It's Showtime!

I finally got tired of dancing all around this thing the Universe wants me to deal with, and so I went to sleep this morning (working nights) after calling on any and all available help to see and deal with whatever it is that I have been unwilling to face.

I promptly fell asleep to some deep meditation music and slept longer and deeper than I have in a long time...and remembered exactly nothing when I awoke.

So, I asked for help to become aware of whatever it was I discovered in my dream work. There may be more to the story, but I did become aware of something very important.

I discovered that there are several lessons that my soul has gotten through to my intellect over the past year that my heart has been resistant to. From a logical standpoint, I completely understand them, and can even teach them to others. Meanwhile, my heart has been saying, "Hell, no. I've had enough breakage in this lifetime to last several lifetimes. I'm staying right here in my protective little fortress and you can't do a damned thing about it."

So, I'm having a little conversation with my heart. I want it to understand that it is safe now. I know things now that I didn't know then. It is all good and it always has been.

Some of the lessons I have learned from Spirit this year:

1. One of my issues has always been fear of abandonment. But there is no abandonment. People come and go from our lives. It is natural. It is cyclical. In fact, we will eventually be parted from everyone in our lives, either by choice or by death. It is part of the human experience.

2. Another thing I have struggled with is the feeling of not being worthy, not good enough. But now I know that whether or not someone accepts us or rejects us or loves us or judges us is a function of their own preferences or their own level of maturity and is not a statement of our value.

3. For most of my life, I defined myself by my pain. But now I know that whether I hurt or not in any given situation is my choice. I can choose to suffer or I can choose to see the perfection in whatever happens, realizing it is all part of a higher purpose, a purification, bringing us into truer alignment with All That Is. Even if we have allowed something to hurt us in the past, we can choose to use it in spiritual practice. We can forgive and release our judgments about the event, accept and incorporate its lessons and be grateful for it. Yes, grateful. At one time, I didn't think that was possible, either.

So, provided I have convinced my heart that everything is good, it's all unfolding perfectly, and we can handle anything that arises, it's show time!