived from the standpoint of damage control or optimum advantage, the true benefit of life is forfeited. The opportunity is lost...For a life lived thusly is a life lived from fear - and that life speaks a lie about you.
For you are not fear, you are love. Love that needs no protection, love that cannot be lost. Yet you will never know this in your experience if you continually ask the second question and not the first. For only a person who thinks there is something to gain or to lose asks the second question. And only a peron who sees life in a different way; who sees Self as a higher being; who understands that winning or losing is not the test, but only loving or failing to love - only that person asks the first...at the critical juncture in all human relationships, there is only one question: What would love do now?
Now we come upon a very delicate point of interpretation, for this principle..has been widely misunderstood...the highest choice is that which produces the highest good for you...this truth revolves around an even greater one: What you do for your Self, you do for another. What you do for another, you do for your Self. This is because you and the other are one.
So often, under the old understandings, people...did what they thought would be best for the other person in their relationships. Sadly, all this produced in many cases...was continued abuse by the other. Continued mistreatment. Continued dysfunction in the relationship.
...if you look to what is best for you in situations where you are being abused, at the very least what you will do is stop the abuse. And that will be good for both you and your abuser. For even an abuser is abused when his abuse is allowed to continue.
This is not healing to the abuser, but damaging. For if the abuser finds his abuse is acceptable, what has he learned? Yet if the abuser finds that his abuse will be accepted no more, what has he been allowed to discover?"
While we may not have control over what another person does, we do have responsibility for creating our own life experience. And sometimes, the most loving thing we can do for another is to allow them to experience the consequences of their actions. And the most loving thing we can do for ourselves and the other is to remove ourselves from the dysfunctional relationship.
This is much easier said than done...this coming from someone who has approached this decision and stepped back from it several times over the past few years.
Hey, I didn't say I was a Master. But I'm working on it.
I really don't care for the word "detached". It sounds cold, impersonal, unfeeling. And, as someone who came into this life with a propensity to feel everything deeply, it sounds unappealing to me. But maybe that's just the meaning with which I have infused the word. Let's see what dictionary.com has to say about it...
1. not attached; separated:
3. impartial or objective; disinterested; unbiased
4. not involved or concerned; aloof.
American Heritage Dictionary:
1. Separated; disconnected:
3. Marked by an absence of emotional involvement and an aloof, impersonal objectivity.
Wordnet:
1. showing lack of emotional involvement;
2. being or feeling set or kept apart from others;
3. no longer connected or joined;
Okay, that does it. I definitely do not like this word.
On the other hand, I understand that attachment is the cause of the emotional pain we create for ourselves. And yes, we do create it. No one has the power to make us feel anything at all.
So, how to love without attachment...because it is not the loss of contact or connection with another human being that causes us pain...it is the wrenching of that attachment from our tightly clenched fingers (and hearts) that hurts so much.
Okay, here's what I have come to understand in the past about this. When my children were small, I worried a lot about what might happen to them. When they were babies, I would check to make sure they were breathing. I kept a close watch on them constantly for fear of losing them. They were my dreams come true. Losing them would be the worst possible thing I could imagine happening in this life.
Further, I tried very hard to keep them from getting hurt. Until I learned that not only is it impossible to keep someone else from getting hurt, it is not even loving. Yes, we want them to understand how to take good care of themselves and to make choices that will benefit them, but to keep them from experimenting and learning from natural consequences is unkind.
For the most part, my children have brought me great joy. However, there have been some decisions they have made that I didn't care for. The good thing is, these served to remind me that I really didn't have control, and that control was not my job, anyway. My job was to love, teach and be there for them. Their job is to create their lives as they wish to experience them. Now, this is a very difficult thing for a mother who already feels things intensely, because when my children hurt, I am pretty sure I hurt more. Nevertheless, it is very liberating to realize that you don't have to try and control what you can't control anyway.
This same principle operates in all our earthly relationships. We do not have control over any other person. We cannot choose for them. We can choose whether to honor their free will or waste time and energy trying to get them on board with our ideas of "how things ought to be".
One of the things that is serving as an excellent reminder of how to grow in our relationships is the book I am currently reading, Conversations With God
, by Neale Donald Walsch. Consider these ideas: [speaking from the standpoint of coming from the question 'What is the highest choice?' or the question 'How can I lose the least?'] "When life is lived from the standpoint of damage control or optimum advantage, the true benefit of life is forfeited. The opportunity is lost...For a life lived thusly is a life lived from fear - and that life speaks a lie about you.
