Wanted: Love Lab Partner

I am attracting a lab partner in love... A man who is willing to play and experiment and explore what we can co-create, on all levels of being, letting go of any preconceived notions about what love "should" be or look like... A man who won't be devastated if things between us don't develop according to any particular structure... A man who can stay with me in curiosity, rather than trying to fit me, or us, into some preconceived "ideal"... A man who doesn't try to put me on a pedestal, or if he does, doesn't mind if I often jump off and play in the mud ;)... A man who understands that we are two souls interacting through the medium of bodies, and that it is a sacred privilege to engage in such interaction... A man who is willing to move at the pace of our hearts, so that the love we share nurtures our whole being... A man who is willing to stay open and go deep in authentic love and intimacy... A man who loves to touch and be touched, who enjoys giving and receiving nurturing touch, as well as sensual touch... A man who is willing to let go of expectations and appreciate everything as a gift... A man who is willing to give and receive, freely and unconditionally... A man who is willing to explore ways to stimulate one another intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, and creatively, as well as sexually... A man who is willing to explore ways to awaken and bring out the best in one another... A man who is willing to explore ways to expand one another's capacity to love and serve... A man who is willing to explore ways to co-create a love that lights up the world... Anything is possible!

Making Light of Sex

I am a wee bit weary of all the Lightworkers who seem to imply that sexual energy is a low vibrational energy. It's a very sad state of affairs when we relegate such an important part of us, that can be a vehicle of enlightenment, to the darkness. That, I believe, is the source of perversion and it's the resistance to a vital aspect of our being, not sex itself, that is a low vibration. Of course, so is using people. Bringing sex into the light is the best thing we can do for our sexual health and consciousness. I mean, come on, we're not likely to stop having it or thinking about it. It is vital energy and vital to our well-being. Why make it ugly?

The Choice Point

I can remember a time when it didn't seem like I would EVER become aware of the choice point, that moment in which we can see the ways in which we sabotage our own happiness BEFORE we take that path. People told me that I could. I wanted to believe I could. But it didn't seem that I could. Conditioning runs so deep that it takes practice and stumbling and practicing more to change a pattern. Sometimes, it doesn't seem possible. But it is. If it's possible for anyone, it's possible for everyone. You are not the exception. It only appears to be distant. That's a perceptual illusion. Believe in yourself and your process. And if you can't find any belief of your own, you can borrow mine until you do. I believe in you! You can do it!

Pride or Preciousness?

What is the difference between bragging on ourselves and realizing our magnificence? I believe it comes down to ego. Bragging on ourselves is usually a cover-up for feeling a lack of worth. Realizing our magnificence does not involve ego. It feels good, but there is nothing to be proud of. We just are what we are, and it is magnificent. :)

How Ridiculous is This?

As I was wondering why it seems so difficult for some of us to find a soul mate, it hit me that perhaps we are setting our sights too low. This desire may not be big enough for our souls. The soul's desire is for expansion. Perhaps it is difficult to go deep with more than one person, but it is also true that we cannot confine a heart without shutting it down. It feels like we have outgrown the paradigm of loving only one person. It serves us to begin exploring what we are growing into. I still get the pair-bonding thing, but how much of it is genuine and how much is left-over conditioning? I envision us evolving to the place where our hearts are open to truly love everyone, even if we choose to go deep with only one person at a time. After all, the hippies were right about free love. Love should never be a prison. It's just that what they were practicing often wasn't love. In too many instances, people were using one another's bodies as sex toys. Unconsciousness is what kept evolution in check at that time. But today, more of us are more awake than ever. In order to go deep in intimacy, it is necessary to give time and attention to the living thing that is the love between two people. But perhaps we'll grow richer in attention as we realize our freedom. As long as people are pair-bonding though, my heart would love to see more people doing so consciously, realizing the love between them is a living thing and will only thrive with loving attention. Let's do this!

Aha! Moment

I had a breakthrough last night when I asked myself why I find it so difficult to surrender in sex. The answer came clearly and immediately, "Because I don't want someone doing things to my body without my permission or against my will.

