Living in the Moment

Wouldn't it be nice if, instead of blowing through life like a storm, we actually began noticing we are living it? What if we were to slow down a little and actually pay attention to what is happening?

I went for a walk in my neighborhood this morning, which is a little challenging for me because I tend to get bored with the same old scenery. My mind is in the habit of running constantly, and bringing it to stillness is a work in progress. I notice a lot more I used to, but there is plenty of room for improvement.

So, this morning, as I was walking and starting to feel mentally restless, I remembered that life is in the moment, and I want to enjoy every one of them I can. So, I asked myself, what is there to enjoy in this moment? I began noticing the softness of the spring air. The sun was warm, but it was a gentle warmth. The birds were singing, but in the moments before this, their lovely songs had been filtered out by mental clutter. As I was walking, I came across a patch of honeysuckle growing on a neighbor's fence. That's another one of my favorite natural scents, so I had to stop and take in the fragrance. That would probably drive a fitness expert crazy, but I feel that true fitness is multi-dimensional, just as true wealth is. If we're only working on getting our bodies in shape, and neglecting our souls and spirits, we are missing out on much of the joy life has to offer. True, physical exercise is good for our hearts, but so is fun, laughter, and enjoying life through all of our senses.

Jo Dee Messina recorded a song titled, Was That My Life? The chorus goes like this:

Oh we just get one
Ride around the sun
In this dream of time.
It goes so fast
That one day we look back
And we ask
Was that my life?

We can live life in the fast lane, hardly taking the time to look around. Or, we can notice the moments and live them as fully as possible. The path of least resistance is to follow the patterns that society has set up for us. We may think there is no other possibility, but the truth is, we follow the path of least resistance because it is easier. Swimming against the current may be more rewarding, but it's not so easy. Coloring outside the lines won't get us the approval we crave, at least not until we create something so spectacular that others can't help but admire it.

Ultimately, though, we are responsible for what we make of our lives. It's more pleasant to say it's all society's fault. The government, or our employer, or our spouse made us do it. We had to do it that way, because we have bills to pay, and mouths to feed. And as long as we hold on to that belief, we will continue to follow the same patterns and feel powerless to change them. But look around. There are people everywhere who are changing them - people who are taking their lives into their own hands, and creating their own success, their own joyful experience of life. Sometimes, getting from here to there requires a lot of inner work, a lot of dropping beliefs that aren't working for us, and a lot of mental reprogramming.

But imagine the rewards! Imagine the possibilities!

Pardon Me, Your Addiction is Showing

Coming from a family riddled with addiction (I lost three grandparents to alcohol-related deaths before I was ever born), I managed to escape the biggies, alcoholism, drugs, etc., just as my mother did. Awareness and being conscious of the consequences of those addictions kept me off those paths. As I always told my children, "Every path has a destination. If you don't want to reach that destination, don't get on that path".

However, the thing you don't escape when you come from such a background is addictive tendencies. Even if the big, bad addictions skip a generation or two, the addictive tendencies are learned and passed on, until someone becomes aware of them and stops the cycle. I have heard so many people who have grown up around alcoholism say something like, "I will never be an alcoholic. I will never put my family through that kind of hell". And yet, they act out the same addictive tendencies in some other form and don't even realize the damage they are doing.

Whether we are workaholics, spendaholics, foodaholics or alcoholics, the effect can be very damaging both to our own lives and to those who love us. What it boils down to is escape. We escape into the addiction to distract us from whatever is not working in our lives.

The trouble with that is that while we're escaping, our problems are not going away as we hoped they would. Instead, they usually grow and spread like a fungus while we are ignoring them. Then, when we try to give up the addiction, we are faced with an even bigger problem than before. No wonder the temptation is to escape back into the addiction, and no wonder it becomes harder to overcome an addiction the longer we are mired in it.

There is always hope, of course. The thing that brings us hope is the thing we are most afraid of. That is, facing the thing we don't want to face. Facing whatever is not working in our lives. Facing the fear that if we deal with what is not working, it will require breaking through this wall of pain, and that perhaps the dull aching of an unsatisfying life is easier to bear than that one large swell of pain that may occur when we face the truth of what is not working and do something about it.

And so, what to do? Well, the choice, as always is ours completely. It is our own responsibility to decide the kind of life we will live. No one can decide for us, and no one can make our life perfect for us. It is our own creation, and no one else has the right or the responsibility to make it good for us. If we decide we would rather please everyone else than to live our best life, that is our choice. And that is the reason we can't rightfully blame anyone else for the outcome.

This is both frightening and liberating. Because knowing that I am responsible for my own experience of life and no one else is, not only means that the buck stops here, it also means that the power is here, as well. Right here, inside me. I don't have to look outside myself for the power to create my best life. I just have to do it.

If I want to, that is.

How to Feel Worthy by Mark Myhre

Friend,

Ever felt unworthy?

Many people do.

There's no substitute for self-worth.

Self-esteem is a different story. Many substitutes exist for esteem.

Interestingly, most people seem to confuse self esteem with self worth. Your esteem must be earned. Your worth is given.

All humans are worthy. You can't possibly do anything to become more worthy. Nor can you do anything to become LESS worthy.

If you're alive and breathing, you're 100% worthy. Everyone is.

We all come from the same source. We're all equally
worthy.

Worth is given. It can never be earned.

So why don't we feel worthy?

Two basic reasons.

1. Shame.

If your parents felt unworthy - even if they never outwardly displayed it - then they probably passed those feelings on to you.

Maybe through the vehicle of spankings, or abandonment, or some sort of emotional abuse. The vehicles for passing the shame of unworthiness are many and varied. And the vehicle often has tinted windows.

You thought they were raging about the spilled milk. But feelings of their own unworthiness were driving that vehicle of rage. You never saw past the rage. Or the abandonment, or whatever the vehicle was.

That's one way to end up feeling unworthy.


2. Not being responsible for your feelings.

If you honestly, fundamentally, and unshakingly believe emotions are bad and wrong and need to be avoided at all costs - that can also lead to feelings of unworthiness.

The more you believe emotions should be avoided or stuffed - the more hollow and empty you'll feel inside. The more hollow and empty you feel inside, the more
unworthy you'll feel.

It's a slippery slope that starts with judging how you feel, and ends with feeling nothing. The more unworthy you feel, the closer you're getting to feeling nothing.

And if you're feeling nothing, you're most likely depressed.

Unworthiness - along with similar feelings - becomes like a prison that slowly closes in on you.

You want to avoid feeling it - but you keep brushing up against the walls of the prison.

So what do you do?

Well, a door exists that leads out of your prison. You just have to use it. The door - the answer - is to feel those feelings you don't want to feel.

First you 'own' those feelings. Then you can let them go.

Then you can just walk right out of your prison.

It's that simple. It also can be extremely difficult. Because something is guarding your door of escape.

It's the fundamental belief that feeling those feelings is WORSE than being in prison.

You don't want to be in prison. But maybe you believe it's better to be in prison than to be responsible for YOUR OWN feelings.

For some people, just reading these words will be enough to change.

"Wow! That makes sense, Mark!

"I was so afraid of my feelings of unworthiness that I was avoiding them at all costs. Well, no more...

"I'm going to own them - feel them - in all their painful glory - and them I'll release them. So I can get out of this prison and start feeling the worth that's my
BIRTHRIGHT.

"And if the feelings of unworthiness come back tomorrow then I'll repeat the process until they STOP coming back.

"And I'll feel my worth - as totally and completely as I can. Always seeking to feel more..."

Or perhaps you're thinking -

"I'm ALREADY feeling unworthy - you idiot!!! And nothing's changing!"

If that's the case, let me back up and explain what 'own' means...

First - here's what owning your feelings *doesn't*
mean -

It *doesn't* mean I get to use those feelings as a club to beat someone up with. Including myself.

It *doesn't* mean - "I'm right" - and I have the right to feel unworthy.

Or - I get to avoid being responsible for my feelings.

Or- I get to blame. Or I get to underachieve. Or get to engage in any behavior I want because I'm entitled.

"Look how I've suffered."

Basically, I don't *have* to take out the garbage. I get to tell myself a story about what those feelings mean. I have no intention of releasing them. And every intention of proving you wrong, Mark!


No. Owning means - these are MY feelings. Maybe I 'used' them in the past. Maybe I've been telling myself a story up till now, but I'm willing to change. Starting
right now.

I see the freedom that comes with ownership.

"That shiny new car in the garage is MINE!"

When you say you're already feeling those feelings, and nothing's changing - then most likely what you've been experiencing is a little bit of true feeling - and a whole lot of 'made up story'.

It's like breathing life into a monster. It takes a spark of real emotion - but only a spark - to make that monster story come alive.

The story is a coping mechanism. It's an attempt to deal with feelings you don't want to feel.

Because any time you 'cleanly' feel a feeling - you consume it as fuel.

Emotions are like jet fuel. They're MEANT to be consumed.

It's unnatural to feel the exact same thing day after day. If you keep feeling the exact same thing that means you're not properly using your fuel.

