That's What Love Would Do

Just Stay

A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside.
"Your son is here," she said to the old man.

She had to repeat the words several times before the patient's eyes opened.

Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man's limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement.

The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside the bed. All through the night the young Marine sat there in the poorly lit ward, holding the old man's hand and offering him words of love and strength. Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile.

He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the Marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital - the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients.

Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the night.

Along towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released the now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse. While she did what she had to do, he waited.

Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her.

"Who was that man?" he asked.

The nurse was startled, "He was your father," she answered.

"No, he wasn't," the Marine replied. "I never saw him before in my life."

"Then why didn't you say something when I took you to him?"

"I knew right away there had been a mistake, but I also knew he needed his son, and his son just wasn't here. When I realized that he was too sick to tell whether or not I was his son, knowing how much he needed me, I stayed."

The next time someone needs you ... just be there. Stay.

It's Showtime!

I finally got tired of dancing all around this thing the Universe wants me to deal with, and so I went to sleep this morning (working nights) after calling on any and all available help to see and deal with whatever it is that I have been unwilling to face.

I promptly fell asleep to some deep meditation music and slept longer and deeper than I have in a long time...and remembered exactly nothing when I awoke.

So, I asked for help to become aware of whatever it was I discovered in my dream work. There may be more to the story, but I did become aware of something very important.

I discovered that there are several lessons that my soul has gotten through to my intellect over the past year that my heart has been resistant to. From a logical standpoint, I completely understand them, and can even teach them to others. Meanwhile, my heart has been saying, "Hell, no. I've had enough breakage in this lifetime to last several lifetimes. I'm staying right here in my protective little fortress and you can't do a damned thing about it."

So, I'm having a little conversation with my heart. I want it to understand that it is safe now. I know things now that I didn't know then. It is all good and it always has been.

Some of the lessons I have learned from Spirit this year:

1. One of my issues has always been fear of abandonment. But there is no abandonment. People come and go from our lives. It is natural. It is cyclical. In fact, we will eventually be parted from everyone in our lives, either by choice or by death. It is part of the human experience.

2. Another thing I have struggled with is the feeling of not being worthy, not good enough. But now I know that whether or not someone accepts us or rejects us or loves us or judges us is a function of their own preferences or their own level of maturity and is not a statement of our value.

3. For most of my life, I defined myself by my pain. But now I know that whether I hurt or not in any given situation is my choice. I can choose to suffer or I can choose to see the perfection in whatever happens, realizing it is all part of a higher purpose, a purification, bringing us into truer alignment with All That Is. Even if we have allowed something to hurt us in the past, we can choose to use it in spiritual practice. We can forgive and release our judgments about the event, accept and incorporate its lessons and be grateful for it. Yes, grateful. At one time, I didn't think that was possible, either.

So, provided I have convinced my heart that everything is good, it's all unfolding perfectly, and we can handle anything that arises, it's show time!

I Don't Want to Repeat This Claaaassss...

Yes, that's whining you hear. And I'll tell you what you can do with your cheese. :-)

No, seriously. I feel like I am going stark raving mad. Spirit has brought me to this place before, and whenever it has gotten too painful or uncomfortable, I have run away. I want to run now. How I want to run! But I don't want to keep coming back to this place.

I want to be free - free to live life from who I really am, and not from this crap I've taken on in this life...free to love unfettered by the past. I know that's why I keep coming back here. I have to get through this to be free.

But the urge to run is so strong.

Now might be a good time to call on some of that stubbornness.

I Have a Dream...

What is a Zero Energy House?