For you are not fear, you are love. Love that needs no protection, love that cannot be lost. Yet you will never know this in your experience if you continually ask the second question and not the first. For only a person who thinks there is something to gain or to lose asks the second question. And only a peron who sees life in a different way; who sees Self as a higher being; who understands that winning or losing is not the test, but only loving or failing to love - only that person asks the first...at the critical juncture in all human relationships, there is only one question: What would love do now?
Now we come upon a very delicate point of interpretation, for this principle..has been widely misunderstood...the highest choice is that which produces the highest good for you...this truth revolves around an even greater one: What you do for your Self, you do for another. What you do for another, you do for your Self. This is because you and the other are one.
So often, under the old understandings, people...did what they thought would be best for the other person in their relationships. Sadly, all this produced in many cases...was continued abuse by the other. Continued mistreatment. Continued dysfunction in the relationship.
...if you look to what is best for you in situations where you are being abused, at the very least what you will do is stop the abuse. And that will be good for both you and your abuser. For even an abuser is abused when his abuse is allowed to continue.
This is not healing to the abuser, but damaging. For if the abuser finds his abuse is acceptable, what has he learned? Yet if the abuser finds that his abuse will be accepted no more, what has he been allowed to discover?"
While we may not have control over what another person does, we do have responsibility for creating our own life experience. And sometimes, the most loving thing we can do for another is to allow them to experience the consequences of their actions. And the most loving thing we can do for ourselves and the other is to remove ourselves from the dysfunctional relationship.
This is much easier said than done...this coming from someone who has approached this decision and stepped back from it several times over the past few years.
Hey, I didn't say I was a Master. But I'm working on it.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Dare to Fail
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." Mark Twain
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." George Bernard Shaw
"The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything."William Connor Magee
If you play it safe your whole life through, what do you think you will have to show for your safety when this life is over? What will you gain? What will you learn? Will playing it safe contribute anything at all to your growth?
It's no fun making mistakes. It's even less enjoyable to admit them. But it beats the hell out of playing it safe.
"There are no mistakes or failures, only lessons." Denis Waitley
When you look at it that way, it doesn't feel quite so threatening. You will not find any successful person who hasn't experienced their fair share of "lessons" on their journey. But nothing happens until we step out and take a risk, knowing the outcome may be very different from what we are hoping for.
Don't let nothing happen in your life. (Yes, I know my grammar.)
Consider these words from the song, I Hope You Dance, by Lee Ann Womack:
"I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking
Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making"
“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” - Anais Nin
“I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” - Michael Jordan
Do yourself a favor. Fail a little. Fail a lot. Use failure as a stepping stone to the greatest success you can imagine. But don't fail to fail. Unless a small life just works for you. :-)
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." George Bernard Shaw
"The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything."William Connor Magee
If you play it safe your whole life through, what do you think you will have to show for your safety when this life is over? What will you gain? What will you learn? Will playing it safe contribute anything at all to your growth?
It's no fun making mistakes. It's even less enjoyable to admit them. But it beats the hell out of playing it safe.
"There are no mistakes or failures, only lessons." Denis Waitley
When you look at it that way, it doesn't feel quite so threatening. You will not find any successful person who hasn't experienced their fair share of "lessons" on their journey. But nothing happens until we step out and take a risk, knowing the outcome may be very different from what we are hoping for.
Don't let nothing happen in your life. (Yes, I know my grammar.)
Consider these words from the song, I Hope You Dance, by Lee Ann Womack:
"I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking
Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making"
“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” - Anais Nin
“I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” - Michael Jordan
Do yourself a favor. Fail a little. Fail a lot. Use failure as a stepping stone to the greatest success you can imagine. But don't fail to fail. Unless a small life just works for you. :-)
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Bringing It All Together
I, for one, am glad to see the globalization that is permeating our society with fresh ideas...well, fresh to us, anyway.
The things we are learning from eastern philosophy are contributing to a reintegration of various aspects of ourselves we have long rejected. For too long, our society has been dominated by left brain thinking. If you have paid attention to the results of brain studies that have been released over the past several years, you know that optimal performance in life stems from working with both sides of our brains.
The very fact that east and west were so separate for so long tells us that we have been out of touch with certain aspects of ourselves. There is no need for separation when we are not rejecting parts of who we are.
Now, I have also observed as I have been exploring these new ideas that any one of them has followers/teachers who want you to take their ideas as absolute truth, just like our western religions tend to do. But that's what our brains are for...to figure out what we believe and what we desire and what we choose.
