I missed what I'm sure was a very interesting meetup last night. Once my curiosity has been aroused, I don't want to miss a thing.
But I got into my mother's flower bed, and as soon as my hands made contact with the earth, I knew I was right where I needed to be. We are past the gross work of pulling up thick patches of weeds and grass and we have arrived at the finer work of pulling up little weeds that have grown back and sifting through for root systems we may have missed the first time around.
And I thought, "This is exactly what reiki is doing in my life". I have done a lot of clearing work over the past couple years and now reiki is going deep into the terrain of my heart and clearing out root systems and rotting stumps left over from the weeds that had overrun my garden for a number of years.
Speaking of stumps, we came upon a stump with very deep roots. Given the choice of chipping away at it for a week or yanking it out of the ground, we recruited Dad and his pickup truck to help. I noticed there were a couple times when Dad thought this wasn't going to work, and I kept encouraging him to try again. And I thought, this is one of the purposes of woman in the life of man, to encourage him to keep trying. I don't know if there is a woman behind every good man, but I do know men in all ages have been inspired to do amazing things because of woman.
For a while, in our society, it didn't seem to be cool to be womanly. There seemed to be a great drive to erase as many gender differences as possible. Now, I have always believed that there should be no difference in compensation between men or women doing the same job. And I know that womanhood was not given the respect and honor due it for a long time.
However, I am not a fan of throwing out the baby with the bathwater. There's nothing wrong with working to change the inequalities, but we don't have to give up the powerful qualities of womanhood or our femininity in the process. And it's not needful to go all the way to the other extreme and subjugate manhood. I remember for a while, it seemed like every time a man was depicted in a movie or television show, he was shown as inept and foolish.
There is power in masculinity and in femininity, and the ideal is balance. Instead of trying to dominate one another, we can bring out the best in one another, and also incorporate the strengths of our opposite without sacrificing any essential part of who we are. Henry Kissinger said, No one will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy." If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right?
I remember Helen Reddy's song that began, "I am woman. Hear me roar." But my observations over the years have borne out that woman can accomplish powerful change with a whisper. I noticed the powerful effects I was able to generate with my children and in managing others came from love, honor, respect and gentleness. And I observed women (and men) who "ruled with an iron fist". Generally, people followed only to the extent they had to. People gave whatever was necessary to keep the peace, and no more. That doesn't get a team or a family very far.
Greater things are accomplished through synergy than could ever be accomplished in a discordant system of misused power and subjugation. And what are we in one another's lives for if not to bring out and magnify one another's strengths, intensify one another's brilliance, kindle one another's fire, in order that we all may love deeper and purer, serve more effectively and live the grandest version of the greatest vision we could possibly have for our lives?
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
Practice
Today I realized that there are several other lessons I haven't received deeply. It's good to learn, but if the learning doesn't become an integral part of your life, you may as well be memorizing trivia. At least with that, you can up your chances of winning a game show.
The truth is, I knew the time would come to translate all that I am learning into action, and it is only fitting that there should be tests before I am set loose on the world. Tests are all about finding out what you know and what you still need to learn. Even after you have learned a lesson well, it needs to be kept strong through practice.
I have been resistant to receiving love and really, the reasons are irrelevant. The effect is that in not receiving, I've created a blockage, which is clearing now. The important thing now is to love myself, so that I can come to love from a position of wholeness, and not from a position of need or greed.
When we come to love from wholeness, we can share our gifts without expectation. We can love unconditionally. We can hold our loved one with an open hand, knowing they will be in our lives as long as they should be, and that if they move on, it is for the highest good of all concerned. We can take responsibility for our own needs, rather than trying to pass that responsibility off to someone else.
I know this. Now it is time to practice. And if I forget, be so kind as to refresh my memory, if you please.
The truth is, I knew the time would come to translate all that I am learning into action, and it is only fitting that there should be tests before I am set loose on the world. Tests are all about finding out what you know and what you still need to learn. Even after you have learned a lesson well, it needs to be kept strong through practice.
I have been resistant to receiving love and really, the reasons are irrelevant. The effect is that in not receiving, I've created a blockage, which is clearing now. The important thing now is to love myself, so that I can come to love from a position of wholeness, and not from a position of need or greed.
When we come to love from wholeness, we can share our gifts without expectation. We can love unconditionally. We can hold our loved one with an open hand, knowing they will be in our lives as long as they should be, and that if they move on, it is for the highest good of all concerned. We can take responsibility for our own needs, rather than trying to pass that responsibility off to someone else.
I know this. Now it is time to practice. And if I forget, be so kind as to refresh my memory, if you please.
That's What Love Would Do
Just Stay
A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside.
"Your son is here," she said to the old man.
She had to repeat the words several times before the patient's eyes opened.
Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man's limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement.
The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside the bed. All through the night the young Marine sat there in the poorly lit ward, holding the old man's hand and offering him words of love and strength. Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile.
He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the Marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital - the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients.
Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the night.
Along towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released the now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse. While she did what she had to do, he waited.
Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her.
"Who was that man?" he asked.
The nurse was startled, "He was your father," she answered.
"No, he wasn't," the Marine replied. "I never saw him before in my life."
"Then why didn't you say something when I took you to him?"
"I knew right away there had been a mistake, but I also knew he needed his son, and his son just wasn't here. When I realized that he was too sick to tell whether or not I was his son, knowing how much he needed me, I stayed."
The next time someone needs you ... just be there. Stay.
A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside.
"Your son is here," she said to the old man.
She had to repeat the words several times before the patient's eyes opened.
Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man's limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement.
The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside the bed. All through the night the young Marine sat there in the poorly lit ward, holding the old man's hand and offering him words of love and strength. Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile.
He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the Marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital - the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients.
Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the night.
Along towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released the now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse. While she did what she had to do, he waited.
Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her.
"Who was that man?" he asked.
The nurse was startled, "He was your father," she answered.
"No, he wasn't," the Marine replied. "I never saw him before in my life."
"Then why didn't you say something when I took you to him?"
"I knew right away there had been a mistake, but I also knew he needed his son, and his son just wasn't here. When I realized that he was too sick to tell whether or not I was his son, knowing how much he needed me, I stayed."
The next time someone needs you ... just be there. Stay.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
It's Showtime!
I finally got tired of dancing all around this thing the Universe wants me to deal with, and so I went to sleep this morning (working nights) after calling on any and all available help to see and deal with whatever it is that I have been unwilling to face.
I promptly fell asleep to some deep meditation music and slept longer and deeper than I have in a long time...and remembered exactly nothing when I awoke.
So, I asked for help to become aware of whatever it was I discovered in my dream work. There may be more to the story, but I did become aware of something very important.
I discovered that there are several lessons that my soul has gotten through to my intellect over the past year that my heart has been resistant to. From a logical standpoint, I completely understand them, and can even teach them to others. Meanwhile, my heart has been saying, "Hell, no. I've had enough breakage in this lifetime to last several lifetimes. I'm staying right here in my protective little fortress and you can't do a damned thing about it."
So, I'm having a little conversation with my heart. I want it to understand that it is safe now. I know things now that I didn't know then. It is all good and it always has been.
Some of the lessons I have learned from Spirit this year:
1. One of my issues has always been fear of abandonment. But there is no abandonment. People come and go from our lives. It is natural. It is cyclical. In fact, we will eventually be parted from everyone in our lives, either by choice or by death. It is part of the human experience.
2. Another thing I have struggled with is the feeling of not being worthy, not good enough. But now I know that whether or not someone accepts us or rejects us or loves us or judges us is a function of their own preferences or their own level of maturity and is not a statement of our value.
3. For most of my life, I defined myself by my pain. But now I know that whether I hurt or not in any given situation is my choice. I can choose to suffer or I can choose to see the perfection in whatever happens, realizing it is all part of a higher purpose, a purification, bringing us into truer alignment with All That Is. Even if we have allowed something to hurt us in the past, we can choose to use it in spiritual practice. We can forgive and release our judgments about the event, accept and incorporate its lessons and be grateful for it. Yes, grateful. At one time, I didn't think that was possible, either.
So, provided I have convinced my heart that everything is good, it's all unfolding perfectly, and we can handle anything that arises, it's show time!
I promptly fell asleep to some deep meditation music and slept longer and deeper than I have in a long time...and remembered exactly nothing when I awoke.
So, I asked for help to become aware of whatever it was I discovered in my dream work. There may be more to the story, but I did become aware of something very important.
I discovered that there are several lessons that my soul has gotten through to my intellect over the past year that my heart has been resistant to. From a logical standpoint, I completely understand them, and can even teach them to others. Meanwhile, my heart has been saying, "Hell, no. I've had enough breakage in this lifetime to last several lifetimes. I'm staying right here in my protective little fortress and you can't do a damned thing about it."
So, I'm having a little conversation with my heart. I want it to understand that it is safe now. I know things now that I didn't know then. It is all good and it always has been.
Some of the lessons I have learned from Spirit this year:
1. One of my issues has always been fear of abandonment. But there is no abandonment. People come and go from our lives. It is natural. It is cyclical. In fact, we will eventually be parted from everyone in our lives, either by choice or by death. It is part of the human experience.
2. Another thing I have struggled with is the feeling of not being worthy, not good enough. But now I know that whether or not someone accepts us or rejects us or loves us or judges us is a function of their own preferences or their own level of maturity and is not a statement of our value.
3. For most of my life, I defined myself by my pain. But now I know that whether I hurt or not in any given situation is my choice. I can choose to suffer or I can choose to see the perfection in whatever happens, realizing it is all part of a higher purpose, a purification, bringing us into truer alignment with All That Is. Even if we have allowed something to hurt us in the past, we can choose to use it in spiritual practice. We can forgive and release our judgments about the event, accept and incorporate its lessons and be grateful for it. Yes, grateful. At one time, I didn't think that was possible, either.
So, provided I have convinced my heart that everything is good, it's all unfolding perfectly, and we can handle anything that arises, it's show time!
Saturday, June 14, 2008
I Don't Want to Repeat This Claaaassss...
Yes, that's whining you hear. And I'll tell you what you can do with your cheese. :-)
No, seriously. I feel like I am going stark raving mad. Spirit has brought me to this place before, and whenever it has gotten too painful or uncomfortable, I have run away. I want to run now. How I want to run! But I don't want to keep coming back to this place.
I want to be free - free to live life from who I really am, and not from this crap I've taken on in this life...free to love unfettered by the past. I know that's why I keep coming back here. I have to get through this to be free.
But the urge to run is so strong.
Now might be a good time to call on some of that stubbornness.
No, seriously. I feel like I am going stark raving mad. Spirit has brought me to this place before, and whenever it has gotten too painful or uncomfortable, I have run away. I want to run now. How I want to run! But I don't want to keep coming back to this place.
I want to be free - free to live life from who I really am, and not from this crap I've taken on in this life...free to love unfettered by the past. I know that's why I keep coming back here. I have to get through this to be free.
But the urge to run is so strong.
Now might be a good time to call on some of that stubbornness.
I Have a Dream...
What is a Zero Energy House?
"I have noticed that when I tell people that these new houses have energy costs of approximately 50 cents a day, they tend to think about their own homes. People respond to the idea. They just need education and awareness. Jeff Christian, Oak Ridge National Laboratory, buildings technology researcher
Who wouldn't want a house that pays its own energy bills? A zero energy home combines sustainable design with state-of-the-art, energy-efficient construction including commercially available renewable energy systems such as solar water heating and solar electricity. These homes incorporate such innovations as building-integrated photovoltaic and solar-thermal systems, properly designed heating and cooling equipment, efficient building envelopes, and high-performance appliances.
According to the U.S. Department of Energy (DOE), these whole-house systems are capable of cutting energy bills by up to 70%, and eventually reaching net zero energy consumption from the utility provider while also helping to eliminate energy shortages and rolling blackouts, and avoiding carbon emissions by sending power to the utility grid. DOE's Oak Ridge National Laboratory researchers are supporting the DOE initiative to develop affordable, net-zero-energy housing by 2020 and zero-energy commercial buildings by 2025.
Zero energy homes are connected to the utility grid but can be designed and constructed to produce as much energy as they consume annually, resulting in a nearly zero operative energy costs."
From the Texas State Energy Conservation Office
From The Northwest Arkansas News Source:
"The sustainable details extend far beyond the tire bales. The Stanleys' home, which they figure will be completed sometime this fall, is engineered in such a way that sunlight can be collected and turned into electricity. Large cisterns have been installed to collect rainwater from the roof during storms. That system will filter and provide enough water for showers, dishes, drinking, cooking and more. And when any member of the Stanley family is taking a shower, the drain is routed directly into two large indoor planting areas, where fruit trees and other vegetation will grow.
"When you shower here, you're watering the plants, " Stanley said. "We're making the most of the water. The idea is to reduce waste and conserve energy. It's really just about living better and more responsibly. There are going to be a lot of plants inside because they provide a lot of things you just can't artificially generate. We're not meant to live in environments with forced air everywhere."
A large wall of windows running the length of one side of the house will provide all the sunlight the plants and the rest of the home needs to function. The home has been designed, in many ways, to function like a cave. The interior walls absorb heat during the day, keeping the living space cool. When the sun goes down, that heat is released, keeping the structure warm.
"Originally, there were people who started doing these homes out west because they didn't want a mortgage," Mark Stanley said. "They wanted to save money and build with cash. And they didn't want to be on the grid, paying gas and water and other bills. Think about how the economy is going and all the energy concerns out there. I think there's a lot of added incentive to do something like this today. Imagine a whole community like this. It's not out of the realm of possibility."
Yeah, baby. That's what I'm talking about.
"I have noticed that when I tell people that these new houses have energy costs of approximately 50 cents a day, they tend to think about their own homes. People respond to the idea. They just need education and awareness. Jeff Christian, Oak Ridge National Laboratory, buildings technology researcher
Who wouldn't want a house that pays its own energy bills? A zero energy home combines sustainable design with state-of-the-art, energy-efficient construction including commercially available renewable energy systems such as solar water heating and solar electricity. These homes incorporate such innovations as building-integrated photovoltaic and solar-thermal systems, properly designed heating and cooling equipment, efficient building envelopes, and high-performance appliances.
According to the U.S. Department of Energy (DOE), these whole-house systems are capable of cutting energy bills by up to 70%, and eventually reaching net zero energy consumption from the utility provider while also helping to eliminate energy shortages and rolling blackouts, and avoiding carbon emissions by sending power to the utility grid. DOE's Oak Ridge National Laboratory researchers are supporting the DOE initiative to develop affordable, net-zero-energy housing by 2020 and zero-energy commercial buildings by 2025.
Zero energy homes are connected to the utility grid but can be designed and constructed to produce as much energy as they consume annually, resulting in a nearly zero operative energy costs."
From the Texas State Energy Conservation Office
From The Northwest Arkansas News Source:
"The sustainable details extend far beyond the tire bales. The Stanleys' home, which they figure will be completed sometime this fall, is engineered in such a way that sunlight can be collected and turned into electricity. Large cisterns have been installed to collect rainwater from the roof during storms. That system will filter and provide enough water for showers, dishes, drinking, cooking and more. And when any member of the Stanley family is taking a shower, the drain is routed directly into two large indoor planting areas, where fruit trees and other vegetation will grow.
"When you shower here, you're watering the plants, " Stanley said. "We're making the most of the water. The idea is to reduce waste and conserve energy. It's really just about living better and more responsibly. There are going to be a lot of plants inside because they provide a lot of things you just can't artificially generate. We're not meant to live in environments with forced air everywhere."
A large wall of windows running the length of one side of the house will provide all the sunlight the plants and the rest of the home needs to function. The home has been designed, in many ways, to function like a cave. The interior walls absorb heat during the day, keeping the living space cool. When the sun goes down, that heat is released, keeping the structure warm.
"Originally, there were people who started doing these homes out west because they didn't want a mortgage," Mark Stanley said. "They wanted to save money and build with cash. And they didn't want to be on the grid, paying gas and water and other bills. Think about how the economy is going and all the energy concerns out there. I think there's a lot of added incentive to do something like this today. Imagine a whole community like this. It's not out of the realm of possibility."
