What is The Work?
The Work is a simple yet powerful process of inquiry that teaches you to identify and question the stressful thoughts that cause all the suffering in the world. It's a way to understand what's hurting you, a way to end all your stress and suffering.
People who do The Work faithfully report life-changing results.
Eliminate stress: Live without anxiety or fear
Improve relationships: Have a new sense of connection and intimacy with your husband or wife, your parents, your children, and with yourself
Reduce anger: Get angry less often and less intensely, and eventually not at all
Eliminate depression: See perfection in situations that were once debilitating
Clarity: Act more intelligently and effectively
Energy: Experience a new sense of vigor and well-being
Peace: Learn how to love what is, and find lasting inner peace
How to Do The Work
1. Judge Your Neighbor
For thousands of years we’ve been told not to judge, but we still do it all the time—how our friends should act, whom our children should care about, what our parents should feel, do, or say. In The Work, rather than suppress these judgments, we use them as starting points for self-realization. By letting the judging mind have its life on paper, we discover through the mirror of those around us what we haven't yet realized about ourselves.
Fill in a Judge-Your-Neighbor worksheet[below]:
The Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet
Fill in the blanks below, using short, simple sentences. Don’t censor yourself; don’t be wise or “spiritual.” Take this opportunity to express your negative feelings on paper.
1. Who angers, irritates, saddens, or frustrates you, and why?
I am ________________ at ________________ because ____________________________________
Example: I am angry at Paul because he doesn’t listen to me, he doesn’t appreciate me, he argues with everything I say.
2. How do you want them to change?
What do you want them to do?
I want ________________ to ____________________
_____________________________________________.
Example: I want Paul to see that he is wrong.
I want him to apologize.
3. What is it that they should or shouldn't do, be, think, or feel?
________________ should/shouldn't ____________________________________________.
Example: Paul should take better care of himself. He shouldn't argue with me.
4. What do they need to do in order for you to be happy?
I need________________ to ____________________________________________.
Example: I need Paul to hear me and respect me.
5. What do you think of them? Make a list.
________________ is ________________________
_________________________________________.
Example: Paul is unfair, arrogant, loud, dishonest, way out of line, and unconscious
6. What is it that you don't want to experience with that person again?
I don't ever want to __________________________
____________________________________________.
Example: I don’t ever want to feel unappreciated by Paul again. I don’t ever want to see him smoking and ruining his health again.
2. The Four Questions
Investigate each of your statements from the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet using the four questions and the turnaround below. The Work is meditation. It’s about awareness, not about trying to change your thoughts. Ask the questions, then take your time, go inside, and wait for the deeper answers to surface. Download the blue sheet for use as a facilitation guide.
In its most basic form, The Work consists of four questions and a turnaround. For example, the first thought that you might question on the above Worksheet is "Paul doesn't listen to me." Find someone in your life about whom you have had that thought, and let's do The Work. "[Name] doesn't listen to me":
Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it's true?
How do you react when you think that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?
Then turn it around (the concept you are questioning), and don't forget to find three genuine examples of each turnaround.
3. Turn it Around
After you've investigated your statement with the four questions, you're ready to turn it around (the concept you are questioning).
Each turnaround is an opportunity to experience the opposite of your original statement and see what you and the person you've judged have in common.
A statement can be turned around to the opposite, to the other, and to the self (and sometimes to "my thinking," wherever that applies). Find a minimum of three genuine examples in your life where each turnaround is true.
For example, "Paul doesn't understand me" can be turned around to "Paul does understand me." Another turnaround is "I don't understand Paul." A third is "I don't understand myself."
Be creative with the turnarounds. They are revelations, showing you previously unseen aspects of yourself reflected back through others. Once you've found a turnaround, go inside and let yourself feel it. Find a minimum of three genuine examples where the turnaround is true in your life.
As I began living my turnarounds, I noticed that I was everything I called you. You were merely my projection. Now, instead of trying to change the world around me (this didn't work, but only for 43 years), I can put the thoughts on paper, investigate them, turn them around, and find that I am the very thing I thought you were. In the moment I see you as selfish, I am selfish (deciding how you should be). In the moment I see you as unkind, I am unkind. If I believe you should stop waging war, I am waging war on you in my mind.
The turnarounds are your prescription for happiness. Live the medicine you have been prescribing for others. The world is waiting for just one person to live it. You're the one.
Examples of Turnarounds
Here are a few more examples of turnarounds:
"He should understand me" turns around to:
- He shouldn't understand me. (This is reality.)
- I should understand him.
- I should understand myself.
"I need him to be kind to me" turns around to:
- I don't need him to be kind to me.
- I need me to be kind to him. (Can I live it?)
- I need me to be kind to myself.
"He is unloving to me" turns around to:
- He is loving to me. (To the best of his ability)
- I am unloving to him. (Can I find it?)
- I am unloving to me (When I don't inquire.)
"Paul shouldn't shout at me" turns around to:
- Paul should shout at me. (Obviously: In reality, he does sometimes. Am I listening?)
- I shouldn't shout at Paul.
- I shouldn't shout at me.
(In my head, am I playing over and over again Paul's shouting? Who's more merciful, Paul who shouted once, or me who replayed it a 100 times?)
Embracing Reality
After you have turned around the judgments in your answers to numbers 1 through 5 on the Worksheet (asking if they are as true or truer), turn number 6 around using "I am willing ..." and "I look forward to ..."
For example, "I don't ever want to experience an argument with Paul" turns around to "I am willing to experience an argument with Paul" and "I look forward to experiencing an argument with Paul." Why would you look forward to it?
Number 6 is about fully embracing all of mind and life without fear, and being open to reality. If you experience an argument with Paul again, good. If it hurts, you can put your thoughts on paper and investigate them. Uncomfortable feelings are merely the reminders that we've attached to something that may not be true for us. They let us know that it's time to do The Work.
Until you can see the enemy as a friend, your Work is not done. This doesn't mean you must invite him to dinner. Friendship is an internal experience. You may never see him again, you may even divorce him, but as you think about him are you feeling stress or peace?
In my experience, it takes only one person to have a successful relationship. I like to say I have the perfect marriage, and I can't really know what kind of marriage my husband has (though he tells me he's happy too).
For an example of how to put this into practice, see the following video demonstration.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Dancing With God
Hello friends,
Thank you to Lynda Peeler and Kathy Mann for sharing this
with me so that I can share it with you. It is amazingly
profound ... Enjoy!
Dancing With God
When I meditated on the word Guidance
I kept seeing 'dance' at the end of the word.
I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like
dancing.
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.
The movement doesn't flow with the music,
and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.
When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead,
both bodies begin to flow with the music.
One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back
or by pressing lightly in one direction or another.
It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.
The dance takes surrender, willingness,
and attentiveness from one person
and gentle guidance and skill from the other.
My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.
When I saw 'G: I thought of God, followed by 'u' and 'i'.
'God, 'u' and 'i' dance'
God, you, and I dance.
As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust
that I would get guidance about my life.
Once again, I became willing to let God lead.
My prayer for you today is that God's blessings
and mercies be upon you on this day and everyday.