Besides, everybody loves a good story!

You can take what I'm saying and liberate yourself - or you can use it to bolster your story. Make the walls of your prison just a little bit thicker...

If you want to end the feelings of unworthiness - then OWN THEM - admit to yourself *you* created the feelings and nobody else. They're yours.

First - think about what I'm saying.

Second - feel as intensely as you can without thinking.

Third - think about it again.

Fourth - feel it again.

Go back and forth between thinking and feeling. That's how you change.

Whether it's unworthiness or anything else - consciously separate your thinking from your feeling. So you can engage each cleanly.

Have you ever dug a hole when the ground is saturated with water? The hole quickly fills up with water.

You can bail the water out of the hole, but it fills right back up again. How quickly it fills up depends upon the soil type. Sandy soils fill quickly. Clay soils take longer. Regardless, it fills.

If you want to empty the water you must get down on your knees and scoop it out with a bucket or some sort of container.

You are the hole.

The water is your worth.

Left on it's own, the hole will fill with water. You must DO something to be emptied.

Even if you were shamed, you must now keep the shame alive. You must keep bailing out the water.

It's hard work, but it's the only way to keep the story alive.

Remember, you can use these words to make a better bucket - to bail out your worth more 'efficiently'....

To strengthen your little story.

Or you can use these words to 'step outside the box'. Get those feelings churning and moving. Process them. Consume them. Eat them for lunch. Use them to become
more.

You're already worthy, anyway.

May as well feel it.


all the best,

Mark

brought to you by
Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Wizard
fiercely slaying your emotional dragons!

http://www.getresponse.com/t/8462807/

http://www.reduce-fear.com

http://www.getresponse.com/t/8462808/

A Moment on My Soapbox

Women are generally freer about hugging each other and holding hands. But if a woman is naturally tactile with men, her behavior can be easily misunderstood. Traditionally, a woman is taught to control any display of affection that could be interpreted as sexual; except with her partner.

This is sad, but true. Here's how it's expressed in the book, Conversations With God, "You don't like to think of a woman having robust sexuality, much less celebrating it openly".

We can accept men's "robust sexuality", but we have a few less than savory words for women who are potently sexual and don't try to hide it. And if she is sexually violated, well, look at the way she was dressed. She was asking for it, they say. And to hear the rapist tell it, she wanted it.

Well, allow me to say, "Bullshit!"

Even if a woman is pulsing with vibrant sexual energy, and exuding powerful sexual magnetism, it is not an open invitation to be hit on by every testosterone factory that walks erect (no pun intended). And it is certainly not an invitation to be violated.

If is our societal belief that sex is something to whisper about, not to be talked about in polite society, and I believe our association with it as somehow wrong or dirty is at the root of the many perversions of what is truly a beautiful and precious gift.

The irony is that if we are open and receptive to the gift of our sexuality, all the veils fall away and we see the beauty and the love that is inherent in this vital aspect of ourselves. And we experience the powerful, loving energy that transforms life from the mundane to the divine.

Touch

Excerpted from an article entitled Touch.

"Aside from being your gateway to touch and a great place to hang your clothes, your skin is also your largest organ. In a grown man, it covers about 19 square feet and weighs about 8 pounds. A piece of skin the size of a quarter contains more than 3 million cells, 100 to 340 sweat glands, 50 nerve endings and 3 feet of blood vessels. No one is exempt from needing to be touched. Humans need to touch and be touched, just like we need food and water. The connection between touch and well being is far more than skin deep. From the moment of birth our tactile sense is being stimulated. Pushed out, picked up, and slapped on the bottom, we are placed at our mother's breast, and a bonding process begins.

The need for bonding, or close physical contact with another human being, remains with us throughout our lifetime. It generally feels good to have another human being's skin come into contact with our own. Some of us repress our craving for warmth and affection, while others go to extremes to obtain it.

Touching can reassure us, relax us, comfort us, or arouse us, like nothing else. In a way, the importance of touch is so basic that we tend to take it for granted, just as we do breathing. As children, we were curious to touch everything we saw. But frequently as our hands reached out to explore, an adult voice could be heard to say, "don't touch," followed by an assortment of reasons implying that touching could be dangerous, rude, disrespectful, shameful, unsanitary, and even sinful. Many of us have been taught, either openly or by example, that touching is something to be suspicious of and avoided. This kind of ingrained thinking is often responsible for the sexual dysfunction we experience as adults. These constraints are difficult to shed, further inhibiting us from natural physical contact with others.

Often we regard touch as an amorphous, nonspecific kind of thing. But it isn't. You can be made to roll over with laughter with touch or you can be put to sleep with touch. All too often accidental touching, especially in public embarrasses us. Even an innocent handshake, if too prolonged, can be misconstrued as an invitation to a sexual encounter. Because touching has an excess of negative associations, with very little provocation it seems we flee from intimacy. In terms of sexual arousal, whatever you might see won't compare to ten seconds of the right touch. And as for pain, no matter how much you think a shrill sound or shocking image could make you grimace--forget it. There's nothing that hurts more than one stiff punch. Women are generally freer about hugging each other and holding hands. But if a woman is naturally tactile with men, her behavior can be easily misunderstood. Traditionally, a woman is taught to control any display of affection that could be interpreted as sexual; except with her partner."

Well said, and more on that in another post.

I Don't Want to Be Your Everything

"I want to be your everything." I've heard that theme recurringly in songs and sonnets, and I always thought it was a romantic idea. But I've changed my mind.

For one thing, I came to understand quite some time ago that it is not possible for one person to meet all our needs. This is one reason why so many romantic partnerships fail. We look to one person to be our all in all, and they are only one person. Eventually, they feel drained from being expected to fill our every need and grow weary of feeling like a failure for not being able to fulfill all of our expectations.

On the flip side of that coin, one person cannot be expected to receive all that we have to give, especially if we are deeply connected with who we really are. We may have so much to give that we overwhelm a person in our efforts to give them our all. They may have the capacity of a gallon container and we have ten gallons to give away, and they find themselves drowning in the flood of our generosity.

I wonder how many relationships are destroyed for this very reason.

It's a good reason for us to cultivate a variety of relationships in which we can give our love away. I am not talking about promiscuity. There are many different ways to give our love away. Everything from giving someone a hug to doing volunteer work to sending someone a note of encouragement.

Let's not try to be everything to anybody, and let's not expect anyone to be our everything. Let's live love with everyone we are blessed to associate with, and be open to receive love from all.

Are you with me? Alright then, let's do it.

Yes is Not Always Best

We talked about the energy of Yes, and how delicious, open and expansive it feels. We also talked about the fact that we can't say Yes to everything.

How can we know what to say Yes to and when No is the best choice for us? For some things, the answer is obvious. Saying Yes to drugs, cigarettes and other destructive substances is clearly unwise.

For other things, we need to learn to listen to our Essential Self. Sometimes, we say Yes to what other people want when it is not the best thing for us. At that moment, if we are paying attention, we can hear our Essential Self screaming NO, even as we are saying Yes.

How does the Essential Self communicate this misalignment? Through our feelings. There may be a tightening in your gut, a feeling of being drained or a general feeling of tension. Different people feel their No in different ways. Each of us must learn what our No feels like if we are to align ourselves with what we really want in life.

Some of us live in such a state of constant misalignment with what we really want that tension is a way of life. If we were aware of the damage that does to our health, as well as to the quality of our lives, we might be quicker to say Yes to ourselves and No to anything that keeps us from living our best possible lives. Then again, we might not, but at least we would be aware that we are choosing the health-destroying effects and the poor quality of life. It is not happening to us, and no one else or nothing else is causing it.

When we realize we are at cause in our own lives, it is somewhat frightening because there is no one or nothing to blame our troubles on. But it is also empowering because if we are solely responsible for the creation of our own life experience, then we also have all the power necessary to create the life we want.

A word of caution here - just as we are responsible for creating our own life experience, so is everyone else, so we don't get to decide for anyone else. We don't get to create in their reality. Often when we change our own lives and our attitudes, those around us will respond and change, but it is their choice.

We can't make a particular person respond to us. That would be creating in their reality, and a violation of their free will. If we want love, then the thing to ask for is our perfect partner, not Angeline Jolie or Matthew McConaughey. Can you imagine how overworked those poor folks would be if we could create in their reality? :-)

So, use your imagination and your choices to create the best life possible for you, and allow others their own creations. Therein is freedom, and joy, and love.

Yeah, Baby!

This afternoon, I attended a Law of Attraction group in Spring. We met at Crepe Paris Cafe. I had chocolate, of course. What else would you expect from a hedonist? Yummmmmm...

We saw part of The Secret (I guess it must be my sixth viewing), but there was much more to the meeting. It was frickin awesome!

We did various exercises, and Colette, the group organizer and facilitator, wouldn't let us stay in our comfort zones. She kept making us get up and move around to interact with different people. The best part of all was when each of us got up and shared our visions of our life experiences five years from now. We were encouraged to use verbs...what we expect to see, feel, hear, do, etc. With each person's contribution, the energy in the room expanded exponentially. It was such a turn-on, I wouldn't be surprised if I was lit up like a light bulb by the time I walked out of there.

