What Are You Expecting?

I wonder how often people behave the way they do because we are expecting them to.

One thing I learned from my observations is that people, especially those over whom we have leadership, tend to behave largely as we expect them to. They tend to live up to, or down to, our expectations.

One of the reasons I am able to bring out the best in people is that I see the best. It's not that I am not aware of the faults of others, it's just that I choose to focus on their finest qualities. And the more I focus on what's good in a person, the more it expands until it becomes the presenting part of the person and overshadows their faults.

I remember reading a story some time ago about a teacher who mistakenly thought her students locker numbers were their IQ's. She thought she was teaching a class full of geniuses, and so she treated them as such. She gave them challenging assignments, and expected strong performance from each of them. And they responded, performing much better than they previously had in their school careers.

Expect the best from people, and you will usually get it. Expect the worst, and what do you think you will get? Expect the best from yourself. You are likely capable of things you haven't even begun to imagine. And imagination is the beginning of every wonderful advancement and accomplishment that occurs.

Albert Einstein said, "Imagination is better than knowledge." He refused to memorize things he could easily look up because he preferred to keep his brain free for imagining and receiving.

Why not use your imagination to visualize the best possible outcome from every person you deal with? You may not be able to visualize an intangible idea, but you can visualize the results. I see my kids telling me how happy they are and how much they love their lives. I see the computer repair person beginning their conversation with me with the words "Good news." I see someone I am trying to help thanking me and telling me I made a difference in their life.

And the vast majority of time, things work out just as I imagined them. When they don't, I can point to uncertainty in my own mind that I would get the results I was looking for. That's good too, because it makes me aware of limiting beliefs I need to clear.

Getting back on point, though, expect the best and you will generally receive the best. Of course, no one can coerce others into behaving at their best. Each of us can freely choose who we want to be; however, it is a powerful principle that usually produces powerful results.

Yes, Yes, Yes!

Recently, I began paying more attention to what I am feeling, and how I am reacting to those feelings. I was reminded by some wonderful teachers that feeling is a powerful tool for manifestation.

One of the things I realized is how often I say no to myself. No, I can't. No, I musn't. No, don't think that. No, don't feel that way. I mean, what am I, a two-year-old?

Obviously, we can't say yes to everything, but we can say yes to more.

No is such a tight, closed energy. Yes is such a delicious, expansive energy.

If, at our core, we are love, and I believe we are, we need not fear saying yes to ourselves. Love does no, harm, ever.

And so my new mantras are: Yes! Why not? and Oh, what the hell! :-)

Touching Heaven

I was thinking about love and fantasy lovers, and how we tend to idealize beauty.

We award people labels such as "Sexiest Man Alive" and "Miss USA". And beauty is a commodity. It can be traded for wealth and privilege.

We have contests and award prizes to people who possess certain qualities of beauty. I used to watch those contests and feel a sense of disappointment that I could never be that beautiful.

Then one day, I realized that the contestants were all starting to look alike. It was almost like paint-by-number sets. Their hair color and styles varied slightly, and there were some differences in the facial features, but their bodies pretty much looked alike. I stopped watching beauty contests.

And over the years, I came to understand that there are as many different standards of beauty as there are human beings. Sure, we all have preferences, and that's okay. Our attraction to certain physical qualities stems from a biological urge to create perfect offspring.

And so we imagine that being with someone with certain physical qualities would be a quality experience. Well, if that were so, I would think there would be fewer breakups and divorces in Hollywood than there are everywhere else. In fact, there are probably more.

Part of that probably stems from the fact that if physical beauty is the main attraction, what's going to happen when someone comes along that is even more beautiful? And part of it stems from the fact that no matter what a person looks like, you ultimately relate to who they are, including whatever baggage they haven't dealt with and the resulting insecurities from that.

So, go ahead and enjoy your fantasies, but know they are just that. In reality, that supermodel or leading man is just another human being with all the stuff that goes along with being human.

If you really want to touch heaven, touch a beautiful soul. That's where the magic is.

Enjoying the Journey

I did my play-out outdoors today. Yes, I said "play-out". :-) Working out didn't sound like much fun, so I chose to play-out.

As I walked outside, I was greeted by a breeze that felt so delicious on my skin and hair. Whenever I feel the wind touch my skin and play with my hair, I feel as though I am experiencing God's caress.

There are so many ways in which God gives love to us every day, if only we are aware and receptive.