Yeah, baby. That's what I'm talking about.
What Then, Stump?
Normally, I am a fan of maximizing efficiency rather than maximizing effort.
Work smart, not hard.
But every now and then, it feels good just to go at a task with everything you've got and power through it.
That's how it felt working that stump out of the ground with my mother in her garden.
It was tough, but I was thinking, "Hell, no! You are not going to win. I guess nobody warned you about throwing down with a Jones woman". We are nothing if not persistent, determined, and okay, downright stubborn, and my mother only has full use of one leg. Do you think that stopped her? Ha!
It took us an hour to get that blasted stump out of the ground, and I broke a shovel handle in the process, but it felt so good when we finally whooped it.
As my daughter is fond of saying, What then?
Work smart, not hard.
But every now and then, it feels good just to go at a task with everything you've got and power through it.
That's how it felt working that stump out of the ground with my mother in her garden.
It was tough, but I was thinking, "Hell, no! You are not going to win. I guess nobody warned you about throwing down with a Jones woman". We are nothing if not persistent, determined, and okay, downright stubborn, and my mother only has full use of one leg. Do you think that stopped her? Ha!
It took us an hour to get that blasted stump out of the ground, and I broke a shovel handle in the process, but it felt so good when we finally whooped it.
As my daughter is fond of saying, What then?
I Rate!
I made my daughter's list of three things she can't live without, which she posted on My Space.
Needless to say, it made my day!
The thing about parenting is, you put in a hell of a lot of effort, and don't always see the effect you are having until long afterwards.
If you want to enjoy parenting, you have to know how to find your rewards intrinsically. The reward is in the giving itself, in the pouring out of your love to someone.
When love and appreciation do come back, it's just icing on the cake.
Needless to say, it made my day!
The thing about parenting is, you put in a hell of a lot of effort, and don't always see the effect you are having until long afterwards.
If you want to enjoy parenting, you have to know how to find your rewards intrinsically. The reward is in the giving itself, in the pouring out of your love to someone.
When love and appreciation do come back, it's just icing on the cake.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Why Bother?
Relationships can present us with some of our greatest opportunities for joy and adventure. They can also present us with some of our greatest challenges and pain. So, why bother with relationships at all?
Besides the obvious fact that we each have a longing for connection, there is a greater purpose at work in our relationships, in my opinion.
I believe that we each come into one another's lives because we have gifts to share with one another. These are gifts from the Universe or God, and we are channels through which the Universe gives these gifts. Sometimes, these gifts are disguised as problems.
Sometimes, the gift is exactly what you hoped for. At other times, it is a reflection of what you don't want in your life, so that you can clarify what you do want.
Some relationships are meant to last. Others are more temporary. Being willing to let go of relationships that no longer serve our highest good is important for growth.
But how do you know whether a relationship is good for you or not? Just because a relationship is uncomfortable doesn't necessarily mean it is bad for you. Your discomfort may be a signal of growth opportunities that are presenting in your life.
To determine whether your discomfort is a sign that you need to stick around or a sign that it is time to move on, ask yourself this: do you like who you are becoming in association with this person? If you are enriched by the association, and you are doing what you can to enrich the other person's life, you may take that as a signal that you still have a purpose for being in one another's lives. If not, perhaps you have completed your purpose in one another's lives, and it is time to let go. There's no reason to let things get ugly before you part company.
At least, that's the way I see it.
Besides the obvious fact that we each have a longing for connection, there is a greater purpose at work in our relationships, in my opinion.
I believe that we each come into one another's lives because we have gifts to share with one another. These are gifts from the Universe or God, and we are channels through which the Universe gives these gifts. Sometimes, these gifts are disguised as problems.
Sometimes, the gift is exactly what you hoped for. At other times, it is a reflection of what you don't want in your life, so that you can clarify what you do want.
Some relationships are meant to last. Others are more temporary. Being willing to let go of relationships that no longer serve our highest good is important for growth.
But how do you know whether a relationship is good for you or not? Just because a relationship is uncomfortable doesn't necessarily mean it is bad for you. Your discomfort may be a signal of growth opportunities that are presenting in your life.
To determine whether your discomfort is a sign that you need to stick around or a sign that it is time to move on, ask yourself this: do you like who you are becoming in association with this person? If you are enriched by the association, and you are doing what you can to enrich the other person's life, you may take that as a signal that you still have a purpose for being in one another's lives. If not, perhaps you have completed your purpose in one another's lives, and it is time to let go. There's no reason to let things get ugly before you part company.
At least, that's the way I see it.
Was That a Mistake?
Sometimes, it seems as if things are going wrong. But are they ever? I don't think so.
I believe God knows exactly what needs to happen and exactly the right moment in which it needs to happen to support our healing and growth. We may be acting or reacting out of mental programming that we are not even aware of. But God knows.
Therefore, we cannot make a mistake. We can only manifest lessons - lessons that outwardly reflect the healing and growth opportunities that lie within.
Are you embarrassed by something you said or did? What is that embarrassment revealing to you? Perhaps it is revealing that you are looking outside yourself for approval and validation.
Do you find yourself repeating unhealthy patterns in relationships? They are presenting so that you can heal them. Make a different choice this time. Do one thing different. Even a small change can make a difference.
Don't beat yourself up if things go "wrong". Every apparent "failure" is presenting an opportunity to let go of patterns that no longer serve you. If you can't see it, you can't heal it.
And so, be thankful for the mirror of your experience. It is a precious gift.
That's the way I see it.
I believe God knows exactly what needs to happen and exactly the right moment in which it needs to happen to support our healing and growth. We may be acting or reacting out of mental programming that we are not even aware of. But God knows.
Therefore, we cannot make a mistake. We can only manifest lessons - lessons that outwardly reflect the healing and growth opportunities that lie within.
Are you embarrassed by something you said or did? What is that embarrassment revealing to you? Perhaps it is revealing that you are looking outside yourself for approval and validation.
Do you find yourself repeating unhealthy patterns in relationships? They are presenting so that you can heal them. Make a different choice this time. Do one thing different. Even a small change can make a difference.
Don't beat yourself up if things go "wrong". Every apparent "failure" is presenting an opportunity to let go of patterns that no longer serve you. If you can't see it, you can't heal it.
And so, be thankful for the mirror of your experience. It is a precious gift.
That's the way I see it.
Monday, June 09, 2008
It's a Wild Ride
One of the most difficult things for me about healing is simply being with painful emotions as they arise. The thing I want to remember is that the emotion is not the truth. It may point to the truth, but it is not the truth. The feeling that I will be consumed by the pain if I surrender is not the truth. The feeling that I can't face this because it is all too overwhelming is not the truth. Actually, those are not feelings at all, but judgments about feelings.
A feeling of urgency arises that I must hide, protect, fight, run for cover. This is not the truth.
One of the things that keeps me going is that I want to get past this, and the only way out is through. That, and the fact that part of my purpose is to heal and to facilitate healing for others who desire it. I must pass this way, sooner or later, to get to where I want to be, to realize who I really am. It may as well be now.
I can't show the way until I know the way. And I can't know the way until I go the way.
So, I'll go the distance with this crazy emotional roller coaster, albeit a harrowing ride.
A feeling of urgency arises that I must hide, protect, fight, run for cover. This is not the truth.
One of the things that keeps me going is that I want to get past this, and the only way out is through. That, and the fact that part of my purpose is to heal and to facilitate healing for others who desire it. I must pass this way, sooner or later, to get to where I want to be, to realize who I really am. It may as well be now.
I can't show the way until I know the way. And I can't know the way until I go the way.
So, I'll go the distance with this crazy emotional roller coaster, albeit a harrowing ride.
Sunday, June 08, 2008
"Duh" Moments
A friend and I were talking this morning, and he said that he has gone beyond "Aha!" moments to "Duh" moments. I completely relate because I see myself doing things I have done over and over and didn't like the results the first few hundred times. Hello!
It's crazy how often we know what to do in a given situation, and yet we flounder as if we were clueless. For instance, the simple action of asking for help. When I ask for divine help, it is always given. Why do I often wait until I feel desperate to ask?
Then, when I do ask, and I realize that help was there for the asking all along, I think, Why did I wait so long? Why did I put myself through all that?
It is so easy to get lost in illusion, especially in those moments when healing becomes uncomfortable. Sometimes, we are expressing the truth of light and love and sometimes, we are painfully human.
It's all part of the adventure.
It's crazy how often we know what to do in a given situation, and yet we flounder as if we were clueless. For instance, the simple action of asking for help. When I ask for divine help, it is always given. Why do I often wait until I feel desperate to ask?
Then, when I do ask, and I realize that help was there for the asking all along, I think, Why did I wait so long? Why did I put myself through all that?
It is so easy to get lost in illusion, especially in those moments when healing becomes uncomfortable. Sometimes, we are expressing the truth of light and love and sometimes, we are painfully human.
It's all part of the adventure.
Friday, June 06, 2008
Being a Pure Channel
Okay, I am very wordy tonight. But what can I say? I asked Spirit for assistance and guidance not to give in to the urgency I sometimes feel to replace the armor around my heart - to be okay with being vulnerable - and a wealth of encouragement flooded in. And I always think, if something is of benefit to me, maybe someone else out there could benefit from it, as well. So, here it is.
I realized this morning that if I don't give people a chance to hurt or disappoint me, then I don't give them a chance to love me, either. It's the same chance, given or withheld...just two sides of the same coin. And whether that chance is given or withheld determines the depth and the intimacy of the relationships we create.
We can't get close to someone just by reaching out and giving our love. It also requires relinquishing our urge to hide our hearts and souls behind the armor of "safety", which is only an illusion, anyway. I can tell you from experience that you can play it safe all you want, and hurt like hell just the same.
We can hand our love out the drive-up window, but if we want close connections, we have to open the door and invite others in for a sit-down meal.
All love comes from Source. The people in our lives are some of the channels through which Source flows that love to us. If we block the channels, we are cutting ourselves off from Source.
Now, some channels are more pure than others. The less conscious a person is, the more likely it is that any love flowing through them will be polluted by their psychic garbage. Sometimes, it is not even recognizable as love by the time it flows through them. Perhaps it's healthier to cut off certain channels until they clean up their psychic garbage dumps.
But we needn't throw out the baby with the bathwater. Just because we have been on the receiving end of love through polluted channels, doesn't mean we need cut ourselves off from all channels.
One of the things that is beautiful to me about Reiki as I am learning it, is that we offer ourselves as clear channels for the healing energy to flow through us for the benefit of ourselves and those we serve. We do not attempt to heal others. We are instruments for the light to flow through and the results belong to the receiver.
I believe we would also benefit from offering ourselves as clear channels for love...looking into our own hearts and souls, and asking ourselves if the love we are giving is pure or polluted with our own psychic garbage. Maybe it's time for a serious clean-up effort so that we can be pure channels for the love Source wants to flow through us to a hungry, hurting world. And of course, we can always ask for help to purify that channel.
Just offering something to consider. If it resonates, great. If not, toss it. After all, what do I know?
I realized this morning that if I don't give people a chance to hurt or disappoint me, then I don't give them a chance to love me, either. It's the same chance, given or withheld...just two sides of the same coin. And whether that chance is given or withheld determines the depth and the intimacy of the relationships we create.
We can't get close to someone just by reaching out and giving our love. It also requires relinquishing our urge to hide our hearts and souls behind the armor of "safety", which is only an illusion, anyway. I can tell you from experience that you can play it safe all you want, and hurt like hell just the same.
We can hand our love out the drive-up window, but if we want close connections, we have to open the door and invite others in for a sit-down meal.
All love comes from Source. The people in our lives are some of the channels through which Source flows that love to us. If we block the channels, we are cutting ourselves off from Source.
Now, some channels are more pure than others. The less conscious a person is, the more likely it is that any love flowing through them will be polluted by their psychic garbage. Sometimes, it is not even recognizable as love by the time it flows through them. Perhaps it's healthier to cut off certain channels until they clean up their psychic garbage dumps.
But we needn't throw out the baby with the bathwater. Just because we have been on the receiving end of love through polluted channels, doesn't mean we need cut ourselves off from all channels.
One of the things that is beautiful to me about Reiki as I am learning it, is that we offer ourselves as clear channels for the healing energy to flow through us for the benefit of ourselves and those we serve. We do not attempt to heal others. We are instruments for the light to flow through and the results belong to the receiver.
I believe we would also benefit from offering ourselves as clear channels for love...looking into our own hearts and souls, and asking ourselves if the love we are giving is pure or polluted with our own psychic garbage. Maybe it's time for a serious clean-up effort so that we can be pure channels for the love Source wants to flow through us to a hungry, hurting world. And of course, we can always ask for help to purify that channel.
Just offering something to consider. If it resonates, great. If not, toss it. After all, what do I know?
Patience and Desire
I have often heard people ask me how I can be so patient, especially when they see how I am with children or when they know how long I've waited for a certain thing or condition in my life.
What I try to explain is that patience is a practice. One can practice patience in spite of feeling an urgency for the manifestation of a thing or condition. Of course, it's a whole lot more pleasant when we bring our feelings in line with our decision to practice patience.
There have been times when I have tired of waiting for Spirit to unfold some manifestation in my life, and I tried to take things into my own hands. The trouble is, a long time ago, I invited Wisdom into my life, and once you invite her, forever after she has a voice on the council of your soul. And Wisdom has this rather incessant habit of butting in at inopportune (or should I say, opportune?) times. "Now, are you sure this is the direction you want to move in? I mean, you can do whatever you want, but be aware that this could result in...yada, yada, yada, whatever." Wisdom feels like a total killjoy, even when you know she is a preserver of real joy. Hey, that rhymes. Maybe I should write a poem...nah.
The point is, patience is a practice. Therefore, it can be learned, if one is willing to gain mastery over the voice of desire even when it is screaming its wishes into every cell and atom of your being. Now, I am not a proponent of annihilating desire. I think it adds a little spice to life. I just don't believe it should be the only voice on the council. But, then again, what do I know?
What I try to explain is that patience is a practice. One can practice patience in spite of feeling an urgency for the manifestation of a thing or condition. Of course, it's a whole lot more pleasant when we bring our feelings in line with our decision to practice patience.
There have been times when I have tired of waiting for Spirit to unfold some manifestation in my life, and I tried to take things into my own hands. The trouble is, a long time ago, I invited Wisdom into my life, and once you invite her, forever after she has a voice on the council of your soul. And Wisdom has this rather incessant habit of butting in at inopportune (or should I say, opportune?) times. "Now, are you sure this is the direction you want to move in? I mean, you can do whatever you want, but be aware that this could result in...yada, yada, yada, whatever." Wisdom feels like a total killjoy, even when you know she is a preserver of real joy. Hey, that rhymes. Maybe I should write a poem...nah.
The point is, patience is a practice. Therefore, it can be learned, if one is willing to gain mastery over the voice of desire even when it is screaming its wishes into every cell and atom of your being. Now, I am not a proponent of annihilating desire. I think it adds a little spice to life. I just don't believe it should be the only voice on the council. But, then again, what do I know?
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Gratitude, Giving and Receiving
My little snake friend came out to play again while I was weeding this evening. At first, he was scared and kept ducking his head under the dirt trying to find his den. But then I started talking to him in a soothing voice, telling him how beautiful he is, and I guess he liked the vibration of my voice, or maybe the admiration, because he hung around a little while once I started talking. I think he was even showing off just a bit. He didn't run for cover until I started pulling weeds again.
It was nice outside this evening, and it reminded me how much we have to be grateful for. The breeze felt wonderful. I feel like Spirit is touching me when the breeze caresses my skin and plays with my hair that way. And, oh how sweet it is to feel the cool grass and earth beneath my feet. And the beauty of the star-studded sky last night brought tears to my eyes. We are so blessed, if we will only be aware of all the gifts that are freely given to us every day of our lives.