I recently asked the Universe for healing, and I am amazed at the ways it is showing up for me. In fact, I feel like I am experiencing the energy of passion on a fairly continuous basis. I have been here before, even before I began learning that this is what the tantric way of life is about. But at the time, I actually began to wonder if something was wrong. Feeling so good so much of the time was such a contrast to the way my life had been before that I was concerned I had a chemical imbalance or something. Is that goofy or what? :-)

Anyway, as soon as I put my focus on worrying that I was crazy to feel so good, I plunged back into the contrast of feeling crappy much of the time. I guess I needed that in order to realize that certainly couldn't be called health, even though some people would label negativity "reality". If that's the reality you want, more power to you, but not for me, baby. I want more. I want this feeling-awesome energy all the time, and that's what I am attracting, so that's what I am experiencing.

So, I asked the Universe for healing and the Universe knows where it's at and how to deliver it. So, I have been working on my part, which is receiving, and it is opening up a wellstream of passion that I can use to make my contributions to this world and to create the life of my dreams. I'm probably going to rock some boats in the process, but what the hell? Why not? Yes!!!!!!!

Or as my good buddy Garth said it, "The winds of change are blowing wild and free, but you ain't seen nothing like me yet."

Bring it, baby!

The Change - More Garth

One hand reaches out and pulls a lost soul from harm,
While a thousand more go unspoken for,
And they say, "What good have you done by saving just this one?
It's like whispering a prayer in the fury of a storm."

This heart still believes that love and mercy still exist,
While all the hatreds rage and so many say
That "Love is all but pointless in madness such as this.
It's like trying to stop a fire with the moisture from a kiss."

And I hear them saying, "You'll never change things.
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing."
But it's not the world that I am changing.
I do this so this world will know that it will not change me.

What I do is so this world we know never changes me.

See why I love Garth so? A delicious medley of passion and compassion. Something to aspire to.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." - Mahatma Gandhi

Yeah, baby!

Is It Possible to Love Without Attachment?

That is one of the areas in which I am currently exploring the possibilities. It is not completely clear to me how this is done, although I have experienced a degree of success in this area. I'll tell you about that in a moment.

I really don't care for the word "detached". It sounds cold, impersonal, unfeeling. And, as someone who came into this life with a propensity to feel everything deeply, it sounds unappealing to me. But maybe that's just the meaning with which I have infused the word. Let's see what dictionary.com has to say about it...

1. not attached; separated:
3. impartial or objective; disinterested; unbiased
4. not involved or concerned; aloof.

American Heritage Dictionary:

1. Separated; disconnected:
3. Marked by an absence of emotional involvement and an aloof, impersonal objectivity.

Wordnet:

1. showing lack of emotional involvement;
2. being or feeling set or kept apart from others;
3. no longer connected or joined;

Okay, that does it. I definitely do not like this word.

On the other hand, I understand that attachment is the cause of the emotional pain we create for ourselves. And yes, we do create it. No one has the power to make us feel anything at all.

So, how to love without attachment...because it is not the loss of contact or connection with another human being that causes us pain...it is the wrenching of that attachment from our tightly clenched fingers (and hearts) that hurts so much.

Okay, here's what I have come to understand in the past about this. When my children were small, I worried a lot about what might happen to them. When they were babies, I would check to make sure they were breathing. I kept a close watch on them constantly for fear of losing them. They were my dreams come true. Losing them would be the worst possible thing I could imagine happening in this life.

Further, I tried very hard to keep them from getting hurt. Until I learned that not only is it impossible to keep someone else from getting hurt, it is not even loving. Yes, we want them to understand how to take good care of themselves and to make choices that will benefit them, but to keep them from experimenting and learning from natural consequences is unkind.

For the most part, my children have brought me great joy. However, there have been some decisions they have made that I didn't care for. The good thing is, these served to remind me that I really didn't have control, and that control was not my job, anyway. My job was to love, teach and be there for them. Their job is to create their lives as they wish to experience them. Now, this is a very difficult thing for a mother who already feels things intensely, because when my children hurt, I am pretty sure I hurt more. Nevertheless, it is very liberating to realize that you don't have to try and control what you can't control anyway.

This same principle operates in all our earthly relationships. We do not have control over any other person. We cannot choose for them. We can choose whether to honor their free will or waste time and energy trying to get them on board with our ideas of "how things ought to be".

One of the things that is serving as an excellent reminder of how to grow in our relationships is the book I am currently reading, Conversations With God, by Neale Donald Walsch.

Consider these ideas: [speaking from the standpoint of coming from the question 'What is the highest choice?' or the question 'How can I lose the least?'] "When life is lived from the standpoint of damage control or optimum advantage, the true benefit of life is forfeited. The opportunity is lost...For a life lived thusly is a life lived from fear - and that life speaks a lie about you.

For you are not fear, you are love. Love that needs no protection, love that cannot be lost. Yet you will never know this in your experience if you continually ask the second question and not the first. For only a person who thinks there is something to gain or to lose asks the second question. And only a peron who sees life in a different way; who sees Self as a higher being; who understands that winning or losing is not the test, but only loving or failing to love - only that person asks the first...at the critical juncture in all human relationships, there is only one question: What would love do now?

Now we come upon a very delicate point of interpretation, for this principle..has been widely misunderstood...the highest choice is that which produces the highest good for you...this truth revolves around an even greater one: What you do for your Self, you do for another. What you do for another, you do for your Self. This is because you and the other are one.

So often, under the old understandings, people...did what they thought would be best for the other person in their relationships. Sadly, all this produced in many cases...was continued abuse by the other. Continued mistreatment. Continued dysfunction in the relationship.

...if you look to what is best for you in situations where you are being abused, at the very least what you will do is stop the abuse. And that will be good for both you and your abuser. For even an abuser is abused when his abuse is allowed to continue.

This is not healing to the abuser, but damaging. For if the abuser finds his abuse is acceptable, what has he learned? Yet if the abuser finds that his abuse will be accepted no more, what has he been allowed to discover?"

While we may not have control over what another person does, we do have responsibility for creating our own life experience. And sometimes, the most loving thing we can do for another is to allow them to experience the consequences of their actions. And the most loving thing we can do for ourselves and the other is to remove ourselves from the dysfunctional relationship.

This is much easier said than done...this coming from someone who has approached this decision and stepped back from it several times over the past few years.

Hey, I didn't say I was a Master. But I'm working on it.

Dare to Fail

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." Mark Twain

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." George Bernard Shaw

"The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything."William Connor Magee

If you play it safe your whole life through, what do you think you will have to show for your safety when this life is over? What will you gain? What will you learn? Will playing it safe contribute anything at all to your growth?

It's no fun making mistakes. It's even less enjoyable to admit them. But it beats the hell out of playing it safe.

"There are no mistakes or failures, only lessons." Denis Waitley

When you look at it that way, it doesn't feel quite so threatening. You will not find any successful person who hasn't experienced their fair share of "lessons" on their journey. But nothing happens until we step out and take a risk, knowing the outcome may be very different from what we are hoping for.

Don't let nothing happen in your life. (Yes, I know my grammar.)

Consider these words from the song, I Hope You Dance, by Lee Ann Womack:

"I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking
Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making"

“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” - Anais Nin

“I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” - Michael Jordan

Do yourself a favor. Fail a little. Fail a lot. Use failure as a stepping stone to the greatest success you can imagine. But don't fail to fail. Unless a small life just works for you. :-)

Bringing It All Together

I, for one, am glad to see the globalization that is permeating our society with fresh ideas...well, fresh to us, anyway.

The things we are learning from eastern philosophy are contributing to a reintegration of various aspects of ourselves we have long rejected. For too long, our society has been dominated by left brain thinking. If you have paid attention to the results of brain studies that have been released over the past several years, you know that optimal performance in life stems from working with both sides of our brains.

The very fact that east and west were so separate for so long tells us that we have been out of touch with certain aspects of ourselves. There is no need for separation when we are not rejecting parts of who we are.

Now, I have also observed as I have been exploring these new ideas that any one of them has followers/teachers who want you to take their ideas as absolute truth, just like our western religions tend to do. But that's what our brains are for...to figure out what we believe and what we desire and what we choose.

I highly respect teachers who will say you don't have to believe whatever it is they are teaching. I try to remember to say that as well. After all, what do I know? My truth is no more valid than yours. It's just more relevant to me.

And often, I find information in other people's teachings that works for me. So, I integrate it. Other parts of their teaching might not resonate with me, so I set that aside. I have found I can learn something valuable from everyone I meet, even if it is just learning what I don't want to be or how I don't wish to behave.

It is my desire that as I lay different ideas and thoughts before you, you will receive something that will help you on your journey. And so I say, if any of this helps, use it. If it doesn't, set it aside. I will not in any way be diminished if you don't agree with me. Either way, I'm glad to be sharing the journey with you.

