Nine Nails

Today, as I went for a walk, I picked up nine nails, screws and various other tire hazards from the roadside, in order to prevent damage to someone's tires.

Why would I bother to get my hands dirty like that?

Because...

I own the world.

Oh, not in terms of entitlement or actual property ownership. But in terms of responsibility, and in terms of love.

That doesn't mean I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I just do what I can. It is just a small thing, but every time we do some small act of kindness, we make the world just a little bit better.

Now, obviously, I can't pick up every nail or screw from the roadside, and I won't save everyone's tires. But that doesn't mean I can't save some. I can make a difference, even if it is a small one.

I love this quote from one of Laura Ingalls Wilder's books, which she attributed to her mother, "Many hands make light work."

One person performing one small act of kindness makes a difference. But imagine how much of a difference it would make if everyone performed one small act of kindness every day or even every week.

A lot of people doing tiny things would make a gargantuan difference in the world. I believe it is happening much more often than we think. Let's make it happen even more.

Help from Tom Robbins

“To achieve the impossible; it is precisely the unthinkable that must be thought.” - Tom Robbins. This is precisely what I had in mind when I began this blog. Thinking the unthinkable, believing the unbelievable, expanding the parameters of what is possible.

What happened to that?

“Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.” - Tom Robbins. This has me wondering, Am I committed to anything any more?

Maybe these words are here to be lights unto my path. Hmmm...we'll see where this leads.

Worry and Stress are Slow Suicide

Worry and chronic stress release toxins into your body. Toxic buildup leads to disease. Therefore, worrying and chronic stress are slow suicide.

So is abusing alcohol and drugs, smoking and overeating or overindulging in unhealthy foods. When you put it that way, we are a nation of suicidal maniacs.

Worry is simply misuse of the imagination. If you can sit around and imagine all the things that can go wrong and feel crappy, why not begin to imagine all the things that can go right and feel good?

Hmmm...something to think about.

You ARE the magic; You ARE the miracle

Lately, I have been using a little ritual and symbolism in my manifestation practice, and I can tell you it is turning me on!

But I knew that I was going to be away from home for a full day, and I didn't want to carry my props with me in order to continue the ritual work I am doing. Then I remembered that there is nothing that is needed outside of me to complete my work of manifestation. It is all within.

The purpose of the props and rituals and even methods is that they increase our awareness of our oneness and our alignment with Spirit. It is our awareness of this alignment, this oneness with All That Is that puts us in the place of being open and able to receive what we have already created within and empowers us to bring it forth into our life experience.

What is this empowering force? Is it something that comes to us from outside? Not at all. All the power we need to do everything we can imagine and more is already inside us. Anything that empowers us is merely awakening us to the power within.

We are the magic. We are the miracle. We are the manifestation. We are the bliss we are looking for.

So, let's stop looking and begin really seeing. It is here. It is now. We are it. And so it is.

Breaking Down the Walls

Something a friend of mine said this morning triggered a breakthrough for me. He is in business for himself, and he mentioned that as long as he is focused on having fun, money flows in freely. But whenever he and his wife have an argument about money, and he finds himself focused on making money, the influx of money slows down.

And suddenly the realization dawned on me that in the act of shutting people out of my heart, I am closing the door to the influx of money and all good things. It brought tears to my eyes and it took several minutes for me to compose myself. This is the answer I have been looking for...the answer to the question, Why am I not allowing myself to succeed?

I am not allowing inflow at all. It's like a part of my heart is shut tight. The giving part is wide open. I want others to receive my love, but when it comes to inviting others in, I am highly exclusive. I exclude almost everyone. I will gladly come into your heart and give you all that I have to give, but you may not enter mine.

That's not working too well for me, because it is all God. God is love. Therefore, it is all love. By shutting out love, I am shutting out everything. I am shutting out all I need and all I desire. I am shutting out my very own self.

Ouch!

Now, to let go of this remaining armor, and embrace freedom - the freedom to love and be loved boundlessly, passionately, intimately and ecstatically, the freedom to enjoy life to the fullest and the freedom to prosper in every way.

A Reason, a Season or a Lifetime

Once in a while, an e-mail forward comes along that is really worth reading. This is one of those.