I highly respect teachers who will say you don't have to believe whatever it is they are teaching. I try to remember to say that as well. After all, what do I know? My truth is no more valid than yours. It's just more relevant to me.
And often, I find information in other people's teachings that works for me. So, I integrate it. Other parts of their teaching might not resonate with me, so I set that aside. I have found I can learn something valuable from everyone I meet, even if it is just learning what I don't want to be or how I don't wish to behave.
It is my desire that as I lay different ideas and thoughts before you, you will receive something that will help you on your journey. And so I say, if any of this helps, use it. If it doesn't, set it aside. I will not in any way be diminished if you don't agree with me. Either way, I'm glad to be sharing the journey with you.
The things we are learning from eastern philosophy are contributing to a reintegration of various aspects of ourselves we have long rejected. For too long, our society has been dominated by left brain thinking. If you have paid attention to the results of brain studies that have been released over the past several years, you know that optimal performance in life stems from working with both sides of our brains.
The very fact that east and west were so separate for so long tells us that we have been out of touch with certain aspects of ourselves. There is no need for separation when we are not rejecting parts of who we are.
Now, I have also observed as I have been exploring these new ideas that any one of them has followers/teachers who want you to take their ideas as absolute truth, just like our western religions tend to do. But that's what our brains are for...to figure out what we believe and what we desire and what we choose.
I highly respect teachers who will say you don't have to believe whatever it is they are teaching. I try to remember to say that as well. After all, what do I know? My truth is no more valid than yours. It's just more relevant to me.
And often, I find information in other people's teachings that works for me. So, I integrate it. Other parts of their teaching might not resonate with me, so I set that aside. I have found I can learn something valuable from everyone I meet, even if it is just learning what I don't want to be or how I don't wish to behave.
It is my desire that as I lay different ideas and thoughts before you, you will receive something that will help you on your journey. And so I say, if any of this helps, use it. If it doesn't, set it aside. I will not in any way be diminished if you don't agree with me. Either way, I'm glad to be sharing the journey with you.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Unwritten
I love great quotes and meaningful songs. They're little life lessons condensed into few words. Powerful. Moving. Thought-provoking. Sometimes life-changing.
Consider these words from Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield:
"I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines
We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten"
How awesome is that! To be reminded that our life to come is a book with blank pages, and the pen is in our hand, the words are our choice. Maybe you've been writing your life story as a tragedy. Do you have to continue your story in that vein? Absolutely not! You have complete freedom to rewrite the story you have already written and the parts of the story yet to come.
But, you say, I can't change the past. Perhaps we don't know a way to change past events, but the thing that is completely within our power is to change the way we view the story. Maybe what was written as a tragedy can be rewritten as a dark comedy. Or an action/adventure story. "Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change," is the way Dr. Wayne Dyer says it.
The point is that the power is all yours to write the story as you wish and the rest of your story is yet unwritten. The possibilities are infinite.
What will you write?
Consider these words from Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield:
"I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines
We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten"
How awesome is that! To be reminded that our life to come is a book with blank pages, and the pen is in our hand, the words are our choice. Maybe you've been writing your life story as a tragedy. Do you have to continue your story in that vein? Absolutely not! You have complete freedom to rewrite the story you have already written and the parts of the story yet to come.
But, you say, I can't change the past. Perhaps we don't know a way to change past events, but the thing that is completely within our power is to change the way we view the story. Maybe what was written as a tragedy can be rewritten as a dark comedy. Or an action/adventure story. "Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change," is the way Dr. Wayne Dyer says it.
The point is that the power is all yours to write the story as you wish and the rest of your story is yet unwritten. The possibilities are infinite.
What will you write?
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Real Friendship
Sometimes the people we think are the cruelest are really doing us a kindness. I've had friends who refused to support my weakness by letting me lean. It felt harsh, but it forced me to stand on my own two feet and find my own strength.
After I was done being pissed off, I was able to be deeply grateful for the respect they showed me by giving me the chance to find my own way.
In the same way, even those who hurt us are doing us a favor. They are revealing to us areas in which we need to grow and develop strength.
There are people who will always tell us what we want to hear, and will never require of us our best. Dare we call them "friends"?
I don't think so. I think a real friend will bring out the best in us, and encourage us to live up to the grandest version of who we can be. Even when it hurts.
After I was done being pissed off, I was able to be deeply grateful for the respect they showed me by giving me the chance to find my own way.