May you abide in God as God
abides in you.
Dance together with God, trusting God to lead
and to guide you through each season of your life.
This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached.
If God has done anything for
you in your life,
please share this message with someone else,
for prayer is one of the best gifts we can receive.
There is no cost but a lot of rewards;
so let's continue to pray for one another !
And I Hope You Dance
Wow, that is fantastic!
Many blessings.
In sincere appreciation,
Linda Miller
269-685-7024
Thank you to Lynda Peeler and Kathy Mann for sharing this
with me so that I can share it with you. It is amazingly
profound ... Enjoy!
Dancing With God
When I meditated on the word Guidance
I kept seeing 'dance' at the end of the word.
I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like
dancing.
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.
The movement doesn't flow with the music,
and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.
When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead,
both bodies begin to flow with the music.
One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back
or by pressing lightly in one direction or another.
It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.
The dance takes surrender, willingness,
and attentiveness from one person
and gentle guidance and skill from the other.
My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.
When I saw 'G: I thought of God, followed by 'u' and 'i'.
'God, 'u' and 'i' dance'
God, you, and I dance.
As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust
that I would get guidance about my life.
Once again, I became willing to let God lead.
My prayer for you today is that God's blessings
and mercies be upon you on this day and everyday.
May you abide in God as God
abides in you.
Dance together with God, trusting God to lead
and to guide you through each season of your life.
This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached.
If God has done anything for
you in your life,
please share this message with someone else,
for prayer is one of the best gifts we can receive.
There is no cost but a lot of rewards;
so let's continue to pray for one another !
And I Hope You Dance
Wow, that is fantastic!
Many blessings.
In sincere appreciation,
Linda Miller
269-685-7024
Friday, January 25, 2008
Do You Want What You Want?
What would you want if you knew it was absolutely okay for you to want whatever you want?
Hmmm...scary question, huh? Until we free ourselves to want what we want, our wants tend to get all tangled up in other people's rules and expectations. What a wonderful way to live, right? Wrong!
Here's the thing: God didn't create you to be me, and I wasn't created to be you. We are not intended to be a replica or a duplicate or a reasonable facsimile of anyone else in the universe. We are intended to be the individual we were created to be. Our quirks and preferences and eccentricities don't break us, they make us.
So, what of this incredible urge many of us feel to conform? Okay, let's face it: a certain amount of conformity is good for us. It's scary enough, for instance, to drive in Houston, without having everyone deciding randomly whether to obey the traffic lights or not.
It's when we conform in ways that squelch our true selves, hide our light under a bushel or in any way diminish the glorious masterpiece that God created us to be that we fail ourselves deeply and profoundly. If there is any such thing as sin, that must be it.
Here we are, creatures of God, created in the image of God, and individuated for the purpose of having a unique experience of life for God, and we are desperately trying to squelch as many indications of our individuality as possible. And for what? For the pretense of acceptance, the illusion of approval, that fades away the second we fail to conform to an acceptable level.
We sell out our souls - for nothing. I say nothing because there is no substance to the approval of others, to someone else's validation. It is all smoke and mirrors and the slightest wisp of wind will reveal its fallacy.
Instead of trying desperately to secure the approval of others, why don't we begin to secure our own approval - that glorious feeling of looking into the mirror and liking, no loving, the person looking back at us; the delight of knowing that we have been true to our self and to the desires God has given us.
Our desires are an expression of God's intention to experience life in all its forms and potentialities. And yet we are free to choose. That's how much we are loved. We can absolutely go through life experiencing a tiny fraction of all that God has for us, if we so choose.
But is that what we really want? I think the problem today is consciousness. Obviously, it's not really a problem, but it does make it difficult to go on in our image-driven, other-centered, approval-seeking ways. At least it makes it difficult to do so comfortably. Enough of us are waking up that we are having difficulty ignoring the call that comes from the depths of our hearts and souls - the call to authenticity; the call to deepen and broaden and expand our experience of all that life offers; the call to make something meaningful and significant of the opportunities we are given.
The easiest thing to do may be to bury ourselves in some sort of unconscious behavior that will distract us from our longings so that we can go on with our lives. Isn't that tragic?
I could almost imagine God's disappointment. Except that there is no space for disappointment in unconditional love. God is perfectly okay with us squandering our life if that's what we choose to do. God's perfect, unconditional love accepts it all. And we can, too. But at the same time, if we can accept wasting our life on things that really mean nothing to us, why can't we imagine deciding instead to create the best life experience possible?
It truly is up to us. We get to decide. And then we get to live with the consequences of our decisions. It's something to think about.
Hmmm...scary question, huh? Until we free ourselves to want what we want, our wants tend to get all tangled up in other people's rules and expectations. What a wonderful way to live, right? Wrong!
Here's the thing: God didn't create you to be me, and I wasn't created to be you. We are not intended to be a replica or a duplicate or a reasonable facsimile of anyone else in the universe. We are intended to be the individual we were created to be. Our quirks and preferences and eccentricities don't break us, they make us.
So, what of this incredible urge many of us feel to conform? Okay, let's face it: a certain amount of conformity is good for us. It's scary enough, for instance, to drive in Houston, without having everyone deciding randomly whether to obey the traffic lights or not.
It's when we conform in ways that squelch our true selves, hide our light under a bushel or in any way diminish the glorious masterpiece that God created us to be that we fail ourselves deeply and profoundly. If there is any such thing as sin, that must be it.
Here we are, creatures of God, created in the image of God, and individuated for the purpose of having a unique experience of life for God, and we are desperately trying to squelch as many indications of our individuality as possible. And for what? For the pretense of acceptance, the illusion of approval, that fades away the second we fail to conform to an acceptable level.
We sell out our souls - for nothing. I say nothing because there is no substance to the approval of others, to someone else's validation. It is all smoke and mirrors and the slightest wisp of wind will reveal its fallacy.
Instead of trying desperately to secure the approval of others, why don't we begin to secure our own approval - that glorious feeling of looking into the mirror and liking, no loving, the person looking back at us; the delight of knowing that we have been true to our self and to the desires God has given us.
Our desires are an expression of God's intention to experience life in all its forms and potentialities. And yet we are free to choose. That's how much we are loved. We can absolutely go through life experiencing a tiny fraction of all that God has for us, if we so choose.
But is that what we really want? I think the problem today is consciousness. Obviously, it's not really a problem, but it does make it difficult to go on in our image-driven, other-centered, approval-seeking ways. At least it makes it difficult to do so comfortably. Enough of us are waking up that we are having difficulty ignoring the call that comes from the depths of our hearts and souls - the call to authenticity; the call to deepen and broaden and expand our experience of all that life offers; the call to make something meaningful and significant of the opportunities we are given.
The easiest thing to do may be to bury ourselves in some sort of unconscious behavior that will distract us from our longings so that we can go on with our lives. Isn't that tragic?
I could almost imagine God's disappointment. Except that there is no space for disappointment in unconditional love. God is perfectly okay with us squandering our life if that's what we choose to do. God's perfect, unconditional love accepts it all. And we can, too. But at the same time, if we can accept wasting our life on things that really mean nothing to us, why can't we imagine deciding instead to create the best life experience possible?