This brings me to the issue of receptivity. Some of us find it easy to give and not so easy to receive. The problem with this is that it is a whole lot more pleasant to a giver when a gift is received graciously. I mean, what reaction would you prefer when you give a gift: the person who says, 'You shouldn't have done that,' or maybe even tries to refuse your gift? or the person who graciously accepts your gift and shows delight in receiving it? Hmmm...makes you think, doesn't it?
Heck, if you're giving something, chances are it's because you want to give it. You want to do something to enrich that person's life experience. It is not very pleasant to have someone block you from giving to them. What givers often don't realize is that others enjoy giving just as much as we do. When we receive graciously, we give back to the giver. We allow them the joy of giving, and we give them the joy of seeing our pleasure in receiving. It's kind of selfish, if you think about it, to enjoy giving to others and not to allow them the joy of giving to you. Ouch!
This is one of the reasons givers often block the flow of wealth into our lives, as well. We are not willing to refuse to help someone just because they can't pay us, and we don't want to be profiteers who exclude most people by way of charging exorbitant fees, but then we go all the way to the other extreme and refuse to accept payment for services we render. Usually, if someone is trying to give us money for some service, it means that for them to feel good about the situation, they need to give something back. In some cases, we may want to ask them to "pay it forward". But in most cases, the appropriate thing to do would be to graciously receive. Just something to think about.
And that's just the way I see it. But what do I know?
It was nice outside this evening, and it reminded me how much we have to be grateful for. The breeze felt wonderful. I feel like Spirit is touching me when the breeze caresses my skin and plays with my hair that way. And, oh how sweet it is to feel the cool grass and earth beneath my feet. And the beauty of the star-studded sky last night brought tears to my eyes. We are so blessed, if we will only be aware of all the gifts that are freely given to us every day of our lives.
This brings me to the issue of receptivity. Some of us find it easy to give and not so easy to receive. The problem with this is that it is a whole lot more pleasant to a giver when a gift is received graciously. I mean, what reaction would you prefer when you give a gift: the person who says, 'You shouldn't have done that,' or maybe even tries to refuse your gift? or the person who graciously accepts your gift and shows delight in receiving it? Hmmm...makes you think, doesn't it?
Heck, if you're giving something, chances are it's because you want to give it. You want to do something to enrich that person's life experience. It is not very pleasant to have someone block you from giving to them. What givers often don't realize is that others enjoy giving just as much as we do. When we receive graciously, we give back to the giver. We allow them the joy of giving, and we give them the joy of seeing our pleasure in receiving. It's kind of selfish, if you think about it, to enjoy giving to others and not to allow them the joy of giving to you. Ouch!
This is one of the reasons givers often block the flow of wealth into our lives, as well. We are not willing to refuse to help someone just because they can't pay us, and we don't want to be profiteers who exclude most people by way of charging exorbitant fees, but then we go all the way to the other extreme and refuse to accept payment for services we render. Usually, if someone is trying to give us money for some service, it means that for them to feel good about the situation, they need to give something back. In some cases, we may want to ask them to "pay it forward". But in most cases, the appropriate thing to do would be to graciously receive. Just something to think about.
And that's just the way I see it. But what do I know?
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Love is the Most Powerful Magic
Tonight, I met with a wonderful group of people who are part of a Metaphysical Meetup Group in Houston.
We discussed magic and I find it a very intriguing subject.
Even so, I still believe love is the most powerful magic. You don't have to learn it, just BE it, although we could all benefit from learning to align with it more...to experience the BEing of love more fully.
I have observed love's effects in actual practice as it has transformed many a life and many a situation.
Does that mean love always breaks through and gets its desired result? Not in my experience and observation. Free will cannot and must not be violated. Even Spirit won't touch free will.
Nevertheless, I have seen amazing transformations brought about in people and situations by love and its many aspects - kindness, compassion, grace, and so on.
I would venture to say that any magic that brings about healing or positive change is an aspect of love magic, anyway. But in my view, nothing could ever match pure love for potency and alchemical potential.
At least, that's the way I see it. But what do I know?
We discussed magic and I find it a very intriguing subject.
Even so, I still believe love is the most powerful magic. You don't have to learn it, just BE it, although we could all benefit from learning to align with it more...to experience the BEing of love more fully.
I have observed love's effects in actual practice as it has transformed many a life and many a situation.
Does that mean love always breaks through and gets its desired result? Not in my experience and observation. Free will cannot and must not be violated. Even Spirit won't touch free will.
Nevertheless, I have seen amazing transformations brought about in people and situations by love and its many aspects - kindness, compassion, grace, and so on.
I would venture to say that any magic that brings about healing or positive change is an aspect of love magic, anyway. But in my view, nothing could ever match pure love for potency and alchemical potential.
At least, that's the way I see it. But what do I know?
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Waaaaater....Waaaaaaater
It's wonderful to be back in touch with my passion.
I've only got one issue. It seems the waterworks have turned on and I can't get them turned back off. I'm crying at movies I've seen more than once, and phone calls I'm getting at work. Sheesh!
I took a call the other day about a teenager who was in an accident and is now paraplegic. It broke my heart. And another from a lady who was 34 weeks pregnant and rushing to the emergency room because she was bleeding.
I've always practiced compassion, but I'm supposed to keep emotional distance at work. Oh, well.
But who knows? Maybe they came to my attention so that I could pray for them and send them light. I did what I could.
I always say tears are liquid passion, but puhleeease. I'm going to have to carry around an IV to keep my fluid balance if this doesn't ease up.
I'm pretty sure it will all even out soon, though, but if you find me somewhere with hot, flushed skin and a racing pulse, those are symptoms of dehydration. Call 911. And give me that bottle of water. I need it more than you do.
I've only got one issue. It seems the waterworks have turned on and I can't get them turned back off. I'm crying at movies I've seen more than once, and phone calls I'm getting at work. Sheesh!
I took a call the other day about a teenager who was in an accident and is now paraplegic. It broke my heart. And another from a lady who was 34 weeks pregnant and rushing to the emergency room because she was bleeding.
I've always practiced compassion, but I'm supposed to keep emotional distance at work. Oh, well.
But who knows? Maybe they came to my attention so that I could pray for them and send them light. I did what I could.
I always say tears are liquid passion, but puhleeease. I'm going to have to carry around an IV to keep my fluid balance if this doesn't ease up.
I'm pretty sure it will all even out soon, though, but if you find me somewhere with hot, flushed skin and a racing pulse, those are symptoms of dehydration. Call 911. And give me that bottle of water. I need it more than you do.
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Ding! We Have a Winner!
And the winning answer is...
Nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing can go wrong. Nothing has ever gone wrong.
Everything that happens is the perfect and correct thing to support our healing and growth in that moment. Ah, but how easy it is to forget this amidst a flood of emotion. The only thing we have to fear is unconsciousness. And I found myself lost in the illusion for a little while there, remembering and clearing past pain.
My ex was a perfect reflection to me. He fulfilled his purpose in my life completely. In his inability to receive my love, he reflected my inability to receive love. When he was unable to give love to me, he reflected my inability to love myself.
When I am aware of this, my anger and pain turns to gratefulness to him for performing so well at what must have been a very unpleasant role to play in my life.
And while I'm on the subject of love, there's a little poem that reads, "Love wasn't put in your heart to stay, because love isn't love until you give it away." It doesn't matter how much love you feel in your heart for someone, if you don't share it, it is of no benefit to them.
And another thing or two or three, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." - Plato. "Believe nothing you hear and only half of what you see." - Mark Twain. The point is that just because someone seems to have it together doesn't mean they aren't facing any difficulties, or growth opportunities as you might call them. Things are not always as they appear. In fact, I suspect they frequently aren't. We learn to hide much of what we are experiencing for various reasons. The point is, let us all remember to be kind to one another. You never know when your kindness might be just the impetus someone needs to keep holding on.
"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." - Leo Buscaglia.
Don't be afraid to touch.
Nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing can go wrong. Nothing has ever gone wrong.
Everything that happens is the perfect and correct thing to support our healing and growth in that moment. Ah, but how easy it is to forget this amidst a flood of emotion. The only thing we have to fear is unconsciousness. And I found myself lost in the illusion for a little while there, remembering and clearing past pain.
My ex was a perfect reflection to me. He fulfilled his purpose in my life completely. In his inability to receive my love, he reflected my inability to receive love. When he was unable to give love to me, he reflected my inability to love myself.
When I am aware of this, my anger and pain turns to gratefulness to him for performing so well at what must have been a very unpleasant role to play in my life.
And while I'm on the subject of love, there's a little poem that reads, "Love wasn't put in your heart to stay, because love isn't love until you give it away." It doesn't matter how much love you feel in your heart for someone, if you don't share it, it is of no benefit to them.
And another thing or two or three, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." - Plato. "Believe nothing you hear and only half of what you see." - Mark Twain. The point is that just because someone seems to have it together doesn't mean they aren't facing any difficulties, or growth opportunities as you might call them. Things are not always as they appear. In fact, I suspect they frequently aren't. We learn to hide much of what we are experiencing for various reasons. The point is, let us all remember to be kind to one another. You never know when your kindness might be just the impetus someone needs to keep holding on.
"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." - Leo Buscaglia.
Don't be afraid to touch.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Feeling the Magic
I'm feeling more myself now. I didn't say feeling myself more. I said feeling more myself. Get your mind out of the gutter! Sheesh!
Anyway, I've been helping my mother pull weeds from around her fifty-some-odd Rose of Sharon plants. There's nothing like getting down and dirty with mother earth to help get your bearings back.
So, I was working away this evening, and a snake slithered out of the grass I was trying to pull up. The thing that amazed me most is that I was not afraid! I just watched it, while trying to remember that poem I learned in childhood, "Red and yellow, kill a fellow; black and white...". Ok, you're cool. It helped that it was slithering away and not toward.
But I found myself fascinated, and afterward, I couldn't get the song, Sneaky Snake, out of my head. Only dyed-in-the-wool country music fans will know what the heck I'm talking about there.
I love being out in the country, snakes and all. Trees have immense healing power. Stars are magical. I suppose they are magical whether they are hidden by smog and city lights or not, but you can feel the magic when you can see them.
Yeah, baby! That's what I'm talking about.
Anyway, I've been helping my mother pull weeds from around her fifty-some-odd Rose of Sharon plants. There's nothing like getting down and dirty with mother earth to help get your bearings back.
So, I was working away this evening, and a snake slithered out of the grass I was trying to pull up. The thing that amazed me most is that I was not afraid! I just watched it, while trying to remember that poem I learned in childhood, "Red and yellow, kill a fellow; black and white...". Ok, you're cool. It helped that it was slithering away and not toward.
But I found myself fascinated, and afterward, I couldn't get the song, Sneaky Snake, out of my head. Only dyed-in-the-wool country music fans will know what the heck I'm talking about there.
I love being out in the country, snakes and all. Trees have immense healing power. Stars are magical. I suppose they are magical whether they are hidden by smog and city lights or not, but you can feel the magic when you can see them.
Yeah, baby! That's what I'm talking about.
Friday, May 30, 2008
It's All Good...Yes, All Of It
Here I am, in the calm after the storm, wondering if what I have been struggling with is nothing more than ghosts from the past.
On the one hand, I firmly believe that all that's real is love and the rest is illusion. On the other hand, shouldn't that have covered the past as well? Perhaps if you experience pain at a time when you are not consciously aware that you have a choice...I should say if you repress pain instead of choosing to experience it...then at some point, you have to allow that pain to resurface so that it can be cleared.
In any case, I return to trusting in a loving Universe that supports my highest good always and in all ways. This is the truth that resonates in the depths of my heart and soul.
I choose love, for I am love, as you will find you are, if you truly get to know yourself. And I choose forgiveness, although I would have preferred non-judgment. Once one has passed judgment, forgiveness is key to becoming free.
On the one hand, I firmly believe that all that's real is love and the rest is illusion. On the other hand, shouldn't that have covered the past as well? Perhaps if you experience pain at a time when you are not consciously aware that you have a choice...I should say if you repress pain instead of choosing to experience it...then at some point, you have to allow that pain to resurface so that it can be cleared.
In any case, I return to trusting in a loving Universe that supports my highest good always and in all ways. This is the truth that resonates in the depths of my heart and soul.
I choose love, for I am love, as you will find you are, if you truly get to know yourself. And I choose forgiveness, although I would have preferred non-judgment. Once one has passed judgment, forgiveness is key to becoming free.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Why Can't We Just Let It Happen?
I've had a lot of stuff come up that needed clearing over the past couple weeks, and it has led me to a question that I need to discover an answer to before I can move forward in a certain area of my life.
That question is, Why is it that I can give love freely, but I am blocked when it comes to receiving love? The scientist in me wants to dissect this thing so that the lover in me can move forward. Actually, I think the scientist wants to shut the lover up with a "Come on, we've tried this experiment before. It was a disaster! Don't do it! It's a trick."
The reason this is important for me to understand is that I would rather jump off the nearest 20-story building than repeat the patterns of my marriage. And I am dead set against jumping! I always figure in that little time frame between taking a flying leap and passionate contact with Planet Earth, one might decide, "I really don't want to do this." Splat!
I was a staunch, stark, rank believer in 'till death do us part'. So much so that after years of doing everything in my power to breathe some life into my marriage, I would gladly have died to get out of it. Until that rock bottom experience when I realized, "What the hell ever!" Nothing is worth sacrificing any essential part of who you are to maintain. Like Jo Dee, my 'Give a Damn' busted.
But getting back to my question about being blocked to receiving love. Actually, what is it that we are afraid of, that keeps us from allowing love in our lives? What is it that we believe we may lose? I think what may be happening is that we suffer from the delusion that we can lose another's love.
But let's examine this for a moment, if we lose another's love or loving intention, have we really lost anything at all? After all, how can we lose something that wasn't ours to begin with? Someone else's love doesn't belong to us. It belongs to that person. We can't feel someone else's love or loving intentions. We can only feel our own. Hmmm...interesting.
That question is, Why is it that I can give love freely, but I am blocked when it comes to receiving love? The scientist in me wants to dissect this thing so that the lover in me can move forward. Actually, I think the scientist wants to shut the lover up with a "Come on, we've tried this experiment before. It was a disaster! Don't do it! It's a trick."
The reason this is important for me to understand is that I would rather jump off the nearest 20-story building than repeat the patterns of my marriage. And I am dead set against jumping! I always figure in that little time frame between taking a flying leap and passionate contact with Planet Earth, one might decide, "I really don't want to do this." Splat!
I was a staunch, stark, rank believer in 'till death do us part'. So much so that after years of doing everything in my power to breathe some life into my marriage, I would gladly have died to get out of it. Until that rock bottom experience when I realized, "What the hell ever!" Nothing is worth sacrificing any essential part of who you are to maintain. Like Jo Dee, my 'Give a Damn' busted.
But getting back to my question about being blocked to receiving love. Actually, what is it that we are afraid of, that keeps us from allowing love in our lives? What is it that we believe we may lose? I think what may be happening is that we suffer from the delusion that we can lose another's love.
But let's examine this for a moment, if we lose another's love or loving intention, have we really lost anything at all? After all, how can we lose something that wasn't ours to begin with? Someone else's love doesn't belong to us. It belongs to that person. We can't feel someone else's love or loving intentions. We can only feel our own. Hmmm...interesting.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Objection! Assuming Facts Not in Evidence
Okay, so I've watched too many episodes of Matlock.
But think about it for a moment. Isn't this often what gets us into trouble in our relationships?
Someone says this or doesn't say that, does this or neglects to do that, looks at us a certain way or doesn't look at us at all, and we give it meaning based on all the filters we have developed around relationships in the past...emphasis on IN THE PAST. Whatever happened in the past is over. What is really happening now? Do you know what is really happening now? Or are you assuming facts not in evidence?
Hmmm...something to think about.
But think about it for a moment. Isn't this often what gets us into trouble in our relationships?