This is quite understandable, in view of my childhood experiences.

But unconsciousness is the usual route people take in sex, approaching it without awareness of any effect we may be having on the other beyond physical response; treating sex as a purely physical act, rather than an interaction with another soul and psyche through the medium of our bodies; usually entirely ignorant and unaware that sex can be a portal to the infinite, rather than merely a physical experience.

As I said in the previous post, when we use touch to ask for what we want, rather than checking in with the other to make sure they want the same thing, we leave them with basically two choices if they don't want the same thing or if they are not ready: go along with something they really don't want (ewwww) or turn us down, which usually ends up feeling like rejection.

A sexual connection can be a beautiful thing, but only if it honors the whole person, and the fact that we are touching and merging with a whole person, not just another body.

And so, He will have to be conscious and sensitive and willing to move slowly enough to allow me the time and freedom to feel into my own responses and the space to know what I really want. And I will gladly do the same for Him.

We can move forward together only when we honor one another's pace.

Love in the Key of Awareness

I am convinced that moving into sexual activity without first engaging the heart and soul of oneself and one’s partner is a recipe for shutting down hearts and relationships.

We can connect with a person’s erogenous zones and arouse desire in a body, but if the heart and soul are not aligned with the body’s desire, what may feel intensely pleasurable to the body may feel unpleasant or even disturbing emotionally.

This conflict, if not explored, may then cause a person to shut down and become guarded to any future activity that may cause the undesirable feelings to recur.

Charging ahead with sexual activity without communicating one’s intentions or discovering what the other wants or if they even wish to participate may be the way it’s done in movies, but where has such behavior gotten us in real life? Shut down, by and large.

It seems to me that many people can only connect through their bodies because their hearts are walled away. This incomplete connection is not deeply satisfying and perpetuates the search for love because we cannot feel it in these circumstances, even though it is always present.

We may begin healing this rift by understanding that another can feel the intent of our touch. Touch that is designed to arouse because we want to “get some” feels predatory. It is “take” energy. Touch that is intended to comfort or to communicate love transmits “give” energy.

There are also disparate vibrations inherent in different forms of attraction. One form of attraction activates need and greed, as revealed in statements such as, “He’s so hot!” and “I’d like to tap that.” This attraction wants to get something from another, based on a feeling that getting that something will fill some deep-seeded need or desire.

Another kind of attraction may include sexual desire, but it is primarily based in the heart. It is replete with the energy of giving. It seeks to share and to craft partnerships.

There is nothing “wrong” with either energy, but if two people are not on the same page energetically, and yet try to move forward without exploring and understanding this, the resulting missed connections may engender fear and defensiveness around future attempts at connecting.

A couple of likely outcomes of moving toward sexual activity without a match of energy and intention between parties:
The other may go along with the activity to avoid your displeasure. They may “let” you use their body. I’m sure I’m not the only one who finds this disgusting.
The other may pull away or refuse the connection, usually resulting in one or both parties feeling hurt or shutting down emotionally, because we think the refusal is all about us.


What’s wrong with asking, “Do you want to make love?” And what’s wrong with saying, “No”, if “No” is what we feel? Would any of us really want another to say, “Yes”, when they feel “No”? Really?

And if another says, “No”, and it triggers our fears of rejection or our feelings of being unwanted, this gives us the opportunity to grow, the opportunity to explore with the other or alone, and to discover the barriers to love that we have created within our hearts, and tear them down, if we wish to open ourselves to experience more love.

Can we find the courage to ask another, “Is it that you don’t want to make love with me, or is there some other reason?” Can we find the strength to ask ourselves, “Does the other’s refusal say anything about me, or does it simply make a statement about the other’s wishes?”

Can we find the emotional maturity to use every opportunity to open our hearts, even in the face of fear and vulnerability, and rather than shutting down to protect ourselves, let go of the belief that another has the power to harm us?

Can we evolve to live in continual awareness of love?

I believe that we can, and that we will, and that we are doing so now.