It truly is up to us. We get to decide. And then we get to live with the consequences of our decisions. It's something to think about.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Beloved Terrorists
I was thinking about terrorism recently and I realized that many of the people who use threats to control others do so with good intentions.
They are infected with fear themselves and they believe that by passing on their fears to others, they will save others from the fearsome consequences they dread themselves.
I am familiar with this kind of terrorism, having come from a church background where terrorism is practiced regularly. The people who preached a gospel of fear were not cruel people. They honestly believed that their teachings would benefit all who would heed them.
I have also known the kind of terrorism that communicates: "Conform or else." Parents are often guilty of this kind of terrorism. Their intentions are usually pure. They want us to become people of good character and good habits so that our quality of life will be the best it can possibly be. In my view, the only reason it becomes necessary for them to use terrorism to achieve their goals is their own lack of imagination, and possibly lack of a solid foundation. My discovery with my own children is that if you lay a foundation of open communication, which includes listening to at least 350 of the 400 question they ask every day when they are small, and answering as many of them as possible, you may find it unnecessary to instill fear in them. It is the relationship that causes them to want to develop good character. They naturally idolize their parents and want to please. If you let them know how much you appreciate their displays of love, generosity and other elements of good character, it is human nature for them to want more of that. It is called positive reinforcement. I am a firm believer in natural consequences, as well, but I believe they are not needed as often when you use plenty of positive reinforcement.
Of course, there are those terrorists who know exactly what they are doing. They want power and control, pure and simple. It seems from my observation that such people are usually brought down by their own harmful intentions. The terrorists I am talking about here may not carry machine guns or take part in suicide missions. Many of them wear nice suits and hold high positions in government or the community.
But I'm not sure they are capable of doing as much damage as the terrorists who love us, the ones who mean well, and so the fears get mixed up in the love and are much easier to believe and harder to shake.
We all have lessons to learn in this life, and one of them is to use our own gray matter to figure out for ourselves what we want our lives to be. No matter what we may have been taught, we are responsible for creating our own best lives, and if we choose not to, there is no one to blame but the person looking back at us from the mirror.
They are infected with fear themselves and they believe that by passing on their fears to others, they will save others from the fearsome consequences they dread themselves.
I am familiar with this kind of terrorism, having come from a church background where terrorism is practiced regularly. The people who preached a gospel of fear were not cruel people. They honestly believed that their teachings would benefit all who would heed them.
I have also known the kind of terrorism that communicates: "Conform or else." Parents are often guilty of this kind of terrorism. Their intentions are usually pure. They want us to become people of good character and good habits so that our quality of life will be the best it can possibly be. In my view, the only reason it becomes necessary for them to use terrorism to achieve their goals is their own lack of imagination, and possibly lack of a solid foundation. My discovery with my own children is that if you lay a foundation of open communication, which includes listening to at least 350 of the 400 question they ask every day when they are small, and answering as many of them as possible, you may find it unnecessary to instill fear in them. It is the relationship that causes them to want to develop good character. They naturally idolize their parents and want to please. If you let them know how much you appreciate their displays of love, generosity and other elements of good character, it is human nature for them to want more of that. It is called positive reinforcement. I am a firm believer in natural consequences, as well, but I believe they are not needed as often when you use plenty of positive reinforcement.
Of course, there are those terrorists who know exactly what they are doing. They want power and control, pure and simple. It seems from my observation that such people are usually brought down by their own harmful intentions. The terrorists I am talking about here may not carry machine guns or take part in suicide missions. Many of them wear nice suits and hold high positions in government or the community.
But I'm not sure they are capable of doing as much damage as the terrorists who love us, the ones who mean well, and so the fears get mixed up in the love and are much easier to believe and harder to shake.
We all have lessons to learn in this life, and one of them is to use our own gray matter to figure out for ourselves what we want our lives to be. No matter what we may have been taught, we are responsible for creating our own best lives, and if we choose not to, there is no one to blame but the person looking back at us from the mirror.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Discovering Wholeness
We call it healing, implying that there is something that is not perfect in us in the first place. Perhaps we could more appropriately call it discovering our wholeness.
It is a difficult concept for us in a world where we are constantly being bombarded with messages that something is wrong. And then we amplify the idea that something is wrong by continuously looking for problems to solve. I have noticed in myself a tendency to think something is wrong, and I recognize it as a habit of mind. If you are accustomed to spending a lot of time in your mind, you may discover this tendency in yourself, as well. And, wonder of wonders, if we are continuously looking for something wrong, guess what we are going to find? That's because we are creating what we are looking for. It is our looking for something that is not quite right that makes it so.
I recently had an experience that I find an interesting illustration of discovering wholeness. For years, I have been working through issues relating to the sexual abuse that I experienced as a child. I made some progress with psychotherapy, but I wanted more than progress. I wanted wholeness. I wanted to leave it all behind. And many times, I thought I had, only to find the issues resurfacing later.
I came to understand that I needed to forgive my abusers in order to release the pain I was still holding on to. And so, I forgave as best I knew how, going back over the memories I held of these events and forgiving each occurrence to the best of my ability.
I am always exploring and open to learning new ways of seeing things. And on several occasions, the truth was brought to my awareness that we do well to be grateful for everything because every person and event and experience holds some gift, if we are open to receiving. So, I decided to thank my abusers, going back over each memory and observing with new eyes, looking for the gift contained in these experiences.
I know. It sounds weird. And yet I am open to facilitate healing in others because of the pain I have experienced. I cherish life because I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death.
Ask and it is always given, although no one will force us to receive. And so, continuing on my journey of discovery, I became aware that the next step in letting go of the illusion of suffering would be to love my abusers. That was a hard pill to swallow. Yet the truth is that the reason we have need to forgive is that we are judging in the first place. Now, I am not saying I am prepared to tell everyone to drop their judgments, especially those who have been deeply hurt. That is a very personal decision. All I know is that I am prepared to drop mine or at least begin this practice.
And so, continuing on my journey, a good friend and mentor pointed out to me that I was afraid to own my power. I immediately recognized the truth in this statement, and I related it primarily to the physical abuse of my mother by her second husband. My higher self later revealed a connection between my abuse issues and my feelings of powerlessness, and I felt compelled to go beyond forgiveness, even beyond gratefulness and to take back my power. And so I went back over the memories I carried and in my heart I gave what my abusers would take away.
As long as someone is taking something from you, they have the power. As long as you remain a victim, you relinquish your power. But when you give, you own your power. I believe this is why Jesus said if anyone takes away your coat, give him your cloak also. You release your attachment to what is taken from you when you go beyond being a victim and become a benefactor. And you own your power when you give as opposed to being taken.
Maybe this is the end of this particular journey. Maybe there are discoveries yet to be made. It doesn't matter. There will always be something to discover, in some arena or other. And so, the exploration continues.