Someone says this or doesn't say that, does this or neglects to do that, looks at us a certain way or doesn't look at us at all, and we give it meaning based on all the filters we have developed around relationships in the past...emphasis on IN THE PAST. Whatever happened in the past is over. What is really happening now? Do you know what is really happening now? Or are you assuming facts not in evidence?
Hmmm...something to think about.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Don't Keep Your Hands to Yourself
I read recently that light stroking of the skin releases endorphins, which are the body's natural pain killers.
My mother lives with chronic pain, and so I decided to try it with her.
I often give massage to family members, but stroking is something I haven't used much since my children were babies, and I gave them back rubs to help them wind down and sleep.
But, I decided to try this for my mother with her consent. She had been having some neck pain in addition to her usual hip and leg pain. As she lay down and relaxed, I gently stroked her back, her arm and her head. I knew it was soothing to her because she nearly fell asleep and she usually has difficulty falling asleep.
And I discovered something else: as I touched her, I, too, was touched. I realized that my mother had never had someone love her in this way. I was being given a unique opportunity to parent my parent.
Later, after I kissed her good night and left her, I wept. I wept for the baby girl who spent her first few days on earth going through the agony of alcohol withdrawal, instead of being wrapped securely in the arms of a loving mother. And I wept for the child who never knew what it was to be cherished.
And I thought, This is it!!! This is why I am a Minister and an Ambassador of Touch. There is a hunger within each of us that can only be filled by human connection.
Don't let your world go hungry. Touch and feed the hearts of those around you.
Update on my mother: The next day, she reported sleeping better than she has in years!
My mother lives with chronic pain, and so I decided to try it with her.
I often give massage to family members, but stroking is something I haven't used much since my children were babies, and I gave them back rubs to help them wind down and sleep.
But, I decided to try this for my mother with her consent. She had been having some neck pain in addition to her usual hip and leg pain. As she lay down and relaxed, I gently stroked her back, her arm and her head. I knew it was soothing to her because she nearly fell asleep and she usually has difficulty falling asleep.
And I discovered something else: as I touched her, I, too, was touched. I realized that my mother had never had someone love her in this way. I was being given a unique opportunity to parent my parent.
Later, after I kissed her good night and left her, I wept. I wept for the baby girl who spent her first few days on earth going through the agony of alcohol withdrawal, instead of being wrapped securely in the arms of a loving mother. And I wept for the child who never knew what it was to be cherished.
And I thought, This is it!!! This is why I am a Minister and an Ambassador of Touch. There is a hunger within each of us that can only be filled by human connection.
Don't let your world go hungry. Touch and feed the hearts of those around you.
Update on my mother: The next day, she reported sleeping better than she has in years!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Here Comes the Dog-ma Catcher
I am Love.
Your dogma has developed a habit of biting and clawing other creatures, especially those who refuse to bow to it.
I am taking it to the dogma pound, where it will be euthanized (lovingly and gently, of course).
Don't worry. The more you get to know Yourself as Me, and Me as Yourself, the less you will miss your dogma.
Your dogma has developed a habit of biting and clawing other creatures, especially those who refuse to bow to it.
I am taking it to the dogma pound, where it will be euthanized (lovingly and gently, of course).
Don't worry. The more you get to know Yourself as Me, and Me as Yourself, the less you will miss your dogma.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Click "Yes to All"
Sometimes, as you're downloading a program or file, you come across something like this:
Life offers similar choices. Whenever we come face to face with what we have created, we can click "No" - resist, argue, fight with our own creation. We can click "Cancel" - deny, run away, do whatever we can to "escape".
Or we may choose to click "Yes" and move forward, one file at a time. But why not just click "Yes to All"? - take a quantum leap forward, trusting that it's all going to turn out alright.
Why keep resisting what we created? Somewhere, on some level, we have our own highest good at heart. We just sometimes take the long route to get there. And the "stuff" reflecting back at us in the mirror of life can serve as roadmaps and help us make to course corrections.
Clicking "Yes to All" can be a direct route to getting past our stuff. Just accept it. Love it for what it is. Then change course if you want to.
Life offers similar choices. Whenever we come face to face with what we have created, we can click "No" - resist, argue, fight with our own creation. We can click "Cancel" - deny, run away, do whatever we can to "escape".
Or we may choose to click "Yes" and move forward, one file at a time. But why not just click "Yes to All"? - take a quantum leap forward, trusting that it's all going to turn out alright.
Why keep resisting what we created? Somewhere, on some level, we have our own highest good at heart. We just sometimes take the long route to get there. And the "stuff" reflecting back at us in the mirror of life can serve as roadmaps and help us make to course corrections.
Clicking "Yes to All" can be a direct route to getting past our stuff. Just accept it. Love it for what it is. Then change course if you want to.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Loving It All
I felt the Beloved in my heart space today, and I experienced a most delicious sense of expansion there.
I've been feeling life force energy stirring in my second chakra quite often for quite some time, it still being an area that is in process of clearing and healing.
But today, the energy moved around quite a bit, also stirring in my solar plexus and creating a wonderful melting and expansive feeling in my prefontal cortex.
Love keeps doing its perfect work and reminding me of my wholeness. I am loving it!
And I realized tonight that being in love does not require a love object. The most expansive and liberating way to be in love is to be in love with life, loving all of life. It is all love. Love is all there is.
I've been feeling life force energy stirring in my second chakra quite often for quite some time, it still being an area that is in process of clearing and healing.
But today, the energy moved around quite a bit, also stirring in my solar plexus and creating a wonderful melting and expansive feeling in my prefontal cortex.
Love keeps doing its perfect work and reminding me of my wholeness. I am loving it!
And I realized tonight that being in love does not require a love object. The most expansive and liberating way to be in love is to be in love with life, loving all of life. It is all love. Love is all there is.
Get Your OWN Path
There have been times when I have read other people's testimonials about how this course or that book completely changed their lives. All of a sudden, everything clicked and their whole lives fell into place. And I have wondered why I haven't come across any teaching that has just pulled it all together for me.
Tonight, it dawned on me that the reason no one path has been "the answer" for me is that I don't belong on anyone else's path. Oh, there have been plenty of people who have helped me along my path - people who asked just the right questions or spoke just the right words or took just the right actions to awaken the exact knowledge I needed to move forward. However, the knowledge was not an addition from outside me. It was already within and only needed to be discovered.
My path is undefinable, and therefore unfollowable, and unduplicatable. And I am glad. Defining a path tends toward dogma and I am much happier without dogma in my life.
Tonight, it dawned on me that the reason no one path has been "the answer" for me is that I don't belong on anyone else's path. Oh, there have been plenty of people who have helped me along my path - people who asked just the right questions or spoke just the right words or took just the right actions to awaken the exact knowledge I needed to move forward. However, the knowledge was not an addition from outside me. It was already within and only needed to be discovered.
My path is undefinable, and therefore unfollowable, and unduplicatable. And I am glad. Defining a path tends toward dogma and I am much happier without dogma in my life.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Something Better than Polyamory
One of the things I keep coming across as I research sacred sexuality on the web is the concept and practice of polyamory.
Call me wild, but I suggest we skip polyamory and go straight to omniamory. Okay, technically, it's not a word, but I think it should be.
Obviously, I'm not suggesting we enter into sexual relationships with everyone on the planet. Not only would that be unhealthy (and impossible considering the number of humans populating the planet at the moment), it would be downright illegal and harmful in some cases.
I'm talking pure, unadulterated love for all. Come on, you say, we can't really love everybody. To which I reply, why not?
Of course we can't be BFF with everybody in the world, and our agreement to the illusion of time and space prevents us from getting to know everyone; nevertheless, we absolutely can come from a place of love in our hearts that causes us to contribute to our world and those we interact with in a loving and beneficial way. We can open our hearts to others, and in the process, empower them to open as well.
What causes us to believe we must place a limit on how many people we love is that we confuse love with attachment. We form certain attachments in order to interact with others in the various roles we decide to play, as parents, spouses, lovers, friends, etc. But those attachments don't necessarily come from love, and love doesn't necessarily lead to attachment.
Love is more than a warm feeling, it is acting in the best interests of all. We may not feel warm and fuzzy toward everyone we pass on the street, but we can absolutely act lovingly toward all.
Is it not love that performs a random act of kindness, or gives a meal or a blanket to someone in need, or offers to help someone with a difficult task? Is it not love that listens to someone who is hurting and offers words of comfort? Is it not love that helps someone who is carrying a heavy burden? Is it not love that reaches out to touch someone when they are down, that offers words of encouragement to those who feel they can't go on? It is love, and when we reach out in love, we are being the instrument through which love pours its beautiful music into the world, uniting the hearts of all who hear.
Leo Buscaglia said it well, "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."
Let's do it! Let's love 'em all.
Call me wild, but I suggest we skip polyamory and go straight to omniamory. Okay, technically, it's not a word, but I think it should be.
Obviously, I'm not suggesting we enter into sexual relationships with everyone on the planet. Not only would that be unhealthy (and impossible considering the number of humans populating the planet at the moment), it would be downright illegal and harmful in some cases.
I'm talking pure, unadulterated love for all. Come on, you say, we can't really love everybody. To which I reply, why not?
Of course we can't be BFF with everybody in the world, and our agreement to the illusion of time and space prevents us from getting to know everyone; nevertheless, we absolutely can come from a place of love in our hearts that causes us to contribute to our world and those we interact with in a loving and beneficial way. We can open our hearts to others, and in the process, empower them to open as well.
What causes us to believe we must place a limit on how many people we love is that we confuse love with attachment. We form certain attachments in order to interact with others in the various roles we decide to play, as parents, spouses, lovers, friends, etc. But those attachments don't necessarily come from love, and love doesn't necessarily lead to attachment.
Love is more than a warm feeling, it is acting in the best interests of all. We may not feel warm and fuzzy toward everyone we pass on the street, but we can absolutely act lovingly toward all.
Is it not love that performs a random act of kindness, or gives a meal or a blanket to someone in need, or offers to help someone with a difficult task? Is it not love that listens to someone who is hurting and offers words of comfort? Is it not love that helps someone who is carrying a heavy burden? Is it not love that reaches out to touch someone when they are down, that offers words of encouragement to those who feel they can't go on? It is love, and when we reach out in love, we are being the instrument through which love pours its beautiful music into the world, uniting the hearts of all who hear.
Leo Buscaglia said it well, "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."
Let's do it! Let's love 'em all.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Just When You Thought It Was Safe...
That safety thing again.
I thought I was done playing it safe. And then I noticed a pattern that I have seen repeated relatively often in my life recently. A gentleman had showed some interest in me, and I found myself backing away after feeling that he was backing away.
So, I asked myself, "Why does this keep recurring?"
And myself answered, "You push people away and then blame their lack of interest for the lack of progression in the relationship."
Ouch! Busted! And by my own self, too. You'd think my self would go a little easy on me. After all, no one knows better than my self what I have been through and the reasons I do the things I do.
Speaking of reasons, I found myself asking myself, "What are the reasons I behave in this way?"
And damn if myself didn't reply that looking for reasons is just another way I keep myself from moving forward.
Good grief! Give me a break already! But nooooo, my self has to be all about the highest good and shit.
Alright. Fine, then! It's all me. There, I admitted it. Are you happy now?!?!
Okay, I'll admit it does feel good to step out of the darkness and into the light. At least, when you know it's all coming from inside, you know that in addition to owning responsibility for your own creation, you also own the power to create whatever you decide to create.
Yeah, baby! That's what I'M talking about.
I thought I was done playing it safe. And then I noticed a pattern that I have seen repeated relatively often in my life recently. A gentleman had showed some interest in me, and I found myself backing away after feeling that he was backing away.
So, I asked myself, "Why does this keep recurring?"
And myself answered, "You push people away and then blame their lack of interest for the lack of progression in the relationship."
Ouch! Busted! And by my own self, too. You'd think my self would go a little easy on me. After all, no one knows better than my self what I have been through and the reasons I do the things I do.
Speaking of reasons, I found myself asking myself, "What are the reasons I behave in this way?"
And damn if myself didn't reply that looking for reasons is just another way I keep myself from moving forward.
Good grief! Give me a break already! But nooooo, my self has to be all about the highest good and shit.
Alright. Fine, then! It's all me. There, I admitted it. Are you happy now?!?!
Okay, I'll admit it does feel good to step out of the darkness and into the light. At least, when you know it's all coming from inside, you know that in addition to owning responsibility for your own creation, you also own the power to create whatever you decide to create.
Yeah, baby! That's what I'M talking about.
Friday, February 08, 2008
Love Your Shadows
This was posted on the Heal Thyself tribe message board at tribe.net. I love it!
There are some wonderful people posting on Tribe.net. I find it very uplifting to read the posts (most of them).
Love your shadows
"There is that part of ourselves that feels ugly, deformed, unacceptable. That part, above all, we must learn to cherish, embrace, and call by name."
-- Macrina Wiederkehr
Each of us has characteristics we define as ‘good’ and those we define as ‘bad.’ The parts of ourselves that we continually reject want to be acknowledged and loved. Until we honour these aspects, they will continue to assert themselves. They will do whatever they can to get our attention.
What aspects of yourself do you reject?
Take a few moments to open to the parts of yourself that you do not love. See each one honestly for what it is. Explore the wounds and the motives that gave rise to its condition. Love a wounded part of yourself and it will heal.
"...self-contempt never inspires lasting change."
-- Jane R. Hirschmann and Carol H. Munter
"The first step toward change is acceptance. Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change. That's all you have to do. Change is not something you do, it's something you allow."
-- Will Garcia
posted by:
Jeff
SF Bay Area
53 friends
There are some wonderful people posting on Tribe.net. I find it very uplifting to read the posts (most of them).
Love your shadows
"There is that part of ourselves that feels ugly, deformed, unacceptable. That part, above all, we must learn to cherish, embrace, and call by name."
-- Macrina Wiederkehr
Each of us has characteristics we define as ‘good’ and those we define as ‘bad.’ The parts of ourselves that we continually reject want to be acknowledged and loved. Until we honour these aspects, they will continue to assert themselves. They will do whatever they can to get our attention.
What aspects of yourself do you reject?
Take a few moments to open to the parts of yourself that you do not love. See each one honestly for what it is. Explore the wounds and the motives that gave rise to its condition. Love a wounded part of yourself and it will heal.
"...self-contempt never inspires lasting change."
-- Jane R. Hirschmann and Carol H. Munter
"The first step toward change is acceptance. Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change. That's all you have to do. Change is not something you do, it's something you allow."
-- Will Garcia
posted by:
Jeff
SF Bay Area
53 friends
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
My Teacher, Master Smoky, the Cat
I received an interesting lesson today in the Law of Attraction from Smoky, the Cat. Smoky demonstrated beautifully the simplicity of the principle, Thoughts Become Things.
He has demonstrated this lesson many times for me, but today I finally got it.
His manifestation unfolded in this manner: he went to the door and stood there patiently gazing at the door until I went to the door and opened it to let him out.
How simple! How profound! He didn't scratch or claw or meow or hiss. He simply focused on what he wanted until it came into being.
Wow! If only we had the wisdom of a cat!
He has demonstrated this lesson many times for me, but today I finally got it.
His manifestation unfolded in this manner: he went to the door and stood there patiently gazing at the door until I went to the door and opened it to let him out.
How simple! How profound! He didn't scratch or claw or meow or hiss. He simply focused on what he wanted until it came into being.
Wow! If only we had the wisdom of a cat!
Keep Doing It
I was just reminded that in the original language of the Bible, verbs have a continuous tense...at least, I have been told that is the case.
...which means that "ask, and it shall be given" signifies asking continuously;
..."seek and you shall find" indicates a continuous seeking until the discovery occurs;
..."knock and it shall be opened to you" connotes continuous knocking until the door opens.
Need I say more?
...which means that "ask, and it shall be given" signifies asking continuously;
..."seek and you shall find" indicates a continuous seeking until the discovery occurs;
..."knock and it shall be opened to you" connotes continuous knocking until the door opens.
Need I say more?
Monday, February 04, 2008
It's All You
We teach people how to treat us. We communicate what we're willing to tolerate by what we do tolerate.
