Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Why Can't We Just Let It Happen?

I've had a lot of stuff come up that needed clearing over the past couple weeks, and it has led me to a question that I need to discover an answer to before I can move forward in a certain area of my life.

That question is, Why is it that I can give love freely, but I am blocked when it comes to receiving love? The scientist in me wants to dissect this thing so that the lover in me can move forward. Actually, I think the scientist wants to shut the lover up with a "Come on, we've tried this experiment before. It was a disaster! Don't do it! It's a trick."

The reason this is important for me to understand is that I would rather jump off the nearest 20-story building than repeat the patterns of my marriage. And I am dead set against jumping! I always figure in that little time frame between taking a flying leap and passionate contact with Planet Earth, one might decide, "I really don't want to do this." Splat!

I was a staunch, stark, rank believer in 'till death do us part'. So much so that after years of doing everything in my power to breathe some life into my marriage, I would gladly have died to get out of it. Until that rock bottom experience when I realized, "What the hell ever!" Nothing is worth sacrificing any essential part of who you are to maintain. Like Jo Dee, my 'Give a Damn' busted.

But getting back to my question about being blocked to receiving love. Actually, what is it that we are afraid of, that keeps us from allowing love in our lives? What is it that we believe we may lose? I think what may be happening is that we suffer from the delusion that we can lose another's love.

But let's examine this for a moment, if we lose another's love or loving intention, have we really lost anything at all? After all, how can we lose something that wasn't ours to begin with? Someone else's love doesn't belong to us. It belongs to that person. We can't feel someone else's love or loving intentions. We can only feel our own. Hmmm...interesting.

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