It is a difficult concept for us in a world where we are constantly being bombarded with messages that something is wrong. And then we amplify the idea that something is wrong by continuously looking for problems to solve. I have noticed in myself a tendency to think something is wrong, and I recognize it as a habit of mind. If you are accustomed to spending a lot of time in your mind, you may discover this tendency in yourself, as well. And, wonder of wonders, if we are continuously looking for something wrong, guess what we are going to find? That's because we are creating what we are looking for. It is our looking for something that is not quite right that makes it so.
I recently had an experience that I find an interesting illustration of discovering wholeness. For years, I have been working through issues relating to the sexual abuse that I experienced as a child. I made some progress with psychotherapy, but I wanted more than progress. I wanted wholeness. I wanted to leave it all behind. And many times, I thought I had, only to find the issues resurfacing later.
I came to understand that I needed to forgive my abusers in order to release the pain I was still holding on to. And so, I forgave as best I knew how, going back over the memories I held of these events and forgiving each occurrence to the best of my ability.
I am always exploring and open to learning new ways of seeing things. And on several occasions, the truth was brought to my awareness that we do well to be grateful for everything because every person and event and experience holds some gift, if we are open to receiving. So, I decided to thank my abusers, going back over each memory and observing with new eyes, looking for the gift contained in these experiences.
I know. It sounds weird. And yet I am open to facilitate healing in others because of the pain I have experienced. I cherish life because I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death.
Ask and it is always given, although no one will force us to receive. And so, continuing on my journey of discovery, I became aware that the next step in letting go of the illusion of suffering would be to love my abusers. That was a hard pill to swallow. Yet the truth is that the reason we have need to forgive is that we are judging in the first place. Now, I am not saying I am prepared to tell everyone to drop their judgments, especially those who have been deeply hurt. That is a very personal decision. All I know is that I am prepared to drop mine or at least begin this practice.
And so, continuing on my journey, a good friend and mentor pointed out to me that I was afraid to own my power. I immediately recognized the truth in this statement, and I related it primarily to the physical abuse of my mother by her second husband. My higher self later revealed a connection between my abuse issues and my feelings of powerlessness, and I felt compelled to go beyond forgiveness, even beyond gratefulness and to take back my power. And so I went back over the memories I carried and in my heart I gave what my abusers would take away.
As long as someone is taking something from you, they have the power. As long as you remain a victim, you relinquish your power. But when you give, you own your power. I believe this is why Jesus said if anyone takes away your coat, give him your cloak also. You release your attachment to what is taken from you when you go beyond being a victim and become a benefactor. And you own your power when you give as opposed to being taken.
Maybe this is the end of this particular journey. Maybe there are discoveries yet to be made. It doesn't matter. There will always be something to discover, in some arena or other. And so, the exploration continues.
Monday, January 14, 2008
To Suffer or Not to Suffer
We are all enrolled in this gargantuan University we call Life. Attendance is mandatory. But that doesn't mean we are forced to gain knowledge or understanding. That is entirely up to us. We can repeat the same courses for a lifetime. Or we can learn what we need to learn and move on. Sometimes, we are required to take refresher courses because we haven't practiced, and therefore have forgotten, what we previously learned in a given course.
There are lessons in this University, and then there are interpretations of those lessons. It's in the Interpretation Department that we often get into trouble.
For instance, I was enrolled from birth in a course entitled "Letting Go". My mother and father divorced when I was an infant, and I usually saw my father about once a year during my childhood and adolescence. Children often will misinterpret lessons, and I was no exception. The lesson I took from my father's absence was that I must not be worthy of his attention. Perhaps I wasn't good enough to be wanted.
And so for the better part of my life, I expected people to abandon me. And I learned to be self-protective. I even married someone who is emotionally unavailable, because then, hey, what have you got to lose?
The trouble with being self-protective is that you create your own loneliness. You feel disconnected, and even though that disconnection is illusory, it feels very real.
And the trouble with getting into "safe" relationships, where there is no sense of connection to lose in the first place, is that you miss out on the very wonderful experience of intimacy. I know intimacy, because I do have family members, including my children, with whom I have always shared a deep connection.
So, you may not have anything to lose when you play it safe, but you also have nothing to gain. What's the point of even going into such a relationship except to learn that this is not what you really want?
It is said that you can't change the past, but in one sense you actually can. You can change your interpretation of events in the past, and thus rewrite your own history. That is what I did when I decided I didn't want to be plagued with abandonment issues any longer.
I opened my mind and expanded my vantage point, and the idea came to me that there is no abandonment. People and things come and go from our lives in natural cycles of birth and death, gain and loss, meeting and parting. Everything is temporary. It is not loss, but our resistance to loss, that causes us pain. It is our thinking that it should not have happened. He should not have left me. He should have been there for me. Therein lies the source of our suffering.
I am not sure I have fully realized this lesson. But now that I know that my own thoughts, and not anyone else's actions, are the source of my pain, I know I have a choice. I can suffer if I choose to, but it is not necessary. What freedom!
There are lessons in this University, and then there are interpretations of those lessons. It's in the Interpretation Department that we often get into trouble.
For instance, I was enrolled from birth in a course entitled "Letting Go". My mother and father divorced when I was an infant, and I usually saw my father about once a year during my childhood and adolescence. Children often will misinterpret lessons, and I was no exception. The lesson I took from my father's absence was that I must not be worthy of his attention. Perhaps I wasn't good enough to be wanted.
And so for the better part of my life, I expected people to abandon me. And I learned to be self-protective. I even married someone who is emotionally unavailable, because then, hey, what have you got to lose?
The trouble with being self-protective is that you create your own loneliness. You feel disconnected, and even though that disconnection is illusory, it feels very real.
And the trouble with getting into "safe" relationships, where there is no sense of connection to lose in the first place, is that you miss out on the very wonderful experience of intimacy. I know intimacy, because I do have family members, including my children, with whom I have always shared a deep connection.
So, you may not have anything to lose when you play it safe, but you also have nothing to gain. What's the point of even going into such a relationship except to learn that this is not what you really want?
It is said that you can't change the past, but in one sense you actually can. You can change your interpretation of events in the past, and thus rewrite your own history. That is what I did when I decided I didn't want to be plagued with abandonment issues any longer.
I opened my mind and expanded my vantage point, and the idea came to me that there is no abandonment. People and things come and go from our lives in natural cycles of birth and death, gain and loss, meeting and parting. Everything is temporary. It is not loss, but our resistance to loss, that causes us pain. It is our thinking that it should not have happened. He should not have left me. He should have been there for me. Therein lies the source of our suffering.
I am not sure I have fully realized this lesson. But now that I know that my own thoughts, and not anyone else's actions, are the source of my pain, I know I have a choice. I can suffer if I choose to, but it is not necessary. What freedom!
Thursday, January 03, 2008
The Butterfly is Emerging
Finally, I feel as if the metamorphosis I have been experiencing this year is nearly complete. I am beginning to reintegrate parts of myself that I had forgotten existed.
For our first meeting of the year, our Toastmasters Club, Frankly Speaking, held mini ice-breakers just to catch up with where everyone is and their visions for the coming year. Here is what I had to say:
About a year-and-a-half ago, I began my Toastmasters journey with a speech I titled Miracle Gro for My Soul. I mentioned several people and organizations that had been instrumental in my personal growth – my family of origin, my children, some of my friends and associates at La Quinta. Now I happily add Toastmasters to that list.