What do you want in life? Why do you want it? Is it possible that whatever we desire in life, ultimately what we want is to be joyful, ecstatic, peaceful, balanced, passionate and satisfied? What if we decided to feel that way now? What if we chose to be receptive to the everyday pleasures that are generously and graciously provided for all of us? What if we took the time to enjoy the simple pleasures of gazing at the stars in the night sky, the fragrance of a gardenia blossom, the sound of the birds singing, the beauty of the sunrise or sunset?

Don't stop there. Go for everything your heart desires. But don't wait until you get those things to enjoy your life to the fullest. Enjoy each step of the journey.

Misery Loves Company

Why do you suppose that so many religions teach that you MUST believe this or that OR ELSE!?

It's sad to me that within just about every religion are people who are so adamant about their beliefs that they don't think others deserve to exist unless they agree.

So many proselytizers speak out of both sides of their mouth. On one side, they proclaim that God is love and out of the other side spew judgment and damnation.

Could it be that somewhere on the subconscious level they are thinking, "These miserable beliefs are true, and if I don't get to have fun and enjoy life...if I have to be miserable, I want everyone else in the same boat."

It must compound misery to see others living a joyful and abundant life.

Well, folks, time has proven that you can't anihilate love, joy, peace or any of God's great gifts. Governments and religious organizations have tried to manipulate beliefs and mandate what people are allowed to believe and experience, but over and over love finds a way to break free of such constraints. God is love and God is infinite. God cannot be contained within the confines of any one religion or set of tenets. God certainly cannot be manipulated by governments or religions.

Man may be able to place certain restrictions on outward behavior but your inner world is yours to direct. God is in your inner world and no one can touch that unless you allow them to.

It's like vampire lore. They can't come in unless you invite them. :-)

Why not put up a "no vacancy" sign and refuse to let in anyone or anything that compromises your experience of a loving, joyful, blissful, ecstatic, passionate life?

Why Do You Believe?

One of the most important parts of my journey to better health was the challenging, and sometimes changing, of my beliefs. What you believe, and consequently what you think, determines your life experience. Even beliefs that result in pain are useful, at least for a while. They teach us what doesn't work. But once they have imparted their lesson, their usefulness has expired, and they become toxic.

I grew up in a religion that teaches unless you believe certain things, you will not get into heaven or God will not be pleased with you. It was considered heretical to believe otherwise. Pardon me, but that's pure BS.

God didn't give us a brain for us to allow others to do our thinking for us. So, when I began to understand that my life wasn't working because I wasn't working it, I paraded my entire belief system before my mind and challenged all of them. I understood that if a belief was worth keeping, it would stand the test.

Some of the beliefs that didn't work for me were there because somebody I trusted had told me they were facts. But why did they believe that what they were telling me was true? Often, because someone else they trusted had told them it was true.

Others were there because of my own experiences and observations. But how could I know they were true? In some cases, I could see that the manifestations of these beliefs and they withstood the challenge. In other cases, I could see that my perception may have been skewed by my own filters and baggage from my childhood when that belief was formed.

Here's the deal. If a belief is serving you and helping you live an abundant, joyful, loving life, then it is worth keeping. If it is destroying you, chipping away at your self-image, keeping you from joy and abundance, get rid of it. Why would you choose to keep drinking poison?

Do you think for one minute that a loving Creator would want you to believe anything that is destructive to you?

I used to believe in a God who was all about keeping certain rules. And I believed it when I was told there is only one right way to come to God. It never made sense, I just believed it because I believed in the people who were telling me it was true.

Now, I believe that our Creator wouldn't create a world full of people and favor certain ones or certain races. I believe that there our differences exist because our Creator is so infinite that there is no way God could be expressed in one or even a few types of people. I believe that there is no way God could ever be fully expressed, because "fully" implies a limit. And I believe that there are infinite ways to experience God, perhaps as many as there are expressions of God.

Many people fear opening their minds because they have been taught that if they don't follow certain beliefs or tenets that they will experience judgment and punishment. My question is, why would you love and serve a god who would give you a brain and then damn you eternally for using it and coming to a different conclusion than the next person?

Far be it from me to tell anyone what to believe. But why not at least test your beliefs to see if they are really true for you or if they are part of the problem in your life rather than the solution? What can it hurt to question a belief? If it is true, it will stand. If it is not, why would you want it to?

Trust Yourself

For much of my life, I have been guided primarily by logic. Now, I am learning to trust my intuition more and more.