In the same way, even those who hurt us are doing us a favor. They are revealing to us areas in which we need to grow and develop strength.
There are people who will always tell us what we want to hear, and will never require of us our best. Dare we call them "friends"?
I don't think so. I think a real friend will bring out the best in us, and encourage us to live up to the grandest version of who we can be. Even when it hurts.
Missed Connections and Great Minds
I seem to be missing connections quite a bit these days. This morning, I was supposed to meet a group of people for the Get Motivated seminar we were all heading for downtown, and I missed everybody. I am not sure what happened because I didn't see them all day.
The seminar was great though. I got there late, and missed part of Steve Forbes' presentation, but I heard enough to consider writing him in on the ballot for the presidential election.
We heard Peter Lowe, who along with his wife, hosts the seminar. He demonstrated how we can use visualization to improve, and actually make more improvement than through mere practice. He had us do a range of motion exercise, and after we visualized reaching much further than we had the first time, we were actually able to reach further. He suggested that sometimes practice serves to lock into our minds what our limits are. They are false limits, however, and when we can see ourselves going further, reaching higher, doing more in our imaginations, it becomes effortless to repeat that success in reality. So, in order to improve in any area, mentally rehearse the success you desire. It works.
Tom Hopkins was there, and gave us a new way to look at rejection related to sales and negotiation. For instance, he suggests that if a sale normally makes you $100.00 and it takes 5 qualified contacts to result in one sale, each person that says "no" is worth $25.00 to you. So, just thank them for the $25.00 and move on. :-)
Tom also gave us the Champion Creed, which reads, "I am not judged by the number of times I fall, but by the number of times I succeed. And the number of times I succeed is in direct proportion to the number of times I can fail and keep trying!"
General Colin Powell spoke also, and one significant thing he said was "I don't like looking in the rearview mirror of life. I live viewing life through the front windshield."
We heard Phil Town on Demystifying the Stock Market. Very, very good information.
George Foreman spoke on Lessons in Success from the Comeback King. He said, "If you start from the bottom, you can only go one direction."
Finally, we heard Robert Schuller remind us to start small, think big and never quit.
Pretty awesome stuff.
The seminar was great though. I got there late, and missed part of Steve Forbes' presentation, but I heard enough to consider writing him in on the ballot for the presidential election.
We heard Peter Lowe, who along with his wife, hosts the seminar. He demonstrated how we can use visualization to improve, and actually make more improvement than through mere practice. He had us do a range of motion exercise, and after we visualized reaching much further than we had the first time, we were actually able to reach further. He suggested that sometimes practice serves to lock into our minds what our limits are. They are false limits, however, and when we can see ourselves going further, reaching higher, doing more in our imaginations, it becomes effortless to repeat that success in reality. So, in order to improve in any area, mentally rehearse the success you desire. It works.
Tom Hopkins was there, and gave us a new way to look at rejection related to sales and negotiation. For instance, he suggests that if a sale normally makes you $100.00 and it takes 5 qualified contacts to result in one sale, each person that says "no" is worth $25.00 to you. So, just thank them for the $25.00 and move on. :-)
Tom also gave us the Champion Creed, which reads, "I am not judged by the number of times I fall, but by the number of times I succeed. And the number of times I succeed is in direct proportion to the number of times I can fail and keep trying!"
General Colin Powell spoke also, and one significant thing he said was "I don't like looking in the rearview mirror of life. I live viewing life through the front windshield."
We heard Phil Town on Demystifying the Stock Market. Very, very good information.
George Foreman spoke on Lessons in Success from the Comeback King. He said, "If you start from the bottom, you can only go one direction."
Finally, we heard Robert Schuller remind us to start small, think big and never quit.
Pretty awesome stuff.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Mmmm...Spring!
I spotted my first bluebonnets today. And I've got this sudden intense urge for a road trip through hill country.
I can hardly wait for the magnolia to bloom. I love it when a blossom first opens up. It's fragrance is intensely sweet and a little lemony. I like to find a fresh bloom and just bury my face in it and breathe it in right down to my toes.
God's aromatherapy. It's so sensuous...like eating a perfectly ripened peach and the juice runs down your arm and it smells so luscious.
Okay, so I'm a hedonist. What can I say? :-)
I can hardly wait for the magnolia to bloom. I love it when a blossom first opens up. It's fragrance is intensely sweet and a little lemony. I like to find a fresh bloom and just bury my face in it and breathe it in right down to my toes.