In the time I have enjoyed being a Toastmaster, I have experienced tremendous growth. Many of you have given me encouragement and support and love.
Also over the past year and a half, I have experienced my own “wilderness journey”, having only the vaguest idea where it would lead me but knowing that I was being guided every step of the way. Then over the past six months, I have gone through a sort of metamorphosis where I found it necessary to pull in my resources and focus the bulk of my energy on my transformation process. It was a time of endings, of letting go of a lot of things that were not working for me, and also a time of beginnings, of beginning to understand who I really am and what I am here to do.
To this end, a very dear friend pointed out to me that I am already doing what I am here to do. This led me to look at what it is that I do, what it is that I can’t “not do” – and I realized that everything I do stems from a desire to be God’s hands extended in loving touch. When I give massage or a hug, when I write, when I speak – my intention is always to touch profoundly, to connect deeply with those I touch, and to help them feel love.
Today, I am clearer than ever on what I am here to do. I am here to express God’s love in this world through touch, both physical touch and through words that touch hearts.
I am looking forward to living this vision each and every day. I am looking forward to the miracles that await me as I listen to my heart and follow my intuition. And I am looking forward to the looks on people’s faces when they ask me, “What do you do?” and I tell them, “I touch people.” Then, if they are asking out of genuine interest, I may go on to explain that I am a massage therapist, speaker and writer. If I sense they are asking from a desire to determine whether I hold any status in this world, I may just leave them with raised eyebrows and gaping mouths.
“Well, I never.”
Yep. There’s your trouble.
For our first meeting of the year, our Toastmasters Club, Frankly Speaking, held mini ice-breakers just to catch up with where everyone is and their visions for the coming year. Here is what I had to say:
About a year-and-a-half ago, I began my Toastmasters journey with a speech I titled Miracle Gro for My Soul. I mentioned several people and organizations that had been instrumental in my personal growth – my family of origin, my children, some of my friends and associates at La Quinta. Now I happily add Toastmasters to that list.
In the time I have enjoyed being a Toastmaster, I have experienced tremendous growth. Many of you have given me encouragement and support and love.
Also over the past year and a half, I have experienced my own “wilderness journey”, having only the vaguest idea where it would lead me but knowing that I was being guided every step of the way. Then over the past six months, I have gone through a sort of metamorphosis where I found it necessary to pull in my resources and focus the bulk of my energy on my transformation process. It was a time of endings, of letting go of a lot of things that were not working for me, and also a time of beginnings, of beginning to understand who I really am and what I am here to do.
To this end, a very dear friend pointed out to me that I am already doing what I am here to do. This led me to look at what it is that I do, what it is that I can’t “not do” – and I realized that everything I do stems from a desire to be God’s hands extended in loving touch. When I give massage or a hug, when I write, when I speak – my intention is always to touch profoundly, to connect deeply with those I touch, and to help them feel love.
Today, I am clearer than ever on what I am here to do. I am here to express God’s love in this world through touch, both physical touch and through words that touch hearts.
I am looking forward to living this vision each and every day. I am looking forward to the miracles that await me as I listen to my heart and follow my intuition. And I am looking forward to the looks on people’s faces when they ask me, “What do you do?” and I tell them, “I touch people.” Then, if they are asking out of genuine interest, I may go on to explain that I am a massage therapist, speaker and writer. If I sense they are asking from a desire to determine whether I hold any status in this world, I may just leave them with raised eyebrows and gaping mouths.
“Well, I never.”
Yep. There’s your trouble.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Getting Uncomfortable
This week in my Toastmasters Club, I took on the role of Toastmaster. I was reluctant to be Toastmaster because the theme was 9/11. I still don't talk about 9/11. I don't watch movies about it. I saw more than enough that day and the days that followed.
Nevertheless, I am the one who is always talking about stepping outside your comfort zone because that is where growth occurs, and so I knew I had to step up.
So, I gave it some thought, and I asked myself, “What is a terrorist?” A terrorist is a person or a group of people who use fearful consequences or the threat of fearful consequences to manipulate or control. Wow! When you put it that way, you have to admit that terrorism doesn’t always come from outside sources. Sometimes, the very people who have promised to serve us or to love us are the terrorists.
Consider the “peace” officer who batters or kills because he does not like the color of someone’s skin or his sexual orientation. Or how about the government agency that makes the lives of citizens a living hell by branding them communists. There are the religious leaders who teach that there isn’t room on the planet for us and those who disagree with us. And what about the angry parent or the angry child who keeps a family in constant fear and turmoil?
Where does terrorism stem from? Simply put, it comes from fear – the fear that someone else’s ideas or lifestyle is a threat to my survival or to life as I believe it ought to be.
After 9/11, I lost a lot of respect for the news media. They kept showing those images over and over and over again. Hell, we got it the first 15 times! It was like twisting the knife in the wound again and again and again. I also began losing a degree of respect for my government.
But you won’t find me soapboxing about what’s wrong with my country or what’s wrong with the world, for two reasons. One, I believe there is a lot more that is right with my country and a lot more that is right with the world than is wrong. Two, I have noticed that when I focus on what is wrong, I see a lot more of it. And when I focus on what is right, I see a lot more of that. What you focus on expands. And I know what I want to expand.
So, when I look back at 9/11, my question is not, “Who is to blame?” My question is, “Have we learned anything? Have we learned anything about fear and its children, hate and prejudice?”
Nevertheless, I am the one who is always talking about stepping outside your comfort zone because that is where growth occurs, and so I knew I had to step up.
So, I gave it some thought, and I asked myself, “What is a terrorist?” A terrorist is a person or a group of people who use fearful consequences or the threat of fearful consequences to manipulate or control. Wow! When you put it that way, you have to admit that terrorism doesn’t always come from outside sources. Sometimes, the very people who have promised to serve us or to love us are the terrorists.
Consider the “peace” officer who batters or kills because he does not like the color of someone’s skin or his sexual orientation. Or how about the government agency that makes the lives of citizens a living hell by branding them communists. There are the religious leaders who teach that there isn’t room on the planet for us and those who disagree with us. And what about the angry parent or the angry child who keeps a family in constant fear and turmoil?
Where does terrorism stem from? Simply put, it comes from fear – the fear that someone else’s ideas or lifestyle is a threat to my survival or to life as I believe it ought to be.
After 9/11, I lost a lot of respect for the news media. They kept showing those images over and over and over again. Hell, we got it the first 15 times! It was like twisting the knife in the wound again and again and again. I also began losing a degree of respect for my government.
But you won’t find me soapboxing about what’s wrong with my country or what’s wrong with the world, for two reasons. One, I believe there is a lot more that is right with my country and a lot more that is right with the world than is wrong. Two, I have noticed that when I focus on what is wrong, I see a lot more of it. And when I focus on what is right, I see a lot more of that. What you focus on expands. And I know what I want to expand.
So, when I look back at 9/11, my question is not, “Who is to blame?” My question is, “Have we learned anything? Have we learned anything about fear and its children, hate and prejudice?”