When allowed to dominate, the logical mind can be a harsh dictator, ever sucking the joy from life like a ravenous vampire.

Learning to trust my intuition is leading me to delightful possibilities.

Truthfully, some of the things I am being led through are frightening. But I keep finding that just on the other side of fear lies joy, delight, healing, growth, love and all that is good.

Is It Safe to Play It Safe?

Better resolve to win thy heart's desire,
and striving bravely die in the endeavor
than to have the embers of some smothered fire,
lie smoldering in thy saddened soul forever.

I love that! I don't know who wrote it, but I love it.

We think life will be secure if we just play it safe, but will it? There is nothing to guarantee that if we follow all the rules and avoid all risk, we won't lose our job, our lover, or anything else we think we possess.

When we look back on our lives, do we want to say, "I'm glad I did" or "I wish I had"?

Who wants embers? Bring on the flames.

It's a Marathon, Not a Sprint

There are times when I wish it were easier to master certain challenges. You know the ones I mean. The ones that come off in layers, and we begin to wonder if there will ever be an end.

Then I remember that we are here to learn whatever lessons we have chosen. And we have chosen this life as our classroom and lab. What would be the point of continuing this life if we had nothing more to learn?

I am grateful for the journey, and for the "time" it seems to take. I remember how intense some of these lessons have been, and I am grateful that I don't have to experience them all at once.

Some life journeys are a mere sprint. So, if ours is a marathon, let's give thanks.

Do It Anyway

Every now and then a song comes along that really inspires me. Martina McBride's song, Anyway, is one of those. She is one of those artists I love because of her passion. Garth Brooks is another. There is so much passion and many of their songs hold so much meaning for me. My desire is to express as openly and as passionately as they do. These are the lyrics to "Anyway". See if they don't light your fire.

You can spend your whole life building something from nothing
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway
You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach and you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

Chorus:
God is great, but sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway, I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy and it's hard to believe that tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons, and in a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway

You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in that tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway, sing it anyway

I sing, I dream, I love, anyway

Yeah, baby! That's what I'm talking about.

The Baby

I just heard a song I haven't heard in quite a while. It's called "The Baby" and sung by Blake Shelton.

It made me cry because it came out about the time my sister died, and it reminds me of her and her son. It was one of the songs that helped me process my grief after Debbie passed.

Another song that helped me even more was "I Believe", sung by Diamond Rio. Sometimes, I could feel Debbie's presence and hear her voice and even though I was hurting like hell, I knew she was near. Sometimes, I even teased that she had possessed me because I became more assertive after she passed. She never was one to keep her opinion to herself.

It hurts to lose someone, even when you know you'll see them again. Even if they are with you in spirit, I haven't figured out how to hug a spirit yet or call one up on the telephone.

We always had the funniest conversations when we would all get together at our mom's house or at a restaurant. It was better than a comedy club. We haven't done that in a while. Even though we are still a funny bunch, I miss Debbie's contributions to our conversations.

I am reminded of another song that is meaningful to me for the same reason. It's "Who You'd Be Today" by Kenny Chesney. It reads, "It ain't fair. You died too young. Like a story that had just begun but death tore the pages all away."

Thinking about all this takes me back to the anger I felt when she passed. I know anger is one of the stages of grief. I was just so pissed off because I felt she gave up. She was fighting cancer and it was far more advanced and aggressive than I wanted to believe. I refused to believe it could kill her. She was always so strong.

And I was angry that she didn't really get to build her life the way she wanted it. And I was angry because I wanted to call in a Reiki healer, and her husband didn't want that. He thought it was "of the devil". That's such bullshit, but Debbie chose to honor his wishes.

The funny thing about grief is that it has a way of resurfacing. You think you've processed all that you need to, and then it all comes up again, and you have to go through it all again. If you've given yourself the proper space and time to grieve, it's not going to be as intense in the future, but it will still reappear from time to time. It's not something you ever get over. It's just that you set it aside so that you can get on with the business of living.

Then occasionally, like going over old photographs or mementos, the memories return, and you are reminded that who or what you loved is gone. And it still hurts, even though it doesn't occupy all of your resources like it did when you first experienced the loss.

But what I always end up with is this: remembering what Debbie brought to my life, which is a part of me forever. That's why I love her and that's why I miss her so much. But I wouldn't have it any other way. As Garth Brooks said in his song, "The Dance", "I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance."