Nature does nothing uselessly. The mysteries of nature should not be questioned, they should be experienced.

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person..

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed..

They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you entered my life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Giving Up

I remember trying so hard to be what I thought would make me lovable to others. It is a kind of death, because if you are not being yourself, who are you being? You are not being at all. You are existing.

You can't earn love. You can only give it and receive it. It is either a gift or it is not love at all. If you do try to earn it, nothing you do will ever be enough. And how can anyone love a non-person, anyway?

Sometimes, giving up is the most positive thing you can do. Trying to change what is can be like beating a dead horse. It's not going anywhere. Give it up! This is coming from someone who is bound and determined to see a thing through once I start. Surrender does not come easily to me. I descended from stubborn, determined and strong women and if it's important enough for me to invest my time and attention, I want it to work, damn it! But what if what you are trying to make work is not even for your highest good? Hello! It's a prison, a dungeon even, but I am still going to make it work. Stubbornness can easily become foolishness. Guilty!

And so giving up, at least in the sense of surrender, is not failure. It is making space for real success.

Giving up on a relationship that is not serving your highest good is making space for a relationship that will.

I like the way it is written in Trisha Yearwood's song, Let the Wind Chase You:

Like a wildwood flower
Doesn’t have to reach for the sun
And when it needs a drop of water
It doesn’t have to ask the rain to come

I don’t wanna work for your love
I don’t wanna try to be
Something that you’re looking for
You’re never gonna find in me

So let the wind chase you
I can’t do it anymore
Let the road run after you
Like I always did before
Let the stars catch your eye
‘Cause I’ve tried and tried and tried
And I won’t do
So let the wind chase you

No one says a diamond isn’t precious
Just because it hasn’t yet been found
And no one blames the moon for not shining
Just because it’s hidden by a cloud

I don’t wanna blame myself
Thinking that I’m not enough
And wonder what’s wrong with me
Because I couldn’t win your love

So let the wind chase you
I can’t do it anymore
Let the road run after you
Like I always did before
Let the stars catch your eye
‘Cause I’ve tried and tried and tried
And I won’t do
So let the wind chase you

I don’t wanna work for your love
I don’t wanna try to be
Something that you’re looking for
You’re never gonna find in me

So let the wind chase you
I can’t do it anymore
Let the road run after you
Like I always did before
Let the stars catch your eye
‘Cause I’ve tried and tried and tried
And I won’t do
So let the wind chase you, mmhmm
Let the wind (let the wind)
Chase you

I Get It

I had a total Freudian slip when I was writing out this post the first time.

I intended to write, "Attachment is suffering. It is not what other people do or don't do that causes us to suffer. It is wanting circumstances to be different from what they are." But, what I actually wrote was, "It is wanting circumstances to be different from what we are."

Interesting, because I think that is it in a nutshell. We attract what we are, or at least what we think we are. We think we want a loving relationship, but if we think we are unworthy, we attract someone who reflects our thoughts by treating us as if we are unworthy. Then, we suffer in that relationship, because we resist seeing what is being reflected back to us. We want circumstances to be different than what we are.

If someone or some relationship is reflecting back to us our sense of unworthiness, does unworthiness become the truth about us? Absolutely not! It is merely a reflection of the illusion that we are holding in our thoughts. If we think that we are unworthy, we feel unworthy, and we create the illusion of unworthiness...which must then be reflected back to us by divine law. Just as a mirror can only reflect the image projected into it, the mirror of our circumstances can only reflect what we project into it from our internal pictures.

This seems to be an annoyance, but it is actually a blessing. We become aware of what internal pictures we are holding by what we are reflecting in our life experience. This provides the perfect opportunity for changing our internal pictures from what we don't want to experience to what we do want.

At least, that's the way I see it. But what do I know?

Resisting or Allowing? A Simple Choice for Life

By Patrice Robson

"The world offers itself to me in a thousand ways, and I ache with an awareness of how infrequently I am able to receive more than a small fraction of what is offered, of how often I reject what is because I feel it is not good enough." --Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Lately, I'm becoming more and more conscious of two completely different ways of being: resisting and allowing.

By really paying attention to myself, I can sense when I'm in resistance. For me, resistance brings rigidity - my body feels hard, like I'm wearing psychic armor. And I also feel a tightening, a hardness to my mind, like I'm marshalling my mental defences for battle.