Unwritten

I love great quotes and meaningful songs. They're little life lessons condensed into few words. Powerful. Moving. Thought-provoking. Sometimes life-changing.

Consider these words from Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield:

"I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines
We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten"

How awesome is that! To be reminded that our life to come is a book with blank pages, and the pen is in our hand, the words are our choice. Maybe you've been writing your life story as a tragedy. Do you have to continue your story in that vein? Absolutely not! You have complete freedom to rewrite the story you have already written and the parts of the story yet to come.

But, you say, I can't change the past. Perhaps we don't know a way to change past events, but the thing that is completely within our power is to change the way we view the story. Maybe what was written as a tragedy can be rewritten as a dark comedy. Or an action/adventure story. "Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change," is the way Dr. Wayne Dyer says it.

The point is that the power is all yours to write the story as you wish and the rest of your story is yet unwritten. The possibilities are infinite.

What will you write?

Real Friendship

Sometimes the people we think are the cruelest are really doing us a kindness. I've had friends who refused to support my weakness by letting me lean. It felt harsh, but it forced me to stand on my own two feet and find my own strength.

After I was done being pissed off, I was able to be deeply grateful for the respect they showed me by giving me the chance to find my own way.

In the same way, even those who hurt us are doing us a favor. They are revealing to us areas in which we need to grow and develop strength.

There are people who will always tell us what we want to hear, and will never require of us our best. Dare we call them "friends"?

I don't think so. I think a real friend will bring out the best in us, and encourage us to live up to the grandest version of who we can be. Even when it hurts.

Missed Connections and Great Minds

I seem to be missing connections quite a bit these days. This morning, I was supposed to meet a group of people for the Get Motivated seminar we were all heading for downtown, and I missed everybody. I am not sure what happened because I didn't see them all day.

The seminar was great though. I got there late, and missed part of Steve Forbes' presentation, but I heard enough to consider writing him in on the ballot for the presidential election.

We heard Peter Lowe, who along with his wife, hosts the seminar. He demonstrated how we can use visualization to improve, and actually make more improvement than through mere practice. He had us do a range of motion exercise, and after we visualized reaching much further than we had the first time, we were actually able to reach further. He suggested that sometimes practice serves to lock into our minds what our limits are. They are false limits, however, and when we can see ourselves going further, reaching higher, doing more in our imaginations, it becomes effortless to repeat that success in reality. So, in order to improve in any area, mentally rehearse the success you desire. It works.

Tom Hopkins was there, and gave us a new way to look at rejection related to sales and negotiation. For instance, he suggests that if a sale normally makes you $100.00 and it takes 5 qualified contacts to result in one sale, each person that says "no" is worth $25.00 to you. So, just thank them for the $25.00 and move on. :-)

Tom also gave us the Champion Creed, which reads, "I am not judged by the number of times I fall, but by the number of times I succeed. And the number of times I succeed is in direct proportion to the number of times I can fail and keep trying!"

General Colin Powell spoke also, and one significant thing he said was "I don't like looking in the rearview mirror of life. I live viewing life through the front windshield."

We heard Phil Town on Demystifying the Stock Market. Very, very good information.

George Foreman spoke on Lessons in Success from the Comeback King. He said, "If you start from the bottom, you can only go one direction."

Finally, we heard Robert Schuller remind us to start small, think big and never quit.

Pretty awesome stuff.

Mmmm...Spring!

I spotted my first bluebonnets today. And I've got this sudden intense urge for a road trip through hill country.

I can hardly wait for the magnolia to bloom. I love it when a blossom first opens up. It's fragrance is intensely sweet and a little lemony. I like to find a fresh bloom and just bury my face in it and breathe it in right down to my toes.

God's aromatherapy. It's so sensuous...like eating a perfectly ripened peach and the juice runs down your arm and it smells so luscious.

Okay, so I'm a hedonist. What can I say? :-)

Taking Chances

Recently, I took a chance I never thought I would have the courage to take. And I didn't get the results I was hoping for. My old programming wants to call that a mistake. But that is an error in judgment.

I took a chance. It didn't work out. So, what? I am handling it. Here I am, alive and well. It wasn't fatal.

Sure, it can be painful to fail, especially when it comes to matters that are intensely personal. But each time we take a chance, win or lose, it makes it a little easier to take more chances in the future, as long as we don't choose to retreat into the safety of our comfort zone.

That is exactly what I would have done in the past. And it was oh, so tempting to do that again. But my intuition told me to just stop and observe and I was reminded of some very interesting things about myself. For one thing, issues that I thought were resolved long ago were still operating in my subconscious mind, still ruling my life without my awareness. Now, I am aware, and I know what to work on.

For another thing, I discovered I have come a long way in my ability to handle unpleasant circumstances. I don't have to give in to the temptation to run or hide or shut down when I feel hurt or afraid. I can face down whatever is happening and know that I am bigger than any circumstance that could come my way.

Besides that, I am aware that everything is unfolding exactly as it should and that every circumstance is attracted into my life for the purpose of helping me to realize who I truly am.

There is nothing to fear. It's all good.

What Are We Manifesting - Fear or Love?

Recently, I was reminded that what we call "learning" is actually being reminded or made aware of what we already know on some level. This resonates with me because of the many times I have experienced an Aha! moment while reading the words of a Master or even someone who is just a little more aware than I am at the time. On some level, I know what they are saying to be true.

But we tend to sleepwalk through life and even though we experience some times of heightened awareness, we tend to fall back into trance mode by default. So, it is good to be reminded often of the truths that can help us create the joy-filled, juicy lives we crave.

That's why I read constantly. That, and the insatiable curiosity I was born with.

Even when we have "learned" a principle, and think we have it down pretty well, it is all too easy to slip into old habits and patterns when we are not paying attention.

That's another reason we attract certain circumstances into our lives. They awaken us to where we are and make us aware of who we are in relation to them.

In the same book, I was reminded that fear is a powerful attractor. It is the opposite of love, and it manifests the opposite of love in our lives.

If you think about it, whatever you are fearing is what you are putting your faith in. It is what you believe in at that particular point. You are affirming it to be true. So, if you fear rejection, you believe in rejection. You trust in it. You expect it. And so, you will manifest it. If you fear being alone, you are placing your trust in separation, and you will receive exactly what you are expecting.

Another beautiful reminder came when I was feeling confused about certain relationships in my current experience. I followed my intuition and picked up the book, The Secret, and turned to the section on relationships. Even though the chapter was titled, Relationships, almost the entire focus was on your relationship with yourself. That's because we create our outer relationships based on our inner one. If we love and respect ourselves, we receive love and respect from others. If we treat ourselves poorly, others seem to feel entitled to treat us poorly. They may not be aware of this, and usually we are not either. But that is the purpose for making sure we seek regular reminders of the principles of Attraction and Creation.

Observe this beautiful rendition of these truths in this excerpt from The Secret, "All your joy is on the frequency of love – the highest and the most powerful frequency of all. You can’t hold love in your hand. You can only feel it in your heart. It is a state of being. You can see evidence of love being expressed through people, but love is a feeling, and you are the only one that can radiate and emit that feeling of love. Your ability to generate feelings of love is unlimited, and when you love you are in complete and utter harmony with the Universe. Love everything you can. Love everyone you can. Focus only on things you love, feel love, and you will experience that love and joy coming back to you – multiplied! The law of attraction must send you back more things to love. As you radiate love, it will appear as though the entire Universe is doing everything for you, and moving every good person to you. In truth, it is".

I suppose as long as we walk on this earth, there will be things we need to be reminded of. It's all too easy to become distracted and forget who we really are. But the journey is worth the risks and the challenges, and even worth the pain we create for ourselves in our efforts to become more awake and aware.

It's all part of the adventure we call Life.

Why Are We Here?

Have you ever thought about why we show up in one another's lives? I think it is in order to help one another along our individual paths of growth and evolution.

Even people we find particularly challenging are invited into our lives for a reason. We have something to learn from them and perhaps they have something to learn from us. It may be that we repeatedly attract people with whom we experience a particular kind of pain. Why would we do that? The obvious answer is that we need to heal the wound inside us that is attracting that same painful experience. As long as the wound is unhealed, we will continue attracting experiences that will bring that wound to our attention.

We are given free will and the choice whether to deal with the wound or slap a bandage on it and try to ignore it. But we will cease to grow in that area and become stuck in the same negative patterns until we choose to deal with it.

Why would we allow ourselves to get stuck like that? Because it hurts like hell to deal with our wounds. We have to clean out the wound in order to prevent or heal infection, and it is not a comfortable process. It's easier to put it off, because who wants to feel that pain? The only trouble with that is that the only way out is through. And so, if we choose not to deal with it, we choose not to move forward. We don't get to go around it, or step over it. We have to go through it. It's the only way to grow.