So, if you don't like the way a relationship is going, change your direction. Stand up for your life and your self. You can't change the direction for someone else. What you can do is change your own direction and then it's possible that others around you will respond and change. But there are no guarantees along those lines. If we are not prepared to accept another's behavior just as it is, we may choose to communicate our preferences. It is then up to the other to decide whether they want to continue as they are or make adjustments for our comfort. This may depend on whether they consider the trait or behavior in question to be a preference or to representative of who they really are. It is never reasonable to ask or expect someone to change their essential self to satisfy us.
If the other decides to continue doing as they are doing, and being as they are being, it is then up to us to decide whether the relationship serves us as it is. If not, the most loving thing we can do is to let go. Let go and let them be as they choose to be. Let go and let us be as we choose to be.
Another thing you may want to consider when you don't like the way a relationship or interaction is occurring is to ask yourself what is being reflected back to you. Others are mirrors of what is inside us.
If we repeatedly find ourselves feeling abandoned or ignored, we may ask how we are abandoning or ignoring ourselves and our own needs. If we feel devalued or disrespected, we may need to look at how we are devaluing or disrespecting ourselves. Once we are aware of how we are mistreating ourselves, and we make the shift necessary to honor and cherish ourselves, that is what we will see reflected in our relationships with others.
When good things don't seem to be coming our way, when our dreams and desires are not manifesting, we need to become aware that no one is blocking our good except we ourselves. And when we are ready to receive our highest good, we will find it was there all the time, just waiting for us to open our arms and welcome and embrace it.
When we are ready, we will receive. Until we are ready, we cannot receive. Everything is unfolding in perfect time and in perfect order.
How fascinating!
So, if you don't like the way a relationship is going, change your direction. Stand up for your life and your self. You can't change the direction for someone else. What you can do is change your own direction and then it's possible that others around you will respond and change. But there are no guarantees along those lines. If we are not prepared to accept another's behavior just as it is, we may choose to communicate our preferences. It is then up to the other to decide whether they want to continue as they are or make adjustments for our comfort. This may depend on whether they consider the trait or behavior in question to be a preference or to representative of who they really are. It is never reasonable to ask or expect someone to change their essential self to satisfy us.
If the other decides to continue doing as they are doing, and being as they are being, it is then up to us to decide whether the relationship serves us as it is. If not, the most loving thing we can do is to let go. Let go and let them be as they choose to be. Let go and let us be as we choose to be.
Another thing you may want to consider when you don't like the way a relationship or interaction is occurring is to ask yourself what is being reflected back to you. Others are mirrors of what is inside us.
If we repeatedly find ourselves feeling abandoned or ignored, we may ask how we are abandoning or ignoring ourselves and our own needs. If we feel devalued or disrespected, we may need to look at how we are devaluing or disrespecting ourselves. Once we are aware of how we are mistreating ourselves, and we make the shift necessary to honor and cherish ourselves, that is what we will see reflected in our relationships with others.
When good things don't seem to be coming our way, when our dreams and desires are not manifesting, we need to become aware that no one is blocking our good except we ourselves. And when we are ready to receive our highest good, we will find it was there all the time, just waiting for us to open our arms and welcome and embrace it.
When we are ready, we will receive. Until we are ready, we cannot receive. Everything is unfolding in perfect time and in perfect order.
How fascinating!
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Saying "Yes"
"UNFOLDING AND ALLOWING
The definition of a master is not one whose life is perfect. A master is one who says, “Yes!” to whatever shows up on one’s plate. By saying “Yes” we unlock the raw energy of a situation. It becomes accessible to us to use in whatever way we choose.
Synchronicity occurs. It is just raw energy flowing.
JUDGMENT STOPS THE FLOW
By choosing judgment, anger, guilt, blame, or other aspects of fear, we say “No” to the experience and immediately encounter resistance, a block to energy. We fall out of harmony with the flow. Answers, that would have streamed forth, remain hidden, unrevealed, locked within the blocked energy."
This is an excerpt from an article entitled Miracle Journey written by Dolly Mae and published in The Psychic Observer.
Good stuff. Very good stuff.
The definition of a master is not one whose life is perfect. A master is one who says, “Yes!” to whatever shows up on one’s plate. By saying “Yes” we unlock the raw energy of a situation. It becomes accessible to us to use in whatever way we choose.
Synchronicity occurs. It is just raw energy flowing.
JUDGMENT STOPS THE FLOW
By choosing judgment, anger, guilt, blame, or other aspects of fear, we say “No” to the experience and immediately encounter resistance, a block to energy. We fall out of harmony with the flow. Answers, that would have streamed forth, remain hidden, unrevealed, locked within the blocked energy."
This is an excerpt from an article entitled Miracle Journey written by Dolly Mae and published in The Psychic Observer.
Good stuff. Very good stuff.
Activate Your Passion
The Blessing of the To-Do(or was that To-Be?) List© 2008
Julie Jordan Scott
My eyes scanned the day's speedily written to-do list, outlined
fetchingly in black crayon.
I looked at my mood indicator on myspace, where I had for unknown
reasons declared I wanted to explore the river, but I wasn't exactly
sure what that meant. On my list of "to-do's" I had written
"collect wood" so I figured that would combine with river exploration.
I read a quote from Maya Angelou and again, wondered what
syncronicity was doing tap-tap-tapping on my heart.
"A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing.
She goes where she will without pretence and arrives at her
destination prepared to be herself and only herself."
The only two things on my daytime carved in time-allotted stone
schedule were a phone call and to be home when Sam was due
back from school at 2:45. The phone call was to be at 9:00 o'clock,
nice and early, with my friend, Stephanie, who agreed to talk to me,
deeply and soulfully once a week while I dealt with some of this
"stuff" of life that came as a part of my reawakening. I felt like I hadn't
"done" enough to merit a conversation of substance.
I stood back for a bit, though, prior to the prearranged time for our
phone call and I discovered that lo-and-behold there had been a lot
of growth this week, that I had taken what we had talked about
before and integrated much of what we spoke of and
amplified it… many fold.
I had gotten stuck in my self-critical inner dialogue of the day before and lost
sight of the beauty and wonder of the preceding six days.
"I just don't feel like I have big enough swaths of time and yet
I know that isn't so, I mean, I am aware that I make that up, that the
swaths aren't wide enough… I know this lack based thinking is just
creating more lack rather than abundance… and… I mean…" and I tap
danced in circles of belief and misbelief during our conversation.
I continued speaking: "I just need more time in silence, and study,
and contemplation." I told her. "I have felt such grace, such
abundance since we last spoke," I said as I told several stories of
receiving, abundantly, simply as a result of me being 100% myself – not trying
to get anything accomplished in particular or aiming at a particular intention
beyond simply being me and doing exactly what
my heart called me to do.
Maya Angelou floated back into my mind.
"A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing. She
goes where she will without pretence and arrives at her destination prepared to
be herself and only herself."
The river was calling.
I climbed into my beloved Ford Explorer, Jane, and started to
drive east. Live Oak, Live Oak, Live Oak was a chant running through
my veins – the echo of my heartbeat itself.
Live Oak is a daytime use section of the Sequoia National Forest, five
miles into the Kern River Canyon. I hadn't been there since July and
I was curious how it was during the winter as compared to the Summer.
I figured the flow of the river would be satisfying given all the rain
and snow we were having.
I was excited.
Jane started making a sound I thought was weird and I felt fear grip me. "Maybe
I shouldn't go to the river. Maybe it isn't God
calling, maybe I should get an oil change first, maybe I should turn around, oh
it looks dark in the canyon, maybe I am going to get into an accident if I drive
in, maybe....maybe.....maybe....."
The circle dance of belief and misbelief was taking up residence
in my belly.
"Maybe you should tune into that silence you said you wanted," a
whisper-thought came into my heart.
I heard the Live Oak chant again as my car entered the canyon.
I drove into the call of the Canyon, into the call of the river. I drove into
the darkness of my fear. My heart was pounding rather loudly in the fear places
and I wasn't comfortable at all as I drove into the mouth of the Canyon. It was
dark, the fog closed behind me – a door shutting my escape, and I surrendered to
the call.
I uncomfortably surrended, as Teresa of Avila reminded me,
"Surrender requires courage."
The road was beautifully empty so I felt no pressure to go fast
along the curves. I could take my time and really see what I was
passing in each moment. I started to relax into my heartbeat
and to the rhythm of the call itself.
A red car came up behind me and the "Live Oak" chant became
"take a turn out" so I did and the red car behind me happily
tooted a "thank you" horn as it moved past me towards its destination.
I was almost sad when Live Oak arrived so quickly.
I took the "Road Closed" into the parking lot as a set back
until I realized there was a ready-made turn out parking spot to use so I parked
Jane and climbed out and just stood, stood, stood for a
moment breathing the chilled, crisp air.
I spent, in "human time" about 45 minutes by the River. I
didn't need an enormous "swath of time" in which to experience soul
fulfillment. I could have stayed there for a lot longer, but there
wasn't a need. I was able to celebrate the sounds of squirrels,
the sight of a tiny bird with yellow and green in its very small
flight across the sky. I was able to celebrate the sensual aroma
from an enormous pinecone, the sweet kisses of the wind on
my face and the divine direction telling me which path to take,
which tree to honor with my touch, my prayers, my tears.
In following the call into the canyon, I slashed out sections
of misbelief that were whining or complaining or coming
remotely close to anything labeled "less than" or "not
enough" or "I don't have" or "I can't."
This very short "field trip" away from my cocoon like home
brought me to astounding levels of awareness and presented
me with a gift that I can continue to pass around to my friends,
my beloved readers, to complete strangers who happen upon
these words and say, "Yes, this is good."
It took letters hastily scrawled on a black crayon written to-do
list and leveraged what was there and followed it to slicing through
fear and into the expansive soulfulness of simply being in the moment.
Passion rang out from the crayon, it was in the machete-like movement
of my car into the canyon, it is in being bold and courageous when I
didn't
particularly feel like being bold and courageous when I trusted
in the rhythmic call and kept moving forward anyway.
And I am so grateful I did.
This story repeats itself countless times in my life.
And each time it is richer and deeper and sweeter. I never fail to be
amazed, awestruck, grateful and so glad I am exactly who I am with exactly this
perspective in exactly this moment.
I hear Maya speaking again.
"A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing. She
goes where she will without pretence and arrives at her destination prepared to
be herself and only herself."
Yes, Yes, Yes – so be it.
+ = + =
Julie Jordan Scott is a Writer, Life Coach, Poet, Speaker,
Actor, Director and Mom Extraordinaire whose deepest passion
is helping people - like you - discover and live with
passion. Call 661.444.2735 to book your complimentary
coaching session or visit http://www.passionactivator.com
for plentiful resources to live a passion-rich life.
Julie Jordan Scott
My eyes scanned the day's speedily written to-do list, outlined
fetchingly in black crayon.
I looked at my mood indicator on myspace, where I had for unknown
reasons declared I wanted to explore the river, but I wasn't exactly
sure what that meant. On my list of "to-do's" I had written
"collect wood" so I figured that would combine with river exploration.
I read a quote from Maya Angelou and again, wondered what
syncronicity was doing tap-tap-tapping on my heart.
"A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing.
She goes where she will without pretence and arrives at her
destination prepared to be herself and only herself."
The only two things on my daytime carved in time-allotted stone
schedule were a phone call and to be home when Sam was due
back from school at 2:45. The phone call was to be at 9:00 o'clock,
nice and early, with my friend, Stephanie, who agreed to talk to me,
deeply and soulfully once a week while I dealt with some of this
"stuff" of life that came as a part of my reawakening. I felt like I hadn't
"done" enough to merit a conversation of substance.
I stood back for a bit, though, prior to the prearranged time for our
phone call and I discovered that lo-and-behold there had been a lot
of growth this week, that I had taken what we had talked about
before and integrated much of what we spoke of and
amplified it… many fold.
I had gotten stuck in my self-critical inner dialogue of the day before and lost
sight of the beauty and wonder of the preceding six days.
"I just don't feel like I have big enough swaths of time and yet
I know that isn't so, I mean, I am aware that I make that up, that the
swaths aren't wide enough… I know this lack based thinking is just
creating more lack rather than abundance… and… I mean…" and I tap
danced in circles of belief and misbelief during our conversation.
I continued speaking: "I just need more time in silence, and study,
and contemplation." I told her. "I have felt such grace, such
abundance since we last spoke," I said as I told several stories of
receiving, abundantly, simply as a result of me being 100% myself – not trying
to get anything accomplished in particular or aiming at a particular intention
beyond simply being me and doing exactly what
my heart called me to do.
Maya Angelou floated back into my mind.
"A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing. She
goes where she will without pretence and arrives at her destination prepared to
be herself and only herself."
The river was calling.
I climbed into my beloved Ford Explorer, Jane, and started to
drive east. Live Oak, Live Oak, Live Oak was a chant running through
my veins – the echo of my heartbeat itself.
Live Oak is a daytime use section of the Sequoia National Forest, five
miles into the Kern River Canyon. I hadn't been there since July and
I was curious how it was during the winter as compared to the Summer.
I figured the flow of the river would be satisfying given all the rain
and snow we were having.
I was excited.
Jane started making a sound I thought was weird and I felt fear grip me. "Maybe
I shouldn't go to the river. Maybe it isn't God
calling, maybe I should get an oil change first, maybe I should turn around, oh
it looks dark in the canyon, maybe I am going to get into an accident if I drive
in, maybe....maybe.....maybe....."
The circle dance of belief and misbelief was taking up residence
in my belly.
"Maybe you should tune into that silence you said you wanted," a
whisper-thought came into my heart.
I heard the Live Oak chant again as my car entered the canyon.
I drove into the call of the Canyon, into the call of the river. I drove into
the darkness of my fear. My heart was pounding rather loudly in the fear places
and I wasn't comfortable at all as I drove into the mouth of the Canyon. It was
dark, the fog closed behind me – a door shutting my escape, and I surrendered to
the call.
I uncomfortably surrended, as Teresa of Avila reminded me,
"Surrender requires courage."
The road was beautifully empty so I felt no pressure to go fast
along the curves. I could take my time and really see what I was
passing in each moment. I started to relax into my heartbeat
and to the rhythm of the call itself.
A red car came up behind me and the "Live Oak" chant became
"take a turn out" so I did and the red car behind me happily
tooted a "thank you" horn as it moved past me towards its destination.
I was almost sad when Live Oak arrived so quickly.
I took the "Road Closed" into the parking lot as a set back
until I realized there was a ready-made turn out parking spot to use so I parked
Jane and climbed out and just stood, stood, stood for a
moment breathing the chilled, crisp air.
I spent, in "human time" about 45 minutes by the River. I
didn't need an enormous "swath of time" in which to experience soul
fulfillment. I could have stayed there for a lot longer, but there
wasn't a need. I was able to celebrate the sounds of squirrels,
the sight of a tiny bird with yellow and green in its very small
flight across the sky. I was able to celebrate the sensual aroma
from an enormous pinecone, the sweet kisses of the wind on
my face and the divine direction telling me which path to take,
which tree to honor with my touch, my prayers, my tears.
In following the call into the canyon, I slashed out sections
of misbelief that were whining or complaining or coming
remotely close to anything labeled "less than" or "not
enough" or "I don't have" or "I can't."
This very short "field trip" away from my cocoon like home
brought me to astounding levels of awareness and presented
me with a gift that I can continue to pass around to my friends,
my beloved readers, to complete strangers who happen upon
these words and say, "Yes, this is good."
It took letters hastily scrawled on a black crayon written to-do
list and leveraged what was there and followed it to slicing through
fear and into the expansive soulfulness of simply being in the moment.
Passion rang out from the crayon, it was in the machete-like movement
of my car into the canyon, it is in being bold and courageous when I
didn't
particularly feel like being bold and courageous when I trusted
in the rhythmic call and kept moving forward anyway.
And I am so grateful I did.
This story repeats itself countless times in my life.