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
This is Living
A couple mornings ago, as I awakened, I repeatedly heard the phrase, "You're presence is requested..." And it raised the question, How often am I fully present to whatever is occurring in my life?
I only know that I am learning to be more so. And that awareness is hot! Mindfulness is sexy! Being present now is bliss!
And yesterday morning, as I sat on the front porch, I noticed a spider's web. The breeze rippled it and created the optical illusion of rippling water. And the question arose, How can I discover something if I created it? And the answer came, You created it so you could discover it.
This morning, as I sat on the front porch with my parents, a butterfly came and landed on my dad's shirt, flitted away, then came back and landed on his hand. It left again and returned to perch on his knee, where it lingered quite a while.
It was fun to watch this particular creature. It had quite a sense of humor. It landed on the porch in front of the cat at one point, as if to say, "Catch me, if you can". Then later, as the cat was lying on the porch, the butterfly flitted across him well within reach of his paws, and the cat did take a few swings at it, but it was too fast. Imagine a butterfly taunting a cat!
There are so many wondrous things to discover in life, if we slow down and take the time to "stand and stare".
In the words of William Henry Davies:
Leisure
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this is if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
Come on, folks! Let's take some time to stand and stare.
Most of what seems so urgent right now will be fully forgotten and completely meaningless ten years from now.
This is living. This is life. You can't live yesterday, and you can't live later. Now is all you have. If you're not living life now, as fully as you possibly can, you're missing the only opportunity you're given.
Do it! Do it now! Just do it! Better yet, BE it.
I only know that I am learning to be more so. And that awareness is hot! Mindfulness is sexy! Being present now is bliss!
And yesterday morning, as I sat on the front porch, I noticed a spider's web. The breeze rippled it and created the optical illusion of rippling water. And the question arose, How can I discover something if I created it? And the answer came, You created it so you could discover it.
This morning, as I sat on the front porch with my parents, a butterfly came and landed on my dad's shirt, flitted away, then came back and landed on his hand. It left again and returned to perch on his knee, where it lingered quite a while.
It was fun to watch this particular creature. It had quite a sense of humor. It landed on the porch in front of the cat at one point, as if to say, "Catch me, if you can". Then later, as the cat was lying on the porch, the butterfly flitted across him well within reach of his paws, and the cat did take a few swings at it, but it was too fast. Imagine a butterfly taunting a cat!
There are so many wondrous things to discover in life, if we slow down and take the time to "stand and stare".
In the words of William Henry Davies:
Leisure
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this is if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
Come on, folks! Let's take some time to stand and stare.
Most of what seems so urgent right now will be fully forgotten and completely meaningless ten years from now.
This is living. This is life. You can't live yesterday, and you can't live later. Now is all you have. If you're not living life now, as fully as you possibly can, you're missing the only opportunity you're given.
Do it! Do it now! Just do it! Better yet, BE it.
Monday, July 30, 2007
No more!
My whole life I have been trimming myself to fit the world. No more! It's time the world learned to deal.
Friday, July 27, 2007
Stopping to Smell the Flowers
Hey, how would you feel if you were sitting right there in plain view, displaying your beauty and emanating delightful fragrances and nobody paid attention to you? I'm just saying, these gifts are presented to you. Why not enjoy them to the fullest extent possible?
By the way, I take stopping to smell the flowers very seriously. So, if you're ever out and about and notice some wild-looking woman stopped on the side of the road breathing in the essence of a patch of honeysuckle all the way down to her toes, it could be me. Stop and say hello, if you dare. :-)
By the way, I take stopping to smell the flowers very seriously. So, if you're ever out and about and notice some wild-looking woman stopped on the side of the road breathing in the essence of a patch of honeysuckle all the way down to her toes, it could be me. Stop and say hello, if you dare. :-)
Making Love with the Universe
Okay, I'm
And so I walk. I just can't stop myself. I get outside and I bask in the pleasurable sensations of the wind softly lifting my hair and caressing my skin. And I give voice to my pleasure.
And soft raindrops begin to touch my skin. And I see the profusion of green in the grass and leaves, and the splashes of color in the flowers. And I breathe in the fragrance of a gardenia blossom. And I touch the leaves, and the plants, and I feel my Oneness with All That Is. And I taste heaven.
Yeah, baby! That's what I'm talking about!
supposedto be writing. And I love writing. Don't get me wrong. But the breeze is ruffling the leaves outside and calling to me like a siren song.
And so I walk. I just can't stop myself. I get outside and I bask in the pleasurable sensations of the wind softly lifting my hair and caressing my skin. And I give voice to my pleasure.
And soft raindrops begin to touch my skin. And I see the profusion of green in the grass and leaves, and the splashes of color in the flowers. And I breathe in the fragrance of a gardenia blossom. And I touch the leaves, and the plants, and I feel my Oneness with All That Is. And I taste heaven.
Yeah, baby! That's what I'm talking about!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Don't Call This a Pipe Dream!
I recently read some poems written by some new associates of mine, and it woke up the poet in me. It's been years since I have written a poem, but this one came to me easily. I hope you enjoy it.
Gather my tears from East, from West,
From North, from South, wherever they've trekked.
And let them fall in a cleansing rain,
Till all the world is free from pain;
Till every heart is pure and light
And gone is the urge to hate or fight;
And everyone knows the joy of Being
And perfection is all at last we're seeing;
And all illusion just fades away
Truth dawns on us all like break of day;
And everyone knows that Love is all,
And every heart heeds Spirit's call;
And harmony is the rule of living
And everyone is loving and giving;
And the only law is the law of Love
And peace is on earth as it is above.
Don't call it a pipe dream! It can happen.
Gather my tears from East, from West,
From North, from South, wherever they've trekked.
And let them fall in a cleansing rain,
Till all the world is free from pain;
Till every heart is pure and light
And gone is the urge to hate or fight;
And everyone knows the joy of Being
And perfection is all at last we're seeing;
And all illusion just fades away
Truth dawns on us all like break of day;
And everyone knows that Love is all,
And every heart heeds Spirit's call;
And harmony is the rule of living
And everyone is loving and giving;
And the only law is the law of Love
And peace is on earth as it is above.
Don't call it a pipe dream! It can happen.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Life is Now
Recently, I realized that I was judging myself as a Possibilist because I did not save my marriage, but then it dawned on me this morning that even God won't mess with free will, so what makes me think that someone else's exercise of free will is my failure? So, I'm back on track and when I write and when I speak my story, it will be from the perspective of possibilities. We may have things occur in our lives we would not consciously choose, but we also possess the power and the possibility of transforming each and every one of them.
I love the song, "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. It's kind of the way I feel about life right now. This morning, as I was taking my walk, it was raining - most of the time a slight mist, but it became a soft shower for about the last 1/8 of a mile. And I thought of this song, and feeling the rain on my skin, and I thought of my friend, Kari, dancing in the rain with her sister and her mother. And I thought, this is it. Life is now. It's not "happening" now, it is now. And what better way is there to live it than to experience everything that presents itself as deeply and as fully as possible?