The dance is worth it all.

Defy Gravity

Sometimes I find myself taking life way too seriously. It's an old habit I fall back into from time to time.

I have to remind myself from time to time to lighten up.

When I worked at La Quinta, I tried to include a little humor in my business e-mails whenever possible. I was surprised at the number of times I got bewildered responses from the recipients. People are in such a habit of taking business too seriously that they are surprised when anyone bucks that trend.

That's too bad. Humor is a natural relaxant and stress reducer. It brings joy and makes life's journey so much more fun.

We don't have to take life too seriously. We can choose to defy gravity.

The Wrong Side of the Bed

You know, some days you just wake up on the wrong side of the bed. You just feel kind of blah. Uninspired.

Thank God you don't have to stay there. One of our greatest blessings is the ability to choose our attitude. You just have to find what works to raise your vibration.

Some of the things that work for me include getting out into the sunshine for a few minutes, listening to fun or upbeat songs, listening to some of my affirmation programs, stimulating conversation, looking up funny sites and videos on the internet. I also like to find a park with a swing set and just let go. Oh, and bubbles. I start with a simple child's bubble blowing set and I blow really slowly through the wand to try and make my bubbles as big as possible. Then I just watch them float away. How can you be anxious while watching your bubble creations floating freely through the air?

No wonder kids are so resilient. They only know how to live in the moment.

Many of my most important life lessons I learned from my kids. But that's another post. I'm calling it a night.

I AM Grateful For...

I am grateful for receiving so much assistance from so many people on my journey.

I am grateful for every opportunity to assist others.

I am grateful for being reminded that my feelings are an alert system to let me know when my thoughts are not serving my best interests.

I am grateful that more and more people are raising their consciousness (our consciousness), and that our journey is aligning us with love, joy and bliss more and more.

I am grateful that so many beautiful and varied expressions of God's love are thriving on this planet.

I am grateful that every day, I experience more bliss, more abundance, more joy and more love.

I am grateful that you are here to share this journey with me.

Thanks for being who you are.

It Works!

This morning, I gave my fifth speech in Toastmasters. I was a little concerned because I didn't feel as prepared or organized as I like to feel.

But I didn't press the organization because I like to speak from my heart more than from a memorized presentation. I decided to surrender and trust the process. And I decided to trust myself. I told myself I am a speaker, the ideas I am presenting are ideas I have thought through. This is significant because while I developed trust in my writing ability long ago, until just a few months ago, I still believed that the neural pathway between my brain and my tongue was difficult terrain, if not impassable.

But I discovered something interesting when I was preparing this speech. I felt that turned-on, energetic feeling I used to get from my job sometimes, and that I often get from writing. I think that energy combined with my passion for the ideas I was expressing may be what touched my listeners. Some told me this was the best speech I had ever given.

This surprised me because, as I said, I didn't feel as organized as usual, and some of the ideas came out in a different order than I had planned. Several people commented about how well organized it was. I suppose that was because the Universe reorganized it as I went along. The ideas we share belong to all of us. We are the instruments expressing the music of an infinite and loving Universe.

Surrender rocks!

So, That's It...

I've been noticing a lot of internal shifts lately. When fear comes to call, for instance, rather than resisting, I am merely noticing. It is becoming more natural to observe rather than react. It is becoming easier to relax into a feeling rather than fighting it.

It is interesting that I have been reading and hearing of this for several years, but I am just beginning to internalize it. It's the difference between understanding something intellectually and really "getting it".

Isn't it amazing how often we think we understand something without really "getting" it? Then, suddenly we do. The light bulb goes on. We realize how simple it is, and wonder what took us so long.

Maybe it's a matter of readiness. I noticed this when teaching my children. You can try many different ways of teaching a concept to a child, but they will not understand it until they are ready. They may be able to recite the information, perhaps even explain it. It may make perfect sense on an intellectual level, but knowledge and understanding are not the same thing.

I suppose some life lessons could be compared to raising crops. You plant the seed and for a while it appears that nothing is happening. Then, finally the tiny upshoots appear, as if by magic - the promise of the harvest to come.

In any case, it's motivation to keep planting. Even though we may not see our lives change miraculously in a moment, the harvest will come in due season.

Giving and Receiving Love

Lately, I have noticed a direct correlation between my mental focus and my family's emotional response. At one point recently, there were some tense moments related to some of the transitions that are occurring in my life.