Not surprisingly, resistance feels negative. Most times, when I'm resentful, I don't even know what I'm resenting. Sometimes it's rooted in fear. It has a "me against them" kind of attitude.

What has been surprising is that I'm often in resistance when there hasn't been any obvious cause for that kind of reaction. I've discovered that being in resistance is a habit. It's the way I've learned to live - to always be protecting myself against life, even though living this way steals my energy and my joy.

Fortunately, I've discovered the second word: allowing. What is allowing? It's not controlling. It's not forcing things to be my way or even just wishing things were my way. It's letting life be just as it is.

When I'm allowing, I experience a softness in my being. The armour is gone; I feel safe and relaxed. This is where peace, contentment and well-being arise. I'm not at war with life and there's space to enjoy whatever's going on. It feels so good!

I can only get to allowing when I let go of judgment. I need to release my opinions that "things would be better if..." Backing up a bit, I can only get to allowing when I become aware that I'm resisting.

For me, sensing the contrast between resistance and allowing has been an experience of awakening. And it's so simple! All I have to do is pay attention! Am I feeling armoured for battle, angry at the world, even in a very subtle way? Or am I feeling open, soft, comfortable, at ease? If I'm in resistance, I bring my attention to my breathing for a few minutes and this helps ease the tension.

Just becoming aware of the resistance often releases it. And as I practice this awareness, over and over and over again, my experience of life is lightening up. I smile more often and worry much less. It's all I've ever wanted!

Damn Mirror!

So, I'm all complaining about men and the mixed messages they send out, and it hits me. It's that damn mirror! It's me. I'm the one sending out mixed messages.

I have no problem for instance, being playful and flirtatious with a man when I know it's not going to go beyond friendship. But when it comes to a man I could lose my heart to, I get all standoffish and serious. How can I expect a man to make sense of that? It doesn't even make sense to me.

Sometimes, awareness is a pain in the ass. We're not always thrilled with what we find lurking in the shadows when we turn on the light.

But, what the hell? I've come this far. Might as well go the distance.

The REAL Secret (Just Kidding)

I am in the process of reading James Ray's book, Harmonic Wealth, and one of the things he stated early in the book is that a breakthrough is preceded by a breakdown.

That's exactly what I have found to be true in my life. In fact, my life seemed to sort of fall to pieces a little more than a year ago, and this past year has been a process of sorting through the debris and cleaning and clearing emotionally and spiritually.

I feel that reiki has been very instrumental in both the clearing process and in getting me to a place where I am ready to rebuild. That is where I am now, and it is a truly exciting place to be. I feel like I have been reborn and a whole world of possibilities has opened up for me.

I only thought I knew about being open to possibilities before. I am just a baby in this practice. But that bears out that if you do what you can with what you have, if you act "as if" you already have what you desire, the Universe will meet you way more than halfway.

We Love You, Warts and All

Why do they love me? If they really knew me, they wouldn't love me. If they knew this or that, there's no way they would love me.

Is that so? Don't you think everybody on the planet has their own "this or that"? We all have things we would erase, if we could. But the truth of the matter is, those things that we find so repulsive about ourselves or our history are necessary for the growth we need to experience in this life.

I think about how diligently the news media digs up dirt on every politician and celebrity. I wonder how it would be if the tables were turned and someone started digging in their own past. Hmmm... I bet they would think twice before throwing stones.

For me, the solution to figuring out who really loved me was just to open my closet door and say, "See? There are all my skeletons. Ugly, huh"?

Amazingly, no one who really mattered rejected me. In fact, I found compassion from most folks. A few turned away, because they couldn't handle truth, but that is actually an excellent way of weeding out people in your life who are not contributing to your highest good.

I suspect this is what is happening when very wealthy people lose their fortunes. I'm betting their soul feels a need to separate their true friends from the parasites, and what better way to do this than to drain off the resources the parasites are showing up for?

One of my early speeches in Toastmasters was titled, "We Love You, Warts and All". The point I was trying to make is that we are loved for our "flaws" and human foibles, not in spite of them.