And each time it is richer and deeper and sweeter. I never fail to be
amazed, awestruck, grateful and so glad I am exactly who I am with exactly this
perspective in exactly this moment.
I hear Maya speaking again.
"A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing. She
goes where she will without pretence and arrives at her destination prepared to
be herself and only herself."
Yes, Yes, Yes – so be it.
+ = + =
Julie Jordan Scott is a Writer, Life Coach, Poet, Speaker,
Actor, Director and Mom Extraordinaire whose deepest passion
is helping people - like you - discover and live with
passion. Call 661.444.2735 to book your complimentary
coaching session or visit http://www.passionactivator.com
for plentiful resources to live a passion-rich life.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Do One Thing DIfferent
There's a simple way to improve your life that is so simple, it is often overlooked. But if we would practice it, we would begin to feel better immediately.
It's simply this: if you don't like the results you're getting from some pattern of behavior or interaction, change it. I have heard insanity defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
If you keep doing the same thing, you can expect to keep seeing the same results. Hello! It sounds ridiculously simple. And yet, it seems to be the last thing we think of so much of the time, if we ever think of it at all.
And yet, even changing one small thing in a pattern can produce profoundly different results.
There's actually a book on the subject, Do One Thing Different: Ten Simple Ways to Change Your Life by Bill O'Hanlon.
It's amazing to me that often the most profound changes in our lives occur as the result of doing very simple things. In fact, often when the light comes on and we become aware of how simple it is to live a life of joy and richness, we ask ourselves why we didn't see it before.
The answer, once again, is simple. It doesn't matter how simple a concept it, if you are not ready for it, you won't get it. Others may tell you over and over how simple it is, and explain it in the easiest-to-understand terms, and yet you will resist it or complicate it, until you are ready and open to receive it.
So, the first step is to open up. Be willing to accept that things could be different. And that you have the power to make it so.
Have a blissful day!
And change something, if you want to.
It's simply this: if you don't like the results you're getting from some pattern of behavior or interaction, change it. I have heard insanity defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
If you keep doing the same thing, you can expect to keep seeing the same results. Hello! It sounds ridiculously simple. And yet, it seems to be the last thing we think of so much of the time, if we ever think of it at all.
And yet, even changing one small thing in a pattern can produce profoundly different results.
There's actually a book on the subject, Do One Thing Different: Ten Simple Ways to Change Your Life by Bill O'Hanlon.
It's amazing to me that often the most profound changes in our lives occur as the result of doing very simple things. In fact, often when the light comes on and we become aware of how simple it is to live a life of joy and richness, we ask ourselves why we didn't see it before.
The answer, once again, is simple. It doesn't matter how simple a concept it, if you are not ready for it, you won't get it. Others may tell you over and over how simple it is, and explain it in the easiest-to-understand terms, and yet you will resist it or complicate it, until you are ready and open to receive it.
So, the first step is to open up. Be willing to accept that things could be different. And that you have the power to make it so.
Have a blissful day!
And change something, if you want to.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Little Lessons (With a Big Impact)
Sometimes everything that needs to be said to powerfully transform a situation or paradigm can be stated in a single word, sentence or paragraph.
Here are some small but powerful lessons that have made a difference in my life:
"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the power to turn a life around." - Leo Buscaglia
"There's so much good in the worst of us
And so much bad in the best of us
That it ill behooves any of us
To find fault with the rest of us." - Unknown
"A wise old owl lived in an oak
The more he saw, the less he spoke
The less he spoke, the more he heard
Why can't we all be like that bird?"
- I want to attribute this to Ogden Nash, but I wouldn't swear to it in a court of law.
"Better resolve to win thy heart's desire
And striving bravely die in the endeavor
Than to have the embers of some smothered fire
Lie smoldering in thy saddened soul forever" - Unknown
"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it." - W M Lewis
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us. It's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson
"No great genius has ever existed without some touch of madness." - Aristotle
"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in ones favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets: 'Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it! Boldness has genius, magic, and power in it.'" - W H Murray
"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
"The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours." - Ayn Rand
"Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt
OUTWITTED
He drew a circle that shut me out -
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in!
Edwin Markham
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." - Mary Anne Radmacher
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." - Dr Seuss
"We don't have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory." - Howard Zinn, Historian
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." - Melody Beattie
"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy." - Thich Nhat Hanh
"If you are going through hell...keep going." - Winston Churchill
"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we
cannot live within." – James Baldwin
"I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him."
Booker T. Washington
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." - Michael Jordan
"...try picturing a lobster...snug and protected in its familiar shell. But for the lobster to grow, it must break open that rigid shell to make room for the new one growing beneath it. Once the old shell has been broken, the lobster has nothing but its newly revealed shell, thin as a membrane, to protect it. It would be right for the lobster to fear this change of shell, because at this point it is extremely vulnerable. But this vulnerable state is the prerequisite for growing into a larger creature. In time the shell will harden and mature. If the lobster refused to break open the shell it knew originally, it would only succeed in stunting its growth." - Margaret Lobenstine, "The Renaissance Soul"
Yeah, baby. That's what I'm talking about.
Here are some small but powerful lessons that have made a difference in my life:
"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the power to turn a life around." - Leo Buscaglia
"There's so much good in the worst of us
And so much bad in the best of us
That it ill behooves any of us
To find fault with the rest of us." - Unknown
"A wise old owl lived in an oak
The more he saw, the less he spoke
The less he spoke, the more he heard
Why can't we all be like that bird?"
- I want to attribute this to Ogden Nash, but I wouldn't swear to it in a court of law.
"Better resolve to win thy heart's desire
And striving bravely die in the endeavor
Than to have the embers of some smothered fire
Lie smoldering in thy saddened soul forever" - Unknown
"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it." - W M Lewis
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us. It's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson
"No great genius has ever existed without some touch of madness." - Aristotle
"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in ones favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets: 'Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it! Boldness has genius, magic, and power in it.'" - W H Murray
"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
"The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours." - Ayn Rand
"Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt
OUTWITTED
He drew a circle that shut me out -
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in!
Edwin Markham
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." - Mary Anne Radmacher
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." - Dr Seuss
"We don't have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory." - Howard Zinn, Historian
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." - Melody Beattie
"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy." - Thich Nhat Hanh
"If you are going through hell...keep going." - Winston Churchill
"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we
cannot live within." – James Baldwin
"I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him."
Booker T. Washington
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." - Michael Jordan
"...try picturing a lobster...snug and protected in its familiar shell. But for the lobster to grow, it must break open that rigid shell to make room for the new one growing beneath it. Once the old shell has been broken, the lobster has nothing but its newly revealed shell, thin as a membrane, to protect it. It would be right for the lobster to fear this change of shell, because at this point it is extremely vulnerable. But this vulnerable state is the prerequisite for growing into a larger creature. In time the shell will harden and mature. If the lobster refused to break open the shell it knew originally, it would only succeed in stunting its growth." - Margaret Lobenstine, "The Renaissance Soul"
Yeah, baby. That's what I'm talking about.
The Work - a Powerful Practice for Transformation
What is The Work?
The Work is a simple yet powerful process of inquiry that teaches you to identify and question the stressful thoughts that cause all the suffering in the world. It's a way to understand what's hurting you, a way to end all your stress and suffering.
People who do The Work faithfully report life-changing results.
Eliminate stress: Live without anxiety or fear
Improve relationships: Have a new sense of connection and intimacy with your husband or wife, your parents, your children, and with yourself
Reduce anger: Get angry less often and less intensely, and eventually not at all
Eliminate depression: See perfection in situations that were once debilitating
Clarity: Act more intelligently and effectively
Energy: Experience a new sense of vigor and well-being
Peace: Learn how to love what is, and find lasting inner peace
How to Do The Work
1. Judge Your Neighbor
For thousands of years we’ve been told not to judge, but we still do it all the time—how our friends should act, whom our children should care about, what our parents should feel, do, or say. In The Work, rather than suppress these judgments, we use them as starting points for self-realization. By letting the judging mind have its life on paper, we discover through the mirror of those around us what we haven't yet realized about ourselves.
Fill in a Judge-Your-Neighbor worksheet[below]:
The Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet
Fill in the blanks below, using short, simple sentences. Don’t censor yourself; don’t be wise or “spiritual.” Take this opportunity to express your negative feelings on paper.
1. Who angers, irritates, saddens, or frustrates you, and why?
I am ________________ at ________________ because ____________________________________
Example: I am angry at Paul because he doesn’t listen to me, he doesn’t appreciate me, he argues with everything I say.
2. How do you want them to change?
What do you want them to do?
I want ________________ to ____________________
_____________________________________________.
Example: I want Paul to see that he is wrong.
I want him to apologize.
3. What is it that they should or shouldn't do, be, think, or feel?
________________ should/shouldn't ____________________________________________.
Example: Paul should take better care of himself. He shouldn't argue with me.
4. What do they need to do in order for you to be happy?
I need________________ to ____________________________________________.
Example: I need Paul to hear me and respect me.
5. What do you think of them? Make a list.
________________ is ________________________
_________________________________________.
Example: Paul is unfair, arrogant, loud, dishonest, way out of line, and unconscious
6. What is it that you don't want to experience with that person again?
I don't ever want to __________________________
____________________________________________.
Example: I don’t ever want to feel unappreciated by Paul again. I don’t ever want to see him smoking and ruining his health again.
2. The Four Questions
Investigate each of your statements from the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet using the four questions and the turnaround below. The Work is meditation. It’s about awareness, not about trying to change your thoughts. Ask the questions, then take your time, go inside, and wait for the deeper answers to surface. Download the blue sheet for use as a facilitation guide.
In its most basic form, The Work consists of four questions and a turnaround. For example, the first thought that you might question on the above Worksheet is "Paul doesn't listen to me." Find someone in your life about whom you have had that thought, and let's do The Work. "[Name] doesn't listen to me":
Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it's true?
How do you react when you think that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?
Then turn it around (the concept you are questioning), and don't forget to find three genuine examples of each turnaround.
3. Turn it Around
After you've investigated your statement with the four questions, you're ready to turn it around (the concept you are questioning).
Each turnaround is an opportunity to experience the opposite of your original statement and see what you and the person you've judged have in common.
A statement can be turned around to the opposite, to the other, and to the self (and sometimes to "my thinking," wherever that applies). Find a minimum of three genuine examples in your life where each turnaround is true.
For example, "Paul doesn't understand me" can be turned around to "Paul does understand me." Another turnaround is "I don't understand Paul." A third is "I don't understand myself."
Be creative with the turnarounds. They are revelations, showing you previously unseen aspects of yourself reflected back through others. Once you've found a turnaround, go inside and let yourself feel it. Find a minimum of three genuine examples where the turnaround is true in your life.
As I began living my turnarounds, I noticed that I was everything I called you. You were merely my projection. Now, instead of trying to change the world around me (this didn't work, but only for 43 years), I can put the thoughts on paper, investigate them, turn them around, and find that I am the very thing I thought you were. In the moment I see you as selfish, I am selfish (deciding how you should be). In the moment I see you as unkind, I am unkind. If I believe you should stop waging war, I am waging war on you in my mind.
The turnarounds are your prescription for happiness. Live the medicine you have been prescribing for others. The world is waiting for just one person to live it. You're the one.
Examples of Turnarounds
Here are a few more examples of turnarounds:
"He should understand me" turns around to:
- He shouldn't understand me. (This is reality.)
- I should understand him.
- I should understand myself.
"I need him to be kind to me" turns around to:
- I don't need him to be kind to me.
- I need me to be kind to him. (Can I live it?)
- I need me to be kind to myself.
"He is unloving to me" turns around to:
- He is loving to me. (To the best of his ability)
- I am unloving to him. (Can I find it?)
- I am unloving to me (When I don't inquire.)
"Paul shouldn't shout at me" turns around to:
- Paul should shout at me. (Obviously: In reality, he does sometimes. Am I listening?)
- I shouldn't shout at Paul.
- I shouldn't shout at me.
(In my head, am I playing over and over again Paul's shouting? Who's more merciful, Paul who shouted once, or me who replayed it a 100 times?)
Embracing Reality
After you have turned around the judgments in your answers to numbers 1 through 5 on the Worksheet (asking if they are as true or truer), turn number 6 around using "I am willing ..." and "I look forward to ..."
For example, "I don't ever want to experience an argument with Paul" turns around to "I am willing to experience an argument with Paul" and "I look forward to experiencing an argument with Paul." Why would you look forward to it?
Number 6 is about fully embracing all of mind and life without fear, and being open to reality. If you experience an argument with Paul again, good. If it hurts, you can put your thoughts on paper and investigate them. Uncomfortable feelings are merely the reminders that we've attached to something that may not be true for us. They let us know that it's time to do The Work.
Until you can see the enemy as a friend, your Work is not done. This doesn't mean you must invite him to dinner. Friendship is an internal experience. You may never see him again, you may even divorce him, but as you think about him are you feeling stress or peace?
In my experience, it takes only one person to have a successful relationship. I like to say I have the perfect marriage, and I can't really know what kind of marriage my husband has (though he tells me he's happy too).
For an example of how to put this into practice, see the following video demonstration.
The Work is a simple yet powerful process of inquiry that teaches you to identify and question the stressful thoughts that cause all the suffering in the world. It's a way to understand what's hurting you, a way to end all your stress and suffering.
People who do The Work faithfully report life-changing results.
Eliminate stress: Live without anxiety or fear
Improve relationships: Have a new sense of connection and intimacy with your husband or wife, your parents, your children, and with yourself
Reduce anger: Get angry less often and less intensely, and eventually not at all
Eliminate depression: See perfection in situations that were once debilitating
Clarity: Act more intelligently and effectively
Energy: Experience a new sense of vigor and well-being
Peace: Learn how to love what is, and find lasting inner peace
How to Do The Work
1. Judge Your Neighbor
For thousands of years we’ve been told not to judge, but we still do it all the time—how our friends should act, whom our children should care about, what our parents should feel, do, or say. In The Work, rather than suppress these judgments, we use them as starting points for self-realization. By letting the judging mind have its life on paper, we discover through the mirror of those around us what we haven't yet realized about ourselves.
Fill in a Judge-Your-Neighbor worksheet[below]:
The Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet
Fill in the blanks below, using short, simple sentences. Don’t censor yourself; don’t be wise or “spiritual.” Take this opportunity to express your negative feelings on paper.
1. Who angers, irritates, saddens, or frustrates you, and why?
I am ________________ at ________________ because ____________________________________
Example: I am angry at Paul because he doesn’t listen to me, he doesn’t appreciate me, he argues with everything I say.
2. How do you want them to change?
What do you want them to do?
I want ________________ to ____________________
_____________________________________________.
Example: I want Paul to see that he is wrong.
I want him to apologize.
3. What is it that they should or shouldn't do, be, think, or feel?
________________ should/shouldn't ____________________________________________.
Example: Paul should take better care of himself. He shouldn't argue with me.
4. What do they need to do in order for you to be happy?
I need________________ to ____________________________________________.
Example: I need Paul to hear me and respect me.
5. What do you think of them? Make a list.
________________ is ________________________
_________________________________________.
Example: Paul is unfair, arrogant, loud, dishonest, way out of line, and unconscious
6. What is it that you don't want to experience with that person again?
I don't ever want to __________________________
____________________________________________.
Example: I don’t ever want to feel unappreciated by Paul again. I don’t ever want to see him smoking and ruining his health again.
2. The Four Questions
Investigate each of your statements from the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet using the four questions and the turnaround below. The Work is meditation. It’s about awareness, not about trying to change your thoughts. Ask the questions, then take your time, go inside, and wait for the deeper answers to surface. Download the blue sheet for use as a facilitation guide.
In its most basic form, The Work consists of four questions and a turnaround. For example, the first thought that you might question on the above Worksheet is "Paul doesn't listen to me." Find someone in your life about whom you have had that thought, and let's do The Work. "[Name] doesn't listen to me":
Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it's true?
How do you react when you think that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?
Then turn it around (the concept you are questioning), and don't forget to find three genuine examples of each turnaround.