God's aromatherapy. It's so sensuous...like eating a perfectly ripened peach and the juice runs down your arm and it smells so luscious.
Okay, so I'm a hedonist. What can I say? :-)
Taking Chances
Recently, I took a chance I never thought I would have the courage to take. And I didn't get the results I was hoping for. My old programming wants to call that a mistake. But that is an error in judgment.
I took a chance. It didn't work out. So, what? I am handling it. Here I am, alive and well. It wasn't fatal.
Sure, it can be painful to fail, especially when it comes to matters that are intensely personal. But each time we take a chance, win or lose, it makes it a little easier to take more chances in the future, as long as we don't choose to retreat into the safety of our comfort zone.
That is exactly what I would have done in the past. And it was oh, so tempting to do that again. But my intuition told me to just stop and observe and I was reminded of some very interesting things about myself. For one thing, issues that I thought were resolved long ago were still operating in my subconscious mind, still ruling my life without my awareness. Now, I am aware, and I know what to work on.
For another thing, I discovered I have come a long way in my ability to handle unpleasant circumstances. I don't have to give in to the temptation to run or hide or shut down when I feel hurt or afraid. I can face down whatever is happening and know that I am bigger than any circumstance that could come my way.
Besides that, I am aware that everything is unfolding exactly as it should and that every circumstance is attracted into my life for the purpose of helping me to realize who I truly am.
There is nothing to fear. It's all good.
I took a chance. It didn't work out. So, what? I am handling it. Here I am, alive and well. It wasn't fatal.
Sure, it can be painful to fail, especially when it comes to matters that are intensely personal. But each time we take a chance, win or lose, it makes it a little easier to take more chances in the future, as long as we don't choose to retreat into the safety of our comfort zone.
That is exactly what I would have done in the past. And it was oh, so tempting to do that again. But my intuition told me to just stop and observe and I was reminded of some very interesting things about myself. For one thing, issues that I thought were resolved long ago were still operating in my subconscious mind, still ruling my life without my awareness. Now, I am aware, and I know what to work on.
For another thing, I discovered I have come a long way in my ability to handle unpleasant circumstances. I don't have to give in to the temptation to run or hide or shut down when I feel hurt or afraid. I can face down whatever is happening and know that I am bigger than any circumstance that could come my way.
Besides that, I am aware that everything is unfolding exactly as it should and that every circumstance is attracted into my life for the purpose of helping me to realize who I truly am.
There is nothing to fear. It's all good.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
What Are We Manifesting - Fear or Love?
Recently, I was reminded that what we call "learning" is actually being reminded or made aware of what we already know on some level. This resonates with me because of the many times I have experienced an Aha! moment while reading the words of a Master or even someone who is just a little more aware than I am at the time. On some level, I know what they are saying to be true.
But we tend to sleepwalk through life and even though we experience some times of heightened awareness, we tend to fall back into trance mode by default. So, it is good to be reminded often of the truths that can help us create the joy-filled, juicy lives we crave.
That's why I read constantly. That, and the insatiable curiosity I was born with.
Even when we have "learned" a principle, and think we have it down pretty well, it is all too easy to slip into old habits and patterns when we are not paying attention.
That's another reason we attract certain circumstances into our lives. They awaken us to where we are and make us aware of who we are in relation to them.
In the same book, I was reminded that fear is a powerful attractor. It is the opposite of love, and it manifests the opposite of love in our lives.
If you think about it, whatever you are fearing is what you are putting your faith in. It is what you believe in at that particular point. You are affirming it to be true. So, if you fear rejection, you believe in rejection. You trust in it. You expect it. And so, you will manifest it. If you fear being alone, you are placing your trust in separation, and you will receive exactly what you are expecting.
Another beautiful reminder came when I was feeling confused about certain relationships in my current experience. I followed my intuition and picked up the book, The Secret, and turned to the section on relationships. Even though the chapter was titled, Relationships, almost the entire focus was on your relationship with yourself. That's because we create our outer relationships based on our inner one. If we love and respect ourselves, we receive love and respect from others. If we treat ourselves poorly, others seem to feel entitled to treat us poorly. They may not be aware of this, and usually we are not either. But that is the purpose for making sure we seek regular reminders of the principles of Attraction and Creation.