"I have noticed that when I tell people that these new houses have energy costs of approximately 50 cents a day, they tend to think about their own homes. People respond to the idea. They just need education and awareness. Jeff Christian, Oak Ridge National Laboratory, buildings technology researcher

Who wouldn't want a house that pays its own energy bills? A zero energy home combines sustainable design with state-of-the-art, energy-efficient construction including commercially available renewable energy systems such as solar water heating and solar electricity. These homes incorporate such innovations as building-integrated photovoltaic and solar-thermal systems, properly designed heating and cooling equipment, efficient building envelopes, and high-performance appliances.
According to the U.S. Department of Energy (DOE), these whole-house systems are capable of cutting energy bills by up to 70%, and eventually reaching net zero energy consumption from the utility provider while also helping to eliminate energy shortages and rolling blackouts, and avoiding carbon emissions by sending power to the utility grid. DOE's Oak Ridge National Laboratory researchers are supporting the DOE initiative to develop affordable, net-zero-energy housing by 2020 and zero-energy commercial buildings by 2025.

Zero energy homes are connected to the utility grid but can be designed and constructed to produce as much energy as they consume annually, resulting in a nearly zero operative energy costs."

From the Texas State Energy Conservation Office


From The Northwest Arkansas News Source:

"The sustainable details extend far beyond the tire bales. The Stanleys' home, which they figure will be completed sometime this fall, is engineered in such a way that sunlight can be collected and turned into electricity. Large cisterns have been installed to collect rainwater from the roof during storms. That system will filter and provide enough water for showers, dishes, drinking, cooking and more. And when any member of the Stanley family is taking a shower, the drain is routed directly into two large indoor planting areas, where fruit trees and other vegetation will grow.

"When you shower here, you're watering the plants, " Stanley said. "We're making the most of the water. The idea is to reduce waste and conserve energy. It's really just about living better and more responsibly. There are going to be a lot of plants inside because they provide a lot of things you just can't artificially generate. We're not meant to live in environments with forced air everywhere."

A large wall of windows running the length of one side of the house will provide all the sunlight the plants and the rest of the home needs to function. The home has been designed, in many ways, to function like a cave. The interior walls absorb heat during the day, keeping the living space cool. When the sun goes down, that heat is released, keeping the structure warm.

"Originally, there were people who started doing these homes out west because they didn't want a mortgage," Mark Stanley said. "They wanted to save money and build with cash. And they didn't want to be on the grid, paying gas and water and other bills. Think about how the economy is going and all the energy concerns out there. I think there's a lot of added incentive to do something like this today. Imagine a whole community like this. It's not out of the realm of possibility."

Yeah, baby. That's what I'm talking about.

What Then, Stump?

Normally, I am a fan of maximizing efficiency rather than maximizing effort.

Work smart, not hard.

But every now and then, it feels good just to go at a task with everything you've got and power through it.

That's how it felt working that stump out of the ground with my mother in her garden.

It was tough, but I was thinking, "Hell, no! You are not going to win. I guess nobody warned you about throwing down with a Jones woman". We are nothing if not persistent, determined, and okay, downright stubborn, and my mother only has full use of one leg. Do you think that stopped her? Ha!

It took us an hour to get that blasted stump out of the ground, and I broke a shovel handle in the process, but it felt so good when we finally whooped it.

As my daughter is fond of saying, What then?

I Rate!

I made my daughter's list of three things she can't live without, which she posted on My Space.

Needless to say, it made my day!

The thing about parenting is, you put in a hell of a lot of effort, and don't always see the effect you are having until long afterwards.

If you want to enjoy parenting, you have to know how to find your rewards intrinsically. The reward is in the giving itself, in the pouring out of your love to someone.

When love and appreciation do come back, it's just icing on the cake.

Why Bother?

Relationships can present us with some of our greatest opportunities for joy and adventure. They can also present us with some of our greatest challenges and pain. So, why bother with relationships at all?

Besides the obvious fact that we each have a longing for connection, there is a greater purpose at work in our relationships, in my opinion.

I believe that we each come into one another's lives because we have gifts to share with one another. These are gifts from the Universe or God, and we are channels through which the Universe gives these gifts. Sometimes, these gifts are disguised as problems.

Sometimes, the gift is exactly what you hoped for. At other times, it is a reflection of what you don't want in your life, so that you can clarify what you do want.

Some relationships are meant to last. Others are more temporary. Being willing to let go of relationships that no longer serve our highest good is important for growth.