3. Turn it Around
After you've investigated your statement with the four questions, you're ready to turn it around (the concept you are questioning).
Each turnaround is an opportunity to experience the opposite of your original statement and see what you and the person you've judged have in common.
A statement can be turned around to the opposite, to the other, and to the self (and sometimes to "my thinking," wherever that applies). Find a minimum of three genuine examples in your life where each turnaround is true.
For example, "Paul doesn't understand me" can be turned around to "Paul does understand me." Another turnaround is "I don't understand Paul." A third is "I don't understand myself."
Be creative with the turnarounds. They are revelations, showing you previously unseen aspects of yourself reflected back through others. Once you've found a turnaround, go inside and let yourself feel it. Find a minimum of three genuine examples where the turnaround is true in your life.
As I began living my turnarounds, I noticed that I was everything I called you. You were merely my projection. Now, instead of trying to change the world around me (this didn't work, but only for 43 years), I can put the thoughts on paper, investigate them, turn them around, and find that I am the very thing I thought you were. In the moment I see you as selfish, I am selfish (deciding how you should be). In the moment I see you as unkind, I am unkind. If I believe you should stop waging war, I am waging war on you in my mind.
The turnarounds are your prescription for happiness. Live the medicine you have been prescribing for others. The world is waiting for just one person to live it. You're the one.
Examples of Turnarounds
Here are a few more examples of turnarounds:
"He should understand me" turns around to:
- He shouldn't understand me. (This is reality.)
- I should understand him.
- I should understand myself.
"I need him to be kind to me" turns around to:
- I don't need him to be kind to me.
- I need me to be kind to him. (Can I live it?)
- I need me to be kind to myself.
"He is unloving to me" turns around to:
- He is loving to me. (To the best of his ability)
- I am unloving to him. (Can I find it?)
- I am unloving to me (When I don't inquire.)
"Paul shouldn't shout at me" turns around to:
- Paul should shout at me. (Obviously: In reality, he does sometimes. Am I listening?)
- I shouldn't shout at Paul.
- I shouldn't shout at me.
(In my head, am I playing over and over again Paul's shouting? Who's more merciful, Paul who shouted once, or me who replayed it a 100 times?)
Embracing Reality
After you have turned around the judgments in your answers to numbers 1 through 5 on the Worksheet (asking if they are as true or truer), turn number 6 around using "I am willing ..." and "I look forward to ..."
For example, "I don't ever want to experience an argument with Paul" turns around to "I am willing to experience an argument with Paul" and "I look forward to experiencing an argument with Paul." Why would you look forward to it?
Number 6 is about fully embracing all of mind and life without fear, and being open to reality. If you experience an argument with Paul again, good. If it hurts, you can put your thoughts on paper and investigate them. Uncomfortable feelings are merely the reminders that we've attached to something that may not be true for us. They let us know that it's time to do The Work.
Until you can see the enemy as a friend, your Work is not done. This doesn't mean you must invite him to dinner. Friendship is an internal experience. You may never see him again, you may even divorce him, but as you think about him are you feeling stress or peace?
In my experience, it takes only one person to have a successful relationship. I like to say I have the perfect marriage, and I can't really know what kind of marriage my husband has (though he tells me he's happy too).
For an example of how to put this into practice, see the following video demonstration.
Dancing With God
Hello friends,
Thank you to Lynda Peeler and Kathy Mann for sharing this
with me so that I can share it with you. It is amazingly
profound ... Enjoy!
Dancing With God
When I meditated on the word Guidance
I kept seeing 'dance' at the end of the word.
I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like
dancing.
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.
The movement doesn't flow with the music,
and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.
When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead,
both bodies begin to flow with the music.
One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back
or by pressing lightly in one direction or another.
It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.
The dance takes surrender, willingness,
and attentiveness from one person
and gentle guidance and skill from the other.
My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.
When I saw 'G: I thought of God, followed by 'u' and 'i'.
'God, 'u' and 'i' dance'
God, you, and I dance.
As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust
that I would get guidance about my life.
Once again, I became willing to let God lead.
My prayer for you today is that God's blessings
and mercies be upon you on this day and everyday.
May you abide in God as God
abides in you.
Dance together with God, trusting God to lead
and to guide you through each season of your life.
This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached.
If God has done anything for
you in your life,
please share this message with someone else,
for prayer is one of the best gifts we can receive.
There is no cost but a lot of rewards;
so let's continue to pray for one another !
And I Hope You Dance
Wow, that is fantastic!
Many blessings.
In sincere appreciation,
Linda Miller
269-685-7024
Thank you to Lynda Peeler and Kathy Mann for sharing this
with me so that I can share it with you. It is amazingly
profound ... Enjoy!
Dancing With God
When I meditated on the word Guidance
I kept seeing 'dance' at the end of the word.
I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like
dancing.
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.
The movement doesn't flow with the music,
and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.
When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead,
both bodies begin to flow with the music.
One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back
or by pressing lightly in one direction or another.
It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.
The dance takes surrender, willingness,
and attentiveness from one person
and gentle guidance and skill from the other.
My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.
When I saw 'G: I thought of God, followed by 'u' and 'i'.
'God, 'u' and 'i' dance'
God, you, and I dance.
As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust
that I would get guidance about my life.
Once again, I became willing to let God lead.
My prayer for you today is that God's blessings
and mercies be upon you on this day and everyday.
May you abide in God as God
abides in you.
Dance together with God, trusting God to lead
and to guide you through each season of your life.
This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached.
If God has done anything for
you in your life,
please share this message with someone else,
for prayer is one of the best gifts we can receive.
There is no cost but a lot of rewards;
so let's continue to pray for one another !
And I Hope You Dance
Wow, that is fantastic!
Many blessings.
In sincere appreciation,
Linda Miller
269-685-7024
Friday, January 25, 2008
Do You Want What You Want?
What would you want if you knew it was absolutely okay for you to want whatever you want?
Hmmm...scary question, huh? Until we free ourselves to want what we want, our wants tend to get all tangled up in other people's rules and expectations. What a wonderful way to live, right? Wrong!
Here's the thing: God didn't create you to be me, and I wasn't created to be you. We are not intended to be a replica or a duplicate or a reasonable facsimile of anyone else in the universe. We are intended to be the individual we were created to be. Our quirks and preferences and eccentricities don't break us, they make us.
So, what of this incredible urge many of us feel to conform? Okay, let's face it: a certain amount of conformity is good for us. It's scary enough, for instance, to drive in Houston, without having everyone deciding randomly whether to obey the traffic lights or not.
It's when we conform in ways that squelch our true selves, hide our light under a bushel or in any way diminish the glorious masterpiece that God created us to be that we fail ourselves deeply and profoundly. If there is any such thing as sin, that must be it.
Here we are, creatures of God, created in the image of God, and individuated for the purpose of having a unique experience of life for God, and we are desperately trying to squelch as many indications of our individuality as possible. And for what? For the pretense of acceptance, the illusion of approval, that fades away the second we fail to conform to an acceptable level.
We sell out our souls - for nothing. I say nothing because there is no substance to the approval of others, to someone else's validation. It is all smoke and mirrors and the slightest wisp of wind will reveal its fallacy.
Instead of trying desperately to secure the approval of others, why don't we begin to secure our own approval - that glorious feeling of looking into the mirror and liking, no loving, the person looking back at us; the delight of knowing that we have been true to our self and to the desires God has given us.
Our desires are an expression of God's intention to experience life in all its forms and potentialities. And yet we are free to choose. That's how much we are loved. We can absolutely go through life experiencing a tiny fraction of all that God has for us, if we so choose.
But is that what we really want? I think the problem today is consciousness. Obviously, it's not really a problem, but it does make it difficult to go on in our image-driven, other-centered, approval-seeking ways. At least it makes it difficult to do so comfortably. Enough of us are waking up that we are having difficulty ignoring the call that comes from the depths of our hearts and souls - the call to authenticity; the call to deepen and broaden and expand our experience of all that life offers; the call to make something meaningful and significant of the opportunities we are given.
The easiest thing to do may be to bury ourselves in some sort of unconscious behavior that will distract us from our longings so that we can go on with our lives. Isn't that tragic?
I could almost imagine God's disappointment. Except that there is no space for disappointment in unconditional love. God is perfectly okay with us squandering our life if that's what we choose to do. God's perfect, unconditional love accepts it all. And we can, too. But at the same time, if we can accept wasting our life on things that really mean nothing to us, why can't we imagine deciding instead to create the best life experience possible?
It truly is up to us. We get to decide. And then we get to live with the consequences of our decisions. It's something to think about.
Hmmm...scary question, huh? Until we free ourselves to want what we want, our wants tend to get all tangled up in other people's rules and expectations. What a wonderful way to live, right? Wrong!
Here's the thing: God didn't create you to be me, and I wasn't created to be you. We are not intended to be a replica or a duplicate or a reasonable facsimile of anyone else in the universe. We are intended to be the individual we were created to be. Our quirks and preferences and eccentricities don't break us, they make us.
So, what of this incredible urge many of us feel to conform? Okay, let's face it: a certain amount of conformity is good for us. It's scary enough, for instance, to drive in Houston, without having everyone deciding randomly whether to obey the traffic lights or not.
It's when we conform in ways that squelch our true selves, hide our light under a bushel or in any way diminish the glorious masterpiece that God created us to be that we fail ourselves deeply and profoundly. If there is any such thing as sin, that must be it.
Here we are, creatures of God, created in the image of God, and individuated for the purpose of having a unique experience of life for God, and we are desperately trying to squelch as many indications of our individuality as possible. And for what? For the pretense of acceptance, the illusion of approval, that fades away the second we fail to conform to an acceptable level.
We sell out our souls - for nothing. I say nothing because there is no substance to the approval of others, to someone else's validation. It is all smoke and mirrors and the slightest wisp of wind will reveal its fallacy.
Instead of trying desperately to secure the approval of others, why don't we begin to secure our own approval - that glorious feeling of looking into the mirror and liking, no loving, the person looking back at us; the delight of knowing that we have been true to our self and to the desires God has given us.
Our desires are an expression of God's intention to experience life in all its forms and potentialities. And yet we are free to choose. That's how much we are loved. We can absolutely go through life experiencing a tiny fraction of all that God has for us, if we so choose.
But is that what we really want? I think the problem today is consciousness. Obviously, it's not really a problem, but it does make it difficult to go on in our image-driven, other-centered, approval-seeking ways. At least it makes it difficult to do so comfortably. Enough of us are waking up that we are having difficulty ignoring the call that comes from the depths of our hearts and souls - the call to authenticity; the call to deepen and broaden and expand our experience of all that life offers; the call to make something meaningful and significant of the opportunities we are given.
The easiest thing to do may be to bury ourselves in some sort of unconscious behavior that will distract us from our longings so that we can go on with our lives. Isn't that tragic?
I could almost imagine God's disappointment. Except that there is no space for disappointment in unconditional love. God is perfectly okay with us squandering our life if that's what we choose to do. God's perfect, unconditional love accepts it all. And we can, too. But at the same time, if we can accept wasting our life on things that really mean nothing to us, why can't we imagine deciding instead to create the best life experience possible?
It truly is up to us. We get to decide. And then we get to live with the consequences of our decisions. It's something to think about.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Beloved Terrorists
I was thinking about terrorism recently and I realized that many of the people who use threats to control others do so with good intentions.
They are infected with fear themselves and they believe that by passing on their fears to others, they will save others from the fearsome consequences they dread themselves.
I am familiar with this kind of terrorism, having come from a church background where terrorism is practiced regularly. The people who preached a gospel of fear were not cruel people. They honestly believed that their teachings would benefit all who would heed them.
I have also known the kind of terrorism that communicates: "Conform or else." Parents are often guilty of this kind of terrorism. Their intentions are usually pure. They want us to become people of good character and good habits so that our quality of life will be the best it can possibly be. In my view, the only reason it becomes necessary for them to use terrorism to achieve their goals is their own lack of imagination, and possibly lack of a solid foundation. My discovery with my own children is that if you lay a foundation of open communication, which includes listening to at least 350 of the 400 question they ask every day when they are small, and answering as many of them as possible, you may find it unnecessary to instill fear in them. It is the relationship that causes them to want to develop good character. They naturally idolize their parents and want to please. If you let them know how much you appreciate their displays of love, generosity and other elements of good character, it is human nature for them to want more of that. It is called positive reinforcement. I am a firm believer in natural consequences, as well, but I believe they are not needed as often when you use plenty of positive reinforcement.
Of course, there are those terrorists who know exactly what they are doing. They want power and control, pure and simple. It seems from my observation that such people are usually brought down by their own harmful intentions. The terrorists I am talking about here may not carry machine guns or take part in suicide missions. Many of them wear nice suits and hold high positions in government or the community.
But I'm not sure they are capable of doing as much damage as the terrorists who love us, the ones who mean well, and so the fears get mixed up in the love and are much easier to believe and harder to shake.
We all have lessons to learn in this life, and one of them is to use our own gray matter to figure out for ourselves what we want our lives to be. No matter what we may have been taught, we are responsible for creating our own best lives, and if we choose not to, there is no one to blame but the person looking back at us from the mirror.
They are infected with fear themselves and they believe that by passing on their fears to others, they will save others from the fearsome consequences they dread themselves.
I am familiar with this kind of terrorism, having come from a church background where terrorism is practiced regularly. The people who preached a gospel of fear were not cruel people. They honestly believed that their teachings would benefit all who would heed them.
I have also known the kind of terrorism that communicates: "Conform or else." Parents are often guilty of this kind of terrorism. Their intentions are usually pure. They want us to become people of good character and good habits so that our quality of life will be the best it can possibly be. In my view, the only reason it becomes necessary for them to use terrorism to achieve their goals is their own lack of imagination, and possibly lack of a solid foundation. My discovery with my own children is that if you lay a foundation of open communication, which includes listening to at least 350 of the 400 question they ask every day when they are small, and answering as many of them as possible, you may find it unnecessary to instill fear in them. It is the relationship that causes them to want to develop good character. They naturally idolize their parents and want to please. If you let them know how much you appreciate their displays of love, generosity and other elements of good character, it is human nature for them to want more of that. It is called positive reinforcement. I am a firm believer in natural consequences, as well, but I believe they are not needed as often when you use plenty of positive reinforcement.
Of course, there are those terrorists who know exactly what they are doing. They want power and control, pure and simple. It seems from my observation that such people are usually brought down by their own harmful intentions. The terrorists I am talking about here may not carry machine guns or take part in suicide missions. Many of them wear nice suits and hold high positions in government or the community.
But I'm not sure they are capable of doing as much damage as the terrorists who love us, the ones who mean well, and so the fears get mixed up in the love and are much easier to believe and harder to shake.
We all have lessons to learn in this life, and one of them is to use our own gray matter to figure out for ourselves what we want our lives to be. No matter what we may have been taught, we are responsible for creating our own best lives, and if we choose not to, there is no one to blame but the person looking back at us from the mirror.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Discovering Wholeness
We call it healing, implying that there is something that is not perfect in us in the first place. Perhaps we could more appropriately call it discovering our wholeness.
It is a difficult concept for us in a world where we are constantly being bombarded with messages that something is wrong. And then we amplify the idea that something is wrong by continuously looking for problems to solve. I have noticed in myself a tendency to think something is wrong, and I recognize it as a habit of mind. If you are accustomed to spending a lot of time in your mind, you may discover this tendency in yourself, as well. And, wonder of wonders, if we are continuously looking for something wrong, guess what we are going to find? That's because we are creating what we are looking for. It is our looking for something that is not quite right that makes it so.
I recently had an experience that I find an interesting illustration of discovering wholeness. For years, I have been working through issues relating to the sexual abuse that I experienced as a child. I made some progress with psychotherapy, but I wanted more than progress. I wanted wholeness. I wanted to leave it all behind. And many times, I thought I had, only to find the issues resurfacing later.
I came to understand that I needed to forgive my abusers in order to release the pain I was still holding on to. And so, I forgave as best I knew how, going back over the memories I held of these events and forgiving each occurrence to the best of my ability.