Observe this beautiful rendition of these truths in this excerpt from The Secret, "All your joy is on the frequency of love – the highest and the most powerful frequency of all. You can’t hold love in your hand. You can only feel it in your heart. It is a state of being. You can see evidence of love being expressed through people, but love is a feeling, and you are the only one that can radiate and emit that feeling of love. Your ability to generate feelings of love is unlimited, and when you love you are in complete and utter harmony with the Universe. Love everything you can. Love everyone you can. Focus only on things you love, feel love, and you will experience that love and joy coming back to you – multiplied! The law of attraction must send you back more things to love. As you radiate love, it will appear as though the entire Universe is doing everything for you, and moving every good person to you. In truth, it is".
I suppose as long as we walk on this earth, there will be things we need to be reminded of. It's all too easy to become distracted and forget who we really are. But the journey is worth the risks and the challenges, and even worth the pain we create for ourselves in our efforts to become more awake and aware.
It's all part of the adventure we call Life.
But we tend to sleepwalk through life and even though we experience some times of heightened awareness, we tend to fall back into trance mode by default. So, it is good to be reminded often of the truths that can help us create the joy-filled, juicy lives we crave.
That's why I read constantly. That, and the insatiable curiosity I was born with.
Even when we have "learned" a principle, and think we have it down pretty well, it is all too easy to slip into old habits and patterns when we are not paying attention.
That's another reason we attract certain circumstances into our lives. They awaken us to where we are and make us aware of who we are in relation to them.
In the same book, I was reminded that fear is a powerful attractor. It is the opposite of love, and it manifests the opposite of love in our lives.
If you think about it, whatever you are fearing is what you are putting your faith in. It is what you believe in at that particular point. You are affirming it to be true. So, if you fear rejection, you believe in rejection. You trust in it. You expect it. And so, you will manifest it. If you fear being alone, you are placing your trust in separation, and you will receive exactly what you are expecting.
Another beautiful reminder came when I was feeling confused about certain relationships in my current experience. I followed my intuition and picked up the book, The Secret, and turned to the section on relationships. Even though the chapter was titled, Relationships, almost the entire focus was on your relationship with yourself. That's because we create our outer relationships based on our inner one. If we love and respect ourselves, we receive love and respect from others. If we treat ourselves poorly, others seem to feel entitled to treat us poorly. They may not be aware of this, and usually we are not either. But that is the purpose for making sure we seek regular reminders of the principles of Attraction and Creation.
Observe this beautiful rendition of these truths in this excerpt from The Secret, "All your joy is on the frequency of love – the highest and the most powerful frequency of all. You can’t hold love in your hand. You can only feel it in your heart. It is a state of being. You can see evidence of love being expressed through people, but love is a feeling, and you are the only one that can radiate and emit that feeling of love. Your ability to generate feelings of love is unlimited, and when you love you are in complete and utter harmony with the Universe. Love everything you can. Love everyone you can. Focus only on things you love, feel love, and you will experience that love and joy coming back to you – multiplied! The law of attraction must send you back more things to love. As you radiate love, it will appear as though the entire Universe is doing everything for you, and moving every good person to you. In truth, it is".
I suppose as long as we walk on this earth, there will be things we need to be reminded of. It's all too easy to become distracted and forget who we really are. But the journey is worth the risks and the challenges, and even worth the pain we create for ourselves in our efforts to become more awake and aware.
It's all part of the adventure we call Life.
Why Are We Here?
Have you ever thought about why we show up in one another's lives? I think it is in order to help one another along our individual paths of growth and evolution.
Even people we find particularly challenging are invited into our lives for a reason. We have something to learn from them and perhaps they have something to learn from us. It may be that we repeatedly attract people with whom we experience a particular kind of pain. Why would we do that? The obvious answer is that we need to heal the wound inside us that is attracting that same painful experience. As long as the wound is unhealed, we will continue attracting experiences that will bring that wound to our attention.
We are given free will and the choice whether to deal with the wound or slap a bandage on it and try to ignore it. But we will cease to grow in that area and become stuck in the same negative patterns until we choose to deal with it.
Why would we allow ourselves to get stuck like that? Because it hurts like hell to deal with our wounds. We have to clean out the wound in order to prevent or heal infection, and it is not a comfortable process. It's easier to put it off, because who wants to feel that pain? The only trouble with that is that the only way out is through. And so, if we choose not to deal with it, we choose not to move forward. We don't get to go around it, or step over it. We have to go through it. It's the only way to grow.