Actually, the truest and purest love has absolutely nothing to do with your personality, your strengths or your weaknesses. You are loved simply because you are, the way we love our babies, who have done absolutely nothing to earn or merit that love. This is the way God loves us, and the way we need to remember to love one another. We know how, since we are created in the image of the Creator. We simply need to remember.

In the words of Theodore Geisel (Dr. Seuss): "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

Everybody's Mother

I haven't missed my children being babies for a long time. I think the last time I had baby fever was seven or so years ago. Children grow up. It's what they do. It's natural. I didn't resist it. I enjoyed my children at every stage of their lives, even the annoying stages. :-)

But today, I went with my sister to my nephew's swim class. The minute I walked into the room, the maternal energy hit me like a ton of bricks. It brought tears to my eyes. I had to leave for a few moments to compose myself. So many babies, little ones and mommies. And suddenly, I'm craving a baby in my arms.

Now, I'm not about to go out and make a baby. That's a commitment not to be taken lightly. But I did realize I need an outlet for my overabundant maternal energy. Wherever I go, I take people into my arms and into my heart. But there's only so much mothering your friends can take from you, right?

I'm sure practicing massage will be a great way to utilize some of that energy, since it is such a nurturing act.

And I know that there are plenty of children in this world who could use some tender loving care. So, I'll just stay open and see what unfolds.

Reiki Is Making An Honest Woman Out Of Me

Reiki is making an honest woman out of me. I was sitting at the reiki share meetup last night, talking to some of my friends, and we were discussing people who despise the opposite gender. I made the statement that we should allow everyone to stand or fall on their own merits.

It didn't hit me right then, but later I realized that I am not living in congruence with that belief. I have not been willing to trust my heart to any man because of some men that have betrayed my trust. Ouch!

I see now what is meant by bringing everything into harmony. You get to discover what you're not seeing and be brought face to face with what you're trying not to see. Yippeeee!

It's not very pleasant to discover that you are lying to yourself, but I suppose it beats continuing to lie to yourself unawares. No, I know it does.

If you want real adventure, take a journey into your self. But you'd probably rather face off with Mount Everest. It's a lot easier and less frightening.

Bringing It All Together

I’ve mentioned that sexual abuse is part of my history. I learned to armor up pretty early in life because I learned there were people who would be happy to interact with your body who didn’t give a damn about your soul. I learned not to ask for what I needed, because one might ask for a fish and be given a serpent.

I can remember as a young woman how much I enjoyed the attention I could get with my body. I always felt invisible, but whenever I attracted masculine attention, I became aware that I was quite visible.

But I never let it get very far because I knew that men wanted my body. They didn’t want me. That’s why, believe it or not, I would not want to trade places with a Victoria’s Secret model. How would you ever know whether someone wanted you or just your body?

Then I wound up marrying someone who wanted neither. He didn’t want my body, but he didn't want me, either. He wanted someone to fill a role in his life, but he didn’t want me. If you want to mold someone into something other than what they are, you don’t really want them, you want some imaginary ideal of what you would like them to be. Get a Stepford wife (or husband), for God’s sake, and leave the real people alone.

Even though I don’t always feel strong, I know that I managed a 20-year-marriage that didn’t nurture my heart at all without hardening my heart. That’s pretty damn tough. That’s not to say I didn’t protect my heart.

I wound up armoring up and my weight became my gatekeeper. No one would want me strictly for my body anymore. Anyone who really wanted me would have to get past the overweight issue to get to my heart. They would have to want me pretty badly to get past that. But then I didn’t trust anyone to really want me, so even if they were willing to approach the gate, I would find some way to shoot them down.

Here’s the thing, when a body wants another body, it’s all about chemistry. It is all about finding someone who looks like they might be able to bring home the big hunk of meat or make beautiful, strong babies. Even if you have no intention of making babies, when you feel chemistry with someone, that’s what you’re responding to. I’m finding it is completely different when your soul wants another soul. The feeling of attraction may be just as strong, but it is deeper.

Now that I am releasing my emotional armor and working really, really hard to avoid replacing it, I am finding that the excess pounds are coming off as a side effect.

And speaking of work, the really hard work in life is the inner work - bringing my heart and my mind into congruence, and bringing harmony to all aspects of my life - that is hard, hard work. No wonder most people would rather work their fingers to the bone and stay too busy to notice they are living lives of quiet desperation.