We are presented with so many wonderful gifts daily - the trees, grass, flowers, the sun, the wind, the rain, the animals, and one another - not accidents of nature, but gifts lovingly created for our enjoyment - and just as we delight to see others enjoying the gifts we give, I believe it must bless the heart of God to see us enjoying the gifts we receive.
If you haven't heard the song "Unwritten", I hope you enjoy the lyrics below.
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten.
Have a blissful day!
Cathy
I love the song, "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. It's kind of the way I feel about life right now. This morning, as I was taking my walk, it was raining - most of the time a slight mist, but it became a soft shower for about the last 1/8 of a mile. And I thought of this song, and feeling the rain on my skin, and I thought of my friend, Kari, dancing in the rain with her sister and her mother. And I thought, this is it. Life is now. It's not "happening" now, it is now. And what better way is there to live it than to experience everything that presents itself as deeply and as fully as possible?
We are presented with so many wonderful gifts daily - the trees, grass, flowers, the sun, the wind, the rain, the animals, and one another - not accidents of nature, but gifts lovingly created for our enjoyment - and just as we delight to see others enjoying the gifts we give, I believe it must bless the heart of God to see us enjoying the gifts we receive.
If you haven't heard the song "Unwritten", I hope you enjoy the lyrics below.
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten.
Have a blissful day!
Cathy
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Love is Action
"Don't hide love. If you feel it, express it – not to demand that others love you back, but simply to live outwardly the best of what you feel inwardly. The worst that can happen to your heart is not rejection by another person, but failure to act on the love you feel."– Martha Beck, author of The Joy Diet.
Amen, Sister!
Love is an essential ingredient of a succulent life. And love unexpressed hardly counts for anything. Your love does little good to your loved ones as long as it just abides in your heart. Love isn't realized until it is expressed in words or actions. Then it becomes effective.
So, get it out there. Make it known. Take a chance.
What if you get hurt? What if you get rejected?
So what? You'll handle it.
Amen, Sister!
Love is an essential ingredient of a succulent life. And love unexpressed hardly counts for anything. Your love does little good to your loved ones as long as it just abides in your heart. Love isn't realized until it is expressed in words or actions. Then it becomes effective.
So, get it out there. Make it known. Take a chance.
What if you get hurt? What if you get rejected?
So what? You'll handle it.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
If I Had It To Do Over...
If I had the opportunity to go back and change the "negative" things that have happened in my life...oh, I admit I would be sorely tempted...but in the end, I would leave everything exactly as it was - not because those events made me who I am today, but because they made me aware of who I am.
At our core, we are love. Through our varying purposes, personalities and preferences, we express different aspects of love in our world. My primary work seems to be edification, compassion, connection and touch. My belief is that the experiences of being misused and torn down made me aware of the need to build up and to support others. The experiences of being neglected and abandoned made me aware of the need to connect and express God's love at every opportunity. Oh, and isn't there plenty of opportunity?
We need one another. We need to remind one another of the powerful, loving, infinite beings that we are and to encourage and support one another as we awaken. We need to let the light that is in us shine so that others will feel empowered to shine also.
What are we here for if not to experience the fullness of the life we have been gifted with and to support others in doing the same? Let's do it!
At our core, we are love. Through our varying purposes, personalities and preferences, we express different aspects of love in our world. My primary work seems to be edification, compassion, connection and touch. My belief is that the experiences of being misused and torn down made me aware of the need to build up and to support others. The experiences of being neglected and abandoned made me aware of the need to connect and express God's love at every opportunity. Oh, and isn't there plenty of opportunity?
We need one another. We need to remind one another of the powerful, loving, infinite beings that we are and to encourage and support one another as we awaken. We need to let the light that is in us shine so that others will feel empowered to shine also.
What are we here for if not to experience the fullness of the life we have been gifted with and to support others in doing the same? Let's do it!
Monday, June 18, 2007
Feeling Loved
I recently had someone from one of the e groups ask me about a comment I made about love. I had said, "Feeling loved is an enjoyable story, but a story nonetheless"
They asked, “So are you saying that it is not that important to feel loved...even though there is a sort of need for it in everyone of us?”
All of life is emotionally neutral until we tell ourselves a story. We can tell ourselves a story that creates heaven or hell for us.
My favorite story is about two fish swimming in the ocean. A shark swims by and says, “Isn’t the water grand!” Then he swims off.
One fish looks at the other and says, “What’s water?” The other fish doesn’t know either so they swim off looking for water. They spend their entire life searching, swimming from ocean to ocean. Finally, one day a turtle swims by and in despair they call out to him.
“Grandfather turtle, what is water?” The turtle swims slowly by, smiles and says, “My little friend you are swimming in it.”
As I see it, the universe is a vast energy system. The best way I can describe that energy is limitless, expansive, infinite, eternal, and unconditionally loving. In order to use the word love I had to shift my definition so it was free of judgment, rules and limits. To me love is the essence of that unlimited energy of pure creation. Everything is made up of that energy, there is no way to move beyond it because it is infinite and we can’t be separate from it because of its limitless nature.
So, we swim in a sea of love yet we spend so much of our life searching for love. If we tell ourselves the story that we are separate, we feel alone and disconnected from the universe. Yet we can never be alone because no matter what story we tell ourselves we are all one.
I often suggest people play the game of ‘there is no out there.’ There is often a great deal of resistance to that perspective, but when we adopt it we get to ‘see’ how our story stops us from experiencing the ocean of love always surrounding us.
We can limit our experience of love by demanding that it show up in a certain form. We can limit love by adding parameters or we can expand our experience by realizing everything is energy and as such an expression of love. I enjoy some forms of love more than others, but that too is based on my story.
I can stand out in nature and experience the wonder of creation. I can feel the wind and watch the trees and feel wonderful or not. I can walk out into the middle of an inner city and see decay and suffering or feel the energy of creation and be awed by its various manifestations.
No one does anything to us – we can choose to feel loved or unloved – there are no victims in life. There are only limitless, eternal, infinite beings having an experience and at times they choose to experience feeling like a victim.
The more we take responsibility for our experience the more likely we are to experience our true nature. We are limitless, expansive, infinite, eternal, and beings made of star stuff – made of unconditional love. And we are such magical magicians we can conjure up infinite number of experiences to pretend other wise.
It is all our creation – my suggestion is if you want to be happy embrace your creation and enjoy it. If you are feeling alone and miserable embrace your creation and be as miserable as you want.
There is after all, no out there.
With love, aloha and gratitude,
Susan
Check out my latest classes
http://SusanGregg.com/teachings.htm
Susan makes a great point. Several of them, actually.
They asked, “So are you saying that it is not that important to feel loved...even though there is a sort of need for it in everyone of us?”
All of life is emotionally neutral until we tell ourselves a story. We can tell ourselves a story that creates heaven or hell for us.
My favorite story is about two fish swimming in the ocean. A shark swims by and says, “Isn’t the water grand!” Then he swims off.
One fish looks at the other and says, “What’s water?” The other fish doesn’t know either so they swim off looking for water. They spend their entire life searching, swimming from ocean to ocean. Finally, one day a turtle swims by and in despair they call out to him.