When we attract people to help us learn these lessons, what's in it for them? First of all, they have lessons of their own to learn. When we enable both ourselves and them to repeat the old patterns without intervention, we stall our own growth and contribute to their stagnation as well. When we choose to change whatever it is that brought us to this unhappy place, we learn and grow and give them the opportunity to learn and grow, as well. That doesn't mean they have to take that opportunity, but it is offered. If they are not ready to learn their lesson, they may move on to another relationship that allows them to repeat their unhealthy patterns.
But that's not our concern. Every soul must choose their own path. We can't choose for anyone except our own self. We are completely responsible for our own creation. No one creates our lives for us, and no one can make us happy except we ourselves. By the same token, we cannot create anyone else's happiness or create their lives for them. God gave us all free will. Who are we to dishonor that free will by trying to make someone happy? Have you ever thought of how controlling that is?
"I want to make him happy." Who are you to make anyone anything at all? God could choose to make us happy, but instead chooses to allow us to follow our own path and discover how to create our own happiness.
It's a beautiful thing, even if it does involve pain sometimes.
Even people we find particularly challenging are invited into our lives for a reason. We have something to learn from them and perhaps they have something to learn from us. It may be that we repeatedly attract people with whom we experience a particular kind of pain. Why would we do that? The obvious answer is that we need to heal the wound inside us that is attracting that same painful experience. As long as the wound is unhealed, we will continue attracting experiences that will bring that wound to our attention.
We are given free will and the choice whether to deal with the wound or slap a bandage on it and try to ignore it. But we will cease to grow in that area and become stuck in the same negative patterns until we choose to deal with it.
Why would we allow ourselves to get stuck like that? Because it hurts like hell to deal with our wounds. We have to clean out the wound in order to prevent or heal infection, and it is not a comfortable process. It's easier to put it off, because who wants to feel that pain? The only trouble with that is that the only way out is through. And so, if we choose not to deal with it, we choose not to move forward. We don't get to go around it, or step over it. We have to go through it. It's the only way to grow.
When we attract people to help us learn these lessons, what's in it for them? First of all, they have lessons of their own to learn. When we enable both ourselves and them to repeat the old patterns without intervention, we stall our own growth and contribute to their stagnation as well. When we choose to change whatever it is that brought us to this unhappy place, we learn and grow and give them the opportunity to learn and grow, as well. That doesn't mean they have to take that opportunity, but it is offered. If they are not ready to learn their lesson, they may move on to another relationship that allows them to repeat their unhealthy patterns.
But that's not our concern. Every soul must choose their own path. We can't choose for anyone except our own self. We are completely responsible for our own creation. No one creates our lives for us, and no one can make us happy except we ourselves. By the same token, we cannot create anyone else's happiness or create their lives for them. God gave us all free will. Who are we to dishonor that free will by trying to make someone happy? Have you ever thought of how controlling that is?
"I want to make him happy." Who are you to make anyone anything at all? God could choose to make us happy, but instead chooses to allow us to follow our own path and discover how to create our own happiness.
It's a beautiful thing, even if it does involve pain sometimes.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Now Is All There Is
Too often when the conditions in our lives are not exactly what we want them to be, we get caught up in living in the expectation of a better time. There's only one problem with that. There is no tomorrow. There is no some day.
Those are concepts of the future and they will always remain in the future. And living for them interferes with our ability to be present now, enjoying whatever treasures and pleasures are available to us this very moment.
The very moment we are experiencing now is the only moment we get to experience. The past is a memory. The future is a possibility. This moment is real.
We would do well to ask ourselves frequently what we can do to experience life to its fullest right now? It doesn't have to be anything elaborate, just whatever brings you joy.
For me, what sometimes works is just hugging one of my children and enjoying the indescribable joy of loving them immensely. I have a 16 year old daughter who will actually hold my hand in public. I think that's quite an accomplishment. Of course, that kind of relationship didn't happen overnight. It's a payoff for years of investing in her...of being present for her when I felt like doing something else...of listening when I was too tired to listen...of sacrificing goals I could have been pursuing in order to be available to her.
It's the same with my son. He went through a period of time when he was a little standoffish, but I just attributed that to puberty and gave him space to figure it out. And he did.
But getting back to the subject of living in the moment, what things and experiences bring you joy? Make a list and refer to it if you are out of the habit of enjoying the moment. How long has it been since you just stopped for a moment and enjoyed the sensations of the sun on your skin or the sounds of birds singing? Getting a few minutes of sunshine every day is a great antidote to depression.
Another thing I like to do from time to time is just act like a kid again. Kids know how to live in the moment. They don't worry much about what they are going to do when. They just seize whatever opportunity presents itself.