Would I change it? Not a chance. I know that the more I allow Source to work in my life, to bring harmony and healing to me, the more I will be empowered to live on purpose. I wouldn't have it any other way.

My Own Conversation With God

December 23, 2022

Write a letter to the universe. Just write what  you want to manifest, or your fears, or whatever is going on with you that you'd like to clear.

June 18, 2008

So, I asked God, "How can I realize the manifestation of my desires?" And God answered, "You can start by not closing the doors I open for you." Ouch. Staying open. It's not always easy, but it beats staying stuck. I think I'll try it. I have a situation going on with my vehicle. I put it into the shop, expecting a relatively small expense in the car repair game. It didn't take long for the estimate to triple. My mom asked, "How are you going to do that?" To which I answered, "The same way we always do what we have to do. We just do it." I see it this way: I can worry and fret, and the Universe will provide for me; or I can relax and trust, and the Universe will provide for me. Either way, the provision is there, but relaxing and trusting feels a whole hell of a lot better than worrying and fretting. Since I have never realized any benefit from worrying and fretting, why waste the energy? Now, I do believe it is important to be able to look ahead to prevent problems. It's what makes you take that second look to make sure you completely put out the fire or makes you aware not to leave the baby alone on the changing table. But, have you ever heard of anyone increasing their income by worrying? I've never heard of anyone improving their health by worrying, either, although I have heard of people ruining their health by worrying. Now, some people find worry useful as an impetus to take action. But my question is, why not take action from a place of peace? Worry never had any positive effect in my life that I can recall, but it did drain my energy and disturb my peace plenty of times. I can do very nicely without it, and so I will.

Reiki and the Power of Love and Light

I missed what I'm sure was a very interesting meetup last night. Once my curiosity has been aroused, I don't want to miss a thing.

But I got into my mother's flower bed, and as soon as my hands made contact with the earth, I knew I was right where I needed to be. We are past the gross work of pulling up thick patches of weeds and grass and we have arrived at the finer work of pulling up little weeds that have grown back and sifting through for root systems we may have missed the first time around.

And I thought, "This is exactly what reiki is doing in my life". I have done a lot of clearing work over the past couple years and now reiki is going deep into the terrain of my heart and clearing out root systems and rotting stumps left over from the weeds that had overrun my garden for a number of years.

Speaking of stumps, we came upon a stump with very deep roots. Given the choice of chipping away at it for a week or yanking it out of the ground, we recruited Dad and his pickup truck to help. I noticed there were a couple times when Dad thought this wasn't going to work, and I kept encouraging him to try again. And I thought, this is one of the purposes of woman in the life of man, to encourage him to keep trying. I don't know if there is a woman behind every good man, but I do know men in all ages have been inspired to do amazing things because of woman.

For a while, in our society, it didn't seem to be cool to be womanly. There seemed to be a great drive to erase as many gender differences as possible. Now, I have always believed that there should be no difference in compensation between men or women doing the same job. And I know that womanhood was not given the respect and honor due it for a long time.

However, I am not a fan of throwing out the baby with the bathwater. There's nothing wrong with working to change the inequalities, but we don't have to give up the powerful qualities of womanhood or our femininity in the process. And it's not needful to go all the way to the other extreme and subjugate manhood. I remember for a while, it seemed like every time a man was depicted in a movie or television show, he was shown as inept and foolish.

There is power in masculinity and in femininity, and the ideal is balance. Instead of trying to dominate one another, we can bring out the best in one another, and also incorporate the strengths of our opposite without sacrificing any essential part of who we are. Henry Kissinger said, No one will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy." If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right?

I remember Helen Reddy's song that began, "I am woman. Hear me roar." But my observations over the years have borne out that woman can accomplish powerful change with a whisper. I noticed the powerful effects I was able to generate with my children and in managing others came from love, honor, respect and gentleness. And I observed women (and men) who "ruled with an iron fist". Generally, people followed only to the extent they had to. People gave whatever was necessary to keep the peace, and no more. That doesn't get a team or a family very far.