But how do you know whether a relationship is good for you or not? Just because a relationship is uncomfortable doesn't necessarily mean it is bad for you. Your discomfort may be a signal of growth opportunities that are presenting in your life.

To determine whether your discomfort is a sign that you need to stick around or a sign that it is time to move on, ask yourself this: do you like who you are becoming in association with this person? If you are enriched by the association, and you are doing what you can to enrich the other person's life, you may take that as a signal that you still have a purpose for being in one another's lives. If not, perhaps you have completed your purpose in one another's lives, and it is time to let go. There's no reason to let things get ugly before you part company.

At least, that's the way I see it.

Was That a Mistake?

Sometimes, it seems as if things are going wrong. But are they ever? I don't think so.

I believe God knows exactly what needs to happen and exactly the right moment in which it needs to happen to support our healing and growth. We may be acting or reacting out of mental programming that we are not even aware of. But God knows.

Therefore, we cannot make a mistake. We can only manifest lessons - lessons that outwardly reflect the healing and growth opportunities that lie within.

Are you embarrassed by something you said or did? What is that embarrassment revealing to you? Perhaps it is revealing that you are looking outside yourself for approval and validation.

Do you find yourself repeating unhealthy patterns in relationships? They are presenting so that you can heal them. Make a different choice this time. Do one thing different. Even a small change can make a difference.

Don't beat yourself up if things go "wrong". Every apparent "failure" is presenting an opportunity to let go of patterns that no longer serve you. If you can't see it, you can't heal it.

And so, be thankful for the mirror of your experience. It is a precious gift.

That's the way I see it.

It's a Wild Ride

One of the most difficult things for me about healing is simply being with painful emotions as they arise. The thing I want to remember is that the emotion is not the truth. It may point to the truth, but it is not the truth. The feeling that I will be consumed by the pain if I surrender is not the truth. The feeling that I can't face this because it is all too overwhelming is not the truth. Actually, those are not feelings at all, but judgments about feelings.

A feeling of urgency arises that I must hide, protect, fight, run for cover. This is not the truth.

One of the things that keeps me going is that I want to get past this, and the only way out is through. That, and the fact that part of my purpose is to heal and to facilitate healing for others who desire it. I must pass this way, sooner or later, to get to where I want to be, to realize who I really am. It may as well be now.

I can't show the way until I know the way. And I can't know the way until I go the way.

So, I'll go the distance with this crazy emotional roller coaster, albeit a harrowing ride.

"Duh" Moments

A friend and I were talking this morning, and he said that he has gone beyond "Aha!" moments to "Duh" moments. I completely relate because I see myself doing things I have done over and over and didn't like the results the first few hundred times. Hello!

It's crazy how often we know what to do in a given situation, and yet we flounder as if we were clueless. For instance, the simple action of asking for help. When I ask for divine help, it is always given. Why do I often wait until I feel desperate to ask?

Then, when I do ask, and I realize that help was there for the asking all along, I think, Why did I wait so long? Why did I put myself through all that?

It is so easy to get lost in illusion, especially in those moments when healing becomes uncomfortable. Sometimes, we are expressing the truth of light and love and sometimes, we are painfully human.

It's all part of the adventure.

Being a Pure Channel

Okay, I am very wordy tonight. But what can I say? I asked Spirit for assistance and guidance not to give in to the urgency I sometimes feel to replace the armor around my heart - to be okay with being vulnerable - and a wealth of encouragement flooded in. And I always think, if something is of benefit to me, maybe someone else out there could benefit from it, as well. So, here it is.

I realized this morning that if I don't give people a chance to hurt or disappoint me, then I don't give them a chance to love me, either. It's the same chance, given or withheld...just two sides of the same coin. And whether that chance is given or withheld determines the depth and the intimacy of the relationships we create.

We can't get close to someone just by reaching out and giving our love. It also requires relinquishing our urge to hide our hearts and souls behind the armor of "safety", which is only an illusion, anyway. I can tell you from experience that you can play it safe all you want, and hurt like hell just the same.