“Grandfather turtle, what is water?” The turtle swims slowly by, smiles and says, “My little friend you are swimming in it.”
As I see it, the universe is a vast energy system. The best way I can describe that energy is limitless, expansive, infinite, eternal, and unconditionally loving. In order to use the word love I had to shift my definition so it was free of judgment, rules and limits. To me love is the essence of that unlimited energy of pure creation. Everything is made up of that energy, there is no way to move beyond it because it is infinite and we can’t be separate from it because of its limitless nature.
So, we swim in a sea of love yet we spend so much of our life searching for love. If we tell ourselves the story that we are separate, we feel alone and disconnected from the universe. Yet we can never be alone because no matter what story we tell ourselves we are all one.
I often suggest people play the game of ‘there is no out there.’ There is often a great deal of resistance to that perspective, but when we adopt it we get to ‘see’ how our story stops us from experiencing the ocean of love always surrounding us.
We can limit our experience of love by demanding that it show up in a certain form. We can limit love by adding parameters or we can expand our experience by realizing everything is energy and as such an expression of love. I enjoy some forms of love more than others, but that too is based on my story.
I can stand out in nature and experience the wonder of creation. I can feel the wind and watch the trees and feel wonderful or not. I can walk out into the middle of an inner city and see decay and suffering or feel the energy of creation and be awed by its various manifestations.
No one does anything to us – we can choose to feel loved or unloved – there are no victims in life. There are only limitless, eternal, infinite beings having an experience and at times they choose to experience feeling like a victim.
The more we take responsibility for our experience the more likely we are to experience our true nature. We are limitless, expansive, infinite, eternal, and beings made of star stuff – made of unconditional love. And we are such magical magicians we can conjure up infinite number of experiences to pretend other wise.
It is all our creation – my suggestion is if you want to be happy embrace your creation and enjoy it. If you are feeling alone and miserable embrace your creation and be as miserable as you want.
There is after all, no out there.
With love, aloha and gratitude,
Susan
Check out my latest classes
http://SusanGregg.com/teachings.htm
Susan makes a great point. Several of them, actually.
Tears are Liquid Passion
Yesterday, and again today, the tears came. Oh, don't feel sorry for me. It's a good thing. It means I'm back, in all my heart-on-my-sleeve, true-to-myself glory.
They were cleansing tears, a needful step in clearing out the old to make way for the new.
I always say tears are liquid passion, and when I am deeply in touch with myself and my world, I cry easily.
I cry tears of compassion for those who are hurting and don't know how to heal. I cry for those who do harm to others, because only a deeply injured soul would seek to injure others. I cry tears of joy for the many wonderful people we share the planet with - those who reach out and practice random acts of kindness and compassion, some even going so far as to risk their lives for a stranger. I cry over sunsets, and oceans, and beauty of all sorts.
Whenever my heart fills to overflowing, the overflow expresses itself as tears.
And so I say, Tears are liquid passion.
And though our society shames the shedding of tears, I am not ashamed. My passion is my truth, and expressing it is my authenticity. If anyone is uncomfortable with tears, I invite them to look inside and discover the reason.
Perhaps it is because they are uncomfortable with passion in general. Maybe they have lost touch with their own passion, perhaps they have been shamed out of expressing it.
Being fully alive means being in touch with every aspect of yourself. That's definitely a journey and not a destination, and it's a worthwhile journey. Why should parts of you be suppressed, not allowed life and expression, locked in a prison cell and slowly starved to death?
Every bit of you is worthwhile, and deserving of love, acceptance and compassion. Yes, even your shadowy aspects, and we all have them.
And so I say, be you. Be all of you. Be okay with all of you.
The amazing thing is, when you are deeply in touch with who you really are, you will find that you have no desire to do harm to others, because who you really are is love.
And do not be ashamed of what you feel, of what you desire, and definitely not of who you are.
Give life and love and voice to all of you, especially your passion. Just do it!
They were cleansing tears, a needful step in clearing out the old to make way for the new.
I always say tears are liquid passion, and when I am deeply in touch with myself and my world, I cry easily.
I cry tears of compassion for those who are hurting and don't know how to heal. I cry for those who do harm to others, because only a deeply injured soul would seek to injure others. I cry tears of joy for the many wonderful people we share the planet with - those who reach out and practice random acts of kindness and compassion, some even going so far as to risk their lives for a stranger. I cry over sunsets, and oceans, and beauty of all sorts.
Whenever my heart fills to overflowing, the overflow expresses itself as tears.
And so I say, Tears are liquid passion.
And though our society shames the shedding of tears, I am not ashamed. My passion is my truth, and expressing it is my authenticity. If anyone is uncomfortable with tears, I invite them to look inside and discover the reason.
Perhaps it is because they are uncomfortable with passion in general. Maybe they have lost touch with their own passion, perhaps they have been shamed out of expressing it.
Being fully alive means being in touch with every aspect of yourself. That's definitely a journey and not a destination, and it's a worthwhile journey. Why should parts of you be suppressed, not allowed life and expression, locked in a prison cell and slowly starved to death?
Every bit of you is worthwhile, and deserving of love, acceptance and compassion. Yes, even your shadowy aspects, and we all have them.
And so I say, be you. Be all of you. Be okay with all of you.
The amazing thing is, when you are deeply in touch with who you really are, you will find that you have no desire to do harm to others, because who you really are is love.
And do not be ashamed of what you feel, of what you desire, and definitely not of who you are.
Give life and love and voice to all of you, especially your passion. Just do it!
Friday, June 08, 2007
It's Like This
If you discover something you are eating is poisoning you, and you have no intention of dying, the first logical thing to do is to stop eating the poison.
Then you've got to do whatever it takes to get the poison out of your system or take some antidote to neutralize it.
You can hardly expect to clear out the poison while you're still eating it, and yet that's what we try to do when we remain in an unhealthy situation while trying to heal.
Wow! When I put it that way, what was I waiting for?
Then you've got to do whatever it takes to get the poison out of your system or take some antidote to neutralize it.
You can hardly expect to clear out the poison while you're still eating it, and yet that's what we try to do when we remain in an unhealthy situation while trying to heal.
Wow! When I put it that way, what was I waiting for?
Get Up and Go
I'm finally ready to extract myself from an unhealthy situation I've been living with for far too long. After years of waiting on God to rectify the situation, I've come to the conclusion that God has been waiting on me.
I've been looking for a miraculous solution. But the situation I'm in doesn't call for a miracle - just a little common sense, a fair degree of gumption, and some old-fashioned get up and go - literally.
There are a whole lot of aspects to this thing that I can't figure out, and I've allowed that to keep me in inertia and suffering needlessly. But the parts I can't figure out - that's God's business. I need to take care of the parts I can figure out.
I've been looking for a miraculous solution. But the situation I'm in doesn't call for a miracle - just a little common sense, a fair degree of gumption, and some old-fashioned get up and go - literally.
There are a whole lot of aspects to this thing that I can't figure out, and I've allowed that to keep me in inertia and suffering needlessly. But the parts I can't figure out - that's God's business. I need to take care of the parts I can figure out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