When we attract people to help us learn these lessons, what's in it for them? First of all, they have lessons of their own to learn. When we enable both ourselves and them to repeat the old patterns without intervention, we stall our own growth and contribute to their stagnation as well. When we choose to change whatever it is that brought us to this unhappy place, we learn and grow and give them the opportunity to learn and grow, as well. That doesn't mean they have to take that opportunity, but it is offered. If they are not ready to learn their lesson, they may move on to another relationship that allows them to repeat their unhealthy patterns.

But that's not our concern. Every soul must choose their own path. We can't choose for anyone except our own self. We are completely responsible for our own creation. No one creates our lives for us, and no one can make us happy except we ourselves. By the same token, we cannot create anyone else's happiness or create their lives for them. God gave us all free will. Who are we to dishonor that free will by trying to make someone happy? Have you ever thought of how controlling that is?

"I want to make him happy." Who are you to make anyone anything at all? God could choose to make us happy, but instead chooses to allow us to follow our own path and discover how to create our own happiness.

It's a beautiful thing, even if it does involve pain sometimes.

Now Is All There Is

Too often when the conditions in our lives are not exactly what we want them to be, we get caught up in living in the expectation of a better time. There's only one problem with that. There is no tomorrow. There is no some day.

Those are concepts of the future and they will always remain in the future. And living for them interferes with our ability to be present now, enjoying whatever treasures and pleasures are available to us this very moment.

The very moment we are experiencing now is the only moment we get to experience. The past is a memory. The future is a possibility. This moment is real.

We would do well to ask ourselves frequently what we can do to experience life to its fullest right now? It doesn't have to be anything elaborate, just whatever brings you joy.

For me, what sometimes works is just hugging one of my children and enjoying the indescribable joy of loving them immensely. I have a 16 year old daughter who will actually hold my hand in public. I think that's quite an accomplishment. Of course, that kind of relationship didn't happen overnight. It's a payoff for years of investing in her...of being present for her when I felt like doing something else...of listening when I was too tired to listen...of sacrificing goals I could have been pursuing in order to be available to her.

It's the same with my son. He went through a period of time when he was a little standoffish, but I just attributed that to puberty and gave him space to figure it out. And he did.

But getting back to the subject of living in the moment, what things and experiences bring you joy? Make a list and refer to it if you are out of the habit of enjoying the moment. How long has it been since you just stopped for a moment and enjoyed the sensations of the sun on your skin or the sounds of birds singing? Getting a few minutes of sunshine every day is a great antidote to depression.

Another thing I like to do from time to time is just act like a kid again. Kids know how to live in the moment. They don't worry much about what they are going to do when. They just seize whatever opportunity presents itself.

That's why every time I get an opportunity, I like to swing. I'm talking about a park swing. Come on, folks. :-) I swing as high as I possibly can and then sometimes I lie back in the swing and let that little thrill whirl through my belly and just abandon everything else in the joy of the moment.

My ideas may not appeal to you. That's okay. Come up with your own ideas...whatever does it for you. Just enjoy now before it gets away.

I Am a Victor, Not a Victim

"I am a victor, not a victim," is one of the affirmations I began using on my road to emotional health. Before I could rise up from the pit of depression, I had to face the fact that it was my own repression that led to my depression. I could have fought back. I didn't have to take it lying down.

One of the more intense and intensely important lessons I have learned on my journey is that we have the power to be in complete control of our responses.

Whether or not we take offense to something someone says or does is entirely up to us. People can even do things with the intention of hurting us, and we can decide to frame it in a way that no damage is done.

Now, I don't know anyone who has actually attained to this level of invincibility, but I know it can be done. It just makes sense.

The reason something hurts us is because we interpret it in a hurtful manner. We can choose other interpretations besides personal damage.

For instance, if someone makes a racial slur, we can interpret it as a personal injury or we can interpret it as an ignorant comment coming from an immature personality.

Someone asks, "Where did you get that shirt?" We can interpret it as an insult to our sense of style or an expression of personal preference. One is hurtful, the other is not.

Someone takes some action that undermines our work. We can choose to believe they are trying to knock us off the ladder so they can occupy our rung, or we can choose to believe they are attracting some lesson in how not to conduct themselves on the job.

The point is, we are free to be victims, but we don't have to be. It's our choice.

What Are You Expecting?

I wonder how often people behave the way they do because we are expecting them to.

One thing I learned from my observations is that people, especially those over whom we have leadership, tend to behave largely as we expect them to. They tend to live up to, or down to, our expectations.

One of the reasons I am able to bring out the best in people is that I see the best. It's not that I am not aware of the faults of others, it's just that I choose to focus on their finest qualities. And the more I focus on what's good in a person, the more it expands until it becomes the presenting part of the person and overshadows their faults.

I remember reading a story some time ago about a teacher who mistakenly thought her students locker numbers were their IQ's. She thought she was teaching a class full of geniuses, and so she treated them as such. She gave them challenging assignments, and expected strong performance from each of them. And they responded, performing much better than they previously had in their school careers.

Expect the best from people, and you will usually get it. Expect the worst, and what do you think you will get? Expect the best from yourself. You are likely capable of things you haven't even begun to imagine. And imagination is the beginning of every wonderful advancement and accomplishment that occurs.

Albert Einstein said, "Imagination is better than knowledge." He refused to memorize things he could easily look up because he preferred to keep his brain free for imagining and receiving.

Why not use your imagination to visualize the best possible outcome from every person you deal with? You may not be able to visualize an intangible idea, but you can visualize the results. I see my kids telling me how happy they are and how much they love their lives. I see the computer repair person beginning their conversation with me with the words "Good news." I see someone I am trying to help thanking me and telling me I made a difference in their life.

And the vast majority of time, things work out just as I imagined them. When they don't, I can point to uncertainty in my own mind that I would get the results I was looking for. That's good too, because it makes me aware of limiting beliefs I need to clear.

Getting back on point, though, expect the best and you will generally receive the best. Of course, no one can coerce others into behaving at their best. Each of us can freely choose who we want to be; however, it is a powerful principle that usually produces powerful results.

Yes, Yes, Yes!

Recently, I began paying more attention to what I am feeling, and how I am reacting to those feelings. I was reminded by some wonderful teachers that feeling is a powerful tool for manifestation.

One of the things I realized is how often I say no to myself. No, I can't. No, I musn't. No, don't think that. No, don't feel that way. I mean, what am I, a two-year-old?

Obviously, we can't say yes to everything, but we can say yes to more.

No is such a tight, closed energy. Yes is such a delicious, expansive energy.

If, at our core, we are love, and I believe we are, we need not fear saying yes to ourselves. Love does no, harm, ever.

And so my new mantras are: Yes! Why not? and Oh, what the hell! :-)

Touching Heaven

I was thinking about love and fantasy lovers, and how we tend to idealize beauty.

We award people labels such as "Sexiest Man Alive" and "Miss USA". And beauty is a commodity. It can be traded for wealth and privilege.

We have contests and award prizes to people who possess certain qualities of beauty. I used to watch those contests and feel a sense of disappointment that I could never be that beautiful.

Then one day, I realized that the contestants were all starting to look alike. It was almost like paint-by-number sets. Their hair color and styles varied slightly, and there were some differences in the facial features, but their bodies pretty much looked alike. I stopped watching beauty contests.

And over the years, I came to understand that there are as many different standards of beauty as there are human beings. Sure, we all have preferences, and that's okay. Our attraction to certain physical qualities stems from a biological urge to create perfect offspring.

And so we imagine that being with someone with certain physical qualities would be a quality experience. Well, if that were so, I would think there would be fewer breakups and divorces in Hollywood than there are everywhere else. In fact, there are probably more.

Part of that probably stems from the fact that if physical beauty is the main attraction, what's going to happen when someone comes along that is even more beautiful? And part of it stems from the fact that no matter what a person looks like, you ultimately relate to who they are, including whatever baggage they haven't dealt with and the resulting insecurities from that.

So, go ahead and enjoy your fantasies, but know they are just that. In reality, that supermodel or leading man is just another human being with all the stuff that goes along with being human.

If you really want to touch heaven, touch a beautiful soul. That's where the magic is.

Enjoying the Journey

I did my play-out outdoors today. Yes, I said "play-out". :-) Working out didn't sound like much fun, so I chose to play-out.

As I walked outside, I was greeted by a breeze that felt so delicious on my skin and hair. Whenever I feel the wind touch my skin and play with my hair, I feel as though I am experiencing God's caress.

There are so many ways in which God gives love to us every day, if only we are aware and receptive.

What do you want in life? Why do you want it? Is it possible that whatever we desire in life, ultimately what we want is to be joyful, ecstatic, peaceful, balanced, passionate and satisfied? What if we decided to feel that way now? What if we chose to be receptive to the everyday pleasures that are generously and graciously provided for all of us? What if we took the time to enjoy the simple pleasures of gazing at the stars in the night sky, the fragrance of a gardenia blossom, the sound of the birds singing, the beauty of the sunrise or sunset?

Don't stop there. Go for everything your heart desires. But don't wait until you get those things to enjoy your life to the fullest. Enjoy each step of the journey.