We can hand our love out the drive-up window, but if we want close connections, we have to open the door and invite others in for a sit-down meal.

All love comes from Source. The people in our lives are some of the channels through which Source flows that love to us. If we block the channels, we are cutting ourselves off from Source.

Now, some channels are more pure than others. The less conscious a person is, the more likely it is that any love flowing through them will be polluted by their psychic garbage. Sometimes, it is not even recognizable as love by the time it flows through them. Perhaps it's healthier to cut off certain channels until they clean up their psychic garbage dumps.

But we needn't throw out the baby with the bathwater. Just because we have been on the receiving end of love through polluted channels, doesn't mean we need cut ourselves off from all channels.

One of the things that is beautiful to me about Reiki as I am learning it, is that we offer ourselves as clear channels for the healing energy to flow through us for the benefit of ourselves and those we serve. We do not attempt to heal others. We are instruments for the light to flow through and the results belong to the receiver.

I believe we would also benefit from offering ourselves as clear channels for love...looking into our own hearts and souls, and asking ourselves if the love we are giving is pure or polluted with our own psychic garbage. Maybe it's time for a serious clean-up effort so that we can be pure channels for the love Source wants to flow through us to a hungry, hurting world. And of course, we can always ask for help to purify that channel.

Just offering something to consider. If it resonates, great. If not, toss it. After all, what do I know?

Patience and Desire

I have often heard people ask me how I can be so patient, especially when they see how I am with children or when they know how long I've waited for a certain thing or condition in my life.

What I try to explain is that patience is a practice. One can practice patience in spite of feeling an urgency for the manifestation of a thing or condition. Of course, it's a whole lot more pleasant when we bring our feelings in line with our decision to practice patience.

There have been times when I have tired of waiting for Spirit to unfold some manifestation in my life, and I tried to take things into my own hands. The trouble is, a long time ago, I invited Wisdom into my life, and once you invite her, forever after she has a voice on the council of your soul. And Wisdom has this rather incessant habit of butting in at inopportune (or should I say, opportune?) times. "Now, are you sure this is the direction you want to move in? I mean, you can do whatever you want, but be aware that this could result in...yada, yada, yada, whatever." Wisdom feels like a total killjoy, even when you know she is a preserver of real joy. Hey, that rhymes. Maybe I should write a poem...nah.

The point is, patience is a practice. Therefore, it can be learned, if one is willing to gain mastery over the voice of desire even when it is screaming its wishes into every cell and atom of your being. Now, I am not a proponent of annihilating desire. I think it adds a little spice to life. I just don't believe it should be the only voice on the council. But, then again, what do I know?

Gratitude, Giving and Receiving

My little snake friend came out to play again while I was weeding this evening. At first, he was scared and kept ducking his head under the dirt trying to find his den. But then I started talking to him in a soothing voice, telling him how beautiful he is, and I guess he liked the vibration of my voice, or maybe the admiration, because he hung around a little while once I started talking. I think he was even showing off just a bit. He didn't run for cover until I started pulling weeds again.

It was nice outside this evening, and it reminded me how much we have to be grateful for. The breeze felt wonderful. I feel like Spirit is touching me when the breeze caresses my skin and plays with my hair that way. And, oh how sweet it is to feel the cool grass and earth beneath my feet. And the beauty of the star-studded sky last night brought tears to my eyes. We are so blessed, if we will only be aware of all the gifts that are freely given to us every day of our lives.

This brings me to the issue of receptivity. Some of us find it easy to give and not so easy to receive. The problem with this is that it is a whole lot more pleasant to a giver when a gift is received graciously. I mean, what reaction would you prefer when you give a gift: the person who says, 'You shouldn't have done that,' or maybe even tries to refuse your gift? or the person who graciously accepts your gift and shows delight in receiving it? Hmmm...makes you think, doesn't it?