That's why every time I get an opportunity, I like to swing. I'm talking about a park swing. Come on, folks. :-) I swing as high as I possibly can and then sometimes I lie back in the swing and let that little thrill whirl through my belly and just abandon everything else in the joy of the moment.
My ideas may not appeal to you. That's okay. Come up with your own ideas...whatever does it for you. Just enjoy now before it gets away.
Those are concepts of the future and they will always remain in the future. And living for them interferes with our ability to be present now, enjoying whatever treasures and pleasures are available to us this very moment.
The very moment we are experiencing now is the only moment we get to experience. The past is a memory. The future is a possibility. This moment is real.
We would do well to ask ourselves frequently what we can do to experience life to its fullest right now? It doesn't have to be anything elaborate, just whatever brings you joy.
For me, what sometimes works is just hugging one of my children and enjoying the indescribable joy of loving them immensely. I have a 16 year old daughter who will actually hold my hand in public. I think that's quite an accomplishment. Of course, that kind of relationship didn't happen overnight. It's a payoff for years of investing in her...of being present for her when I felt like doing something else...of listening when I was too tired to listen...of sacrificing goals I could have been pursuing in order to be available to her.
It's the same with my son. He went through a period of time when he was a little standoffish, but I just attributed that to puberty and gave him space to figure it out. And he did.
But getting back to the subject of living in the moment, what things and experiences bring you joy? Make a list and refer to it if you are out of the habit of enjoying the moment. How long has it been since you just stopped for a moment and enjoyed the sensations of the sun on your skin or the sounds of birds singing? Getting a few minutes of sunshine every day is a great antidote to depression.
Another thing I like to do from time to time is just act like a kid again. Kids know how to live in the moment. They don't worry much about what they are going to do when. They just seize whatever opportunity presents itself.
That's why every time I get an opportunity, I like to swing. I'm talking about a park swing. Come on, folks. :-) I swing as high as I possibly can and then sometimes I lie back in the swing and let that little thrill whirl through my belly and just abandon everything else in the joy of the moment.
My ideas may not appeal to you. That's okay. Come up with your own ideas...whatever does it for you. Just enjoy now before it gets away.
Monday, March 05, 2007
I Am a Victor, Not a Victim
"I am a victor, not a victim," is one of the affirmations I began using on my road to emotional health. Before I could rise up from the pit of depression, I had to face the fact that it was my own repression that led to my depression. I could have fought back. I didn't have to take it lying down.
One of the more intense and intensely important lessons I have learned on my journey is that we have the power to be in complete control of our responses.
Whether or not we take offense to something someone says or does is entirely up to us. People can even do things with the intention of hurting us, and we can decide to frame it in a way that no damage is done.
Now, I don't know anyone who has actually attained to this level of invincibility, but I know it can be done. It just makes sense.
The reason something hurts us is because we interpret it in a hurtful manner. We can choose other interpretations besides personal damage.
For instance, if someone makes a racial slur, we can interpret it as a personal injury or we can interpret it as an ignorant comment coming from an immature personality.
Someone asks, "Where did you get that shirt?" We can interpret it as an insult to our sense of style or an expression of personal preference. One is hurtful, the other is not.
Someone takes some action that undermines our work. We can choose to believe they are trying to knock us off the ladder so they can occupy our rung, or we can choose to believe they are attracting some lesson in how not to conduct themselves on the job.
The point is, we are free to be victims, but we don't have to be. It's our choice.
One of the more intense and intensely important lessons I have learned on my journey is that we have the power to be in complete control of our responses.
Whether or not we take offense to something someone says or does is entirely up to us. People can even do things with the intention of hurting us, and we can decide to frame it in a way that no damage is done.
Now, I don't know anyone who has actually attained to this level of invincibility, but I know it can be done. It just makes sense.
The reason something hurts us is because we interpret it in a hurtful manner. We can choose other interpretations besides personal damage.
For instance, if someone makes a racial slur, we can interpret it as a personal injury or we can interpret it as an ignorant comment coming from an immature personality.
Someone asks, "Where did you get that shirt?" We can interpret it as an insult to our sense of style or an expression of personal preference. One is hurtful, the other is not.
Someone takes some action that undermines our work. We can choose to believe they are trying to knock us off the ladder so they can occupy our rung, or we can choose to believe they are attracting some lesson in how not to conduct themselves on the job.
The point is, we are free to be victims, but we don't have to be. It's our choice.
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