Misery Loves Company

Why do you suppose that so many religions teach that you MUST believe this or that OR ELSE!?

It's sad to me that within just about every religion are people who are so adamant about their beliefs that they don't think others deserve to exist unless they agree.

So many proselytizers speak out of both sides of their mouth. On one side, they proclaim that God is love and out of the other side spew judgment and damnation.

Could it be that somewhere on the subconscious level they are thinking, "These miserable beliefs are true, and if I don't get to have fun and enjoy life...if I have to be miserable, I want everyone else in the same boat."

It must compound misery to see others living a joyful and abundant life.

Well, folks, time has proven that you can't anihilate love, joy, peace or any of God's great gifts. Governments and religious organizations have tried to manipulate beliefs and mandate what people are allowed to believe and experience, but over and over love finds a way to break free of such constraints. God is love and God is infinite. God cannot be contained within the confines of any one religion or set of tenets. God certainly cannot be manipulated by governments or religions.

Man may be able to place certain restrictions on outward behavior but your inner world is yours to direct. God is in your inner world and no one can touch that unless you allow them to.

It's like vampire lore. They can't come in unless you invite them. :-)

Why not put up a "no vacancy" sign and refuse to let in anyone or anything that compromises your experience of a loving, joyful, blissful, ecstatic, passionate life?

Why Do You Believe?

One of the most important parts of my journey to better health was the challenging, and sometimes changing, of my beliefs. What you believe, and consequently what you think, determines your life experience. Even beliefs that result in pain are useful, at least for a while. They teach us what doesn't work. But once they have imparted their lesson, their usefulness has expired, and they become toxic.

I grew up in a religion that teaches unless you believe certain things, you will not get into heaven or God will not be pleased with you. It was considered heretical to believe otherwise. Pardon me, but that's pure BS.

God didn't give us a brain for us to allow others to do our thinking for us. So, when I began to understand that my life wasn't working because I wasn't working it, I paraded my entire belief system before my mind and challenged all of them. I understood that if a belief was worth keeping, it would stand the test.

Some of the beliefs that didn't work for me were there because somebody I trusted had told me they were facts. But why did they believe that what they were telling me was true? Often, because someone else they trusted had told them it was true.

Others were there because of my own experiences and observations. But how could I know they were true? In some cases, I could see that the manifestations of these beliefs and they withstood the challenge. In other cases, I could see that my perception may have been skewed by my own filters and baggage from my childhood when that belief was formed.

Here's the deal. If a belief is serving you and helping you live an abundant, joyful, loving life, then it is worth keeping. If it is destroying you, chipping away at your self-image, keeping you from joy and abundance, get rid of it. Why would you choose to keep drinking poison?

Do you think for one minute that a loving Creator would want you to believe anything that is destructive to you?

I used to believe in a God who was all about keeping certain rules. And I believed it when I was told there is only one right way to come to God. It never made sense, I just believed it because I believed in the people who were telling me it was true.

Now, I believe that our Creator wouldn't create a world full of people and favor certain ones or certain races. I believe that there our differences exist because our Creator is so infinite that there is no way God could be expressed in one or even a few types of people. I believe that there is no way God could ever be fully expressed, because "fully" implies a limit. And I believe that there are infinite ways to experience God, perhaps as many as there are expressions of God.

Many people fear opening their minds because they have been taught that if they don't follow certain beliefs or tenets that they will experience judgment and punishment. My question is, why would you love and serve a god who would give you a brain and then damn you eternally for using it and coming to a different conclusion than the next person?

Far be it from me to tell anyone what to believe. But why not at least test your beliefs to see if they are really true for you or if they are part of the problem in your life rather than the solution? What can it hurt to question a belief? If it is true, it will stand. If it is not, why would you want it to?

Trust Yourself

For much of my life, I have been guided primarily by logic. Now, I am learning to trust my intuition more and more.

When allowed to dominate, the logical mind can be a harsh dictator, ever sucking the joy from life like a ravenous vampire.

Learning to trust my intuition is leading me to delightful possibilities.

Truthfully, some of the things I am being led through are frightening. But I keep finding that just on the other side of fear lies joy, delight, healing, growth, love and all that is good.

Is It Safe to Play It Safe?

Better resolve to win thy heart's desire,
and striving bravely die in the endeavor
than to have the embers of some smothered fire,
lie smoldering in thy saddened soul forever.

I love that! I don't know who wrote it, but I love it.

We think life will be secure if we just play it safe, but will it? There is nothing to guarantee that if we follow all the rules and avoid all risk, we won't lose our job, our lover, or anything else we think we possess.

When we look back on our lives, do we want to say, "I'm glad I did" or "I wish I had"?

Who wants embers? Bring on the flames.

It's a Marathon, Not a Sprint

There are times when I wish it were easier to master certain challenges. You know the ones I mean. The ones that come off in layers, and we begin to wonder if there will ever be an end.

Then I remember that we are here to learn whatever lessons we have chosen. And we have chosen this life as our classroom and lab. What would be the point of continuing this life if we had nothing more to learn?

I am grateful for the journey, and for the "time" it seems to take. I remember how intense some of these lessons have been, and I am grateful that I don't have to experience them all at once.

Some life journeys are a mere sprint. So, if ours is a marathon, let's give thanks.

Do It Anyway

Every now and then a song comes along that really inspires me. Martina McBride's song, Anyway, is one of those. She is one of those artists I love because of her passion. Garth Brooks is another. There is so much passion and many of their songs hold so much meaning for me. My desire is to express as openly and as passionately as they do. These are the lyrics to "Anyway". See if they don't light your fire.

You can spend your whole life building something from nothing
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway
You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach and you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

Chorus:
God is great, but sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway, I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy and it's hard to believe that tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons, and in a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway

You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in that tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway, sing it anyway

I sing, I dream, I love, anyway

Yeah, baby! That's what I'm talking about.

The Baby

I just heard a song I haven't heard in quite a while. It's called "The Baby" and sung by Blake Shelton.

It made me cry because it came out about the time my sister died, and it reminds me of her and her son. It was one of the songs that helped me process my grief after Debbie passed.

Another song that helped me even more was "I Believe", sung by Diamond Rio. Sometimes, I could feel Debbie's presence and hear her voice and even though I was hurting like hell, I knew she was near. Sometimes, I even teased that she had possessed me because I became more assertive after she passed. She never was one to keep her opinion to herself.

It hurts to lose someone, even when you know you'll see them again. Even if they are with you in spirit, I haven't figured out how to hug a spirit yet or call one up on the telephone.

We always had the funniest conversations when we would all get together at our mom's house or at a restaurant. It was better than a comedy club. We haven't done that in a while. Even though we are still a funny bunch, I miss Debbie's contributions to our conversations.

I am reminded of another song that is meaningful to me for the same reason. It's "Who You'd Be Today" by Kenny Chesney. It reads, "It ain't fair. You died too young. Like a story that had just begun but death tore the pages all away."

Thinking about all this takes me back to the anger I felt when she passed. I know anger is one of the stages of grief. I was just so pissed off because I felt she gave up. She was fighting cancer and it was far more advanced and aggressive than I wanted to believe. I refused to believe it could kill her. She was always so strong.

And I was angry that she didn't really get to build her life the way she wanted it. And I was angry because I wanted to call in a Reiki healer, and her husband didn't want that. He thought it was "of the devil". That's such bullshit, but Debbie chose to honor his wishes.

The funny thing about grief is that it has a way of resurfacing. You think you've processed all that you need to, and then it all comes up again, and you have to go through it all again. If you've given yourself the proper space and time to grieve, it's not going to be as intense in the future, but it will still reappear from time to time. It's not something you ever get over. It's just that you set it aside so that you can get on with the business of living.

Then occasionally, like going over old photographs or mementos, the memories return, and you are reminded that who or what you loved is gone. And it still hurts, even though it doesn't occupy all of your resources like it did when you first experienced the loss.

But what I always end up with is this: remembering what Debbie brought to my life, which is a part of me forever. That's why I love her and that's why I miss her so much. But I wouldn't have it any other way. As Garth Brooks said in his song, "The Dance", "I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance."

The dance is worth it all.

Defy Gravity

Sometimes I find myself taking life way too seriously. It's an old habit I fall back into from time to time.

I have to remind myself from time to time to lighten up.

When I worked at La Quinta, I tried to include a little humor in my business e-mails whenever possible. I was surprised at the number of times I got bewildered responses from the recipients. People are in such a habit of taking business too seriously that they are surprised when anyone bucks that trend.

That's too bad. Humor is a natural relaxant and stress reducer. It brings joy and makes life's journey so much more fun.

We don't have to take life too seriously. We can choose to defy gravity.

The Wrong Side of the Bed

You know, some days you just wake up on the wrong side of the bed. You just feel kind of blah. Uninspired.

Thank God you don't have to stay there. One of our greatest blessings is the ability to choose our attitude. You just have to find what works to raise your vibration.