Heck, if you're giving something, chances are it's because you want to give it. You want to do something to enrich that person's life experience. It is not very pleasant to have someone block you from giving to them. What givers often don't realize is that others enjoy giving just as much as we do. When we receive graciously, we give back to the giver. We allow them the joy of giving, and we give them the joy of seeing our pleasure in receiving. It's kind of selfish, if you think about it, to enjoy giving to others and not to allow them the joy of giving to you. Ouch!

This is one of the reasons givers often block the flow of wealth into our lives, as well. We are not willing to refuse to help someone just because they can't pay us, and we don't want to be profiteers who exclude most people by way of charging exorbitant fees, but then we go all the way to the other extreme and refuse to accept payment for services we render. Usually, if someone is trying to give us money for some service, it means that for them to feel good about the situation, they need to give something back. In some cases, we may want to ask them to "pay it forward". But in most cases, the appropriate thing to do would be to graciously receive. Just something to think about.

And that's just the way I see it. But what do I know?

Love is the Most Powerful Magic

Tonight, I met with a wonderful group of people who are part of a Metaphysical Meetup Group in Houston.

We discussed magic and I find it a very intriguing subject.

Even so, I still believe love is the most powerful magic. You don't have to learn it, just BE it, although we could all benefit from learning to align with it more...to experience the BEing of love more fully.

I have observed love's effects in actual practice as it has transformed many a life and many a situation.

Does that mean love always breaks through and gets its desired result? Not in my experience and observation. Free will cannot and must not be violated. Even Spirit won't touch free will.

Nevertheless, I have seen amazing transformations brought about in people and situations by love and its many aspects - kindness, compassion, grace, and so on.

I would venture to say that any magic that brings about healing or positive change is an aspect of love magic, anyway. But in my view, nothing could ever match pure love for potency and alchemical potential.

At least, that's the way I see it. But what do I know?

Waaaaater....Waaaaaaater

It's wonderful to be back in touch with my passion.

I've only got one issue. It seems the waterworks have turned on and I can't get them turned back off. I'm crying at movies I've seen more than once, and phone calls I'm getting at work. Sheesh!

I took a call the other day about a teenager who was in an accident and is now paraplegic. It broke my heart. And another from a lady who was 34 weeks pregnant and rushing to the emergency room because she was bleeding.

I've always practiced compassion, but I'm supposed to keep emotional distance at work. Oh, well.

But who knows? Maybe they came to my attention so that I could pray for them and send them light. I did what I could.

I always say tears are liquid passion, but puhleeease. I'm going to have to carry around an IV to keep my fluid balance if this doesn't ease up.

I'm pretty sure it will all even out soon, though, but if you find me somewhere with hot, flushed skin and a racing pulse, those are symptoms of dehydration. Call 911. And give me that bottle of water. I need it more than you do.

Ding! We Have a Winner!

And the winning answer is...

Nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing can go wrong. Nothing has ever gone wrong.

Everything that happens is the perfect and correct thing to support our healing and growth in that moment. Ah, but how easy it is to forget this amidst a flood of emotion. The only thing we have to fear is unconsciousness. And I found myself lost in the illusion for a little while there, remembering and clearing past pain.

My ex was a perfect reflection to me. He fulfilled his purpose in my life completely. In his inability to receive my love, he reflected my inability to receive love. When he was unable to give love to me, he reflected my inability to love myself.

When I am aware of this, my anger and pain turns to gratefulness to him for performing so well at what must have been a very unpleasant role to play in my life.

And while I'm on the subject of love, there's a little poem that reads, "Love wasn't put in your heart to stay, because love isn't love until you give it away." It doesn't matter how much love you feel in your heart for someone, if you don't share it, it is of no benefit to them.

And another thing or two or three, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." - Plato. "Believe nothing you hear and only half of what you see." - Mark Twain. The point is that just because someone seems to have it together doesn't mean they aren't facing any difficulties, or growth opportunities as you might call them. Things are not always as they appear. In fact, I suspect they frequently aren't. We learn to hide much of what we are experiencing for various reasons. The point is, let us all remember to be kind to one another. You never know when your kindness might be just the impetus someone needs to keep holding on.