I seem to be at an impasse in some ways, feeling the need for certain changes and yet unable or unwilling to move through the pain those changes might cause myself and others.

One day, I just decided to focus on love. If I need to make changes, I will make them when I am ready. But I can love now. There is no viable reason not to.

In the process of changing my focus to love, my life experience improved 100%, maybe more. Perhaps there really is nothing keeping us from our optimal life experience except our mental focus on "what's wrong".

And the good news is our mental focus is completely within our own power. We get to choose what we focus on. Therefore, we get to choose our experience of life.

We can watch the news and the things we see and hear there can lead us to believe that the world is a dangerous and frightening place. But in reality, the greatest part of what is happening in this world is positive and loving. Most people are contributing something to society, taking care of their families, and if not in touch with their loving selves, at least they are not harming others.

So, if we watch and focus on what is being reported on the news broadcasts, our experience of the world can be dark and scary. If we look inside our own hearts, and look around us at all the good that is occurring in the world, our experience of the world can be one of love, joy and light. It seems it really is as simple as a choice of focus.

It's All Good

Yesterday, I awoke feeling poorly. At that time, I still had not recovered healthy sleep patterns after nursing my daughter round-the-clock through her virus.

I didn't begin the day with my usual routine, but I didn't let myself worry too much about it, either. I knew I needed to raise my vibrations, but I decided to begin with surrender. Maybe it was time for a day off, and just to flow with whatever experiences came my way.

Mid-day, we decided to go to lunch at Asian City restaurant in Humble. It is one of those places where you can sit at the grill and they cook your food and entertain you at the same time. I had never been to this restaurant, but I loved the feeling of it. Near the grill, a fountain flowed down the wall of the restaurant. I love fountains and I just opened to the enjoyment and the energy of the flowing water.

I noticed the other people in the restaurant and I opened myself to love. A feeling of utter bliss enveloped me and I felt the joy of connection and the love that I am (we are) fill me to overflowing.

There it is. That is what we are all looking for, is it not? And we don't have to look far, because it is right smack dab within us.

I don't claim to have all the answers, but this seems to be the recipe for a blissful life experience:

Surrender. Flow. Open. Experience the love that you are. Enjoy. Repeat.

Simple enough, though not always easy. We get in the way of our own joy all too often with our "to do" lists, and our "musts" and our "shoulds".

The good news is, we can also choose to get out of our own way, and allow our own joy and love and bliss. Let's do it!

Warning! Warning!

I think there should be a warning on the cover of books by and about great minds and forward thinkers that reads something like this: "Warning! Assimilating the ideas and information contained herein could cause severe expansion of the mind. There is a possibility that the ensuing growth could reach critical mass resulting in the complete dissolution of life as you now know it. There may occur a dissociation with ideas, relationships and methods of operation that supported the structure of your "safe" life. And you may find yourself sailing without a compass as you leave behind the shores of Play-It-Safe for the purpose of discovering new and uncharted territory. With these warnings in mind, read on, if you dare."

When I relinquished my title as Queen of Play-It-Safe, I had no idea that I would be challenged in the ways I have been. I knew that I could no longer tolerate playing it safe. It was like being a zombie, not really living, not quite dead. But I did not know that between leaving behind the "safety" of the old life, and entering into the larger life I have envisioned, there would be a passage through dark, forbidding waters, full of all sorts of dangers that are mostly figments of my imagination. I didn't know that I would feel lost much of the time. I did believe and I do believe that dangers that are created in the imagination can be annihilated in the same way they are created. They are only thoughts, and thoughts can be changed instantly.

I can just make out a lighthouse beacon signifying the approach of land. What a welcome sight!

“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor
do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is
no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” -Helen Keller

Success

Sometimes success can be defined as getting up one more time than you fall down.

But since falling isn't my idea of fun, whenever it happens, I am going to take some time to figure out where the imbalance is or what the obstacle that caused me to fall in the first place.

Sometimes it's easy to see, and sometimes I have to take the same tumble a few times before I get the picture.

However, I am nothing if not persistent, so I will figure it out. Making mistakes is understandable, but I loathe repeating them.

And the amazing thing is, the obstacle is never real. It always turns out to be an illusion. It's just like fear. When you decide there is no real danger, fear vaporizes. When you decide the obstacle doesn't exist in reality, it vanishes.

Believing is seeing. Disbelieving is discreating.

At least that's the truth in my experience.