Greater things are accomplished through synergy than could ever be accomplished in a discordant system of misused power and subjugation. And what are we in one another's lives for if not to bring out and magnify one another's strengths, intensify one another's brilliance, kindle one another's fire, in order that we all may love deeper and purer, serve more effectively and live the grandest version of the greatest vision we could possibly have for our lives?

Practice

Today I realized that there are several other lessons I haven't received deeply. It's good to learn, but if the learning doesn't become an integral part of your life, you may as well be memorizing trivia. At least with that, you can up your chances of winning a game show.

The truth is, I knew the time would come to translate all that I am learning into action, and it is only fitting that there should be tests before I am set loose on the world. Tests are all about finding out what you know and what you still need to learn. Even after you have learned a lesson well, it needs to be kept strong through practice.

I have been resistant to receiving love and really, the reasons are irrelevant. The effect is that in not receiving, I've created a blockage, which is clearing now. The important thing now is to love myself, so that I can come to love from a position of wholeness, and not from a position of need or greed.

When we come to love from wholeness, we can share our gifts without expectation. We can love unconditionally. We can hold our loved one with an open hand, knowing they will be in our lives as long as they should be, and that if they move on, it is for the highest good of all concerned. We can take responsibility for our own needs, rather than trying to pass that responsibility off to someone else.

I know this. Now it is time to practice. And if I forget, be so kind as to refresh my memory, if you please.

That's What Love Would Do

Just Stay

A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside.
"Your son is here," she said to the old man.

She had to repeat the words several times before the patient's eyes opened.

Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man's limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement.

The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside the bed. All through the night the young Marine sat there in the poorly lit ward, holding the old man's hand and offering him words of love and strength. Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile.

He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the Marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital - the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients.

Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the night.

Along towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released the now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse. While she did what she had to do, he waited.

Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her.

"Who was that man?" he asked.

The nurse was startled, "He was your father," she answered.

"No, he wasn't," the Marine replied. "I never saw him before in my life."

"Then why didn't you say something when I took you to him?"

"I knew right away there had been a mistake, but I also knew he needed his son, and his son just wasn't here. When I realized that he was too sick to tell whether or not I was his son, knowing how much he needed me, I stayed."

The next time someone needs you ... just be there. Stay.

It's Showtime!

I finally got tired of dancing all around this thing the Universe wants me to deal with, and so I went to sleep this morning (working nights) after calling on any and all available help to see and deal with whatever it is that I have been unwilling to face.

I promptly fell asleep to some deep meditation music and slept longer and deeper than I have in a long time...and remembered exactly nothing when I awoke.

So, I asked for help to become aware of whatever it was I discovered in my dream work. There may be more to the story, but I did become aware of something very important.

I discovered that there are several lessons that my soul has gotten through to my intellect over the past year that my heart has been resistant to. From a logical standpoint, I completely understand them, and can even teach them to others. Meanwhile, my heart has been saying, "Hell, no. I've had enough breakage in this lifetime to last several lifetimes. I'm staying right here in my protective little fortress and you can't do a damned thing about it."

So, I'm having a little conversation with my heart. I want it to understand that it is safe now. I know things now that I didn't know then. It is all good and it always has been.

Some of the lessons I have learned from Spirit this year:

1. One of my issues has always been fear of abandonment. But there is no abandonment. People come and go from our lives. It is natural. It is cyclical. In fact, we will eventually be parted from everyone in our lives, either by choice or by death. It is part of the human experience.

2. Another thing I have struggled with is the feeling of not being worthy, not good enough. But now I know that whether or not someone accepts us or rejects us or loves us or judges us is a function of their own preferences or their own level of maturity and is not a statement of our value.

3. For most of my life, I defined myself by my pain. But now I know that whether I hurt or not in any given situation is my choice. I can choose to suffer or I can choose to see the perfection in whatever happens, realizing it is all part of a higher purpose, a purification, bringing us into truer alignment with All That Is. Even if we have allowed something to hurt us in the past, we can choose to use it in spiritual practice. We can forgive and release our judgments about the event, accept and incorporate its lessons and be grateful for it. Yes, grateful. At one time, I didn't think that was possible, either.

So, provided I have convinced my heart that everything is good, it's all unfolding perfectly, and we can handle anything that arises, it's show time!