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." - Leo Buscaglia.

Don't be afraid to touch.

Feeling the Magic

I'm feeling more myself now. I didn't say feeling myself more. I said feeling more myself. Get your mind out of the gutter! Sheesh!

Anyway, I've been helping my mother pull weeds from around her fifty-some-odd Rose of Sharon plants. There's nothing like getting down and dirty with mother earth to help get your bearings back.

So, I was working away this evening, and a snake slithered out of the grass I was trying to pull up. The thing that amazed me most is that I was not afraid! I just watched it, while trying to remember that poem I learned in childhood, "Red and yellow, kill a fellow; black and white...". Ok, you're cool. It helped that it was slithering away and not toward.

But I found myself fascinated, and afterward, I couldn't get the song, Sneaky Snake, out of my head. Only dyed-in-the-wool country music fans will know what the heck I'm talking about there.

I love being out in the country, snakes and all. Trees have immense healing power. Stars are magical. I suppose they are magical whether they are hidden by smog and city lights or not, but you can feel the magic when you can see them.

Yeah, baby! That's what I'm talking about.

It's All Good...Yes, All Of It

Here I am, in the calm after the storm, wondering if what I have been struggling with is nothing more than ghosts from the past.

On the one hand, I firmly believe that all that's real is love and the rest is illusion. On the other hand, shouldn't that have covered the past as well? Perhaps if you experience pain at a time when you are not consciously aware that you have a choice...I should say if you repress pain instead of choosing to experience it...then at some point, you have to allow that pain to resurface so that it can be cleared.

In any case, I return to trusting in a loving Universe that supports my highest good always and in all ways. This is the truth that resonates in the depths of my heart and soul.

I choose love, for I am love, as you will find you are, if you truly get to know yourself. And I choose forgiveness, although I would have preferred non-judgment. Once one has passed judgment, forgiveness is key to becoming free.

Why Can't We Just Let It Happen?

I've had a lot of stuff come up that needed clearing over the past couple weeks, and it has led me to a question that I need to discover an answer to before I can move forward in a certain area of my life.

That question is, Why is it that I can give love freely, but I am blocked when it comes to receiving love? The scientist in me wants to dissect this thing so that the lover in me can move forward. Actually, I think the scientist wants to shut the lover up with a "Come on, we've tried this experiment before. It was a disaster! Don't do it! It's a trick."

The reason this is important for me to understand is that I would rather jump off the nearest 20-story building than repeat the patterns of my marriage. And I am dead set against jumping! I always figure in that little time frame between taking a flying leap and passionate contact with Planet Earth, one might decide, "I really don't want to do this." Splat!

I was a staunch, stark, rank believer in 'till death do us part'. So much so that after years of doing everything in my power to breathe some life into my marriage, I would gladly have died to get out of it. Until that rock bottom experience when I realized, "What the hell ever!" Nothing is worth sacrificing any essential part of who you are to maintain. Like Jo Dee, my 'Give a Damn' busted.

But getting back to my question about being blocked to receiving love. Actually, what is it that we are afraid of, that keeps us from allowing love in our lives? What is it that we believe we may lose? I think what may be happening is that we suffer from the delusion that we can lose another's love.

But let's examine this for a moment, if we lose another's love or loving intention, have we really lost anything at all? After all, how can we lose something that wasn't ours to begin with? Someone else's love doesn't belong to us. It belongs to that person. We can't feel someone else's love or loving intentions. We can only feel our own. Hmmm...interesting.

Objection! Assuming Facts Not in Evidence

Okay, so I've watched too many episodes of Matlock.

But think about it for a moment. Isn't this often what gets us into trouble in our relationships?

Someone says this or doesn't say that, does this or neglects to do that, looks at us a certain way or doesn't look at us at all, and we give it meaning based on all the filters we have developed around relationships in the past...emphasis on IN THE PAST. Whatever happened in the past is over. What is really happening now? Do you know what is really happening now? Or are you assuming facts not in evidence?

Hmmm...something to think about.