Discovering Wholeness

We call it healing, implying that there is something that is not perfect in us in the first place. Perhaps we could more appropriately call it discovering our wholeness.

It is a difficult concept for us in a world where we are constantly being bombarded with messages that something is wrong. And then we amplify the idea that something is wrong by continuously looking for problems to solve. I have noticed in myself a tendency to think something is wrong, and I recognize it as a habit of mind. If you are accustomed to spending a lot of time in your mind, you may discover this tendency in yourself, as well. And, wonder of wonders, if we are continuously looking for something wrong, guess what we are going to find? That's because we are creating what we are looking for. It is our looking for something that is not quite right that makes it so.

I recently had an experience that I find an interesting illustration of discovering wholeness. For years, I have been working through issues relating to the sexual abuse that I experienced as a child. I made some progress with psychotherapy, but I wanted more than progress. I wanted wholeness. I wanted to leave it all behind. And many times, I thought I had, only to find the issues resurfacing later.

I came to understand that I needed to forgive my abusers in order to release the pain I was still holding on to. And so, I forgave as best I knew how, going back over the memories I held of these events and forgiving each occurrence to the best of my ability.

I am always exploring and open to learning new ways of seeing things. And on several occasions, the truth was brought to my awareness that we do well to be grateful for everything because every person and event and experience holds some gift, if we are open to receiving. So, I decided to thank my abusers, going back over each memory and observing with new eyes, looking for the gift contained in these experiences.

I know. It sounds weird. And yet I am open to facilitate healing in others because of the pain I have experienced. I cherish life because I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death.

Ask and it is always given, although no one will force us to receive. And so, continuing on my journey of discovery, I became aware that the next step in letting go of the illusion of suffering would be to love my abusers. That was a hard pill to swallow. Yet the truth is that the reason we have need to forgive is that we are judging in the first place. Now, I am not saying I am prepared to tell everyone to drop their judgments, especially those who have been deeply hurt. That is a very personal decision. All I know is that I am prepared to drop mine or at least begin this practice.

And so, continuing on my journey, a good friend and mentor pointed out to me that I was afraid to own my power. I immediately recognized the truth in this statement, and I related it primarily to the physical abuse of my mother by her second husband. My higher self later revealed a connection between my abuse issues and my feelings of powerlessness, and I felt compelled to go beyond forgiveness, even beyond gratefulness and to take back my power. And so I went back over the memories I carried and in my heart I gave what my abusers would take away.

As long as someone is taking something from you, they have the power. As long as you remain a victim, you relinquish your power. But when you give, you own your power. I believe this is why Jesus said if anyone takes away your coat, give him your cloak also. You release your attachment to what is taken from you when you go beyond being a victim and become a benefactor. And you own your power when you give as opposed to being taken.

Maybe this is the end of this particular journey. Maybe there are discoveries yet to be made. It doesn't matter. There will always be something to discover, in some arena or other. And so, the exploration continues.