Some of the things that work for me include getting out into the sunshine for a few minutes, listening to fun or upbeat songs, listening to some of my affirmation programs, stimulating conversation, looking up funny sites and videos on the internet. I also like to find a park with a swing set and just let go. Oh, and bubbles. I start with a simple child's bubble blowing set and I blow really slowly through the wand to try and make my bubbles as big as possible. Then I just watch them float away. How can you be anxious while watching your bubble creations floating freely through the air?

No wonder kids are so resilient. They only know how to live in the moment.

Many of my most important life lessons I learned from my kids. But that's another post. I'm calling it a night.

I AM Grateful For...

I am grateful for receiving so much assistance from so many people on my journey.

I am grateful for every opportunity to assist others.

I am grateful for being reminded that my feelings are an alert system to let me know when my thoughts are not serving my best interests.

I am grateful that more and more people are raising their consciousness (our consciousness), and that our journey is aligning us with love, joy and bliss more and more.

I am grateful that so many beautiful and varied expressions of God's love are thriving on this planet.

I am grateful that every day, I experience more bliss, more abundance, more joy and more love.

I am grateful that you are here to share this journey with me.

Thanks for being who you are.

It Works!

This morning, I gave my fifth speech in Toastmasters. I was a little concerned because I didn't feel as prepared or organized as I like to feel.

But I didn't press the organization because I like to speak from my heart more than from a memorized presentation. I decided to surrender and trust the process. And I decided to trust myself. I told myself I am a speaker, the ideas I am presenting are ideas I have thought through. This is significant because while I developed trust in my writing ability long ago, until just a few months ago, I still believed that the neural pathway between my brain and my tongue was difficult terrain, if not impassable.

But I discovered something interesting when I was preparing this speech. I felt that turned-on, energetic feeling I used to get from my job sometimes, and that I often get from writing. I think that energy combined with my passion for the ideas I was expressing may be what touched my listeners. Some told me this was the best speech I had ever given.

This surprised me because, as I said, I didn't feel as organized as usual, and some of the ideas came out in a different order than I had planned. Several people commented about how well organized it was. I suppose that was because the Universe reorganized it as I went along. The ideas we share belong to all of us. We are the instruments expressing the music of an infinite and loving Universe.

Surrender rocks!

So, That's It...

I've been noticing a lot of internal shifts lately. When fear comes to call, for instance, rather than resisting, I am merely noticing. It is becoming more natural to observe rather than react. It is becoming easier to relax into a feeling rather than fighting it.

It is interesting that I have been reading and hearing of this for several years, but I am just beginning to internalize it. It's the difference between understanding something intellectually and really "getting it".

Isn't it amazing how often we think we understand something without really "getting" it? Then, suddenly we do. The light bulb goes on. We realize how simple it is, and wonder what took us so long.

Maybe it's a matter of readiness. I noticed this when teaching my children. You can try many different ways of teaching a concept to a child, but they will not understand it until they are ready. They may be able to recite the information, perhaps even explain it. It may make perfect sense on an intellectual level, but knowledge and understanding are not the same thing.

I suppose some life lessons could be compared to raising crops. You plant the seed and for a while it appears that nothing is happening. Then, finally the tiny upshoots appear, as if by magic - the promise of the harvest to come.

In any case, it's motivation to keep planting. Even though we may not see our lives change miraculously in a moment, the harvest will come in due season.

Giving and Receiving Love

Lately, I have noticed a direct correlation between my mental focus and my family's emotional response. At one point recently, there were some tense moments related to some of the transitions that are occurring in my life.

I seem to be at an impasse in some ways, feeling the need for certain changes and yet unable or unwilling to move through the pain those changes might cause myself and others.

One day, I just decided to focus on love. If I need to make changes, I will make them when I am ready. But I can love now. There is no viable reason not to.

In the process of changing my focus to love, my life experience improved 100%, maybe more. Perhaps there really is nothing keeping us from our optimal life experience except our mental focus on "what's wrong".

And the good news is our mental focus is completely within our own power. We get to choose what we focus on. Therefore, we get to choose our experience of life.

We can watch the news and the things we see and hear there can lead us to believe that the world is a dangerous and frightening place. But in reality, the greatest part of what is happening in this world is positive and loving. Most people are contributing something to society, taking care of their families, and if not in touch with their loving selves, at least they are not harming others.

So, if we watch and focus on what is being reported on the news broadcasts, our experience of the world can be dark and scary. If we look inside our own hearts, and look around us at all the good that is occurring in the world, our experience of the world can be one of love, joy and light. It seems it really is as simple as a choice of focus.

It's All Good

Yesterday, I awoke feeling poorly. At that time, I still had not recovered healthy sleep patterns after nursing my daughter round-the-clock through her virus.

I didn't begin the day with my usual routine, but I didn't let myself worry too much about it, either. I knew I needed to raise my vibrations, but I decided to begin with surrender. Maybe it was time for a day off, and just to flow with whatever experiences came my way.

Mid-day, we decided to go to lunch at Asian City restaurant in Humble. It is one of those places where you can sit at the grill and they cook your food and entertain you at the same time. I had never been to this restaurant, but I loved the feeling of it. Near the grill, a fountain flowed down the wall of the restaurant. I love fountains and I just opened to the enjoyment and the energy of the flowing water.

I noticed the other people in the restaurant and I opened myself to love. A feeling of utter bliss enveloped me and I felt the joy of connection and the love that I am (we are) fill me to overflowing.

There it is. That is what we are all looking for, is it not? And we don't have to look far, because it is right smack dab within us.

I don't claim to have all the answers, but this seems to be the recipe for a blissful life experience:

Surrender. Flow. Open. Experience the love that you are. Enjoy. Repeat.

Simple enough, though not always easy. We get in the way of our own joy all too often with our "to do" lists, and our "musts" and our "shoulds".

The good news is, we can also choose to get out of our own way, and allow our own joy and love and bliss. Let's do it!

Warning! Warning!

I think there should be a warning on the cover of books by and about great minds and forward thinkers that reads something like this: "Warning! Assimilating the ideas and information contained herein could cause severe expansion of the mind. There is a possibility that the ensuing growth could reach critical mass resulting in the complete dissolution of life as you now know it. There may occur a dissociation with ideas, relationships and methods of operation that supported the structure of your "safe" life. And you may find yourself sailing without a compass as you leave behind the shores of Play-It-Safe for the purpose of discovering new and uncharted territory. With these warnings in mind, read on, if you dare."

When I relinquished my title as Queen of Play-It-Safe, I had no idea that I would be challenged in the ways I have been. I knew that I could no longer tolerate playing it safe. It was like being a zombie, not really living, not quite dead. But I did not know that between leaving behind the "safety" of the old life, and entering into the larger life I have envisioned, there would be a passage through dark, forbidding waters, full of all sorts of dangers that are mostly figments of my imagination. I didn't know that I would feel lost much of the time. I did believe and I do believe that dangers that are created in the imagination can be annihilated in the same way they are created. They are only thoughts, and thoughts can be changed instantly.

I can just make out a lighthouse beacon signifying the approach of land. What a welcome sight!

“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor
do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is
no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” -Helen Keller

Success

Sometimes success can be defined as getting up one more time than you fall down.

But since falling isn't my idea of fun, whenever it happens, I am going to take some time to figure out where the imbalance is or what the obstacle that caused me to fall in the first place.

Sometimes it's easy to see, and sometimes I have to take the same tumble a few times before I get the picture.

However, I am nothing if not persistent, so I will figure it out. Making mistakes is understandable, but I loathe repeating them.

And the amazing thing is, the obstacle is never real. It always turns out to be an illusion. It's just like fear. When you decide there is no real danger, fear vaporizes. When you decide the obstacle doesn't exist in reality, it vanishes.

Believing is seeing. Disbelieving is discreating.

At least that's the truth in my experience.

Miracles Happen

Almost everyone I have told this to so far believes it is mechanical failure, but this is no less than an absolute miracle.

I took my daughter to the clinic the other day with my gas gauge almost on empty. Empty is where it should have been based on the amount of driving I had done since the last time I put gas in it.

On the way home, I looked at my gas gauge to see if I would have enough gas to get home, and I was surprised to see the gas gauge read 3/4 tank. I asked my daughter to verify that the gauge read almost empty earlier and she confirmed it. She was sure someone had come and put gas in my car, but no one who had access to my car had been anywhere around during that time period.

Not only that, but I ran appointments in my car over a 50 mile range in a car that gets gas mileage in the 30's and even made it home on less than 1/16 tank that next evening - a trip that measured over 20 miles.

I had been asking for a miracle, so even though it was surprising, I have no trouble believing that a miracle is just what I got. I wonder what other miracles lie in my future?

A Better Bomb

Crayola Bomb

Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret weapon. A happiness weapon. A beauty bomb. And every time a crisis developed, we would launch one. It would explode high in the air - explode softly - and send thousands, millions, of little parachutes into the air. Floating down to earth - boxes of Crayolas. And we wouldn't go cheap, either - not little boxes of eight. Boxes of sixty-four, with the sharpener built right in. With silver and gold and copper, magenta and peach and lime, amber and umber and all the rest. And people would smile and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the world with their imagination.

