I wept last night. I cried like a baby. I wept for all the times I have broken my heart, and for the realization that I am the only one who has ever broken my heart. I can't control what anyone else does, but I can choose my thoughts about it, and thus my feelings about it.
I wept for the walls I built around my heart that only served to block pain in and block love out.
I wept for your broken heart, too.
And to all upon whom I have projected blame for my broken heart, I take it back. I claim it. I own it. It is mine. Mine to deal, mine to heal. You are free.
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Wow!
ReplyDeleteThat IS a transformation.
Yes totally, but I find this "blame" thing anyway difficult to deal with. Your propensity to have a broken heart is surely conditioned by childhood experiences for which caregivers do have responsibility, therefore you could "blame" them; but unfortunately the chain goes farther and farther back and in the end we all seem objects rather than subjects of destiny.
ReplyDeleteI am blamed for stuff like that too, I know it is a projection and if I can be a useful mirror then I am happy to play that role; but I admit it's not fun and certainly not the highest form of awakened existence in community. I find the blame thing very dishonest though, and would prefer people projected at me their anger, because at least they would be discharging something in the process.
Well, we can also be grateful that our heart is broken because we need it to be remade, to give up on all illusions, to mourn, to become pure love and pure compassion.
If you have space to mourn and to reshape your destiny free of manipulation, subjugation and violence, you are already as free as only a tiny fraction of the human race has ever been.
Love,
Sean
The current breaking is not in response to anyone doing me "wrong". It is more an observation of my tendency to look for pain in my life. We find what we are looking for, don't we?
ReplyDeleteWhen we go through heartache consciously, all the unhealed and unconscious instances of heartache come up for review and release.
And looking at it all with eyes wide open, I am aware that my response to the circumstances of my life has always been my responsibility. Others were responsible for their actions, but not for my response.
And yes, it does go way, way back, because others were only acting out of their own pain and unconsciousness.
Thank you for your response, and for the light you shine for others.