I am always exploring and open to learning new ways of seeing things. And on several occasions, the truth was brought to my awareness that we do well to be grateful for everything because every person and event and experience holds some gift, if we are open to receiving. So, I decided to thank my abusers, going back over each memory and observing with new eyes, looking for the gift contained in these experiences.
I know. It sounds weird. And yet I am open to facilitate healing in others because of the pain I have experienced. I cherish life because I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death.
Ask and it is always given, although no one will force us to receive. And so, continuing on my journey of discovery, I became aware that the next step in letting go of the illusion of suffering would be to love my abusers. That was a hard pill to swallow. Yet the truth is that the reason we have need to forgive is that we are judging in the first place. Now, I am not saying I am prepared to tell everyone to drop their judgments, especially those who have been deeply hurt. That is a very personal decision. All I know is that I am prepared to drop mine or at least begin this practice.
And so, continuing on my journey, a good friend and mentor pointed out to me that I was afraid to own my power. I immediately recognized the truth in this statement, and I related it primarily to the physical abuse of my mother by her second husband. My higher self later revealed a connection between my abuse issues and my feelings of powerlessness, and I felt compelled to go beyond forgiveness, even beyond gratefulness and to take back my power. And so I went back over the memories I carried and in my heart I gave what my abusers would take away.
As long as someone is taking something from you, they have the power. As long as you remain a victim, you relinquish your power. But when you give, you own your power. I believe this is why Jesus said if anyone takes away your coat, give him your cloak also. You release your attachment to what is taken from you when you go beyond being a victim and become a benefactor. And you own your power when you give as opposed to being taken.
Maybe this is the end of this particular journey. Maybe there are discoveries yet to be made. It doesn't matter. There will always be something to discover, in some arena or other. And so, the exploration continues.
It is a difficult concept for us in a world where we are constantly being bombarded with messages that something is wrong. And then we amplify the idea that something is wrong by continuously looking for problems to solve. I have noticed in myself a tendency to think something is wrong, and I recognize it as a habit of mind. If you are accustomed to spending a lot of time in your mind, you may discover this tendency in yourself, as well. And, wonder of wonders, if we are continuously looking for something wrong, guess what we are going to find? That's because we are creating what we are looking for. It is our looking for something that is not quite right that makes it so.
I recently had an experience that I find an interesting illustration of discovering wholeness. For years, I have been working through issues relating to the sexual abuse that I experienced as a child. I made some progress with psychotherapy, but I wanted more than progress. I wanted wholeness. I wanted to leave it all behind. And many times, I thought I had, only to find the issues resurfacing later.
I came to understand that I needed to forgive my abusers in order to release the pain I was still holding on to. And so, I forgave as best I knew how, going back over the memories I held of these events and forgiving each occurrence to the best of my ability.
I am always exploring and open to learning new ways of seeing things. And on several occasions, the truth was brought to my awareness that we do well to be grateful for everything because every person and event and experience holds some gift, if we are open to receiving. So, I decided to thank my abusers, going back over each memory and observing with new eyes, looking for the gift contained in these experiences.
I know. It sounds weird. And yet I am open to facilitate healing in others because of the pain I have experienced. I cherish life because I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death.
Ask and it is always given, although no one will force us to receive. And so, continuing on my journey of discovery, I became aware that the next step in letting go of the illusion of suffering would be to love my abusers. That was a hard pill to swallow. Yet the truth is that the reason we have need to forgive is that we are judging in the first place. Now, I am not saying I am prepared to tell everyone to drop their judgments, especially those who have been deeply hurt. That is a very personal decision. All I know is that I am prepared to drop mine or at least begin this practice.
And so, continuing on my journey, a good friend and mentor pointed out to me that I was afraid to own my power. I immediately recognized the truth in this statement, and I related it primarily to the physical abuse of my mother by her second husband. My higher self later revealed a connection between my abuse issues and my feelings of powerlessness, and I felt compelled to go beyond forgiveness, even beyond gratefulness and to take back my power. And so I went back over the memories I carried and in my heart I gave what my abusers would take away.
As long as someone is taking something from you, they have the power. As long as you remain a victim, you relinquish your power. But when you give, you own your power. I believe this is why Jesus said if anyone takes away your coat, give him your cloak also. You release your attachment to what is taken from you when you go beyond being a victim and become a benefactor. And you own your power when you give as opposed to being taken.
Maybe this is the end of this particular journey. Maybe there are discoveries yet to be made. It doesn't matter. There will always be something to discover, in some arena or other. And so, the exploration continues.
Monday, January 14, 2008
To Suffer or Not to Suffer
We are all enrolled in this gargantuan University we call Life. Attendance is mandatory. But that doesn't mean we are forced to gain knowledge or understanding. That is entirely up to us. We can repeat the same courses for a lifetime. Or we can learn what we need to learn and move on. Sometimes, we are required to take refresher courses because we haven't practiced, and therefore have forgotten, what we previously learned in a given course.
There are lessons in this University, and then there are interpretations of those lessons. It's in the Interpretation Department that we often get into trouble.
For instance, I was enrolled from birth in a course entitled "Letting Go". My mother and father divorced when I was an infant, and I usually saw my father about once a year during my childhood and adolescence. Children often will misinterpret lessons, and I was no exception. The lesson I took from my father's absence was that I must not be worthy of his attention. Perhaps I wasn't good enough to be wanted.
And so for the better part of my life, I expected people to abandon me. And I learned to be self-protective. I even married someone who is emotionally unavailable, because then, hey, what have you got to lose?
The trouble with being self-protective is that you create your own loneliness. You feel disconnected, and even though that disconnection is illusory, it feels very real.
And the trouble with getting into "safe" relationships, where there is no sense of connection to lose in the first place, is that you miss out on the very wonderful experience of intimacy. I know intimacy, because I do have family members, including my children, with whom I have always shared a deep connection.
So, you may not have anything to lose when you play it safe, but you also have nothing to gain. What's the point of even going into such a relationship except to learn that this is not what you really want?
It is said that you can't change the past, but in one sense you actually can. You can change your interpretation of events in the past, and thus rewrite your own history. That is what I did when I decided I didn't want to be plagued with abandonment issues any longer.
I opened my mind and expanded my vantage point, and the idea came to me that there is no abandonment. People and things come and go from our lives in natural cycles of birth and death, gain and loss, meeting and parting. Everything is temporary. It is not loss, but our resistance to loss, that causes us pain. It is our thinking that it should not have happened. He should not have left me. He should have been there for me. Therein lies the source of our suffering.
I am not sure I have fully realized this lesson. But now that I know that my own thoughts, and not anyone else's actions, are the source of my pain, I know I have a choice. I can suffer if I choose to, but it is not necessary. What freedom!
There are lessons in this University, and then there are interpretations of those lessons. It's in the Interpretation Department that we often get into trouble.
For instance, I was enrolled from birth in a course entitled "Letting Go". My mother and father divorced when I was an infant, and I usually saw my father about once a year during my childhood and adolescence. Children often will misinterpret lessons, and I was no exception. The lesson I took from my father's absence was that I must not be worthy of his attention. Perhaps I wasn't good enough to be wanted.
And so for the better part of my life, I expected people to abandon me. And I learned to be self-protective. I even married someone who is emotionally unavailable, because then, hey, what have you got to lose?
The trouble with being self-protective is that you create your own loneliness. You feel disconnected, and even though that disconnection is illusory, it feels very real.
And the trouble with getting into "safe" relationships, where there is no sense of connection to lose in the first place, is that you miss out on the very wonderful experience of intimacy. I know intimacy, because I do have family members, including my children, with whom I have always shared a deep connection.
So, you may not have anything to lose when you play it safe, but you also have nothing to gain. What's the point of even going into such a relationship except to learn that this is not what you really want?
It is said that you can't change the past, but in one sense you actually can. You can change your interpretation of events in the past, and thus rewrite your own history. That is what I did when I decided I didn't want to be plagued with abandonment issues any longer.
I opened my mind and expanded my vantage point, and the idea came to me that there is no abandonment. People and things come and go from our lives in natural cycles of birth and death, gain and loss, meeting and parting. Everything is temporary. It is not loss, but our resistance to loss, that causes us pain. It is our thinking that it should not have happened. He should not have left me. He should have been there for me. Therein lies the source of our suffering.
I am not sure I have fully realized this lesson. But now that I know that my own thoughts, and not anyone else's actions, are the source of my pain, I know I have a choice. I can suffer if I choose to, but it is not necessary. What freedom!
Thursday, January 03, 2008
The Butterfly is Emerging
Finally, I feel as if the metamorphosis I have been experiencing this year is nearly complete. I am beginning to reintegrate parts of myself that I had forgotten existed.
For our first meeting of the year, our Toastmasters Club, Frankly Speaking, held mini ice-breakers just to catch up with where everyone is and their visions for the coming year. Here is what I had to say:
About a year-and-a-half ago, I began my Toastmasters journey with a speech I titled Miracle Gro for My Soul. I mentioned several people and organizations that had been instrumental in my personal growth – my family of origin, my children, some of my friends and associates at La Quinta. Now I happily add Toastmasters to that list.
In the time I have enjoyed being a Toastmaster, I have experienced tremendous growth. Many of you have given me encouragement and support and love.
Also over the past year and a half, I have experienced my own “wilderness journey”, having only the vaguest idea where it would lead me but knowing that I was being guided every step of the way. Then over the past six months, I have gone through a sort of metamorphosis where I found it necessary to pull in my resources and focus the bulk of my energy on my transformation process. It was a time of endings, of letting go of a lot of things that were not working for me, and also a time of beginnings, of beginning to understand who I really am and what I am here to do.
To this end, a very dear friend pointed out to me that I am already doing what I am here to do. This led me to look at what it is that I do, what it is that I can’t “not do” – and I realized that everything I do stems from a desire to be God’s hands extended in loving touch. When I give massage or a hug, when I write, when I speak – my intention is always to touch profoundly, to connect deeply with those I touch, and to help them feel love.
Today, I am clearer than ever on what I am here to do. I am here to express God’s love in this world through touch, both physical touch and through words that touch hearts.
I am looking forward to living this vision each and every day. I am looking forward to the miracles that await me as I listen to my heart and follow my intuition. And I am looking forward to the looks on people’s faces when they ask me, “What do you do?” and I tell them, “I touch people.” Then, if they are asking out of genuine interest, I may go on to explain that I am a massage therapist, speaker and writer. If I sense they are asking from a desire to determine whether I hold any status in this world, I may just leave them with raised eyebrows and gaping mouths.
“Well, I never.”
Yep. There’s your trouble.
For our first meeting of the year, our Toastmasters Club, Frankly Speaking, held mini ice-breakers just to catch up with where everyone is and their visions for the coming year. Here is what I had to say:
About a year-and-a-half ago, I began my Toastmasters journey with a speech I titled Miracle Gro for My Soul. I mentioned several people and organizations that had been instrumental in my personal growth – my family of origin, my children, some of my friends and associates at La Quinta. Now I happily add Toastmasters to that list.
In the time I have enjoyed being a Toastmaster, I have experienced tremendous growth. Many of you have given me encouragement and support and love.
Also over the past year and a half, I have experienced my own “wilderness journey”, having only the vaguest idea where it would lead me but knowing that I was being guided every step of the way. Then over the past six months, I have gone through a sort of metamorphosis where I found it necessary to pull in my resources and focus the bulk of my energy on my transformation process. It was a time of endings, of letting go of a lot of things that were not working for me, and also a time of beginnings, of beginning to understand who I really am and what I am here to do.
To this end, a very dear friend pointed out to me that I am already doing what I am here to do. This led me to look at what it is that I do, what it is that I can’t “not do” – and I realized that everything I do stems from a desire to be God’s hands extended in loving touch. When I give massage or a hug, when I write, when I speak – my intention is always to touch profoundly, to connect deeply with those I touch, and to help them feel love.
Today, I am clearer than ever on what I am here to do. I am here to express God’s love in this world through touch, both physical touch and through words that touch hearts.
I am looking forward to living this vision each and every day. I am looking forward to the miracles that await me as I listen to my heart and follow my intuition. And I am looking forward to the looks on people’s faces when they ask me, “What do you do?” and I tell them, “I touch people.” Then, if they are asking out of genuine interest, I may go on to explain that I am a massage therapist, speaker and writer. If I sense they are asking from a desire to determine whether I hold any status in this world, I may just leave them with raised eyebrows and gaping mouths.
“Well, I never.”
Yep. There’s your trouble.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Getting Uncomfortable
This week in my Toastmasters Club, I took on the role of Toastmaster. I was reluctant to be Toastmaster because the theme was 9/11. I still don't talk about 9/11. I don't watch movies about it. I saw more than enough that day and the days that followed.
Nevertheless, I am the one who is always talking about stepping outside your comfort zone because that is where growth occurs, and so I knew I had to step up.
So, I gave it some thought, and I asked myself, “What is a terrorist?” A terrorist is a person or a group of people who use fearful consequences or the threat of fearful consequences to manipulate or control. Wow! When you put it that way, you have to admit that terrorism doesn’t always come from outside sources. Sometimes, the very people who have promised to serve us or to love us are the terrorists.
Consider the “peace” officer who batters or kills because he does not like the color of someone’s skin or his sexual orientation. Or how about the government agency that makes the lives of citizens a living hell by branding them communists. There are the religious leaders who teach that there isn’t room on the planet for us and those who disagree with us. And what about the angry parent or the angry child who keeps a family in constant fear and turmoil?
Where does terrorism stem from? Simply put, it comes from fear – the fear that someone else’s ideas or lifestyle is a threat to my survival or to life as I believe it ought to be.
After 9/11, I lost a lot of respect for the news media. They kept showing those images over and over and over again. Hell, we got it the first 15 times! It was like twisting the knife in the wound again and again and again. I also began losing a degree of respect for my government.
But you won’t find me soapboxing about what’s wrong with my country or what’s wrong with the world, for two reasons. One, I believe there is a lot more that is right with my country and a lot more that is right with the world than is wrong. Two, I have noticed that when I focus on what is wrong, I see a lot more of it. And when I focus on what is right, I see a lot more of that. What you focus on expands. And I know what I want to expand.
So, when I look back at 9/11, my question is not, “Who is to blame?” My question is, “Have we learned anything? Have we learned anything about fear and its children, hate and prejudice?”
Nevertheless, I am the one who is always talking about stepping outside your comfort zone because that is where growth occurs, and so I knew I had to step up.
So, I gave it some thought, and I asked myself, “What is a terrorist?” A terrorist is a person or a group of people who use fearful consequences or the threat of fearful consequences to manipulate or control. Wow! When you put it that way, you have to admit that terrorism doesn’t always come from outside sources. Sometimes, the very people who have promised to serve us or to love us are the terrorists.
Consider the “peace” officer who batters or kills because he does not like the color of someone’s skin or his sexual orientation. Or how about the government agency that makes the lives of citizens a living hell by branding them communists. There are the religious leaders who teach that there isn’t room on the planet for us and those who disagree with us. And what about the angry parent or the angry child who keeps a family in constant fear and turmoil?
Where does terrorism stem from? Simply put, it comes from fear – the fear that someone else’s ideas or lifestyle is a threat to my survival or to life as I believe it ought to be.
After 9/11, I lost a lot of respect for the news media. They kept showing those images over and over and over again. Hell, we got it the first 15 times! It was like twisting the knife in the wound again and again and again. I also began losing a degree of respect for my government.
But you won’t find me soapboxing about what’s wrong with my country or what’s wrong with the world, for two reasons. One, I believe there is a lot more that is right with my country and a lot more that is right with the world than is wrong. Two, I have noticed that when I focus on what is wrong, I see a lot more of it. And when I focus on what is right, I see a lot more of that. What you focus on expands. And I know what I want to expand.
So, when I look back at 9/11, my question is not, “Who is to blame?” My question is, “Have we learned anything? Have we learned anything about fear and its children, hate and prejudice?”
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