Robert Fulghum

Robert is the author of the book All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. There is a 15th Anniversary edition available with 25 new stories. I can hardly wait to get my own copy. You can't get too much inspiration, if you ask me.

Precious Gifts

This is an awesome story I came across at emofree.com. Emotional Freedom Technique is a sort of accupressure tapping technique that helps clear our pain and stuck emotions to pave the way for healing and moving ahead.

We all have precious gifts within us that are intended to be expressed for the blessing and healing of ourselves and others. The more we express these gifts, the more we grow, heal and experience the abundant life that is intended for all of us. The wonder of love is that it is never diminished in the giving, just as a candle flame can light countless other candles without ever losing it's fire.

So, the story goes...

"There was once a wise woman traveling in the mountains who found a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and she opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked if she might give it to him. She did so without hesitation. The traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. But only a few days later he came back to return the stone to the woman who had given it to him.

"I've been thinking," he said, "I know how valuable the stone is, but I'm giving it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. I want you to give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone."
-Author Unknown

The Gift of Proportion

Wow! I just opened up this e-mail from Michael Norwood, author of The 9 Insights of the Wealthy Soul, and I loved what I read. This is the kind of insight that has helped me tremendously over the past few years.

Michael writes, "Whenever I think of the extraordinary Gifts we receive when
we live through a major adversity, the Gift of Proportion is
the first that comes to mind.

Surviving a major adversity gives you the opportunity to be
able to put 'in proportion' every other adversity you face.

The Gift of Proportion enables you to use your greatest
adversities as a Resource of Strength rather than an excuse
for weakness or failure.

Your roadblocks, your setbacks,your disappointments and your
mistakes, through the Gift of Proportion, all are
automatically transformed into stepping stones to your
greatest triumphs."

You can actually read The 9 Insights of the Wealthy Soul free for 21 days. What a courageous thing to do!

Working Through a Slump

How do we work our way out of a slump? We start by realizing that this is just a temporary state. There is some lesson to be learned or demonstrated, or maybe some seed of growth is germinating. At the appropriate time, things will start happening again.

When a seed is planted, for quite some time, it will appear nothing is happening. This germinating period is normal and healthy.

I have found that these periods often precede periods of rapid growth. I am looking forward to just such a growth period and I am confident this will occur soon.

What Love Language Do You Speak?

I've never really thought much about this, but we cannot feel someone else's love. We can feel grateful or loving or joyful in response to something someone else says or does, but we are not actually feeling their love. We would have to be hosting their heart to do that. What does it mean then when we say we feel loved? It means we perceive that whatever that person has said or done is a demonstration of love.

Ahhh...here's where we can get bogged down very easily. Because what represents love to one person means nothing to the next. Maybe you brought home flowers, and she didn't seem to care. Or maybe you gave him a warm hug, and he still acts distant.

Have you considered that perhaps your language of love differs from your significant other's? We naturally want to show our love for others in terms that we understand as love. But the person we are trying to communicate our love to may not understand that love language, and so they don't perceive the act as loving at all. We think they are rejecting our expression of love, when in truth, it is as if we are speaking to them in a foreign language. They can't receive the message because it is not being communicated in a language they understand.

The five love languages include physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time and receiving gifts. If you are not aware of this, you may be giving him gifts when what would really make him feel loved would be for you to iron his shirt. Or you may be cooking her gourmet meals when all she really wants is for you to tell her how wonderful you think she is. It would save us all a lot of heartache if we took the time to learn the love languages of others and to communicate our love to them in a way they understand.

This is true of our kids as well. If we help them feel fully loved, we are going to enjoy a much more joyful relationship with them and also help to insulate them against peer pressure and exploitation. Kids whose love needs are met at home don't have to go looking for love in all the wrong places. It's having a love hunger that never quite gets satisfied that makes kids vulnerable to anyone who will come along and offer counterfeit love in order to exploit them. I'm not saying this is the case every time a kid gets exploited. I'm saying having unfulfilled heart needs makes them more vulnerable to exploiters. We may not be able to make 100% sure our kids will never be victims, but we can take steps to make it less likely to happen.

Plus, we will have happier kids. And happier spouses or significant others or friends. Happy people are much more enjoyable to be around and their happiness contributes to an atmosphere of happiness wherever they go. It's a viral kind of thing.

ROI

What is one thing you can invest in that's a sure thing? "Oh, come on, Cathy", you say. "Nothing is a sure thing." I beg to differ. Maybe you have thrown money after businesses or stocks that seemed to be unsinkable, only to find out better via the sting of loss. Let me set your mind at ease. The sure thing I am talking about isn't a thing at all. It's a who. Or rather, a whole lot of who's.

I'm talking about investing in people. People who know, know that there is no more certain ROI than that secured by investing in people.

Consider the laws of sowing and reaping:
1. You reap what you sow - you can't plant corn and expect to harvest beans;
2. You reap more than you sow - a few little seeds can yield a whole lot of fruit;
3. You reap later than you sow - it takes time to see the fruit of your actions, but it will happen.

We reap what we sow. When we mistreat others, we are ultimately mistreating ourselves because we are a part of whatever we are undermining. If we do our co-workers or our company wrong, we are part of that team or that company we are damaging. If we hurt our family, we are part of the family we are hurting. If we do wrong to any other person, we are part of the humanity we are injuring. In addition, we now have to live and work in the negative atmosphere we have helped to create.

It's not rocket science. It's agriculture. People understood this long before there were college degrees for agricultural science.

Bring It, Providence!

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in ones favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets: 'Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it! Boldness has genius, magic, and power in it.'" --W.H. Murray, of the Scottish Himalayan Expedition

This quote has been an inspiration to me since I first heard it in massage class at The Phoenix School of Holistic Health.

It contains two of my favorite elements, inspiration and passion. Add a little courage and you have one hot recipe for living the life of your dreams.

Stories We Write, Roles We Play

What story are you telling with your life? What roles have you decided to play in your own life story? What roles are you playing in the life stories of others? Are they still working for you?

Maybe you signed on to play the lonely spouse or the victim. Or maybe you took on the role of the one who always screws up, or the one who always loses, or the one who never gets the girl, or the one who never feels good enough no matter how outstanding her performance may be. Is that still working for you? Or have you outgrown those roles, and your story line is due for a change?

Maybe there are stories in which you will always play some part. You share some kind of life-long bond with that storyteller, perhaps as co-parents or in some blood relationship. But if the events of that story deplete your life force and detract from your health, joy, satisfaction or success, perhaps it's best to play only bit parts in that particular story.

My life story began as a horror story. The first few years of my life were spent navigating dangerous territory, both physically and emotionally. The next thirty years were spent surviving. Yes, I was a survivor. But that was a deeply dissatisfying place to be. Try being passionate and expressive, but locking that up inside because you think you have to fit into the roles others have written for you.

It wasn't until I experienced an emotional "rock bottom" that I was able to move past survival. I was so done with surviving. It was such a bland existence, and I craved flavor and texture and color, fragrance and harmony and delight. I decided at that point that I wasn't going to survive any longer. It had to end right there and then. A part of me died there, but in the end, Life won. Love revived all that was real and genuine and loving. I didn't lose anything worth keeping.

I am still learning to flesh out my decision to live the fullest, most joyful, most passionate and adventurous life possible, and part of that is re-writing my life story as an adventure/inspiration/romance/comedy. Some of the roles I once played no longer fit my story line. I gave most of them up. Some of the people who played supporting roles in my story of tragedy and pain were out of place in my passionate, joyful version. I let go of the ones I could and relegated most of the others to bit parts. I still have some editing to do.

What about your life story? Are changes needed in your story line? Are there characters you need to write out of your story or relegate to smaller roles? Are there stories you need to be recast in or written out of because you no longer fit the roles those storytellers have created for you? It's your life. It's your story. It's your choice. Make it.

Why Do I Write? I Love The World, Too, Elwyn.

"All I hope to say in books, all that I ever hope to say, is that I love the world."
--E. B. White

I'm with you, Elwyn. I like what you said about planning your day, too.

“I get up every morning determined to both change the world and to have one hell of a good time. Sometimes, this makes planning the day difficult.”

I am an explorer. Sometimes, I like to get into my car and just follow a road to see where it leads. I may not be charting new territory on the earth, but I am continually exploring in the realm that knows no limits - the realm of imagination.

Albert Einstein said, "Imagination is more important than knowledge." I so agree.

Words to Inspire and Enlighten

Words that enlighten the soul are more precious than jewels. ~ Hazrat Inayat Khan

That is what I hope to do with words. Enlighten souls. Even more, I want to emblazen souls.

One of the people who served as an angel on my path emblazened my soul with a simple phrase of appreciation. He said, "Thanks for being who you are." That single sentence completely changed my life.

At the time, I did not know how to give myself that validation. Those words revealed to me a path to love - loving and accepting myself, which has only served to increase my love for others.

I love the way Leo Buscaglia expressed this, “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”